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Husband's comment

When my husband saw the pants I was wearing today he immediately said "Those pants are tight. They look painted on" I was already thinking the same thing and feeling a bit self conscious about it b/c they were tight in the butt and in the thigh.
I told him,
"Do you realize when you say that you are telling me I am too fat for the pants?"
He said, "No, that's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying they are tight, and some women want their pants tight."
He refused to acknowledge that his comment was a bit rude and insensitive.
What would you all think if your husband told you or pants are tight? What would be a more constructive way to say the same thing?

Mon. Jan 29, 1:03pm

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given your description of the events, i'd say he was right on with his comments. it would have been different if he'd said, "you look fat in those tight pants." from my understanding, he was not passing judgement, just making an observational statement.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:07 PM

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OP here. I guess what aggravated me is that he refused to see the link between saying "The pants look painted on" and that it would make me feel self consious about my weight.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:09 PM

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Tight pants also come from washing and drying, not just getting fat. Lighten up.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:10 PM

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Given that I might be trashy....

I wear my pants tight on purpose! (Is that trashy of me?) So I'd've taken that remark as an "o-K!"
But your husband probably knows that you don't wear your pants tight on purpose -- even though he might like them that way. :-)

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:13 PM

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in my opinion, the negative comment you are hearing through his words is coming from inside your own head. you can twist a lot of things people say in order to make it offensive to you and what you may be sensitive about, but the intent may not be there on the part of the speaker. if you were thin and loved your body and didn't have such hang-ups, it may not have been offensive to you at all, even if he said the exact same words. i think you should listen to what he was trying to convey, not what else his words could mean to someone who is self-conscious about their weight. and that is that he noticed that you were wearing tight pants. he may have been telling you to be informative, not rude.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:15 PM

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I can see the difference between "those pants look painted-on" and "wow, your ass looks great in those pants - they're so tight!"

My husband will make both kinds of comments, and it totally depends on the context. If we're going out, and he mentions that my clothes are tight, he means it in a good way; if I'm on my way to work, it sometimes means "are you sure that's appropriate for work?" Which is constructive and good (I'd rather he told me not to wear it than my boss!), but still sounds like "you're too fat to wear that." I've just come to realize that my husband never means "you're fat," and also, "that doesn't really fit" does not equal "you are fat."

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:26 PM

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In my experience, men mean what they say and say exactly what they mean. All he said was they were tight. There is probably no underlying message there.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:27 PM

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Come on....the husband was not saying that as a compliment. You all are trying to make the original poster feel bad.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:30 PM

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So, you're upset because he confirmed your suspicions that your pants looked too tight. Would you prefer that he lied to you?

There's a difference between rude and insensitive and being honest.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:45 PM

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Not the OP...

But my mother makes comments to me like that. Not all the time - only when she wants to spare me from looking bad in public. There's no nastiness or hidden agenda, she just says "you look sooo much better than you did a year ago, but you're not quite ready to wear those yet"...which is usually what I'm wondering in my head anyway. So she's more direct than the OP's husband - does that make her rude and insensitive? I think it makes her a great reality check when I'm not sure.

So think...would you have perceived your husband's comment differently if your mother/sister/bff uttered it?

Sure, he could have softened it a bit, but...well, he's a guy. They tend to be a bit blunt (I consider that one of their good qualities!).

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:59 PM

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just get over it...move on...stop wracking your brain to try to understand what he might have been saying/meant. wait until he outright offends you before you accuse him of anything like that. try to relate to him so he understands how sensitive you are about the subject. maybe suggest that he not offer any opinions until you feel more comfortable hearing from him about your clothes and how they fit, and you ask him directly about what he thinks.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 3:22 PM

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I Prefer a Raw & Honest Comment...

from my husband, because I know he is being truthful with me. Besides, I beat him up time to time and make comments on how he looks, therefore he should be able to comment on me without backlash.

Why should your husband have to watch how he says things around you? You know that he loves you and wouldn't intentionally say things to hurt you right?

Let him be and try to have thicker skin, it'll do both of you some good.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 3:39 PM

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If you are hurt by his commenting, ask him to only comment when you ask him how something looks. I would find that comment rude, even if he did not mean it that way. You know the saying "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all" ?

Monday, January 29, 2007, 5:50 PM

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if a man says your pants look tight..i say "thank you" and stick my thick arsh out!!!!! i think women ALL sizes need to show off their curves..thats what we have them for....even at my highest weight of 247 i still think i looked "tight"...not just my paints teen son says it all the time..."thats TIGHT!!!"

Monday, January 29, 2007, 5:55 PM

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I just said this today about myself in my favorite jeans. I think they look fab and was not cutting myself down by the comment. They are my "skinny jeans" and I always get compliments when I wear them.
I agree with some of the above posters, you were already thinking negitive thoughts and then took his to be negitive too.

I wish you well.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 8:53 PM

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I always appreciate when people tell me the truth about how I look. Like if I have something in my teeth, or am wearing something stupid looking or whatever.. It may hurt, but if it's true, sometimes you just need to hear it from someone who cares about you. Pants that are too tight just look painful, not attractive. Just wear a bigger size, it's not the size that matters but how it feels and looks.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 9:00 PM

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I think whether that comment made you feel fat or not your husband was right.

Would you rather he said honey you look great, or nothing at all and let you leave the house in pants that were clearly too tight???

Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 8:35 AM

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to the OP: have you talked with your husband about this?

Thursday, February 08, 2007, 12:26 PM

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Tight or "tight"

I realize you've gotten so many comments already, but I have opinions on everything.:) While I agree with a lot of the people above, I have to wonder what your husband has said in the past that makes this comment seem offensive. Yeah, you were probably just overreacting because deep down you were thinking the same thing. I 've done that to my husband before " HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME!" kind of moments. But If your husband has a hystory of saying Mean things to you, then maybe you were just expecting a mean comment, and so construed it that way. BUT that doesn't make him innocent either. Personaly I don't see sticking around with a husband whose always negative and mean. It's bad for you.
BUT on the other side, if he's usualy a nice guy and usualy treats you great....your just plain out over reacting. And you should try and analyze yourself before you analyze another human.
On that note, So should I . ;)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 12:17 PM

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Greatest husband ever

Anytime I come out of the bedroom wearing to tight of pants my husband is super supportive. He knows how hard I have been working to fit into those pants. He realizes that yes even though they are tight that getting into them is a huge milestone for me, and I don't think he would ever take that away from me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 12:48 PM

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Sorry I just posted and it sounded really insensitive. I'm sorry. Tell your husband how hard you have been trying to fit into those pant, and try to get him as excited about you fitting them as you assumingly are.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 12:54 PM

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fitting into them is one thing wearing them in public is another. I got into a pair of jeans that have not buttoned or zipped in over a year, but I can now zip and button them, but I know they are not wearable yet.

My husband also will make comments hes proud of My accomplishments, but he will be honest if something doesnt look right. He will tell Me if something si too tight . sometimes I am in the middle of wearing something and his opinion makes a difference. men shoot straight from the hip. they say what they think about things like that all the time.

I would rather have My husband tell Me something doesnt look right than go out in public and have people stare and mock and make rude comments. you know how people can be.

I wouldnt take it offensive.He tells Me I would look sexy with a bag over My head. I am a very lucky woman. Hes romantic, but honest. He doesnt sugarcoat things. neither of us do.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 2:26 PM

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if my husband told me that i looked sexy with a bag over my head, i'd shoot him!! that is so not something i would want to hear. but, i can understand the context in which your husband meant it, i think. in response to the OP's dilemma, i don't think any one of us can reasonably expect our significant other to always like waht we are wearing or to always say falttering things to us. so, he doen't like the pants because they are too tight. he's entitled to his opinion and since he is your husband, i imagine it's okay for him to share his opinion with you. if you disagree, so be it. but at least you have the benefit of another person's viewpoint, and someone you can trust at that.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 2:43 PM

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the op said that she was already thinking that the pants were tight and was feeling self-conscious about it, so her husband's comments were probably reinforcing the negative opinion the op had formed about herself. she got angry, but i think her husband was not the reason for her anger, he was merely the catalyst. if she had NOT already been thinking the pants were tight, i wonder how differently she might have perceived his comments, or how much more openly she might have received them.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 2:46 PM

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* laughs* 2:43 I was just making a point he thinks Im sexy in anything and he lets Me know it, but hes very honest with his thoughts.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 3:28 PM

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why do you capitalize ME, MY and MINE but not he, him or his?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 3:30 PM

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I really appreciate all your comments including the OP. When I first read the original question I had the same reaction as the OP. I thought it was a rude and insensitive comment and I would have been very hurt if my husband made that comment to me. But after reading all the other posts I realize everyone has a point. Because I feel bad about how I look I would have been hearing the comment through my own negative filters. Thanks to all of you because you really gave me something to think about. Isn' that what is so great about this site?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 4:25 PM

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that comes from spending time in Ds chatrooms. Im a female Dominant and its just online protocol. its nothing against males. if I was speaking to a male Dominant I would capitalize their pronouns.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 5:10 PM

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I don't see how "those pants are tight" means "you are fat." I wear a size 2. If I were to put on a size zero, I could probably button them, but they'd be tight. If my husband told me that they were tight, he'd be right. If he were to tell me that I'm fat, he'd be wrong. If he were to tell me that the pants make me look fat, he'd be rude, but not necessarily wrong.

Typically, when my husband says my pants are tight, he means that he likes how they make my @$$ look. That has been true throughout my weightloss journey.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 5:18 PM

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Might be a stupid question but what is a female dominant or male dominant?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 5:30 PM

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its not stupid. google D/s its Domination and submission.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 5:44 PM

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Well said 4:15 and 5:18...

Very good points.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 6:15 PM

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Thank You, unknown female Dominant! Glad to know I'm not the only kink-oriented person on here.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 6:19 PM

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I say they are newlyweds and the guy should know better than to even go there and he probably just meant they were too tight to wear in public.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 8:11 PM

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Just a thought

If a guy makes a comment, there can be 1000 meanings of what he says that could be a compliment, and 1 meaning that could be construed as a burn.
More often than not, women will interpret the 1 meaning that is a burn!
Take for example one time I told a co-worker, “your hair looks nice today!” Her response, “so it looks like *&^%$@! Crap every other day, is that what you’re telling me?”
Ladies, lighten up! We're not that bad!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 9:34 PM

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wife: honey, do these pants make me look fat?
husband: no, your body shape makes you look fat.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:12 AM

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this thread inspired me to try on a pair of pants i've had in the back of my closet for a few years... i told my husband the hesitation, i had of trying them on for fear they would still not fit. he assured me that i'm in the middle of my trek to lose weight so i'm not stopping, even if they don't fit now they will.... then he said, but if you don't want the truth then don't ask.... ;o) he's brutally honest, but i admire that because i know he won't let me go out of the house looking bad. so i tried them on, the first thing he said- those are tight. haha. but then he took a better look and realized how big they are in the waist (they fit better than they did when i bought them) and that upon second glance of the fit they're supposed to be "tight", he then said i looked great in them. i'm wearing them today and feel like a million bucks! the denim has relaxed a bit, now i'm pulling them up all the time... whoda thought.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 10:36 AM

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I don't have a husband, but my boyfriend and I went to his family's house for me to meet them for the first time. I wore this lavender turtleneck that I wasn't too sure about. I asked him if I looked ok and he said I looked great. I met his family and had a great time. A week later, he commented on how tight the shirt was; you could actually see what I call "muffin top" hanging over my pants! I was so hurt that he didn't say anything. He told me he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

My point is: You've been dishonest to yourself about your weight for so long, don't allow someone else to give you an excuse to continue to be dishonest. If you are married, you should be able to be honest with each other and want to hear the truth from the person you should trust the most.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 11:05 AM

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