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What's a nice way to tell someone to stop being preachy?

Sometimes I don't need advice, I'm only looking to vent or express myself. Any suggestions?

Tue. Aug 29, 4:19pm

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maybe open up with something like, "i know i can count on you to just listen and hear me out." or "i'd really like to just be heard right now." it's more comfortable to address this concern before the fact than while receiving unwanted advise, i think.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 4:25 PM

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Let them know exactly that. I tend to get preachy sometimes too and people know if they say something like, "oh, I have to vent" or whatever I know it means don't be a know-it-all... I don't mean to act preachy, I just want to help and that's how it comes out sometimes. The preachy person in your life probabbly feels the same way....

Good Luck!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 4:30 PM

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well not to sound preachy...... A 'preachy' person's perspectice here

I'm afraid it's ingrained in some of us. I solve complex problems for a living and 90% of the people who approach me with a complaint want a solution - they are most definitely not venting, they want it right away, and they don't always want to hear the answer. Sometimes it's too complex, expensive, time-consuming, etc... So even though they came to me, I then have to convince them that it's the right thing to do. However the fact is I spent a lot of time learing to deconstruct problems into solvable pieces, and now I spend lots of time and make a living coming up with solutions to other people's problems.

That's not really something that's easy to turn off. Honestly some of my friend's problems are so easy and straighforward compared to the stuff I deal with at work that it's sort of fun and relaxing to sit there, listen to them and come up with solutions, scenerios and possibilites for their issues. Most of my friends take it pretty well, and in fact actually seek me out, because I am a terrific listener and I really get into the issues, am very objective and ask good questions. I think I may need to stratigize like you need to vent. I don't even need my solutions to be taken seriously - my brain just won't stop coming up with them. That's just how it's been trained to think.

If someone asks I can try to keep it to myself, but I can't stop thinking of solutions and sometimes I really need to share what I'm thinking right back. The best thing to do is to recognize people like me and simply don't share with us if you only need to vent. Because I can tell you that it is just as irritating to me when someone comes venting and then doesn't want my feedback. "You made me sit through all that and all I get to say is 'gee- that sucks' or 'gosh - I feel really bad for you'" Because quite frankly I am only capable of doing that with people I don't care about.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 6:23 PM

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to the above poster

I just wanted to say:
Will you be my friend? LOL
My friends are the opposite of you! they never offer advice, im the one giving it out! I can never get good, well- thought out, sound advice!
I esp love your last line! ;)

Tuesday, August 29, 2006, 10:01 PM

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I saw this thread and thought it was something else. I'll through it out there anyway. How do you politely tell people who preach to you about their religion that you are not interested? This happens everywhere, even at the gym. I was raised a religious person and remain one today but there are some out there that take it as a challenge. I'm not interested in a philosophical debate when I go to the gym, I go to work out. I have tried thanking people and stating I'm ok where I am, not interested, you're being rude, etc...nothing works. Conversations will make unbelievable turns to get to a discssion of religion and how anyone who doesn't believe they way they do is destined to a life of suffering, now and in the hereafter. HELP!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 9:12 AM

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