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A change needed in PT etiquitte

Look, we all know that we come from different places, we work different jobs, lead different lifestyles. Some of us are married with kids, some of us are students, some of us are very religious, some of us aren't. We've been brought up in different ways and we have different approaches to our fitness goals and we feel comfortable discussing certain things, and uncomfortable discussing others. But I really find it upsetting how much arguing goes on in some posts. It seems like many people are offended by certain subject topics and the thread becomes a fight rather than answering the actual OP who just wanted some opinions or advice. Maybe we could try to make it a general rule that the subject of the post is clear in its title, whether it be sex or bodily functions or anything, and those who find that offensive or disgusting and dont want to actually answer the post just wont open it! This is an open discussion board, and if the person really IS out of line then no one will respond and they'll get the picture. Right now there are 0 responses to posts as simple as " ideal weight question" and over 80 is response to one simple post about sex. No matter our differences we all came here for support, meaning we were all adult enough to realize that we needed it. lets start acting like the adults that we are:)


Tue. Oct 24, 8:06pm

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as an FYI, we have been taking a real hands off policy recently in terms of "policing" the threads. There have been a lot of essentially rude comments that we have let go, simply for the sake of open discourse. When someone is being a total jerk, do you want us to leave it up there, or is there some stuff that we should take down- for the sake of etiquette?

-PT

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 8:15 PM

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I was just thinking earlier today that the threads have been rather "drama -free" this week. :-)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 8:43 PM

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here's my own personal rule: if you are opening the post to laugh at it or criticize the differences between you and the OP, perhaps your comments won't be too welcome. feel free to read what others say to learn about what else is out there, but if you find yourself laughing, rolling your eyes, or becoming angry as you read then maybe it's not a place to leave your opinions. this goes for religion, politics, fad diets, sex, bodily functions, cleansing rituals, etc, etc. you know what you're getting into based on the title of the post, so no one has an excuse for being exposed to the details of a subject they don't like. we all come here for support. you can criticize your group members for eating fast food or not exercising, but don't criticize other PT members on a post for personal beliefs.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 9:17 PM

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PT administrators, I agree with your hands off policy. As rude and offensive as I have found some responses to be, I believe it is up to the community to express their opinions and let thethe majority show through their responses how the bullies and discontent's comments really are not appreciated. Overall, I think the community is overwhelmingly positive and supportive.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 9:47 PM

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Response to PT

My opinion: I think there are some posts that are completely usupportive and detrimental to the purpose of this site. I would prefer that those comments were removed. But in so doing.. I would also like to see a notation from PT like "This comment was removed because......" That might let the poster know why it's gone and others know what is and is not OK.

You really can't avoid the nasty posts because they show up almost everywhere. If the topic is something that offends, then sure... just don't read it. But if the topic is of interest, there's no way to avoid the nasty comments within the thread without missing the good stuff too.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 9:51 PM

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PT - I guess for me it's one thing to be rude, but another thing to be profane. I would like to see the profanity go. Yes it is an open forum, but it's also YOUR website which you are graciously allowing us to use for our benefit for free. Maybe you don't care if people use profanity on here, but I personally would like to see it go. Thanks for listening to us.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 9:53 PM

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PT-I agree with the 9:47 poster. Good idea to keep a hands off policy.
As far as offensive posts go, I haven't seen any that were really all that bothersome to me. If a subject gets off base from where it started then it usually no longer interests me, and I just close the thread and check out another one. Whenever I post I try to keep it supportive and lighthearted. There's no need to be rude. :)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 10:01 PM

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While there are some posts that no one could interpret as anything but rude, just as often someone posts something that could be meant any one of a number of ways and someone else chooses to take it as an offense. I can imagine it would be hard to draw the line sometimes.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 10:04 PM

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I agree with the hands-off policy.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 11:15 PM

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How about two forums?

Just a thought; maybe there could be one lounge strictly for "on-topic" threads, having to do with weight loss, fitness, health, PT use, etc. And that one would be a "hands-on" lounge, meaning PT could remove anything unsupportive or completely out-of-bounds. The second would be an "open forum" which would be for anything you wanted to post about and it would be "hands-off," for the people who don't want to be policed. That way everyone could be happy, because there are many people who prefer to keep things on-topic and non-controversial, and also many who prefer to have no holds barred.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 12:08 AM

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Its just pure silliness how worked up and angry some people get over things. I think a lot of people forget that whatever the topic is they have two options, comment if you feel your opinion would be helpful or just leave if the topic enrages you, and I say leave because why waste your energy on something that you will never really change anyway and you only end up sounding like an angry, bitter person. This is an anonymous forum. I just laugh at how crazed some of these people get and I ignore it. I think PT is right with the hands off policy.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 2:32 AM

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PT

I would like to see completely rude threads removed and the IP address of the posted recorded. If you see too many repeat violations I think that IP address should then be banned from PT. This community board is almost impossible to participate anymore because you can't get any good feedback. The community board was always nice because there are more people here than the groups but it isn't fun to be bashed all the time.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 7:59 AM

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i support "flagging" items like craiglist. let the forum users decide if they want comments removed rather than PT.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 8:00 AM

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i agree with the hands off policy-yes there are rude comments and those are completely unnecessary, but where is the line drawn? what is the criteria for offense? what offends you and what offends me may be different things-we're adults, if i'm offended by a post i can ignore it. i don't think censorship is the way.

actual "spam" is the only thing i think should be removed from the forum.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 8:58 AM

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I just wanted to voice my support of the hands-off policy. Thank you for having taken this route.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 9:29 AM

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I like the idea the 8:00 poster had about letting the users decide. that way, it's easier for PT to have a more hands-off approach and still allows those who feel strongly about an offensive post to do something about it.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 10:58 AM

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we can ignore the offensive posts and not comment or try to explain why they are offensive. i agree with a hands-off policy. what offends "a" might not offend "b", so who's to judge?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 11:44 AM

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"who's to judge" - us! the community members judge. with the ability to flag, the majority will be represented.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 12:01 PM

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Having experienced censorship

I lived through the apartheid era in South Africa, and having experienced censorship firsthand, I believe that freedom of speech is one of the things that makes America great.

Whilst I'm sometimes appalled at how nasty and unnecessary some of the posts are, I think those people have to live with themselves, and that's punishment enough.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 12:18 PM

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You can't do flagging imho. people abuse it. I think hands off works and whatever PT thinks is way to over the edge, they'll remove. seems to me that what they're currently doing works. does for me anyway.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 1:06 PM

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Of course PT keeps IP addresses. I don't think they're stupid.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 1:07 PM

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OP, you're a little too sensitive.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 1:17 PM

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I totally agree with the hands off approach. Half the people who claim respsonses are offensive aren't even the OP/thread originator. If a thread starter isn't offended by a comment, what gives me the right to go in there and whine about responses to a question I didn't ask? Keep the hands off approach and let everyone- the offended and the offenders deal with it like adults.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 1:32 PM

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RIGHT ON!! (WRITE ON!!)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 1:33 PM

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Suggestion

Here's a suggestion.

If it's a touchy/embarrassing subject, the OP can post anonymously. But what if we all start signing our posts/replies - voluntarily. That way, the bitchy posters (and I'm not talking about people who express differing views, I'm referring to posters who resort to name calling, etc) may be less likely to post. If they do post, and choose to be anonymous, they may feel the shame associated with knowing that you're a coward?

Just a thought...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 2:22 PM

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PT - if you decide to remove offensive content, the craigslist model is pretty good....

Link

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 3:39 PM

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i think this is silly. if you don't like what someone writes, move on to the next comment...why police the threads?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 3:50 PM

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the good and bad about freedom in general - the more freedom you have to do and say good things, the more freedom you have to say and do bad things as well. how much are you willing to sacrifice? i'd rather just police based on my own opinions and which threads i open, not the opinions of other user's or PTs. if they try to take away the bad, we will also lose the good. for example, if we all leave our names in order to pinpoint the "bad" posters, then we will also lose good posts from anonymous people about topics too embarressing to leaves our names on!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 4:50 PM

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I too feel the frustration of some "rude" comments-- but here's the reality:

Depending on a person's point of view, that person is going to interpret the situation differently. Such as- the vomit thread on here a few days ago, some people automatically thought "bulimia", some thought "valid question- here's an answer", some thought "what a silly question- here I'm going to tell you how silly you are OP", and still others looked and chose not to respond because it wasn't worth their time and/or they had nothing to contribute. The readers of the posts also had their own point of view and interpreted the posts according to their personal bias.

Bottom line is- someone probably got something from the post... negative or positive- we will never know. IMO I think a person needs to be responsible for their actions. If a poster believes they have something valid to contribute, by all means they should contribute. If a person is being intentionally rude on purpose they have to live with it. Any post has the potential to connect with some one in such a way as to affect their life in a positive manner. The best thing we can do is have patience with the rude posters and believe that maybe their comments are helping someone somewhere in some way.

To flag or sensor posts would be non-productive since I'm pretty sure someone can take offense to any post no matter how non-offensive it seems to be.

Thank you PEERtrainer for your hands-free attitude.

-Oonah



Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 6:03 PM

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OP here! I was a little unclear I think. I agree that the hands off policy is fair... we should all be able to voice our opinions. I was really more trying to send a message out to all the users, and figure out a way that maybe we could try to avoid these conflicts. I get so much support on this site and there are so many great tips and words of encouragement daily! I just feel so sorry for people who are looking for advice and instead get 80 posts that are just other people arguing each other...like one of the above posters said, I just get tired and close the post.Maybe if someone is not going to respond to the original poster they can begin their response with OT so the poster can skip over it if he or she is just looking for direct responses.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 7:23 PM

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Bell Curve

I have a bell curve philosophy of life and believe almost everything falls into a bell curve. The obnoxious posters are the low end of the curve and they will always exist. I ignore them and focus on the average and great posters out there.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 10:50 PM

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Would it be obnoxious of me to point out that you spelled "etiquette" incorrectly? LOL...just poking fun at ourselves here.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 11:45 PM

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Unlike most of you, I would like to see some limited editing of the most nasty comments that are nothing more than attacks. But that's just my personal preference.

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 5:28 AM

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To PT, ban the trolls. They'll get the message.

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 8:35 AM

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what's a "troll" ?

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 8:36 AM

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I would like to point out that on the "Don't you just hate" thread the 96th poster said they hated a specific group of people-- I don't think there should be comments like this and they should be banned-- PT if you're following these things, please remove the post. Not remove the thread, just the post- that's a great thread. Free speech is one thing, but intolerance of an entire group of people based on race, religion, sexual orientation or whatever should never be allowed.

What does PT community think? Should we allow posts like this?

Link

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 10:12 AM

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why bother responding to that comment? don't feed the lions...let them roar, move on...

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 10:22 AM

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I work with young adults in foster care ages 17-21 years old. I hear things all day long come out of their mouths - to me, about me, about co-workers, etc. If i let every little things that they say or do affect me then I am living a sad existence. Let people say what they need to say and then you, as an individual need to move on. Let it go.
I do not feel as though the post should have been deleted in the "don't you just hate" thread. Everyone has a right to their point of view. I also don't like when others views are pushed on me, and I think that's what the poster was trying to get at (not that she hated a certain religious group).

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 4:30 PM

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please, don't censor! as others have said, what offends one person may not offend another. my take is that when someone says something that i consider out-of-line, there are 5 other people who criticize the offensive post. we seem to manage to find a balance, somehow or other.

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 5:40 PM

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If someone says "I don't like Born again Christains, blacks, whites, jews, muslims, wasps, etc" -- that thread should get removed. Looks like that is the case.

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 5:45 PM

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to get freedom of speech you have to deal with the people who say stupid and offensive things. but that doesn't mean you have to keep listening. freedom of speech doesn't mean you have a right to make people listen to you. the great thing about the freedoms america offers us is that we have the choice to do and say stupid things if we want. in exchange, we have to deal with other people's stupid things.

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 6:52 PM

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one word.... FIRE!

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 7:30 PM

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I think it should be completely at the discretion of the people at PT who built and maintain this site for our use. If a post offends them, they should have a right to remove it. If we don't like it, we can stop using this site.

It is nice that they are asking our opinion, but I'm sure they have their own rules and guidelines they follow and they should follow their hearts and consciences.

Thursday, October 26, 2006, 7:53 PM

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To Thursday, October 26, 2006, 4:30 PM poster: Thank you; you are right one: "Everyone has a right to their point of view. I also don't like when others views are pushed on me, and I think that's what the poster was trying to get at (not that she hated a certain religious group)." I am the poster and that is just what I meant and you are got it. I am dismayed I have caused such controversy as I don't hate anyone; I simply hate havng their views pushed on me. You stated it well, much better than me. Thanks again.



Thursday, October 26, 2006, 11:42 PM

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I agree with the hands off policy. :)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007, 10:59 PM

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i made a comment in the past which was misinterpreted as being intentionally b*tchy, and that comment was removed. i have since read and had directed at me comments such as "you must be fat and eating donuts," and "why don't you shut up and go away," and "what's up with your stupid face?". these comments do not just appear rude, they are obviously malicious and rude on purpose. and yet, they remain on the forum. this baffles me. why is a comment that may be ambiguous removed but comments that are blatantly mean are not?

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 10:04 AM

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LOL ... someone said "what's up with your stupid face?" ... can they see your face? don't take that personally ... step back and see that they are a total goofball for writing a message like that.

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 12:18 PM

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admittedly, that is the best solution. however, as someone who has been verbally abused for years in the past, it is hard to read something like that and just move on. somehow i just feel that i brought out that kind of response from someone. i mean, there's not alot of comments like that, so there may be some way i have of expressing myself that is somehow misinterpreted as being offensive...? i never reacted to verbal abuse in a healthy way, because along with it come feelings of shame, guilt, vulnerability. i just can't get over the fact that these comments are left alonee and others are removed. it really stressed me out yesterday and i could not come back to the forums and bring up my feelings in hopes of gaining some support because i feared more nasty coments would be directed at me. i did not resort to eating everything in sight, but i wanted to.

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 12:23 PM

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Good for you supressing the urge to overeat! great!

I know it is hard and everyone has their own level of senstivity. I do want to recommend a book to you - The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Actually, I recommend it to everyone. No, I'm not saying it will change your life - but it will give you some food for thought. The first agreement is "Be impeccable with your word" - and a large part of that is to never say something to hurt another person. The second agreement is "Don't take anything personally" , easier said than done, but the book gives a good perspective . It's a short easy read and it has stuck with me for several years.

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 12:32 PM

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You Rock

To the Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 12:18 PM poster: I loved your entry. I'm glad you're in our group. LC


Thursday, January 11, 2007, 11:11 PM

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