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OT: I need help finding what I like again

Before I had kids, I was so certain about who I wanted to be. Now it feels like my entire life is about my husband and what my kids want. It's get up, feed children, work, feed children, run them around, take care of my husband, only to start the next day in the same exact way. I'm not excited about anything and don't even remember who I am sometimes. Any help? I would love to see how other pt'ers solved this.

Wed. Dec 26, 11:47am

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lol - I know how you feel! :) I call my current life Groundhog Day (as in the movie where every day is the same!) But I have small kids and that goes with the territory. You MUST take time for yourself even if it's to figure out what you can be excited about again! And know that giving 100% of yourself to your husband and kids is not what it takes to be a good wife and mother. That's a sham and only sets you up to either feel like a failure or resentful because you end up where you are today - someone who doesn't know who they apart from mom and wife with no clue as to what excites them anymore! Put yourself first - that's the first step.

Thursday, December 27, 2012, 12:43 AM

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OH YEAH !! such an easy rut to get into. Now my kids are grown and out of the house, so I can look back and see how deep that rut really is.
Get a calender for the WHOLE family to see, block off times for you-- maybe even a day at a time. Don't call it MOMMY time, and leave the house or kick them out... Don't tell me it's impossible, make it POSSIBLE... just like lossing weight start of with small amounts of time and build up slowly... Don't wait-- do it now....

Thursday, December 27, 2012, 8:03 AM

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Wow, this is great advice. It can be done but it feels like it's so hard. Every time I make an effort, I get sucked back into something else. I don't have that switch that just says, who cares, there will always be something that has to be done, leave it now. I have to do it right then. How do you just say f it?

Thursday, December 27, 2012, 1:20 PM

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Wow! Reading you post I think I experienced PTSD. I remembered making it to a Weight Watchers meeting and the leader asked us to think about being kind to ourselves. She wanted us to talk about what we would do with a hour that would be a treat. I nearly cried. I literally could not imagine what it would feel like to have 5 minutes to myself let alone an hour.
One thing that saved me is getting into a baby sitting co-op. We had coupons worth 1 hour or 1/2 hour. We arranged our times then gave that person coupons equal to the time you were gone. They could then spend those coupons with you or another member of the group. When I moved to a new town I plastered the neighborhood with an invite to organize a group here. That was over 25 years ago. The kids from that group have grown up together, rented houses together, a couple even ended up married.
If you can't get motivated for something big, at least set the timer for 10 minutes and breathe. You might be able to sneak in a little bit of time just before you go to sleep to write down some things you are grateful for.
Good luck. It sounds like you are a caring and engaged mom.

Friday, December 28, 2012, 11:56 AM

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I love the idea of being able to create a community of sorts. I know that is lacking in my life. I don't have much support by way of friends. I have friends in other places, not really where I live and it gets lonely and frustrating when you have to do everything yourself. I'm going to start off small. 10 minutes today. 10 minutes is better than what I usually do, which is absolutel nothing. Thank you all very much for answering me.

Friday, December 28, 2012, 12:05 PM

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I get myself up a half an hour before everyone else so I can have my coffee ALONE and uninterrupted by anyone. I drink my coffee, read a favorite magazine, planned things for myself, etc. THEN I start the day with the kids. Makes a big difference to my day.

It is hard when you don't have friends for support, but even rediscovering a little part of that old you and what you like to do can make a difference. Can you get yourself to something on a regular basis that's just for you? A workout class? A yoga class? A running club? A cooking club? Connections through common interests helps when you're not near your closest friends.

Friday, December 28, 2012, 3:03 PM

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