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Husband did something WIERD

We were at a party this weekend and I noticed dh talking to an attractive woman, no biggie, but later that night an employee (employee #1) of his flirted with this girl and dh told another employee to make sure he talked to employee #1 about his behavior. Apparently dh doesn't want his employees flirting with consultants. Well his employee refused to talk to employee #1 and dh got furious.

When he told me about this, I thought it was odd because I used to work for the same company and there is no rule on dating (flirting nonetheless) with co-workers (mind you, these 2 are not even co-workers).

I think dh got jealous. Am I reading way too much into this?

Please don't flame me for being crazy :)

Mon. Jan 22, 9:53am

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You should ask him about it. Sometimes men do things that don't make any sense, but in their minds, it makes perfect sense. Maybe he knows something about either employee #1 or the woman consultant that tells him that they should not be associating with each other. It's possible that he's jealous, but there are tons of other possibilities as well. My husband says and does things that I don't understand all the time, but he usually has a reason.

Monday, January 22, 2007, 10:17 AM

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So many things are possible. There might be additional history that you don't know (but he does) concerning some of these people, for example. You could ask.

Monday, January 22, 2007, 11:14 AM

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A co-worker once said to me "when men do things that make no sense, it's always about their pen*s". And every time I give a guy the benefit of the doubt, her generalization proves true. Go with your instincts.

Monday, January 22, 2007, 11:30 AM

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what's the big deal if he DID get jealous? it's just about attention. he was probably just being himself and you noticed it in a way that you don't at home when he is not flirting with someone else. people flirt. even married people. it doesn't mean he's weird or different, just a normal person, in my opinion. and i don't see anything to get yourself upset about. if you really feel like something else is going on, muster up some courage and ask him what is was all about. but be prepared, if he feels like you "suspect" him of something or that you are "looking for somehthing for fight about", you may be in for an argument.

Monday, January 22, 2007, 11:41 AM

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I would be obligated to speak to my subordinate if I saw this

Since you worked there sexual harrassment training may well have changed and become much more specific. I had to do "sexual harrassment training" (we all joke about this of course) at my new job, and was shown a film with almost exactly this behavior -- flirting with a contractor -- which is specifically prohibited by my employer to avoid harassment suits.

Monday, January 22, 2007, 11:43 AM

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I could not agree more with 11:30am, 1/22/07. Trust your instincts, even when I thought I MIGHT be crazy and talked myself out of what I was feeling, I was right. Go with your gut. It's so much more reliable than anything else! Just keep watching, don't jump on him yet. This way he's not aware that you are cued to his weirdness, and won't change anything that he's doing because of it. See what he does/says about work and work functions and see how your gut reacts. Get a weird butterfly feeling like when you go down a hill suddenly? Not good. Go with it.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007, 1:12 AM

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i'm sorry, but this is not just some guy she is just interested in. this is her HUSBAND. to secretly surveille him, wouldn't SHE be acting "weird"? marriage is about trust and compromise, so i don't understand why, after getting other's opinions if she wants, she can't either let it go or talk with her husband about her concerns. just because some people have been slighted in a relationship is not an indication that covert tactics are a good way to communicate or get answers. it's just as deceitful as the acts you may be trying to uncover.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007, 8:44 AM

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OP here

Now he is acting withdrawn and I just feel like something is on his mind. I mean someone, rather.

I don't want to confront him. Not that I don't like confrontation (well who really does), but I don't want to fight.

I feel like a nut, because now I think about his late nights at the office and all the meetings he has and just random stuff.

I think I'm just overreacting. But my gut :(

Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 6:48 PM

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My heart goes out to you........ I can't imagine the fear, anger and everything in between you are going through.
Not knowing is worse than anything........ Know and appreciate your worth, love yourself first and above all else.
Take a deep breath and realize certain things are out of your control, but you do deserve respect.

I know it is scary, but you have to confront this. I would not go in attacking, but as a friend who cares about him. (I have been through this before) If you attack, they won't tell you anything, and you are left feeling like you are crazy, even though in your "gut" you know something is up. Tell him there is nothing you too can't face if you do it together.

You may just find with that approach..... that there is something really upsetting him, and it might not have anything to do with another woman. Either way.......... you have to know and deserve to know.

Good Luck!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 6:56 PM

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OP again...

I called him at work this afternoon and he hasn't been in all day.


I'm going to go running.

Thursday, January 25, 2007, 5:14 PM

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Does he have a cell phone you could try him on? Could he be in a meeting?

Thursday, January 25, 2007, 5:40 PM

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Any chance you called later to see if the "co-worker" was in?

Thursday, January 25, 2007, 7:22 PM

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Smart move to go running. Really. I don't mean to make light of your dilema, but so many people (myself included) would have turned to food when anxiety producing situations arise. You have clearly altered your lifestyle and found a healthy way of dealing with stress. I have found that running calms me down, gives me time to think, and keeps me on a productive path. So, good for you.

I hope this situation works out well for you. Be strong, be bold, and do not be afraid of whatever the truth may bring.

Friday, January 26, 2007, 9:42 AM

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on the day you called his work and were told that he hadn't been in all day, did he tell you he WAS at work? could he have had an outside meeting or conference that you are not aware of? did he blatantly lie about being in the office?

Friday, January 26, 2007, 10:21 AM

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I second the "Good Move to go running" post!! You are doing well.

Friday, January 26, 2007, 11:27 AM

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Hi OP, did you talk to him last night? I hope everything is going ok!

Friday, January 26, 2007, 11:49 AM

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I am assuming your gut is telling you what you already suspect. He is your husband and you should be able to talk to him. Just ask him! Ask him if he is having a fling, affair or whatever he wants to call it with the woman at his office. Watch his reaction, if he gets angry and defensive you've got your answer. If he blows it off he might just have a crush on her. But either way let him know you know something is up. If he does get defensive decide before hand if you would forgive him and then give him the choice and let him know that whatever is going on in the office better stop.

Friday, January 26, 2007, 2:57 PM

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maybe he's secretly planning something special for you for vaneltines day? it could be anything...instead of hearing from us what the potential "thing" could be, i suggest asking him directly about your "weird" feelings regarding his behaviour.

Friday, January 26, 2007, 3:09 PM

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curious as to how the OP is doing after the weekend...are you okay?

Monday, January 29, 2007, 9:59 AM

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looks like there is a follow-up thread to this back-story. glad to read that the OP is trying to get to the heart of the matter.

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:42 AM

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