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Losing weight and promiscuity...
Does anyone have this problem where they think they will be a little " easier" with the guys or girls if they get fit and sterotypically more attractive?
I know I can keep myself at bay by keeping the pounds on and frankly am afraid that I may become something different.
Now don't get me wrong, I have very high moral grounds, but I mean more outgoing and more revealed... and so forth. Any one else have this problem/concern or are living this now?
Mon. Jun 5, 9:36pm
quite the opposite. I can't wait to be a little thinner and they have a wider range of opportunity with the men...
Monday, June 05, 2006, 9:39 PM
I got plenty of clandestine attention at 210, then an improved quality of attention at 180...and I'm sure 130 will bring with it new types of attention, new kinds of games. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.
Monday, June 05, 2006, 9:49 PM
You sound like a thoughtful person. I don't think you will change your morals if you get thin. You may feel better about yourself and enjoy more sexual attention but it doesn't mean you will turn into a different person. If you focus on doing this for yourself because you want to be strong and healthy, you will be fine. And it's ok to feel good about being noticed, but you can choose what you do with that attention. Feeling good about your body and feeling good about sex is ok, too. But you have to do what feels right to you. Good luck!
Monday, June 05, 2006, 9:50 PM
I've found that (in my own experience over the years), that it depends on how "fat" your mind is as you become more physically fit. When I initially lost weight years ago, I was still in the insecure mind set I had been in when I was heavy. So I found myself all too flattered by the newfound male attention. I didn't sleep around, but I did have my heart broken a few times by guys I thought cared for me, when all they wanted was to use my fitter body as their playground. When that didn't happen, they dropped me like a hot potato.
Now, though, that my mind has kept up with my improving body, I can divide the attention from men into "slimy" or "flattering." Either way, I have a sense of the man's maturity level. As you start losing weight (or keep it up), make sure you recognize your progress and take mental note of the positive physical and psychological changes. Then you can steer clear of the moochers.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 8:44 AM
I know exactly what you mean OP! I think I have been holding myself back from being more forward and physically outgoing because of the weight! Thank you so much for posting this becasue I seriously had the same line of thought! I really think that with more attention comes more options, but if yuou are anything like me you probably aren't that unmoral and wouldn't randomly sleep with someone anyways! Just enjoy the new people you may get to meet and be more open with your new and current body!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 8:46 AM
Who cares? OWN IT!
Men would never in a million years even ponder this. I wish wish wish WISH (!!!!) that more women would just freaking OWN their sexuality already.
I'm not saying go and be promiscuous if you're normally very proper, but if you work hard to get a more attractive body, there is absolutely NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING wrong with showing it off, enjoying it and all it's pleasures as long as you are:
#1 safe and #2 happy.
Who cares what other people think? Do what's right for you, stay true to yourself by doing what feels right for YOU and you only and you'll never have any regrets.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 10:36 AM
Actually, it's a little bit funny, I'd say most of the heavier girls that I knew in college were far "easier" than the thin ones. I guessed it was because they didn't have the option to be as choosy, and were more grateful for the attention that they got.
I am NOT saying that fat peope = easy, I don't mean to start controversy.
But, becoming thin will probably mean that you have more options, but you can be plenty easy when you don't have as many options, so losing the weight really doesn't change anything. You can choose to be easy, or choose not to be easy, at ANY weight!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 10:52 AM
Losing weight has had another effect in this arena to me. When I started gaining weight I was still in my late teens. My entire self-image was based on what was acceptable in high school. Can you imagine?!?!?! So as I lost weight as an adult, I really started paying attention to the reactions I got and discovered that my body type (curvy, tall, lots of shape to it including a tummy), which I thought was just totally unfashionable and would always leave me with a second class body, is MUCH more highly regarded that I ever would have thought at 19! It's been a paridigm shift for me to realize that most of the impressions I held of my body were totally self-imposed.
That said, anyone who doesn't like my body at 210 isn't going to like it at 180. It's also been a great experience to really gain confidence in the fact that I'm NOT going to be everyone's bag of chips. I don't want to be! My target audience is people who enjoy looking at tall, statuesque women with breasts and butts and legs. People that appreciate a more archetypical woman, not a guy body with breasts attached.
It can be a bit giddy to have all those options laid out before you at first, but just take it slowly and believe it when people show you who they really are. Appreciate your new beauty and discover what you didn't notice about yourself pre-loss.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 11:06 AM
Finding myself in a leaner, fitter body coincided with the end of a long-term relationship, so I'm not sure if I would have gotten the same level of attention had I been single before I lost weight and started working out 5X a week...
I will say that, more than anything else, it's my confidence that attracts guys (at least, the kind of guys that I'd want to sleep with anyway). Feeling good about my body certainly helps my confidence, and results in me not being afraid to enjoy myself (sexually or otherwise) with a guy.
So, I'm safe, happy, and having a blast. :) Don't fear it. As long as you're safe and healthy, do what feels right for you.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 11:18 AM
"Actually, it's a little bit funny, I'd say most of the heavier girls that I knew in college were far "easier" than the thin ones. I guessed it was because they didn't have the option to be as choosy, and were more grateful for the attention that they got. "
Or it's because fat cells themselves produce estrogen, so heavier girls who feel good about their bodies are in the mood more often. :-)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 11:27 AM
From my own experience: when I was a slim 110-125# I got lots of unwanted attention. It made me very uncomfortable and many men were not gentlemen towards me. Since I have gained 40-50 pounds I get no attention and instead of looks of lust I get looks of disgust, which I seem more comfortable dealing with. Go figure....
By the way: I was molested as a child so my weight seems to be a security blanket for me. Which makes it even harder to get rid of. Remember your security blanket as a kid? or your own childrens "lovey"? Very hard habit to break.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 2:32 PM
Really? Fat cells produce estrogen which makes you horny? Maybe I should be gaining weight! That sounds fun!! :-)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 2:45 PM
Hey all... Op here
Okay so what I meant was not so much about embracing ones sexuality... but what if you were always like " well... I'd love to do *blank* but I'm afraid of the chub moving" or " I don't want someone to touch me because they can feel my body?
If there is nothing to be fearful of... are you like then more willing to have people touch you... or have more physical contact?
Like as I am now I HATE when ppl touch me, but I would love so much for them to. In the sex department, other than being religious, I try and keep my partners ( I'm only at 1 and I kinda woulda prefered that not to have happened) but anyways, I'm seriously afraid that I am going to make up for some lost time by really going out going and such!
Such differing opinions in this thread too! Thats awesome :)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 2:50 PM
i'd say, yeah, i am more willing to have people touch me and have more physical contact. i wasn't *inhibited* before, but now, even if i have a bowl of pasta for dinner, and end up naked later in the day, i'm not worried, i'm not even *thinking* about whether or not i might look puffy. So I've got no problem climbing on top of a guy totally naked, lights on or not. I'm no stick figure now, either. Im quite a bit fitter, but more importantly, QUITE a bit more confident.
Even outside of the bedroom....so yes, now, when I am dating a guy, if I'm sitting down, wearing jeans, and he puts his arm around me, I don't think...oh my god the flab is popping out over my waistband don't touch me don't touch me. If someone pokes my tummy playfully, I don't cringe and shrivel.
OP, why are you *afraid* of "making up for some lost time"? It's 100% your choice. I don't think you'd do anything you didn't want to do. But if you do feel that some time has been "lost" perhaps you will do some things that feel surprisingly right now which didn't previously. It's all okay. Do what feels good for you. Don't worry about "shoulds"....if having more physical contact makes you uncomfortable, then *don't* do it!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 7:25 PM
i'd add that a major change in someone's body shape/type seems to put "Your Shape" on a list of approved topics, in a way that it previously never did.
i have *students* of mine telling me i'm "looking fit" and "should keep it up"....
and it's not just verbal...it's at the point where people even sometimes feel like they can grab my side to show how little fat there is now.
so, yes, when you lose weight/shape up, you are calling a lot of extra attention to your body, even in not-necessarily-sexual ways.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 7:29 PM
I think I was more confident at 220 lbs then I am now at 165. I can remember not caring what other people thought and being comforable naked. Now and 165 I care too much and don't like all of my body. I'm married and my husband loves me no matter what my weight is.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 7:55 PM
OP if you look in the mirror after losing weight and think, "damn I look HOT!" then that is all that matters. I dont think you are going to suddenly drop your pants (unless they are too big!! lol!) but I think you WILL have a lot more self-confidence, which is AWESOME!!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 9:34 PM
I read this in a magazine it seemed true and was a response to someone who binges when they are within their goal weight :
"You may not have been prepared for the male attention your new body brings, which can make you feel vulnerable. Or maybe your friends seem jealous of your success, and you're uncomfortable with their scrutiny. Getting down to a healthy weight also means maintaining it, which is a tough task unto itself. Plus when things don't go your way or you get dumped or you don't get that job you went after you can't use your 'it's because I'm fat excuse'. Life often seems simpler without these issues, and it's easier to eat a whole bag of potato chips and retreat to your fatter, safer world."
I was dating a guy a couple years ago that I really liked and thought that the only way he'd stay with me was if I was thin and pretty all the time. Well that relationship didn't work, and I was always stressin. Anyways although I pretty much weigh the same, I have gained a lot of muscle through my workouts and I feel like now I could kick his ass if I saw him (something I couldn't do when we were dating) anyway - now I get attention from guys but I notice that I am surprised when it happens now, before during the time I was dating the guy, I wasn't surprised and more like stuck up and bitchy about it. I noticed guys that approach me now are more genuine, and polite, and I feel like I can maintain my beauty this way, not the way I was before. So it makes me feel better about myself, and I guess I must appear to be happier and self-confident which is attractive.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 7:51 PM
When I lose weight, I gain more self confidence and I think this makes me more attractive to others because I feel more attrative to myself. My friends think that I have a man magnet attached to my body. Sometimes I agree. Even when I'm at my heaviest, I tend to attract men everywhere (Wal-mart, gas station, home depot, WORK, school...whereever). But when I drop weight....something crazy happens. Men start to follow me around the grocery stores. My husband has even commented...."When we walk into the store it's like everything stops and people look at you." I don't know what it is but I can definetly understand how some people could think this attraction gives permission to be promiscuous but luckily I don't believe in giving up the family jewels nor do I want to share my goodies w/anyone other than my hubby. He has loved me fat and skinny and tells me he loves me no matter what.
Friday, June 09, 2006, 10:01 AM
I'm approaching my goal size, probably within the next 5lbs or so, and have been here for awhile. I can tell you, though, I still *feel* like I have "fat days" and "skinny days," just like I did when I weighed more. Okay, I didn't really feel like I had *skinny* days before. But definitely average and fatter-than-average. There are still times when I don't want my fiance to touch my stomach b/c it's jiggly or poking over the top of my pants - the famous "muffin top!"
Anyway, the point is, to be totally honest, it'll probably take you a long time after you reach a healthy size for your brain to adjust and let you enjoy being touched, etc. It's not going to be instantaneous that you think of yourself as sexy (at least probably not). So, becoming overly promiscuous is certainly not going to happen right away. But, along the way, you'll have time to get used to different kinds of guys hitting on you, etc., and you'll be able to learn which ones are worth your time and which ones aren't.
The biggest assurance, though (in my opinion), that you won't start doing things you'll later regret, is to not drink. In the moment, after a few drinks, everyone likes being touched, and male attention is just more fun. So your inhibitions may be lower. This is not to say the guy is taking advantage, b/c I'm not talking about sloppy-drunk, but rather just a good buzz. Anyway, that's when mistakes are made, so as you turn into the woman who's the center of attention at a bar or social event, you need to spend more time making sure you're in control. Also, it's a great way to cut calories!!!
Friday, June 09, 2006, 10:55 AM
This is a problem?
I plan on doing nothing but with top notch younger man a**.
Monday, June 12, 2006, 1:27 PM
I've lost 47 pounds in the past 10 months, and I still have around 25 left to lose. I wear a size 14 pant. And I'm HOT! I have this self-esteem that just won't quit. I had it 47 pounds ago, but it's so much more prominent now. If my roommate and neighbors would be okay with it, I've found that I am completely comfortable walking around the house in only my bra and underwear. I wear a bikini on my back porch sunning. I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, have a perfect body. I am just comfortable with the body that I have. True, when the guy I'd been crushing on for two years felt comfortable last month to touch and even kiss my tummy, I got an even bigger ego boost. But his attention was not necessary in my quest for self-esteem. I'm losing this weight for me, for my health, for my future. Cute boys are just a bonus! ;-)
Friday, June 23, 2006, 6:47 AM
i have this problem. I think it's based on the false belief that sex is the strongest feminine power. When i have a hundred extra pounds on it doesn't take away options as far as men go; it just makes me not want to act on it because i don't want anybody to see me in this fat. i get way too much sexual attention as it is from men, and i don't want to resort to that. Being fat makes it easy to tell who appreciates you for "you" and not for your looks. Stinkin thinkin fo sho. I don't know what to do about it yet.
Friday, January 18, 2008, 12:19 PM
Yeah I admit I want to lose weight (total of about 20 pounds) to be able to wear whatever I want, gain confidence, etc. I know this sounds bad but I even think people will want to get to know me better.
On the other hand, I want to be in shape. I am active and do strength training and want to look the part. I have muscle but at the same time I have fat covering my muscles. The thing is that I want people to look at me and see a strong, athletic girl. I guess this has to do with the fact that I feel like I need to prove something to people. People still and in the past think because I'm short, I'm weak, which is so not true. I want the opposite sex to look at me, not as a sexual object, but as one of the guys sorta thing..or like one of those cute tomboys..like Jessica Biel.
Friday, January 18, 2008, 3:27 PM
when i lost a lot of weight, i was amazed how men were turned on by me. the confidence was there. there is nothing sexier than confidence. i didn't fall in love with one guy, i experimented a lot. i have some great moves i stole from some great guys. get the weight off and get to practice! enjoy ;)))
Saturday, January 19, 2008, 8:09 PM
Thank God this is a more annonymous forum so I will speak honestly... I lost about 80 lbs when I got out of high school after being overweight my whole life, and maintained it for 2 years... I was a whore. I lost my virginity at 18 (at around 200 lbs) and from age 19-20 (around 180lbs and a size 9) I slept with more than 20 different men. I slept with men I barely knew, with men I didn't like, and with men as a power move. I wanted to feel important and sexy. I had never felt that way. I had 1 boyfriend prior to my weightloss and he was gay, so my veiw on relationships were very immature. I had exchanged my addiction to food for an addiction to feeling needed. My weight always made my self esteem crappy and I still struggle with it today. I made a lot of choices I wish I could take back. I lost a couple of guyfriends because I slept with them and strung them along. When I finally found someone who would give me the attention I wanted AND wanted to settle down also, I jumped into a abusive and descructive relationship, and because of my horrible self esteem I stayed in the relationship even after he held a gun to my head.
Weightloss doesn't always solve problems. I came out of that relationship scarred to lose weight because of the trauma. I took me a lot of therapy to get past my problems and I am ready to lose weight, confident I will know who I am when I do.
Saturday, January 19, 2008, 8:27 PM
i will say that now i am eating better and feeling better, I AM SOOO HORNY. jeez, it is hard being 32 and single. my hormones are coming out of my ears.
Sunday, January 20, 2008, 9:18 PM
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