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really upset about lack of support.

So on my time abroad with school, I decided that I really enjoy being more active. So now that I'm going home I've signed up for a few fitness classes and I bought a bicycle because biking is something that I really enjoy doing and I plan to commute by bike when I can.
So far today every single person I have excitedly told about my plan ( All of them in shape and involved in exercise themselves) has laughed at me and said something along the lines of " yea right we'll see how that works out" or " but you're so lazy" or "what a waste of money" or has criticized my specific choices. Its really upsetting me because its actually very unexpected. I have such a supportive family and friends and these comments came from my mother my sister and my best friends. I was so excited, and now I'm so hurt. Its hard to not feel like they could be right, or like I'm a joke, and I'm frustrated at myself for letting them have that power over me. It also puts alot more pressure on succeeding in the new things I try...what if I dont and I become a joke? I just feel really sad that they werent excited with me or atleast optimistic. It really hurts.


Mon. May 15, 8:44pm

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That is tough when the people you love don't help you out the way you need them to. Stay positive, stick with your plan-- and use peertrainer folks to help keep you optimistic. Hang in there!

Monday, May 15, 2006, 9:36 PM

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yeah! use peertrainer to SHOW them that they were wrong about you. turn it into a super-motivator!!

Monday, May 15, 2006, 9:44 PM

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hey same poster again - i didn't really read the bottom part of your post properly - didn't mean my comment to add to the pressure. was really just meant to be supportive and kind.. I know how you feel. I've been there too.. all I meant was to go for it, and if you can use that as some form of motivation and it brings you closer to your goals, then great.. stay optimistic!!

Monday, May 15, 2006, 9:47 PM

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There are two very smart things you said. You realized you LIKE being active, and you bought a bike because you enjoy biking. There are many people who come onto fitness because of health and weight reasons and never find joy in their activities-your are doing what you enjoy and have made a plan to make time for it Ignore the naysayers and keep with the plan. Actually, there is a third smart thing-you identified that you are giving them power-take it back and don't let their lack of support be an excuse for not following through. Good luck.

Monday, May 15, 2006, 10:17 PM

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Ignore them!! sometimes the people closest to you harbor jealousy when you show strenghth and motivation to improve yourself! They don't mean to knock you, i'm sure, they just probably wish they had your drive to better yourself! Hang in there, and keep up the good work! Just know that you have a support system here even if sometimes your friends and family aren't providing you with what you need!

Monday, May 15, 2006, 11:59 PM

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Devil's Advocate

Let me ask a question, though: have you done this before- shared your weight loss plan or activity plan only to fail time and again? I find that with me people are intially very supportive but when you're always trying the next thing and telling people how determined you are, it starts to feel like, "here we go again." I say, keep trying, and let your results speak for you! When I joined PT, I kept it secret for almost 2 months. I needed to make sure the changes I was making were sticking.
Good luck, and use the hurt to fuel your efforts! :)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 8:20 AM

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Tell them you're hurt

I say if these people really mean that much to you, tell them that they hurt your feelings and you need their support. Ask one of your friends to ride w/ you, tell your mom to ask "how are the classes going?", "hey, i found a great receipe, its low-fat and delicious". Try to stay positive, and you can do it! You don't have to prove to them that their wrong, but prove to yourself that you are right. Enjoy you new love for activites and take one day, one step at a time.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

mhg

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 8:41 AM

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A different approach

I will say first that I don't suggest that this is the way YOU should handle it, however I will share what I would have done...or would do. Keep in mind that I am a fiery personality and I always say exactly what I feel...so to some it may seem harsh but here goes.

I would go back to those same friends and family members and say something along these lines.

You know, I am working hard at making healty and healthful changes in my life. I have always considered you my support team and closest friends. When I excitedly shared my news with you, I expected a little more love and understanding at the least and maybe even a little verbal encouragement. I didn't ask you to purchase my bike, I didn't ask you to come and get me out of bed to do these things, all I asked was to share in my enthusiasm. It really hurts to have been on the receiving end of such non-supportive comments from those closest to me. (Then I would also add this part, but most people wouldn't..lol) Now that I think about it, maybe I should evaluate my relationships as well, with my new healthy approach to life....

Again, I don't suggest that this is your best avenue, but I thought it might help to see a firm stand on it too.

Do what you love - love what you do - don't worry about what others think of you! :)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 9:07 AM

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Prove Them Wrong

Learn to turn negative comments into drivers for your success...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 10:14 AM

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I hate that! And many of us (including myself) has been through that. To me, the best revenge is success. So get your bike! join your classes! get in shape! Imagine their faces then. One suggestion to 'not fail and be a joke' as you pu it, is to find a variety of things to do so u don't get bored. Commute by bike on Fridays, take a class a week or something. Don't set yourself up for failure and you won't fail ;)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 5:02 PM

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Those same people are going to be really impressed when you suceed. Be sure to give support to others who are on the same road as you. That will make you feel fabulous!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006, 9:22 AM

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I also think that often people are afraid that we might change, and that is frightening to some, especially if we have co-dependent relationships.
But forge ahead in spite of obstacles. (I'm saying this to myself, too.)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006, 10:22 AM

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That totally sucks. DO NOT let them make you feel like you can't or won't do it. If you are excited about it then you will do it. Prove to them and yourself that you are going to follow through. My husband laughed when I joined the gym and said I was going to get in shape and lose weight. I got pissed off that he thought it wouldn't last. Now 4 years later and 70 pounds thinner I'm laughing at him. Every time I didn't want to go to the gym I thought about what he said and it motivated me to go. I wasn't going to prove him right. Even though they are your family, SCREW THEM!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006, 9:16 PM

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really upset about lack of support

Don't let their comments get you down. If you can learn to use hurtful comments like this or looks, etc to your advantage, that will really help you. When you start feeling like you just can't keep going or you are just in a rut, remember what they said & use that to work harder & push harder. Let that become your fuel to prove this to yourself first of all & then also to prove it to all those that thought you couldn't orwouldn't make it.

Also, pray about it. Pray that God would send people into your life to help motivate you. Maybe a workout partner or just someone on the job that will just encourage you.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006, 4:08 PM

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i read something in oprah magazine about how sometimes when you change or make big changes in your life to improve yourself, the people in your life can be totally unsupportive because they are not sure how that change is going to affect your relationship. for example, maybe some loved ones don't like that the extra time you spend exercising means that they will get to spend less time with you... that kind of thing. or that if you change your self image and like yourself better, etc, maybe you won't "need" your loved ones to feel good about yourself.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006, 11:20 PM

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when i don't find support from the people i am currently seeking it from, i look for it elsewhere. sometimes we cannot figure out why someone is or isn't willing or able to "be there" for us and wracking your brain to guess a reason is added stress. you found this site and posted about your needs. and now you are getting a bunch of support that may help you out now and in the future with other issues that your immediate circle may not want to be a part of constructively. stick to what works for you and try not to dissect people's minds for reasons that you may never be able to uncover-especially if their reasons are subconscious and they themselves are unaware of how they leave you hanging...good luck! we are here for you!!

Thursday, June 22, 2006, 11:51 AM

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to the op

are you finding the support you need?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006, 1:25 PM

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I'm sorry they responded to you that way. Just be an example for them and maybe you can inspire them to be or stay healthy.

Thursday, September 07, 2006, 11:09 AM

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Hey, is the original poster of this thread still around? I'm interested to find out what happened as far as sticking with it and finding support from other areas...

Thursday, September 07, 2006, 1:46 PM

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