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The Mean Page

My husband did something very insensitive yesterday, and it really hurt me. But at the time, I said nothing. After meeting several others who had people sabotaging their efforts, I started to think about something. Just how many people tick us off for understandable reasons, and yet we say nothing to stand up for ourselves?

I started thinking about self-esteem, and how MANY of us have such low self-esteem that we think we deserve to get disrespected. I started thinking how much better I felt yesterday after just admitting how angry I was about my husband's behavior. So many of us have weight problems that stem from emotional over-eating, and I'd wager that a lot of that comes from us not sticking up for ourselves. So what if we actually started asserting our right to not get dumped on? Wouldn't that put us in a position to have better control over our emotions and not over-eat when we're upset or frustrated? So, I wondered:

What about a "mean" page? A place to come and talk about everyone and everything that has ticked you off, disrespected you, upset you, hurt your feelings, or made you feel bad about yourself? A place to just vent that anger, a place to be as mean as you want about the people who hurt you if you need it, a place to start sticking up for yourself? A place to start getting out those emotions that bottle up and lead to me finding myself at the bottom of a half-gallon of ice cream.

I'll start.

My Mom ticks me off beyond belief, because when she sees me, the first thing she comments on is if I've lost weight. If I haven't, I just get complete silence, which I know means that I have gained weight. She makes my body a source of judgment, and it infuriates me. ESPECIALLY since I can't go to the self-centered witch for support-- all she'll talk about is how she just "can't eat like she used to" or other guilt-enducing crap. Woe be it for her to actually just shut up and listen, to be there for me when I need some support.

My Dad was always rotten about my weight growing up. If I would put a second helping of green beans on my plate, even when I was playing 3 sports and had a metabolism through the roof!, he would always yell at me about "that's ENTIRELY too much food, Tracy- you should NOT be eating like that! You can't afford to!" This coming from a 5'11", 250 pound man who was guarding the last chicken breast like it was gold.

My sister was thin for most of our childhood because of anorexia and bulemia. She would throw it in my face that she was the "pretty one", that she could get any guy she wanted- even those that she know I was interested in- and that I didn't have a chance in heck. She always humiliated me about my size, or offered "helpful criticism" on how to lose weight even when I wasn't asking for it. The self-important little snot made my life a living hell.

My old boyfriend was just a plain old rotten son of a gun. He made me feel fat, unattractive, and like an embarassment to him. This was the kind of guy that liked big girls, but didn't want to be SEEN with big girls. It makes me so angry to think I wasted 5 years of my life with that good-for-nothing PIG.

My grandmother is just going to get smacked some day by one of the larger people in the family- and SHE WILL DESERVE IT. Yes, I said it- my GRANDMOTHER has it coming. She arbitrarily decides what your "favorite food" is, and she will greet you at the door with literally 20-30 servings of it (even if you're only there overnight). You are expected to eat all or most of it, or you hurt her feelings. Then, as soon as you finish eating and are washing your plate, she'll come up to you and poke your fat and say "how are you EVER going to get married if you stay this heavy? You gotta look the way the boys like! Tee hee" and then she'll totter off to harass someone else. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I could CHOKE her. I just wanted to scream "HA!" when I married a 6'1" 170lb god of a man.

I cannot tell you how good it feels to get that OUT! Some of that has been 25 YEARS in the making! But after I've said it all, let me clarify: I DO love my family, I DESPERATELY love my Grandmom, and I hope my ex is happy in life always. The purpose of this exercise is in trying to get my hostility out in a healthy way, in a safe and non-judgmental place. That way, the NEXT time my mom/dad/sister/grandmom get on my nerves, I can come here and e-scream everything I want to yell at them, instead of going straight to the refrigerator.

Does anyone else think this might be helpful?

Mon. Sep 26, 6:41pm

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This post is unreal.

I feel the same exact way about my grandmother. I love my grandmother but she is insensitve, entitled and shoves chocolates down mythroat every time I see her and then gave me grief about not being married by the age of 25. I understand and never felt comfortable actually saying something wrong about my grandmother. It's always been respect the grandma. I realize your post is about so much more but I completely related to this part of it.

I am in favor (escreaming favor) of the mean page. Mine is also 25 years in the making. And funny, I have absolutely no craving for anything to eat right now and it's 9pm. My snack time. Thank you thank you thank you for this post.

Monday, September 26, 2005, 7:00 PM

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What an awesome idea! I actually do say things to some of the people who hurt me face to face but they are often in anger and it never comes out the way I really mean to say it and I regret opening my mouth. But there are plenty of times that I get to hurt to say anything and stew over it while mindlessly eating a bag of cookies.
Coodles to the mean page!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005, 12:55 AM

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My Personal Health Textbook Sucks

In this textbook I have to read right now, they never say overweight. They literally say "if you're fat", "fatness is bad, fitness is good", and things like that. Now, if I describe myself as fat, that's one thing. But this entire stupid book is designed to make me feel like crap just because I'm bigger!! And I had to pay $85 dollars to feel crappy about myself?? These people can kiss my patootie!

Oh, and my husband (who is not overweight) was talking to me about overweight people, and he absent-mindedly put his arms out around his waist while he was talking, in order to illustrate "bigness" without realizing it. As soon as he blinked, he thought about it, and awkwardly put his hands down, but it was too late. He'd already ticked me off. Thoughtless wanker...

Long live the Mean Page!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005, 2:38 AM

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Just forgive those who forgive you. Don't you occasionally make comments about bald guys or ugly women?

That said, the only way I have been able to avoid my Dad's crap is by limiting our time together to the occasional Sunday brunch. "I don't want to hear your crap so I'm not giving you enough time to go negative." I get so mad at my Dad for his endless regrets and self criticism that he then turns around on me to "help me" under the guise of "just telling me how it is".

I think a lot of the criticism about fat and appearance and behavior we get from friends and family is part of an effort to control each other's behavior. I think half the battle we get into with other people over weight is one person saying "lose weight" the other person saying "I don't have to. You can't make me. I can do whatever I want. You're doing xyz that makes you angry, I'm going to eat this/do this because it keeps you from getting what you want." Part of being fat is anger, swallowed.

Agree? Disagree?


Tuesday, September 27, 2005, 11:16 AM

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I think she has something

I agree. A lot of my eating centers on anger, and when I eat a lot, I'm usually pretty ticked off. I also agree about limiting the time factor spent with people who bring you down. I'm starting to do that with my family, and it's helping... I ALSO agree that behavior control is related to diet. I know that when someone ticks me off about my weight by "encouraging" me in a demeaning fashion, I tend to wait until they're not around and then pig out. It's like i don't have the guts to say "you know, that really hurt my feelings," so instead I passive-aggresively say "hahaha! You can't REALLY stop me! Take THIS!" and stuff a sandwich down my throat.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005, 8:56 PM

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thanks :}

Thursday, September 29, 2005, 12:40 AM

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more Mean Page stuff

Note: I love all the following people, but they don't know about this account, and this can remove some of my anger,

Thanks for the idea! Kept me from snack time ;)

My roommate gave me hives because she doesn't know how to wash dishes until they're totally clean--the old food rotted and made me SO sick! ahhc!

My dad was trying to be nice when I told him I want to lose weight, but he said (offhand), oh that's what your mom weighed when she was pregnant with you. AHHH!

I'm done now.

Thursday, October 20, 2005, 12:53 PM

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I Love it!!!

I love the idea of the mean page. I also have some much needed venting to do:

I love my boyfriend, but our relationship has been like a rollercoaster. I can't blame all my weight gain on our relationship, but I know that I am an emotional eater. All the stress does not help me! And in a recent argument he said that I'm not doing enough to make myself attractive for him! He said that he wants me back to the weight I was when we met. Now granted, he appologized over and over again after I blew up on him, but the comment still hurt. You can't just take back something like that after you say it.

Also, I feel that you can only lose weight for yourself, not to please someone else. I've never commented on his less than perfect body! I am losing weight for myself. If he doesn't love me for who I am, then he can piss off! (And incase you're wondering, I told him that!)

That felt good. Thank you to the person who started this thread!

Thursday, October 20, 2005, 1:32 PM

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Barnes & Noble has published a book called, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" by Suzette Haden Elgin. It seriously changed my life. Amazon sells it, but since it is published by Barnes & Noble, it is easier to find it at B&N, either online or in one of their retail stores.

Friday, October 21, 2005, 6:41 AM

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mean page

I am totally for the mean page! I actually dont have anything that needs shouting right now, but I will be back!
Thank you for starting the thread

Friday, October 21, 2005, 8:30 AM

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