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OT... 1st Fathers Day without Dad
Okay.. My dad passed away last Aug. and this is my first First Fathers day without him, Any suggestions for helping me get though the weekend. I have pretty much ignored all the talk this year of Fathers day, but just read something, and it made me cry. My dad was my rock growing up and I miss him something terrible.
Fri. Jun 16, 7:53am
I'm so sorry for you. Maybe you can do something in memory of him - something that he liked to do. Do you have some family/friends to help support you in this time? Take care - you are so blessed to have had a dad like that. So many people don't!!!!
Friday, June 16, 2006, 9:15 AM
Do you live near where he was buried? Go visit his grave site and have a chat. Just because he can't answer you doesn't mean he won't hear you. Bring him some flowers!
Friday, June 16, 2006, 10:25 AM
Maybe you volunteer this weekend. You'll be busy and doing a good deed, your father would be proud of you.
I'm very sorry for your loss, it would be very hard on me too. Take care.
Friday, June 16, 2006, 8:17 PM
I know what you mean. My dad died 12 years ago and although the grief is still there the pain is less. I sort of still feel like he is on an extended vacation. But he is all around me. In my sister, my child and he is strong in my memory and even though I thought I would forget I still can hear his laugh, smell his scent, hear his voice and even recognize his movements in myself and my sister. It makes me smile just thinking about him. So to you, even though its a fresh loss for you and it feels so painful and raw, I say go celebrate his life and enjoy knowing that he will always be with you.
Friday, June 16, 2006, 8:59 PM
Go get the book, The Next Place by Warren Hanson. It was originally written for kids, but is really useful for all ages. A beautiful poem spread over gorgeous drawn pictures- explaining how it is after this life. When I first got it I got 2 copies and I always reccomend it now.
Friday, June 16, 2006, 9:19 PM
I am dreading the day I join you; my Dad is getting so old, and he just keeps on keeping on through all his problems. I lost my Mom 14 years ago, and I still miss her so. In a way, I think it is a wonderful thing to have loved a parent so much that they stay with you in your thoughts. In fact, I've decided its how a person obtains immortality by living on in loved-ones hearts. The first 2 years were the hardest, it will get better, but, thank God, the memories *never* go away. I like one of the poster's comparing it to an extended vacation. If he really were just on vacation, your memories are all that you would have of him at that time. You are very blessed.
Friday, June 16, 2006, 10:33 PM
Thanks for all of your sugestions. I went to his gravesite memorial day weekend, and put out flowers, It is a good 4 hour drive away. My brother is working. I know I will call my mom and talk with her some. However, she was sick most of the time while I was growing up, so I don't have the same relationship with mom as I had with dad. Hubby and I don't have any kids, so we have nothing planned. I will try and find the book. Thanks again for the advice.
Saturday, June 17, 2006, 8:44 AM
I'm sorry for your lost. My mom died 14 years ago and I found the first everything was the hardest, Christmas, birthday etc. My dad is going to be 79 this year and lives over a thousand miles away from me. Even though we were not close growing up cause he was a trucker and on the road all the time, in the past few years we have become closer.
I feel for you, chin up it does get better with time.
Saturday, June 17, 2006, 10:37 AM
To the OP, so sorry for your loss. I hope that it will be many years before my parents pass away...
How about seeing if you have any photos of your dad and putting together a scrapbook page of pictures? Something that you can keep for later? Maybe write a "letter" to your dad or even a poem, if you are creative? It doesn't have to be fine literature, but just something that means a lot to you... My hubby lost his mom almost 9 years ago. We are fortunate to be relatively near the gravesite. For the 1st 5 or 6 years, we would go out there at every holiday, now it's maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Time will help to heal the wounds... The 1st year was the hardest... If you haven't been to grief counseling, you might consider writing down your feelings in a journal. It will be therapeutic.
Saturday, June 17, 2006, 1:30 PM
OP, I'm sorry also.
Do something kind in your father's memory, something he would have appreciated. My own belief system includes the understanding that our family members continue to be as connected to us as we are to them, and as interested (though they are also busy!). I'm sure if you volunteered or something in his memory, you would feel close to him--and feel him close.
Saturday, June 17, 2006, 5:15 PM
I never had a father to miss, and that's a whole other thing. My thoughts are the same as many others though: consider yourself blessed. My father died when I was very young and I never really knew him, and I've always had a certain sadness because of that. Think of all the years you've had, and all the memories, and even though you're sad, be happy that you had them! God bless.
Saturday, June 17, 2006, 10:35 PM
To the OP-- how did your day go?
Monday, June 19, 2006, 12:43 AM
First Fathers Day Without Dad
This Sunday is Father's Day and, for the first time in my life, I don't have a dad. We take a lot of things for granted in our lives, including our own health and the health of our parents but last September I lost my dad and best friend. Okay, Pop was 85 and had a failed quad-bypass, and I'm in my fifties... but he's gone and it hurts.
Dad was from German and Scottish stock, which meant that he was a grouchy tight-wad. He grew up in the depression, went through WWII and settled down to raise o family of 3 boys. He was never touchy-feely but always there to support us, build strength, work ethics and morals in his sons.
Life gives us interesting turns and lessons and the circle of life is a strange one. My daughter and son-in-law were trying to adopt and were on a long list for a baby from South Korea. They were granted their baby boy when he was just two days old but waited months for the papers to be certified between two countries.
Dad's operation did not go well and in a short time he was on a feeding tube and slowly dying. His wish to me was to pull the tube and let him go...and I signed the papers. At first I felt that I was signing his death warrant but my wife, in her wisdom, assured me that I was actually signing his release form.
The estimate was that it would be 5 to 10 days before he would die.
The morning that I signed the papers, my daughter called to say that they had gotten "the Call" and that they had to leave the next day for Seoul to get their baby boy.
I told Dad what they were doing and that he was now officially a Great-Grandfather. He smiled and said "Well that's wonderful." Those were dad's last words, he died an hour later. It was as if Dad could then leave, knowing that the circle was complete.
So this is a bitter-sweet Father's Day for me because I still have a father in my family, but instead of my Pop, it's my son-in law Michael and now I'm a grandfather to little Zachary Kim.
Thanks for allowing me to indulge myself in missing my dad. Fatherhood in the world today is often overlooked and undervalued and that's a hideous mistake.
Thanks to all of the dads out there, ours is the greatest responsibility and reward possible. If you're not a dad, then thank yours for me!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007, 10:47 PM
I have not lost My dad.. hes still very much alive, but we live in different countries now and I miss him very much as I do the rest of My family..
here is a poem that has always comforted Me when I have lost one I loved and cared for. I hope it soothes you a little bit. Im so sorry for your loss to all of those that have lost fathers and loved ones .
Do not stand at my grave and weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)
Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 7:36 AM
Hi- I can relate a bit to your thread. My sister passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago today. She was 26 years old. The first year is the hardest because you have to do everything differently. My best advice is to just embrace the feelings. They are natural and healing. Look at pictures, talk about your Dad with kids, laugh and cry. It's such a strong pain in the pit of your stomach. Do something to celebrate your Dad. Goto his gravesite, buy something or do something that reminds you of him. For me it's nice knowing I have someone up there that really knows me and can understand me. Good luck to you.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 7:59 AM
I haven't lost my dad, but know you will be in my prays
Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 10:40 AM
I feel for you, OP.
My father passed away ON Father's Day in 1989, when I was 20, and every year since, Father's Day has been painful for me. I just try to stay busy & not think about it too much.
Volunteering is a great suggestion. Perhaps visit an old folk's home, and spend some time with some of the men (fathers) there, who don't have any visitors?
Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 3:50 PM
My support and prayers for all who have lost their Fathers. Mine died 27 years ago the 11th. I was just 13. I still miss him. All the things I wish he was here for. As well as the support. I am blessed though he was diagnosed with cancer and we still had 9 more years with him.
What to do for the day? For each person it is different but if you have a friend who will just let you talk I know that would and did mean a lot to me at the time.
Thursday, June 07, 2007, 12:19 AM
My father just passes away on the 21 of april and I am only 20... I feel your pain... I miss my father badly...btw he was only 50...he missed sooo much of my life.
Thursday, June 07, 2007, 9:11 AM
father's day is a day to celebrate and reflect about your dad, even if he is not with you!! he was your dad, there must be photos, maybe vidoes, and surely memories!! why not set the afternoon aside to remember him? have his favorite meal, watch his favorite dvd, listen to his favorite songs! his past did not pass away. embrace his memory!!
Thursday, June 07, 2007, 9:19 AM
A big loss
I lost my grandfather 1 1/2 & half ago. He a BIG hand in raising me. Since, I don't live where he was layed to rest & I'm going to church on Father day and bring flowers and light a candle. As well as play a lotto ticket for him. :) That was his thing.
My fiance lost his father the weekend beforer Father's day 2 years ago. (The first year after his passing was also the same day as Father's Day. :( ) My fiance likes to stay a little closer to home. But that works for him.
Celebrate him & do things that you did as a family or an activity that he did on his own. Share it with your family. Maybe have family memebrs talk about their favorite times with him. Take out pictures. Have everyone write a thought on a pretty note card, share it & make a scrapbook in his memory. Make it a ceremony of sorts. This will help a small children. As adults, we don't always recap with our children about these kid of issue.
You'll be able to feel his warmth around you. I feel my grandfather everyday!
Thursday, June 07, 2007, 9:30 AM
I lost my daddy june 18 2005
Well its been two years the day after this fathers day i lost my dad at 16. And to this day its just as hard. But i will hold my head up high this weekend and not cry. because i know if i could talk to my dad he would tell me to smile for my four month son i have now. I miss my daddy so much i would give everything i have or own or would ever have to get to hold him one more time! I guess he is heaven now rideing his harley. He got killed in a motorcycle accident. But its ok dad i got you tatoo on my leg and in my heart!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007, 11:24 PM
crying doesn't hurt, it helps.
Thursday, June 14, 2007, 2:16 PM
mah dad was onlii 54 and died in india while he was vacationing and he told me he wanted to me to come with him buh i couldnt... b4 he died he said he wanted to c me buh i didnt even kno he was sick...
he died of a heart attack
i miss him like crazy
he meant the world to me ..its been 2 years and im still not over it
Sunday, June 15, 2008, 12:17 AM
Im greatful I still have my dad in my life.. he is getting up there in age and his health is fading so I dread teh day I join you in losing him, but for now I will celebrate and enjoy life with him.
one thing you could do to remember your dad is plant a tree in his memory and each year you could go visit the tree and watch his memory stay alive and growing strong..
Sunday, June 15, 2008, 6:06 AM
I lost my wonderful dad last November. It was so awful. The night before he passed, we talked on the phone, laughing over old memories, talking about my upcoming wedding and plans for a family camping trip. 9 hours later, at 4am, Mom called to say he died of a heart attack. I'm so grateful I got to say goodbye and say "I love you" one last time. He was always my biggest cheerleader, loved me unconditionally, believed in me, supported me and made me laugh when I cried. Its painful even today but I'm grateful for all the time we had together and that I can honestly say I have no regrets. We had said it all to each other.
Sunday, June 15, 2008, 9:15 PM
I miss my Father. He was my best friend and my guide in this thing called life. I have never had a friend that I miss so much. I think of my Father constantly and more than I should. I have two wonderful blessing in my life, namely my two boys. I hope that I can live up to be a Christian Father to them, loving, caring, and nurturing as my Father was. They make me smile everyday. After my Father passed away, I wrote this down to remember him. It describes him to a tee.
What Dad did for me
Let's take a look and see:
He gave me love and security
Pride and a family
He showed me patience and how to care
for your neighbor and friends you share
To walk, talk, and be proud
But, don't boast or be too loud
To love your family and friends
Always help everyone including your kin
How to be a father to your boy
Make sure to put away your toys
Braveness and pride
Do not hide
But, make sure to show your softer side
Make a person smile on the street
That always makes their day when their beat
Finish every job that you start
Take care of coworkers with your heart
Love life for what it really is
You only get one chance, hit of miss
Make an impression that goes afar
That way you don't have to raise the bar
There is so many things my Dad did
A list does no justice of the things I've hid
Just always treasure the one you got
His love and caring will make your lot
Give him praise everyday
And you'll love him more when he's away!
- Kelvin R. Baker
Sunday, June 21, 2009, 2:40 AM
I lost my Dad 7 years ago when I was 16. He passed away 8 days before his 50th birthday from a sudden massive heart attack. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. So, I'm sorry for your loss.
As far as Father's Day goes, I used to avoid it as well, but now, I just find things to keep me busy and try not to think about it. I know he wouldn't want me to be sad because he's in a better place watching over me now.
Good luck and we're all here anytime you need to talk :)
Sunday, June 21, 2009, 7:58 AM
to all the ones that have lost fathers. my heart goes out to you today.. Kevin thats a beautiful poem.. your dad sounds like an amazing man.. I just called my dad and wished him a happy fathers day. he has recntly been diagnosed with a tumor and it made me look at life and how fragile time is..
do something specal to celebrate the lives of your fathers and what they gave to you and taught you.
Sunday, June 21, 2009, 12:08 PM
first father's day without my father
i lost my dad March 15, 2010 and this is my first father's day without him. It's going to really hard on me because i was a daddy's girl. I love my dad very much. I honestly can't believe he is gone. He had stokes in his head to where he could breathe or open his eyes on his own, he was on life support for 9 days and then they took him off, they said he could live for a few weeks, then after 3 days off life support, they called us that Monday, and told us that he wouldnt make it threw the night, then after 30 mins they called again and told my family that he passed away. he passed away on March 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm. i love and miss you Daddy.
Thursday, June 17, 2010, 8:05 PM
I am so sorry that you are going through this you actually are making me tear up...I treasure my family and my father and I can not imagine how it will be when I am in your shoes... I will think of you and all others who are suffering on that day that so many are celebrating....
Friday, June 18, 2010, 11:50 AM
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