Take a tour
invite your friends
- Select Menu -
Invite your friends
What's a nice way to tell someone to stop being preachy?
Sometimes I don't need advice, I'm only looking to vent or express myself. Any suggestions?
Tue. Aug 29, 4:19pm
maybe open up with something like, "i know i can count on you to just listen and hear me out." or "i'd really like to just be heard right now." it's more comfortable to address this concern before the fact than while receiving unwanted advise, i think.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 4:25 PM
Let them know exactly that. I tend to get preachy sometimes too and people know if they say something like, "oh, I have to vent" or whatever I know it means don't be a know-it-all... I don't mean to act preachy, I just want to help and that's how it comes out sometimes. The preachy person in your life probabbly feels the same way....
Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 4:30 PM
well not to sound preachy...... A 'preachy' person's perspectice here
I'm afraid it's ingrained in some of us. I solve complex problems for a living and 90% of the people who approach me with a complaint want a solution - they are most definitely not venting, they want it right away, and they don't always want to hear the answer. Sometimes it's too complex, expensive, time-consuming, etc... So even though they came to me, I then have to convince them that it's the right thing to do. However the fact is I spent a lot of time learing to deconstruct problems into solvable pieces, and now I spend lots of time and make a living coming up with solutions to other people's problems.
That's not really something that's easy to turn off. Honestly some of my friend's problems are so easy and straighforward compared to the stuff I deal with at work that it's sort of fun and relaxing to sit there, listen to them and come up with solutions, scenerios and possibilites for their issues. Most of my friends take it pretty well, and in fact actually seek me out, because I am a terrific listener and I really get into the issues, am very objective and ask good questions. I think I may need to stratigize like you need to vent. I don't even need my solutions to be taken seriously - my brain just won't stop coming up with them. That's just how it's been trained to think.
If someone asks I can try to keep it to myself, but I can't stop thinking of solutions and sometimes I really need to share what I'm thinking right back. The best thing to do is to recognize people like me and simply don't share with us if you only need to vent. Because I can tell you that it is just as irritating to me when someone comes venting and then doesn't want my feedback. "You made me sit through all that and all I get to say is 'gee- that sucks' or 'gosh - I feel really bad for you'" Because quite frankly I am only capable of doing that with people I don't care about.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 6:23 PM
to the above poster
I just wanted to say:
Will you be my friend? LOL
My friends are the opposite of you! they never offer advice, im the one giving it out! I can never get good, well- thought out, sound advice!
I esp love your last line! ;)
Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 10:01 PM
I saw this thread and thought it was something else. I'll through it out there anyway. How do you politely tell people who preach to you about their religion that you are not interested? This happens everywhere, even at the gym. I was raised a religious person and remain one today but there are some out there that take it as a challenge. I'm not interested in a philosophical debate when I go to the gym, I go to work out. I have tried thanking people and stating I'm ok where I am, not interested, you're being rude, etc...nothing works. Conversations will make unbelievable turns to get to a discssion of religion and how anyone who doesn't believe they way they do is destined to a life of suffering, now and in the hereafter. HELP!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 9:12 AM
I agree, will you be my friend too? I'm always the one offering advice or a shoulder to cry on with my friends lol. Whenever iit's me who needs the advice or just to be able to talk to someone who's actually interested they tune out or quickly switch the topic back to themselves....maybe I need new friends lol
To the above person, be polite but firm. Tell them you don't want to discuss religion with them at all. If they persist then try taking your mp3 player and just turning it up. Don't talk to them when they insist on talking about religions. Hopefully they'll get the hint.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 1:09 PM
My husband and I learned this approach from a couples' therapist: When I just want to be heard, I preface the conversation with "Please don't solve, attack, or defend" what I'm about to say, please just listen. This works with my husband because he knows the background of what I'm asking. I suppose it could be adapted to a more casual conversation by saying, "Please don't try to solve what I'm about to say, I just want someone to listen and say "There, there".
OP, are we on track with what you are seeking? There seems to be some ambiguity in the question.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 2:12 PM
To the 9.12 poster
I had to giggle. I've had some of the same experiences, and it makes my blood boil. My standard line is: "I really don't want to be rude to you, because you're entitled to your beliefs. But so am I, and if this conversation doesn't change direction, I'm afraid I'm going to have to be rude. Let's just agree to disagree."
To OP: I think the others have it right. Try to hint at the type of response you're looking for, before the person goes into preach mode. Good luck!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 3:38 PM
If your venting in your notes why not just vent and at the end say hey guys I'm just venting thanks for listening.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 9:30 PM
I for one am fed up to here with advice, advice, advice. I find people awfully short of listening skills. But I think it's helpful to tell people that you just want to talk, or you'd appreciate it if they can just listen if that's what you want.
To the person who gets paid to provide advice - that's great for you careerwise but I'm not so sure it's the best move personally. You say it works for you and that 90% of the people who come to you want advice - well, that's good. But unless I needed a business solution I'd say you're not the kind of person I would talk to and I suppose that's fine by you because you just want to give advice. You must be a man.
Where are all these friend who just listen and don't give advice? I'd love to find them! Maybe we could all make a trade!
As for fending off the evangelists - well that's not easy sometimes. I just tell them I have my own religion, thank you, even though I'm sure they wouldn't regard my religion as a valid religion.
Friday, September 01, 2006, 5:47 AM
You know, I think it's just a matter of finding friends (or PT groupmates) whose personality meshes with yours. Personally, I wouldn't bring up a problem if I didn't want to hear someone else's perspective on it. And reciprocally, if a friend brings a problem to me I try to brainstorm a solution.
It's easy enough to change groups if you find someone else's interactive style offensive. (See, I just can't NOT propose a solution, LOL!)
And I'm 100%, XX, red-blooded female, in case you were wondering. (Though I'm not the 6:23 poster.)
Friday, September 01, 2006, 10:44 AM
how about this...."please stop being preachy" might go a long way.
some people, myself included, don't realize when they get preachy. and one person's definition may be different than another's. if someone gets preachy to me about my lack of vegetables, i will only get mad at myself because i know they're right. but if someone gets preachy at me about my religion or politics, i will get mad at them because they are talking about something controversial.
Saturday, September 02, 2006, 4:45 AM
Very true - huge difference between "you know you should really get that skin thing looked at" and "I''d like to convince you my religion is for you."
Saturday, September 02, 2006, 5:15 AM
Pandora Beads And Charms
Original Ugg Boots
canada goose jackets for women
canada goose jackets on sale
bežecké boty nike
new jordan releases
Moncler Jacket Womens
ugg outlet online
Moncler Outlet Online
Coach Bags On Sale
Ugg Noir Pas Cher
Doudoune Femme Pas Cher
zapatillas nike baratas
nike mercurial soccer cleats
Nike Air Max 90
Ugg Classic Tall
Ugg Boots On Clearance
Toms Outlet Online
Air Jordan News
Nike Air Jordan 11
pandora jewelry store
air force one pas cher
ugg boots classic
cheap christian louboutin
Nike Black Friday
moncler jacket sale
Cheap Michael Kors
Sheepskin Ugg Boots
pandora charm bracelet sale
Canada Goose Outlet Store
Ugg boots Sale
Toms Shoes For Women
womens nike air max
nike sportschuhe damen
Veste Moncler Femme
chaussure basket homme
Sunday, December 11, 2016, 3:02 AM
How To Lose Weight- The Basics
Weight Watchers Points System
The Fat Smash Diet
The Eat To Live Diet
The Beck Diet Solution
How To Get The Motivation To Lose Weight
How To Be Successful Using PEERtrainer
How To Burn Fat
Online Weight Loss Support- How It Works
Does Green Tea Help You Lose Weight?
Tips On Using PEERtrainer
Visit The PEERtrainer Community
Diet and Fitness Resources
Weight Watchers Meetings
Learning To Inspire Others: You Already Are
Writing Down Your Daily Workouts
Spending Money On A Personal Trainer?
How I Became A Marathon Runner
How To Prevent Injuries During Your Workout
Flu Season: Should You Take The Flu Shot?
Are You Really Ready To Start PEERtrainer?
Super Foods That Can Boost Your Energy
Reversing Disease Through Nutrition
New Diet and Fitness Articles:
Weight Watchers Points Plus
How To Adjust Your Body To Exercise
New: Weight Watchers Momentum Program
New: PEERtrainer Blog Archive
Review Of The New Weight Watchers Momentum Program
Weight Loss Motivation by Joshua Wayne:
Why Simple Goal Setting Is Not Enough
How To Delay Short Term Gratification
How To Stay Motivated
How To Exercise With A Busy Schedule
Real World Nutrition and Fitness Questions
Can Weight Lifting Help You Lose Weight?
Are Protein Drinks Safe?
Nutrition As Medicine?
Everyday Weight Loss Tips
How To Eat Healthy At A Party
How To Eat Out And Still Lose Weight
The Three Bite Rule
Tips On How To Stop A Binge
Introducing The PEERtrainer Cheat System
How To Speed Up Weight Loss
How To Get Motivation To Lose Weight
Weight Watchers: The New Science!
3 Myths About Weight Loss With JJ Virgin
Related Article :
New PEERtrainer Articles :
Why Green Tea Helps You Lose Weight
How To Lose A Lot Of Weight, Fast
5 Things You Must Know Before Doing A Cleanse
New: How To Build Muscle
What Is The Best Kind Of Protein Powder?
The Master Cleanse
Will Removing Gluten From Your Diet Help You Lose Weight?
How To Obliterate Your Limitations
How To Get The Motivation To Exercise
How To Stop Feeling Tired
Dr. Joel Fuhrman's Super Immunity Diet
The PEERtrainer Diet
Is Portion Control Keeping You Fat?
The Ultimate Guide To Dietary Fiber
P90X? Do Burst Training Instead
Weight Watchers Points Changes For 2012
Can Diet Soda Cause You To GAIN Weight?
©2017 PEERtrainer, Inc.