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"Helpful" people

I just had a co-worker say "don't do it!" to me at the cafeteria because I picked out a small cookie. Of course, this is the same person that gorges on fatty ribs and greasy food, and has a huge gut. I don't know that I would have been less pissed if she had been fit and healthy, but the hypocrisy just sends me over the top!
I responded "Everything in moderation is fine."
But what I really wanted to say was "Mind your ^^#$^^#^ business!"

Tue. Jun 6, 11:45am

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She was probably jealous, or is insecure with her own issues. Not to say it makes it right for her to say anything to you, though.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 11:49 AM

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I hate when that happens! The time it really pissed me off was when I was picking up a burritto at Chipoltle for my boyfriend... some guy in line behind me actually scolded me when I asked for x-tra rice!!! He said, "More rice means more carbs which means more fat...."

I wanted to kick the nosy a$$ where it counts- instead I just shot him the look of death for a moment and coninued on with my order (I was sure to ask for x-tra cheese and gaucoverly loud just to piss him off- my bf couldn't have been happier).

People really should mind their own business. OP- Have your cookie and be sure to enjoy it too!!!!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 12:14 PM

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Yeah, ditch the "food police."

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 12:47 PM

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I would never say that to anyone, certainly not a stranger or acquaintance! On the other hand, I would never buy a cookie from the cafeteria, even when I'm not "dieting," per se. You never know what's in them or how they're made; one cookie could be half a day's worth of calories! It is hard to understand when people are actively trying to become healthier, but then choose things that actively make them less healthy.

I'm not trying to be "that bitchy poster" who ruins this thread, by any means. Cookies are great! But, it's funny that there have been tons of threads of someone saying "I bought a cookie, it's sitting on my desk. Now what?" and everyone answers "throw it out! Don't take a bite! Give it away! Get rid of it!" But, since you were insulted in the cafeteria, people respond instead, "Eat it and enjoy it!" Weird! We all complain about emotional eating, but here we are, supporting it!!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 12:49 PM

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haha what kind of people say to someone " more rice more fat" like COME ON! Do they think they are so important and wise to the world that they feel like impressing themselves upon unsuspecting people...

I was walking somewhere and I had a sun burn on my chest and I have about 10 people like " whoooa have enough sun" and things like that and this was walking down a random street!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 12:51 PM

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I think the guy in chipotle was flirting ... duh.

I have been accused of being the food police. When you knwo someone is trying to eat healthily and you see them verring off course, naturally if you care about them, you want to encourage them not to! If that makes you so angry you are redirecting your own feelings of guilt or remorse.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 1:35 PM

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I am so glad I have people in my life that will NOT say something. Not that I would take it badly, but the person must clearly say, " Please say something" and really mean it for someone to have a right to say something.

-Yeah cookies aren’t the best choice, but having some overweight person tell you not to eat a cookie gets a bit much. I always take it like they seem to think they make better choices then you do... but still are heavy. I agree with the “Oh come on” posters of this board. Do people really have that much time on their hands to analyze what people are eating? I know I don't.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 1:49 PM

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12:49 PM poster...

You say that the others were supporting "emotional eating," which is inaccurate in this case. It really all depends what eating plan you're on- mine allows small "treats" in moderation. I'm not "one of those people" that has something "naughty" on my desk and then doesn't know what to do. If it's there it's because I put it there and plan to eat it, and enjoy it. Cookies, and everything else, are fine in moderation, and unless your total daily calories are less than 400, the cookie I ate doesn't take up half the calories.
I have focused on moderation and portion control, not really eliminating anything, and have lost over 25 lbs. I am healthy, and if I want a cookie or anything else for that matter it's not naughty, indulgent, or bad. It is what it is, which is my plan, my choice. It's not up to anyone else to judge or impose their own eating plan or guidelines on. You think cookies at the cafteria or anywhere else are bad? Fine. Don't buy them. But don't assume I bought mine because I was eating/choosing emotionally.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 1:57 PM

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chipotle poster here-- non-"food police" people this is not intended for you, but please enjoy :)

1:35 poster-- Don't "duh" me-- he was not flirting. And I was very offended (all 300 lbs of me)

12:49 poster-- I see nothing wrong with having a small cookie and enjoying it which is what I recommended the OP to do. Now if OP had grabbed the tray of cookies or bought a massive giant cookie we wouldn't be having this thread now would we?

Here's the deal- we all slip up- yes, even you perfect dieters. Instead of having someone jump on your back about it, wouldn't it be nice to be able to enjoy a little guilt free treat once and a while? By having the OP's co-worker say "Don't do it" all the joy of having an office treat like everyone else is gone. It is one thing to be checked by a close friend and quiet another to be checked by a co-worker (even if you do have a great working relationship and "care" for one another). The guy in chipotle and the OP's co-worker had no idea what "other side" of the story was-- that type of "food policing" is disrespectful, insulting, and inappropriate.... even if by some miracle they are "flirting" or have good intentions.

Please support people's right to choose what they eat- even if they are extremely obese (keep in mind a person may have a mental issue with eating, think emotional childhood scarring, and your correcting could damage them more than you realize). If you have an intimate and/or close relationship with someone then it is okay to point out potential bad food choices because you are more likely to know the back story and truly care and want to help. That's the point of this thread-- deal with it.

ps- yes I'm trying to be a bitch, but only to the "food police" since apparently that is the only way you can get a point across to them.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 2:15 PM

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OP again

2:15pm poster:
thank you for saying all of that.
You made my day, bitchiness and all! :)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 2:27 PM

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I'm the 12:49pm poster

OP, I didn't say that you were eating emotionally. I said that the people responding to you were basically saying "go ahead, eat it, you deserve it because people were rude to you." You can choose to eat whatever you want, anyone can. But, there's no such thing as "deserving" a treat because something bad happened. There's planning a treat into a daily plan. That's totally different and logical. I wasn't criticizing you, but rather, the posters who responded to you. Maybe I read the responses incorrectly, but that seemed to sound like the "theme."

Oh, and to the 2:15pm poster, if someone has taken the "joy" out of the treat, then why bother to eat it anymore, other than out of emotion?

We're all here for diet support, because we want to lose weight. I don't want anyone here ever justifying to me why I should be eating junk that I wouldn't normally eat. Or even justifying eating junk that I would normally eat. We'd all do good by planning to leave room in our plan for a cookie, and then skipping that cookie! Most of us (myself included) aren't that far yet, but I'm sure trying!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 2:40 PM

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"duh" poster here...

I can't be sure if that guy was flirting - but he was flirting or lonely or crazy to make conversation like that ...

My points - people who care will comment if you are doing something harmful - so will people who are just annoying - but if it makes you really angry that anyone comments on what you are eating, then YOU don't think you should be eating that cookie.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 4:36 PM

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I blame Bush for the tone on this thread.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 5:20 PM

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who flirts by commenting on rice... he could have been... but he shoulda said something like " hey can I buy that rice for you" lol

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 5:55 PM

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whoever that is trying to stir things up by throwing some politics into the mix is both hilarious and terrible at the same time. I'd like to ask that poster: has it worked anywhere? Have any giant political debates developed? If so, please post the name of the thread. Sorry, I know this is off topic. but I had to ask. please go on..

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 7:00 PM

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The 12:49 poster makes an excellent point. At the end of the day, it's really all about you and how you feel about it. If you didn't care, the comment wouldn't have bothered you.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 8:20 PM

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Yeah, but lets be honest, the OP is like myself, human, and we DO get our feelings hurt. Sometimes I'll ask my boyfriend something like, "do you want to get pizza?" and he'll say "no, Ill just have an orange, we just ate Im not that hungry." And though I SHOULD be like, good this is stopping me from eating junk, I HEAR "You fatty eat a piece of fruit how can you want pizza??"

Totally not the same situation as the OP, my point is just that you cant help how you feel and comments can totally hurt...intentional or not. (And just to jump on the bandwagon, its probably NOT Bush's fault that I am insecure about my body, but I might as well blame him too!)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 9:29 PM

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yes, but then you shouldn't eat the cookie or the pizza because what is really making you feel bad is that YOU feel bad about eating these things ... Eleanor Roosevelt said it best "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'

an outstanding democratic woman, I might add

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 9:36 PM

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I can't believe there are even people out there who would say anything out loud to intentionally be mean or hurtful but unfortunately it happens. Just f*%$ them. If you want a small cookie, have it. Having it now saves you from later having 3 or 4. Just make sure the cookie is a good one, lol, nothing worse then eating something that isn't good and then regretting it! People are cruel and mean, its just a fact of life. We should all follow the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all"
So to the OP, I hope you enjoyed that cookie and made the person who said that know how good it was!
To the Chipolte lady, he was just an ass for opening his mouth. I would have looked him up and down, had a little laugh and said thanks, you have a nice day too.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 10:13 PM

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to the "DUH" poster, the chipotle girl wasn't the person eating the cookie, duh...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 1:10 AM

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To the person who said something like close friend and family can comment or make suggestions - I don't think this is a great idea either. For years my mother has been trying to loose weight, for years my father tried to correct when she picks up something he thinks she shouldn't eat. Then she just goes in another room and eats chocolates. It's a terrible dynamic they have, it would be so much better if he didn't say anything. I think the vast majority of the time you should just let people make their own food choices and shut up, unless you're being supportive and applauding their eating veggies or water or something like that.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 5:56 AM

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Ok, psych majors....

OP here. I was upset that the girl said anything to me because ever since I started changing my eating 7 months ago, the same group (including the one who made the comment) would make remarks about what I was changing and how I was eating ("oh, no mayo with your tuna? ohhhhhhhhhh.") and that pissed me off too. Now that I've lost over 25 pounds, and I DO have treats in moderation, I am still annoyed by these busybodies-- not because I feel guilty or ashamed but because I think they should mind their freakin' business! I had one of this stupid group come up to me when I was eating peanut M&M's a few weeks ago and say "you shouldn't be eating that." When I said I eat treats in moderation, he said "oh, ok, then!" So I got really pissed that he thought I was asking for APPROVAL and I said "But you know what? When you can walk the walk, THEN you can come to me and talk the talk."
These are people that are overweight and eat greasy food all the time. And I'm supposed to be chastized by them?? I think NOT.
And it had nothing to do with my feeling guilty or ashamed about eating them. Quite the contrary. I hate when other people are so presumptuous (sp?) as to assume that they can police what I eat, just because they know I'm on a so-called "diet." Screw them!
So to all you amateur psychologists, don't transfer your own feelings of guilt and shame on me.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 9:16 AM

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i think the point of these threads is to gain some kind of support and/or inderstanding from the other peertrainers. if you don't want to read what other people think about the situation you bring to the thread, maybe you should just journal privately. i think you may have had more of the support you may have been looking for if you had outlined your encounter in the cafeteria in your original posting the way you described it in the 9:16 posting. and people other than you may benefit from the responses generated by the thread without feeling like shame and guilt have been transferred to them. you just sound a little harsh...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 9:53 AM

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how did your co-workers even know you were dieting? did you talk about it? sometimes if you bring up a subject, people feel like they can continue to talk to you about it even if you have no interest in their opinions...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 12:54 PM

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good point.
some people are just nosy, though.
try to stay focused on what you're doing, and don't let their intrusiveness get to you.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 1:39 PM

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more than the man and the cookie

I would like to first congratulate you on your weight loss. I would like to make a more meaningful suggestion to you. You have all this aggression it seems like you have self esteem issues. I don't know why you say amateur psychologists, in refrence to them saying something about your anger, even a 2 year old can recognize and quite frankly I would be worried if you had kids that could be exposed to your hostility. I think you should see a counselor or real psychologist to help you cope with the struggles that you come across with your weight on a day to day basis. There are healthier ways of dealing with confrontations. You might even need some help with a healthy way to diet. When your not getting the right amounts of nutrition you can become irritable, and I presume that you didn't write all of your previous posts at once so you have been brooding over this discussion and topic for a while. This doesn't seem like it has anything to do with the cookie, the man, or his words. But how you are coping with your diet. I say, get some professional help before it gets any worse.


Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 2:24 PM

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I think we're all going overboard here. I don't feel that the OP has insecurity issues at all. I feel the person who made the comment to him/her has insecurity issues! No one should ever deprive themselves of things they enjoy, no matter how much weight one has to lose! As stated previously, everything in moderation. Life is too short not to enjoy the simple things in life, be it a cookie, a pizza, or whatever.
Congratulations on your weight loss, OP, and just let the comment go in one ear, out the other. You have every right to enjoy that cookie!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 2:54 PM

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Op again

LMAO, Manurse! This isn't an intervention, it's a post! I'm not on a ledge of a building about to jump off over a cookie. lol
I appreciate your concern but it is misplaced.
thanks anyway.
And thanks Beth, that cookie is now long gone! :)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 3:46 PM

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I am glad you found the humor in all of this. I am also glad you are not on a building ledge, but isn't it a little curious that you broung that up. I was only talking about stress levels not suicide. I prey that next time you just bake a batch of cookies at home, that way you can have as many cookies as you want without any criticism, assuming of course there is none coming from within.


Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 11:32 PM

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This is a little bit funny. I started dieting right around the time that I started a new job, so the people that I work with don't know that I"m dieting, they just know that I eat very healthily, and that I know the calorie content of, like, everything! Definitely most menu items from all of the restaurants near our office! And they love it! A bunch of the guys started a weight loss competition (I think the guy who's *winning* right now has gained a couple pounds - all the rest have gained more!) so they're always asking me about the calories in their food! They offer me junk when they bring it in, but expect me to turn it down, and are super-excited when I take a little, I guess b/c it justifies their behavior to them or something. I find it much easier to *think* of myself as a role model than to think of myself as the outcast because of my diet!! I know the situations are different, but think about changing your perspective!!

Thursday, June 08, 2006, 10:59 AM

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That is so cool 10:59 poster!

What a wonderful way to keep yourself motivated! You must work in one of the rare offices across this nation-- consider yourself extremely lucky!!!

Thursday, June 08, 2006, 12:11 PM

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10:59 poster here

I don't think it's such a rare office - other than the "contest" that the guys are having right now! I'm not particularly friendly with the people that I work with, they think it's more of a "party trick" that I can list off the calorie content of foods at times! I actually pretty much dislike the people I work with. (But that dislike has nothing to do with food, more with them being relatively unfriendly b/c we don't have much in common).

I think it's much more a mindset. I know that I eat healthier than everyone else in my office, and instead of being frusterated that they "get to" enjoy foods that I don't eat, I pride myself on it!

Thursday, June 08, 2006, 12:36 PM

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10:59am poster:
That's a great suggestion/story. Some of my co-workers have def. been on eating plans themselves and are making great progress (they're also very supportive and non-judgmental). I do think you're right on about the others wanting you to take some cheat food to make themselves feel better about indulging. I also think that some of my office mates who want to criticize me about treats here and there may also be coming from a place of insecurity. They're not really doing anything for their health but always talk about how they should. I guess that's the main reason I get annoyed when they get preachy. It's a difficult journey, this weight loss thing!
But I can tell you that when I've had a chance to step away, I feel more sorry for them than anything else. To have goals and not act on them! But I wouldn't give them unsolicited advice, unless I want to come off as judgmental or preachy. I don't want to be seen as a know it all just because I've had a decent amount of success.
All that to say, count your blessings, being in a largely supportive office-- most are not like that!
And keep up the good work!

Thursday, June 08, 2006, 12:37 PM

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