OT: Roommate Stress/On-topic: Stress & Weight gain

So I have a roommate... and while I'm primarily planning on ranting in this post (because we all need an outlet, feel free to stop reading)... I would also like constructive ideas to deal with this.

Concerns:
1. She is often not home, which is actually a positive thing. The problem is that she feels she shouldn't help clean or do anything with the place (i.e. mail out checks for the bills) because she isn't here often.

2. She is unwilling to try to do things on her own. She decided to move in on the premise of both of us working on 'independence' but she is offended that I don't want her family to stay with us (3 additional people in a 2 bedroom apartment), that I won't clean up after her and other such things.

3. She does not take my 'hours' into account. I don't want her to work her schedule around me, I don't ask for that... that said, if I come home late I'm quiet and I turn off the lights. If she comes home late she talks on her phone, her bf and her frequently talk (and they tend to keep the tv on and yell over it), she likes to have both tv's on which are only a thin wall from my bedroom, she doesn't understand why I won't let her do laundry at night when I'm in bed (the washer/dryer are in my room), she doesn't understand why I want to know if she's planning on being in my room, etc...

So the issue is: I value privacy. She does not understand why I want what I want. We can't talk. It just makes it worse. I'm stressed out and hate being home and the stress is really getting to me... can't sleep, feel sick, tend to stress eat, and put on weight. So what can I do that doesn't involve her to make myself okay with this until our lease is up? (quite a while yet)

Tue. Oct 31, 11:02pm

Where did you find this roommate?! Wow, I can't even imagine how awful it would be to live with someone who is so thoughtless & disrespectful! I see a few options for you (correct me if I'm wrong):
--do nothing
--sit down w/the roomie & hash out an agreement about what is & isn't acceptable.
--move out & find a replacement for your roomie (if you were evil, you'd find a totally wrong match, but that's just a fun thought)
--ask her to move out (potentially very sticky, more so than other points)

I'll tell you what won't work, though, because I've tried it in the past w/old roomies & it backfired in my face: being passive-aggressive. Also, I wouldn't just take it from her, either. Apparently, her family did not teach her how to be respectful of others & that shouldn't be your job. Be strong!

Wednesday, November 1, 2006, 10:33 AM

I used to hold my breath in these situations. Some roommates have no sense of space, manners and etc. Unfortunately, I used to wait it out and then I would be passive agressive and have my friends come over all of the time and be rude. I wish I had some ideas for you. You could always make her life miserable enough so she leaves. Food for thought.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006, 10:35 AM

I have been in your situation, but my roomie was just plain crazy. If you can't talk about it and come to an agreement, then I would suggest one of you should move out. Check your lease and see if one of you can get out of it. If you can't get out of the lease, then see how much it would cost you to break the lease. If none of the options work, or are too expensive, I would find someone you could sub-let your room too. When you tell your roommate about it, she will either be glad to have a new roomie, or hopefully be willing to change a little bit when faced with the prospect of living with a stranger.
It is miserable to live in an environment like that. Good luck, keep us updated!

Wednesday, November 1, 2006, 10:45 AM

OP Here...

Thank you all for the feedback... she makes me feel like I'm crazy because I want the things I want. And I'm beyond trying to make her life miserable, been there, played that, and both of us just get worse. This weekend is going to be especially trying as I'm really busy and another girl I know is coming into town (who happens to be friends with the roomie, and who badmouthed me on the phone- which I overheard- AWKWARD). I'm just looking for some good ways to let off some stress for myself and make it through. Breaking the lease is not an option, nor is finding someone else to move in. I actually lived with this person last year, but it was in a college environment and there were more than just the two of us living together... suddenly some of the 'someone keeps on doing x' moments are becoming a lot more clear to me (from last year).

If nothing else, thank you for at least giving me some support. She really does manage to make me feel like I'm asking for ridiculous things, when I know I'm not. So thanks for the support!

Wednesday, November 1, 2006, 4:06 PM

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