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I need help & advice.

This is not diet related, but I could really use some advice. I got engaged in March of this year and we are trying to set a date. We agreed on a month for 2007 and I finally decided on a specific date. However, my fiancee does want to get married on that day because it is his ex girlfriend's birthday. He said I that it is like a slap in her face. What do you think? Please, give me your honest opinions and advice. Thank you.

Sun. Sep 17, 10:29pm

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OP here

does that mean he still has feeling for her? Or am I just being paranoid?

Sunday, September 17, 2006, 10:52 PM

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Association

I would see it as an association thing. He doesn't want to associate your anniversary with her birthday, just like all the people that didn't want to get married on 9/1, or didn't want to have a baby born on 6/6/06. It might be a little silly, but why not pick another day that he's totally clear on? I wouldn't take it personally, or as a divided loyalty thing.

Sunday, September 17, 2006, 10:56 PM

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I think he is being honest, and you should pick a different date. But I would sit down and have a long conversation about his ex, and go from there.
jt

Sunday, September 17, 2006, 10:57 PM

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In my opinion, I wouldn't want to get married on her birthday. Anything that could take his attention and focus off your special day, isn't good. With that said, are they still friends? Maybe he doens't have feelings for her, but she does for him, and he doesn't want to push his happiness with you in her face. I can't say that I wouldn't feel upset as you do. I would just talk to him about it, tell him how what he said, hurt you. Men are stupid......(coming from a married woman here) they don't always get that we as women listen to & analyze everything they say. Talk to him about it, before you let it drive you crazy and it blows up.

Sunday, September 17, 2006, 10:57 PM

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I think it's a good sign that he was able to be open with his concerns. I agree with the poster above who said that you don't want anything distracting from your big day. His request for another day is understandable.

Sunday, September 17, 2006, 11:28 PM

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I need help & advice

In relationships I think you need to pick & choose your fights. The same as you do with your kids! And if either one of you feels very strongly about something, unless it is against your consience, the other is better to go along. Give and take is part of a relationship. In this case, go along with him and choose another date. You don't need to start the marriage with a fight about something like this. You want to look back on the wedding date with all positive items, not something negative. To him this specific date is negative in that it reminds him of an ex girlfriend.

Monday, September 18, 2006, 12:02 AM

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I think he sounds like a kind considerate person and she still has feelings for him.

Monday, September 18, 2006, 12:17 AM

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I wouldn't want to get married on his ex's bday

Monday, September 18, 2006, 1:01 AM

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I know it must be disappointing that you had already picked out and set this date. I would be upset too. However, especially if she will be at the wedding, I wouldn't want any of the day to be about her. It may be selfish but this is YOUR day. Is there another day of that month that will work?

Monday, September 18, 2006, 9:17 AM

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i think his honesty is refreshing. i, too, would not want to get married on a day that, even in the slightest way possible, reminded me of my ex. or any other friend, for that matter. for example, i would not want to get married on my best friend's b-day, either.

Monday, September 18, 2006, 9:27 AM

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Having care and concern for his ex (ie respecting the relationship) is a good thing. Should he hate her and wish he ill? No. It sounds more that he's just a mature and caring guy and you should take that as a good thing.
He's engaged to YOU now, he loves you. But that doesn't take away the fact that he has a past. That needs to be respected as well.

I wouldn't want to get married on his ex's birthday either.

Monday, September 18, 2006, 11:22 AM

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I am the OP

Thanks to all that posted here. Thanks for pointing out the obvious when I don't see it myself. I was a little upset at him yesterday.....but I have apologized and told him he is right.

Monday, September 18, 2006, 11:28 AM

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