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Do you have a secret?

I do...I try to act tough and hard and sometimes mean on the outside but really I just want to cry and give up. I've cut off contact with some people that were at one time very close to me because they hurt me and I'm only not talking to them to hurt them back but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that's hurting. I tell people that it doesn't bother me and that I'm ok with it but everyday I think about it and on most days cry about it. I don't want to let them back in because I don't want to get hurt by them again.

Sun. Aug 27, 10:14pm

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Did you tell them that they hurt you? Sometimes people don't realize that they have hurt someone. Or if they do realize it, they may be so embarrassed by it that they don't want to bring it up to you unless you mention it.

Monday, August 28, 2006, 2:47 PM

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I have a secret and I have had it since I was 12 years old. I have told 3 people about it in my life 1) my exhusband, who said nothing of it after I told him. 2) one of my ex boyfriends, who told me it was my fault it happend, didn't last much past that 3) my current boyfriend, who said, "How can I help you?" and "Make sure you tell me if you ever want to talk about it." Now I feel like I have an outlet if I need to, but I still keep it to myself to most people because what happend happend it is not my fault, I am not the person that will give up, I will succeed and overcome just because 1 thing happend to me that does not make me.

Monday, August 28, 2006, 2:59 PM

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don't we all?

Monday, August 28, 2006, 3:00 PM

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Yes, I did. The one is my father and the other was my bestfriend. I just needed to tell somebody that it hurts that I don't want them apart of my life anymore.

Monday, August 28, 2006, 3:55 PM

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Original Poster

Run, don't walk, to the library or bookstore and buy a copy of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS. It's very simplistic but will totally comfort you with the chapter called Don't take things personally. People used to hurt me until I decided to treat someone who was capable of saying something cruel like I would a mentally ill person who talked gibberish. If you visited a psyc ward and someone there called you a rotten, dirty, lying tramp you would just roll your eyes and be unaffected. You would realize it was their illness making them talk nonsense. Anyone who purposely hurts others has an illness and it stems from insecurity. Just as you hurt others because you've been hurt. They hurt you because they've been hurt. Just think of them as mental patients who haven't been institutionalized...yet. It helps.

Monday, August 28, 2006, 6:49 PM

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You are so right. I already have it and have turned to it on counless occasions, thank you for the reminder!

Monday, August 28, 2006, 10:37 PM

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OP and 3:55 poster- Do you need someone to talk to?

I'm finally able to get on with my life after my father and my best friend started dating.

When they told me they thought that I would accept it and be happy for them..... um, I wasn't. I was devastated! I've cut both of the out of my life as a result and have had to pick up the pieces of my life they smashed to bits with their "innocent" actions.

I've been there and I've come out even stronger. If either of you need someone to talk to, please leave me a note on my public log- I can set up a private group and we can talk through your hurt.

Hang in there. Cutting off those close to you is a huge decision that unfortunately other family members (or who ever) can't understand or accept.

Let me know if you need any help.
-Oonah


Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 4:47 PM

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