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What to do when food is "pushed" on you?
My dad buys some sort of coffee shop goody (lemon bread, muffin, etc) almost everyday and expects me to share it with him. Now, I know he's being "nice" but here's the thing- not only do I not want to eat these treats because I'm trying to loose weight- I just don't like them (I never have!).
This is where I need help, I've tried everything to get him to stop. I've told him I didn't want them, that I wasn't hungry, that I've already had breakfast, I don't think they taste good, I've suggested other options, and I've even flat out refused him. Despite all of this he still brings stuff in and splits it with me.
Any other suggestions that I could try to get him stop offering me things that he wants to get? I'm sure he's just trying to be nice and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but after almost 9 months of this you think he would get the message.... I know I'm not the only one with this problem- what's worked for you?
(note- I already don't eat it when he does give it to me (it's easy when you don't like something)- I just feel bad having a daily conversation about the unwanted treat.)
Wed. Jun 7, 10:20am
maybe buy some sort of alternate, "healthy" treat and try sharing with him...melba toast, granola bars, kashi, soy crisps-these all make my dad want to stop talking about food altogether!! you don't even have to induldge, simply offer to him in place of the snacks he has...good luck!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 10:25 AM
I think you're actually going to have to sit him down and explain that although you enjoy spending time with him, etc., you're on an eating plan and you need his help by him not offering the treat to you. After 9 mos of you refusing and then taking it, he's learned not to listen to your other reasons. You're going to have a chat.
The other alternative is to ask him to bring something specific to you from the coffee shop or somewhere nearby that you can have while he has his food. Or you can split the item you choose together.
Sounds like your Dad just wants to have some time with you. I think that's sweet.
Talk to him.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 10:26 AM
Could you suggest that you cook together instead? Some of my best memories of my father from when I was growing up involve cooking breakfast (eggs and pancakes were all he knew how to cook...) with him.
Omlets can be super-healthy and also very creative.
Or try to out-do each other with the most beautiful yogurt parfait (layer in fresh fruit, granola or bran cereal, etc).
Or try all sorts of fruit combinations until you find your favorite smootie recipe (add protein powder, wheat germ, etc for an extra boost).
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 10:51 AM
Could it be that your father really wants these treats, but he feels guilty about consuming all the calories himself, so he wants to split it with you so that he doesn't eat the whole thing?
If not, I chalk it up to men being clueless. I keep telling my coworker that I'm dieting, but he will announce he brought in bagels for our customers and offer me one. He's trying to be nice even though I've told them I should not eat them b/c they have too many calories.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 12:13 PM
I think it's your dad's way of providing and taking care of you. I know that sounds weird, but since you're not a little girl, I think it be his way of contributing to you. If you cherish this little time he spends with you, you could:
* thank him for including him (very important to acknowledge him for this even though he's not bring you the right thing! It's the action for him!)
* tell him that it would make you "happy" if you went to the coffee shop once a week and had a meal together. or something. whatever would make you 'happy'.
It's not that he's not listening; by accepting the treat, he thinks he's doing good. And he could very well have an alterior motive in that he wants the treat, but he shares it with you.
My dad does the same thing (bringing me things just to share, even though i don't want it). In listening to him, I always hear him use the "happy" word in this instance and others. I discovered that the man just wants to make me happy, even though he's raised me to be self-sufficient. I've learned to thank him for the effort (give him a little win/success); then let him know exactly what would make me "happy," specifically using that word.
Eventually he learned and he forgets every now and then. When he forgets, I just give him a kiss on the head, and bring the goodie to someone who would want it.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 12:45 PM
Thank you- those are all really good points. I kind of suspected that he either 1. wanted to be nice / provide something for me or 2. really wanted it for himself and didn't want to eat the whole thing.
regardless I think he's just trying to share something with me, so I'll just have to let him know how much I appreciate his thoughtfulness. Thanks again all!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 3:17 PM
I would just say, "Thanks, Dad," and give him a kiss on the cheek. Put the goody on a plate and when he leaves the room, throw it away. You've already told him you don't want it, aren't hungry, etc. I would guess he just wants the treat himself but doesn't want to eat the whole thing. No point in hurting his feelings. Just accept it and throw it away when he's not looking.
Thursday, June 08, 2006, 6:15 PM
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