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Bridal Shower Quandry

There are probably quite a few brides here on PT so I wonder if you could help me to decide what to do about this.

I have been invited to a certain girl's bridal shower. This girl was a high school friend of my boyfriend. I have met her only twice - two years ago, we ran into her at a supermarket and we chatted for maybe 3 miutes. Then last month, we went to the engagement party and I literally could not pick her out of the crowd. I didn't get a chance to talk to her at the party and she did not introduce me to any of the houseful of other guests. I felt very awkward as her friends were quite unwelcoming to me.

I guess she asked my boyfriend for my address because I got a shower invite in the mail. She spelled my first name wrong and she didn't even know what my surname is. Likewise, I have no idea what her surname is!

Anyway, I barely know this girl and I feel I am being invited solely so I will add to the gift pile. Why else would she invite me? She and my boyfriend aren't even close.

I don't mean to be bitchy at all, but do I really have to go just because I'm invited? I really don't want to spend a summer Saturday watching a near-stranger tear open gifts in the company of dozens of other strangers... I feel like making a stand but I don't want to enrage the bride.


Wed. Jun 7, 9:58am

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Just call and tell them you can't make it. It wont hurt her feelings, since she doesn't even know you. Don't even feel bad about not going. I was invited to a wedding shower a few years back for my boyfriend's (now husband) cousin's soon to be wife. I never met her, so I just called and said I couldn't make it. None of his family even questioned or said anything about it.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 10:02 AM

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I'm a bride-to-be, and I just had my shower. I didn't invite any of my fiance's girlfriends who weren't also my friends, but, he thought that I should, so they wouldn't feel left out. I told him that they'd never even know that the shower occurred, so I didn't invite them. I didn't want to just be asking for a gift.

My guess is that the girl just wanted to make you feel included, or wanted to make your boyfriend feel like you're included. Although I cannot imagine being tacky enough to misspell a name (unless it's a tricky spelling, etc.) and not even write a surname!!

Anyway, if you don't want to go, you really don't need to. Just call, or RSVP however the card asks, and tell them that you were pleased to be invited, but unfortunately, you cannot make it. You are not expected to send a gift if you do not attend (unless you're really close or family, etc.)

You're absolutely doing the "right" thing if you RSVP no, and don't send a gift. If you go, you need to bring a gift. But, just don't "no-show." Whomever is throwing the party (and it's probably not the bride) needs to know how many people to expect, and it's rude to them to not let them know (even if you think it was rude of the bride not to invite you). Please, please, RSVP. I had to track down about 10 people a few days before my shower to find out if they were coming, and it was very annoying.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 10:18 AM

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Absolutely don't go! You are totally being the bigger person by calling and saying you can't make it. Just make sure your BF doesn't blow it by talking to her and telling her you're upset, etc.
I understand your being upset, I hate when people mindlessly invite me to places I know I'm not necessarily wanted! But opt out, don't explain, and do something fun that day instead! :)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 10:22 AM

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I agree with the above posters. I invited people to my sister's bridal shower only because I didn't want them to feel left out. (Granted, I learned their surnames before sending out the invite!) Totally thank them for the invite and RSVP no. There's no explanation needed; you're busy girl who spending the afternoon with your friends. No one will question it or be upset.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 12:26 PM

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Thanks, ladies! You rock! I feel much better about my reluctance to attend - I guess I'm not just being a bitch if you can all see my point. I will RSVP today and decline the invite. I'll make sure my BF doesn't blurt out that I just didn't want to go (he does that sort of thing often!).

Of course I would love to get to know his friend, but I don't believe that her shower is the place to do it. Perhaps when all the wedding hoopla has died down, the four of us can get together and get acquainted properly.

-OP

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 12:44 PM

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maybe you should include that sentiment in your RSVP. that sounds very polite and sincere, and it's completely understandable.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 1:04 PM

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Don't go. Just send your regrets. No need to feel guilty about it.

Thursday, June 08, 2006, 6:17 PM

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