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What's more important?

I read the response to the woman whose boyfriend broke up with her after 4 years ..the response that said "When she finally met her husband through friends ,she was not head and heels over him. Today she is very happily married and thinks her husband is a prince. She is so glad she gave the relationship time. She got a keeper"

Anyway, it got me thinking. I've known this guy for a few years. He treats me better than anything/anyone I have ever met. We tried dating but physically things just weren't great. He comes from a religious background and has some issues around sex. I always think that if things were better in that department we would have been so great, but I also wonder if I'm being shallow by not focusing on the other aspects instead. So it makes me wonder, how important is sex in a long term relationship? Thoughts? Am I being superficial by placing an importance on it?

Sat. Jan 13, 12:20pm

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There's a difference between sacrificing and compromising. Sacrificing immaterial things like idiosyncrasies or unharmful habits is one thing. Compromising your morals, values, and reasonable needs is another. Ask any doctor or someone who has been in a LTR marriage or relationship that is truly happy and appreciative of their partner - sex and initimacy is essential.

Saturday, January 13, 2007, 1:08 PM

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Do not underestimate the important of a compatible sexual relationship!! Take it from someone who has dealt with friends who were screwed up due to religious beliefs or childhood sexual abuse, and partners who only wanted sex about 1/10th as often as I did. I know too many people who overlooked problems in this department, stayed married, and were unbelievably miserable - they felt ugly, repulsive, undesirable because of the constant rejection or their spouse's aversion to certain bedroom activities.

I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I am totally on board with his evaluation of the importance of sex in a long-term relationship: when it's not a problem, it's 10% of the relationship. When it is a problem, it becomes 90% of the relationship.

Saturday, January 13, 2007, 1:14 PM

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Are you kidding? Sex is very important. If he has issues with sex chances are he'll never be able to fully work them out especially if they are connected to his religious beliefs. Sex is one of the most intimate experiences in a relationship and if you enjoy it and he doesn't do you really want to give it a try and waste time?

Monday, January 15, 2007, 12:34 AM

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low sex drive

I dated a guy who announced to me that he had a low sex drive. I did not notice his low sex drive because we were in the beginning of the relationship and were like rabbits. However, 6 weeks into the relationship said he had a low sex drive. Then he told me he thought sex was very important to me. He said I needed to decide if his low sex drive was a deal breaker right there because he had issues with his ex over his lack of interest. They faught over sex a lot apparently. I was bowled over by this. Obviously, he had reservations regarding sex and at 34 he was very inexperienced. I love sex and yeah, it is important to me. He actually faught with me over the sex thing that night and was very stern with me. I decided he was a weirdo and dumped him! Plus the sex was not all that good anyway.

If he sucks in bed then DUMP him!!!! Life is too short!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 7:47 PM

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generally, for women sex is the difference between relationships and friendships. Now, some people may be able to feel that sex isn't that important. However, for a relationship to survive, both people need to think that. It doesn't work if one values it and the other doesn't.

I have a hard time finding a guy who can keep up with me, and if there isn't any passion, I walk.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 8:11 PM

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Just stay friends! If you can't get along romantically/sexually, it will never work in the long term.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 8:19 PM

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You deserve the whole package! hehe- play on words.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 8:37 PM

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You'll come to a point where you resent him for not giving you the physical pleasure you want, and it will make you think that he "owes" you all the other things he is doing for you... and that's gonna kill the relationship right then and there.

Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 10:57 PM

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Dec 12 - 7:47 you made me laugh! Life IS too short.

Thursday, December 13, 2007, 11:43 PM

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7:47 have you ever thought of things being turned? He could have brought up the whole issue and lied about it because he knew it would be an issue for you and you were the one to dump him, not the other way around. Maybe he realized he didn't like you as much and felt the same, that the sex sucked and took the easy way out? I know guys who will create issues when their aren't ones so they don't have to be the one to end something.

Friday, December 14, 2007, 10:58 AM

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7:47 here...

10:58 yep you could be right. Sometimes people are not strong enough to end something and they take the coward's way out. In any event, whether he liked me or didn't like me doesn't matter to me in the least. We were incompatible, so I got out.

Friday, December 14, 2007, 1:03 PM

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