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Need advice...OT

My boyfriend is great....except when it comes to money. He has a pretty good job, however I make more money. I have no problem with this and neither does he. He just doesn't seem to see that he has plenty of bills and loves to go out. Each month he is in the hole a little more. He has had to borrow money from me a couple times. I have suggested that he get a second job but he doesn't seem interested in that. Do you think telling him about a financial planning class may be helpful? His newest idea is that he is just going to stay in the house for awhile. That sounds good but is highly unlikely. Any advice?

Wed. Apr 19, 3:19pm

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Stop giving him money!! You are enabling him to use you and spend more money!! If you are thinking about a future with this guy you better make damn sure that he gets his butt out of the "hold" before even thinking about marrying him. Dont let him drag you down!!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 3:21 PM

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Most marriages end because of disputs in money

I agree with the above poster.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 3:21 PM

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Disputes**

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 3:22 PM

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Definitely quit giving him money. If he knows he has a way to keep funding his going out and spending lots of money, then he wont have a reason to change his habits. Also, as the poster above said, it you plan on being with this guy long term, then you want him to have his financial habits straightened out. Money problems can be a huge stress on a relationship, and if you live together or get married then his financial problems can quickly become yours!



Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 3:30 PM

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Ditto!!!!!!!

Before you give him any more money,
you need to both stop, sit down and have a talk.
You are enabling him to be a reckless spender, and it is obviously
something that's going to be of concern (and is already a concern to you.)

Do you really want to be his sugar momma?
Eventually, the issue will become bigger and bigger...you need to cut it to the quit NOW...

Note: If you get married and then divorced, It's possible he could get some of YOUR money that YOU earned.... It happened with a friend of mine. She was the primary breadwinner from day 1. She had the house, she had the pension (SHE put HIM through school). The odd thing was that HE controlled the money--eventually, it just didn't make any sense-- she NEVER had money, yet SHE made the majority!

Well, when they got divorced, he got 1/2 of the proceeds from the selling of the house AND 1/2 of her 401k!!! NOT fair at all, but I guess it had to do with income accumulated during the marriage...

Don't go down that path. I'm not a fan of Dr. Laura, but while flipping through the radio, I heard her telling a woman who thought her man could "change" after they got married... "WHY would HE change? You KNEW about how he was BEFORE you got married!!!" Can't teach an old dog new tricks!!!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 3:38 PM

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financial planning classes

i think financial planning classes are great no matter if your ontop of your fiances or not, maybe this could be something y'all go to together

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 4:30 PM

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Op here, this is the biggest coincidence ever! He called just minutes after I posted this and said that a lady called him back about a second job he is interested in! Thats just crazy. I still think financial planning would be good though.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 6:13 PM

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Some people no matter how much they make, they will spend too much, so a second job probably won't help. I hate to be the bearer of gloom and doom, but I speak from experience.
Before my husband and I were married, I used to loan him money all the time also, now that we are married it is the same thing. My advice is if you can't live with him living outside his financial means then get rid of him, because he will probably not change.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 7:16 PM

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my sister had a similar problem. And it turned out that her fiance was keeping a low paying job and floating in and out of unemployment because he just really wasnt interested in what he was doing. It was almost as if he wasnt keeping a steady job because he had an inner fear of getting attached to something that he didnt want to end up doing...even though it was what he went to school for, what he was good at etc. Its one thing if he seems happy in this lifestyle...but if he seems as though deep down he too is unsatisfied, I recommend talking to him about what his passions are, what his aspirations for the future are, what he wants his life to be like. sometimes motivation is a great kick in the butt....and its a much easier conversation to have.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006, 10:52 PM

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Op again. He isn't in his dream job but he has been in the same job for more than 5 years. I think its a good job although if he went back to college, he just may be able to get his dream job. He has plenty of bills like car, apartment, etc and that drains a lot of money each month. He just doesn't share the same views as I do...ie the bills get paid before there is any partying to be done. Maybe its a difference in the way we grew up. We will have to talk about it some more.

Thursday, April 20, 2006, 2:28 PM

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Definitely talk about the money situation and how you plan to handle it. Sit down and help him look at what he needs to spend money on, and what he wants to spend money on. If you're going to have a future together, you need to come to an agreement on finances.

Before we got engaged, my fiance's parents gave him money every month to help him "make ends meet," because he couldn't afford to "live how he was accustomed" with the money that he made from his very good job. I discussed my concerns with him, and found that the situation really was very temporary. He knew that at the end of his first year and a half, he'd have a pretty much guaranteed promotion, with a big raise. He was very organized with his budget, but didn't have much that he could cut. Now, we're living together (saving money on rent), and he got his big raise, and I got a small raise, and we're not spending any more than we were before, so, in addition to not taking money from his parents, we end up saving several hundred dollars a month!

If your boyfriend is really irresponsible, though, and you're not comfortable with that, it will become a big stressor and may ruin your relationship.

Thursday, April 20, 2006, 2:41 PM

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Money can hurt

My aunt married a man who basically has never worked a hard day in his life. When they got married, it was in the 70s and he would say that the reason why he couldn't get a good job was because of "the economy". Get this-- he had a degree in Accounting!!!!

Well, from day 1, my aunt made more money than he did....She finally decided that enough was enough and divorced him after being married to him for 20+ years.... To this day, he only has a part-time job at MINIMUM wage....

If your guy is not being responsible, and shows no signs of getting more responsible, don't make the same mistake.... If you continue to enable him, he will NOT change!

Thursday, April 20, 2006, 4:07 PM

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Stay in the house? You mean not go out to clubs and dinner? Could be a great money saver - people can spend huge amount of money on this and not really realize what they are doing. Rent yourself the DVD of Suze Orman's Young, Fabulous and Broke and watch it together - maybe he will be inspired to watch his spending. Maybe it will start an interesting discussion. I'm not convinced like some of the posters that you should just dump him, or that this is doomed. Perhaps he is young and just needs some education about how to manage his money. Good luck and keep us posted!

Friday, April 21, 2006, 5:17 AM

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