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Losing Weight = Losing Friends?

When I first started losing weight a few years ago, the people in my life became very irritated by the fact that I was no longer "the funny, fat friend." I was still the same person, only smaller, which for some reason greatly intimidated them.

I always tried to avoid making people uncomfortable. I never boasted about my weight loss or wore revealing clothes. I stayed the same mentally and socially, but it seemed that no matter how comfortable I tried to keep people, the more they pushed away. It's been a few years now and the only friends I still have are the ones that met me AFTER I lost the weight and maybe a few stragglers from high school.

Has anyone else experienced this? It really breaks my heart.

Fri. Aug 27, 10:25am

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People can be so annoying. A lot of the people I know are politely ignoring my weight loss. I only talk about it to a tiny handful of friends/family, so I know I'm not making a big deal out of it. So far, the people I do talk to have been really supportive. Maybe talking about it would be better than not talking about it. You've got me thinking now, so I'm just going to run with this. Is there any chance your friends feel left out? Could they feel like you might suddenly leave them for a new life as a thin person? I'm just speculating. I guess what keeps coming to my mind is this question... have you ever talked to any of them about this distance? Sometimes people's perceptions are out of sync with other people's perceptions. Pick the closest of these friends of your former fat self and have a little chat/heart to heart. If you're truly moving apart, no harm is going to come of it. But if you're both missing each other, then maybe talking might clear the air.
That's my two cents... and for the record, I am also the funny fat friend. Only, I am still fat. :-)

Friday, August 27, 2010, 10:08 PM

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Changing the status quo often shakes people up. And when the overweight friend in the group loses weight - major shake up - it can change the whole dynamic. People get insecure about themselves, their status in the group,it highlights their own failings with their weight loss efforts, etc. But notice's all about THEM! You can only do what you can do and easing their discomfort is not your job.

PP - I'll add that some people don't mention weight loss for fear of offending. I've had friends say to me, "I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure if I should." My reaction always is, 'Say something! I'm busting my butt here!' ha. But, there have been many rants on here about people who do NOT want others noticing or commenting on their weight loss = people can be gun shy about saying anything. They may not know if you'll be flattered or offended so they say nothing. Or they could be threatened and are purposely not pointing out your success...who knows. I wouldn't worry about it.

Both of you - congrats on your successes so far!

Saturday, August 28, 2010, 3:58 PM

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Tuesday, March 13, 2018, 11:41 AM

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Those who change the status quo frequently get confused. Additionally, there might be a significant shift in the dynamic when one of the group's overweight friends starts to lose weight. Individuals experience insecurity regarding their appearance, standing in the group, inability to lose weight, foodle and other issues! It is not your responsibility to ease their discomfort; you can only do so much.

Wednesday, November 22, 2023, 8:27 PM

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