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is it just me or is it the men i date

WHY do men say they will call and then a day or 2 goes by and they call and act like its no big deal?? is it just the men i choose or do other dating women get the same thing?? and any men on could maybe enlighten me on this!!!!!

Fri. Oct 6, 1:36pm

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I'd say they act like it's not a big deal to call two days later because it's not a big deal. They have interesting, busy lives and they assume that you do too.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 1:40 PM

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Wait, they actually call in just a day or two? These men are gems! They just don't want to appear pathetically eager.

Stick to complaining about the ones who say they'll call and then don't, or wait 2 months and insult you with a booty call.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 1:55 PM

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wait, they say they'll call? (lol)

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:00 PM

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ya know, my personal trainer never calls me promptly either. i think it's just a guy thing, dating or not.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:02 PM

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Most guys I know hate talking on the phone. To them there's no reason to call if you're not lining up some time to get together. Thus why call immediately when you're probably not going to be able to get together for several days or until next weekend? If you do she might think you are lame and desperate especially since you are already awkward at making stupid idle chit chat and even more so when it's over the phone, which you only talk on when your mother calls, and where there are no visual cues from the person you are talking to. If the conversation is too awkward she might decide not to see you again.

The above is a bit of a dramatization and a generalization. Not all guys are this way, but a good chunk of the ones I know are.

As for you - well why do you need them to call you immediately? And wouldn't it be a bit corny if they started laying on the charm thicker than peanut butter on a bagel? It always makes me think 'player' when a guy comes on strong after we've just met. Just curious, not trying to put you on the defensive.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:02 PM

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Here is my complaint...If you are dating a guy for 1 1/2 years, should be call each nights? My man said he "forgot" to call last night. Said he got home from class, started cleaning up his kitchen and forgot to call. Is that normal?

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:14 PM

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In a steady relationship, you should communicate on stuff like that. Did you two agree to call each other every night? If not, you shouldn't expect him to. Guys don't necessarily know what you want or what will make you happy. Heck, neither do best friends. You have to learn to communicate. Plus, there are lots of good books that help with the different communication styles of men and women. I have been married for 15 years and we are both still trying to perfect the art of understanding how each other 'tick.' But, it is a joy and it is worth all the effort we have put into it. That is where the emotional intimacy comes from.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:52 PM

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LOL 1:55 poster!! I thought the same thing. Two days is actually a pretty fast callback. It seems like most guys, if they're even going to call back, do it after something like 5-7 days. It's definitiely not you OP!! I think most guys don't want to seem too desperate to get another date. :)
2:14 poster. I personally think it's okay, but I guess it depends on each person. Sometimes we all get so bogged down with things that we forget the simple things like a phone call.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:53 PM

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To the OP. You ain't got nothin to worry about. If a guy is calling you at least once a week, he is interested. Just relax and enjoy life and let it happen if it is meant to.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:54 PM

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As a guy, some insight:

We wait a couple days after the date to call because we've been trained to. Through 130 years of trial and error, we've learned that if we call too soon, we seem desperate and the ladies will want nothing to do with us. We know that y'all SAY you want us to call sooner, but we've learned through hard experience that this is not actually what you want.

The pretending like it's no big deal thing? Same story. The calm, nonchalant voice you hear on the other end of the line is as practiced as the voice you hear over the intercom when your plane is on fire. Why? because if we seem too interested, we know you'll think something is up and move on. Again, experience has taught us this much.

As for dating for a year and a half and missing a call? That's because he just wanted an evening to himself. Some "me" time.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 2:56 PM

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"As for dating for a year and a half and missing a call? That's because he just wanted an evening to himself. Some "me" time."

And we should all take some me time. After 15 years, me and hubby still take some 'me' time. It is perfectly normal. Guys need to hang with guys some and do guy things. Believe me, I don't give a flip about motors, and my man is a motor head. Loves cars and motorcycles and taking them apart and putting them back together, and the guitar. But then again, he will almost implode if I do too much computer-geek talk or "diet" talk. So, we have times we do our thing.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 3:09 PM

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I am the "As for dating for a year and a half and missing a call?" poster. We have plenty of "me" time. We don't live together or see eachother but maybe once a weekend. To me I take it as a lack of care. We have called eachother every night for the past year and a half. I expect to hear from him especially when I have alot on my plate and sick on top of it. I thought it was just common courtisy.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 3:40 PM

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Have you told him this or are you just going to yell at me?

No offense, but your flaming over-reaction speaks volumes about why he didn't call...

Friday, October 06, 2006, 3:48 PM

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i don't understand the categorization of "your flaming over-reaction" at all. i am new to the thread and perhaps there is some history i don't know about, but i would expect a phone call, too, if i had been receiving one every night for over a year-AND i was sick!! it's more than just common courtesy, too. it shows that even with what might be a very busy scheduel, someone still has time to give you a call and at least tell you they don't have time for a long conversation. and to wish you well. maybe this is something to bring up the next time he does call.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 3:52 PM

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Well, then...go with your gut. You make it sound like 'the writing is on the wall.' You know him better than anyone here. If he is being worthless, toss him in the trash and make yourself available to someone you feel is treating you right.

If you have the stamina. I'd leave the ball in his court and see what happens. In the meantime, don't wait by the phone.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 4:05 PM

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OP here...wow thanks for all the comments.....this guy dosnt live here but we have been talking for almost 2 years on -line and have met once in person. he says he is interested and he is a doctor so maybe is just much more busy than me LOL... but all the comments help...and i really like the one from the guy!!! good insite

Friday, October 06, 2006, 4:12 PM

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oh ..i should say he is movin gto my town in a month..so maybe im just over axious(sp)

Friday, October 06, 2006, 4:13 PM

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Good to hear OP. I bet all is not lost.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 4:15 PM

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to the male who responded....does it bother you when women call to much ..or what IS too much to a guy?

Friday, October 06, 2006, 4:21 PM

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In two years you have only met once in person? Is he in another country? Why would a doctor (with such percieved great pay) only see you once in 2 years? Did you visit his home town and sure there is no one else involved with him?

Friday, October 06, 2006, 4:49 PM

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Hey 4:21- When my wife and I were dating, she used to complain that I never called. I responded that it was because she never actually gave me the chance to call... I'd be thinking, hey, we haven't talked today, I should give her a call after I finish this project. my phone would usually ring a minute later.

We ended up getting married so it must have been the right amount of calling for both of us!




Friday, October 06, 2006, 6:03 PM

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not the op at all- but when a guy says he'll call me "later tonight" "tomorrow" "on Sunday" or any specific time, if he fails to call me, I get pretty pissed off- but I suppose it's my own fault. I assume if you're going to call, you'll want me to answer and speak, so I won't go out to a flick or dinner with a friend, becaues it would be rude to have a conversation on the phone and interupt the other plans I have. So, if I am kind enough to make the time to be available for your call, I damn well expect you to call when you say you will. If you're not able to, it doesn't take much to call just to say "I have no time, call you some other time" or text me as much. And I tell this to guys- so if they can't get it right, they get curbed for being lazy.

Friday, October 06, 2006, 10:43 PM

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I've been out of the dating game a long time but I can tell you it is not just you Sienfeld did a skit about it. It is not you 1 I have asked my husband why men do that and he said he honestly didn't know. Don't worry. IT IS NOT YOU!

Friday, October 06, 2006, 11:11 PM

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Why are so many women so freaked out by things like this? Just let it be, if he doesn't call so what. Why are you waiting by the phone. Life doesn't revolve around our men or our dates. Loosen up, relax. And no man wants us calling every day. Life happens and things get busy. You know when a man is interested.

Saturday, October 07, 2006, 2:28 AM

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i dont think its so much sitting around waiting for a call ..i just think everyone..not just men should do what they say they are going to do and if they dont they have no respect...

Saturday, October 07, 2006, 12:59 PM

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i have never changed my plans for an anticipated phone call from a potential date. i have a life to live and while living it, i hope to meet someone to enjoy it with. i will not sit around in hopes of receiving a phone call and then beat my brain to figure out why it never came. i have seen many friends do this and they are really the only cause of their distress.

Monday, October 09, 2006, 9:24 AM

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I figure that it's only human nature to "wait by the phone." So I allow myself to do it once a year. Sort of like drinking eggnogg, a special treat. :-)

Monday, October 09, 2006, 9:53 AM

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You are not the center of their world. It is perfectly normal that a man waits 2 days to call. Some wait 2 weeks. And guess what, then they marry the girl that understands that life sometimes gets in the way. So do emotions. Relax and enjoy the ride.

Monday, October 09, 2006, 10:56 AM

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I don't really think this but when I was young and still in the dating sceneOne of the slogans My friends and I would use all the time was "All men are bastards1 If yoo forget. They'll remind you" I guess you single guys can put woman where men were.. It's a joke!

Monday, October 09, 2006, 4:06 PM

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I LOVE THAT!!!!!

Monday, October 09, 2006, 9:29 PM

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in response to oct. 9, 406

so the slogan would be, "all women are bi*ches"? somehow i just don't like that, even as a joke.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006, 9:29 AM

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Fantastic thread

I'm a guy, married 23 years and more in love today than ever.

To the original poster - 1.5 years ~= 540 days. The BF misses once, that is a 1/540 or 99.81 % compliance rate, and you blog it to the world? Maybe your personal world runs at 100%, but most mortals would be real happy with 90%. That said, don't just ignore your feelings either: you and this guy are the 2 involved, and you owe him the transparency of telling him what you told the world.

More generally, I really recommend "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" to anybody who hasn't read it. The book makes sweeping generalizations, which piss some people off, but end of the day a lot of those get uncomfortably close.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006, 10:43 AM

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great book ..the rules ..read it ..live by it and you wont get involved with a man like that

Thursday, October 12, 2006, 9:08 AM

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I think it depends on the situation. If I go out with a guy and he says, "I'll to call you Tuesday night" and he doesn't then I'd be irritated. If I go out with a guy and he says "I'll give you a call" then I don't expect a call for at least two days.
The added thing that I've noticed is it seems ok to me if he texts me the next day.

A text the next day makes me think "wow, he is thinkng about me", but a call would probably come off as a bit needy. Strange, but who can really make sense of courtship rituals anyway?



Thursday, October 12, 2006, 2:44 PM

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if someone ..anyone.. says they will call on a certin day then they should do it..just that in a relationship it breaks the trust

Friday, October 13, 2006, 12:12 PM

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