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Husband's comment

When my husband saw the pants I was wearing today he immediately said "Those pants are tight. They look painted on" I was already thinking the same thing and feeling a bit self conscious about it b/c they were tight in the butt and in the thigh.
I told him,
"Do you realize when you say that you are telling me I am too fat for the pants?"
He said, "No, that's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying they are tight, and some women want their pants tight."
He refused to acknowledge that his comment was a bit rude and insensitive.
What would you all think if your husband told you or pants are tight? What would be a more constructive way to say the same thing?

Mon. Jan 29, 1:03pm

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given your description of the events, i'd say he was right on with his comments. it would have been different if he'd said, "you look fat in those tight pants." from my understanding, he was not passing judgement, just making an observational statement.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:07 PM

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OP here. I guess what aggravated me is that he refused to see the link between saying "The pants look painted on" and that it would make me feel self consious about my weight.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:09 PM

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Tight pants also come from washing and drying, not just getting fat. Lighten up.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:10 PM

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Given that I might be trashy....

I wear my pants tight on purpose! (Is that trashy of me?) So I'd've taken that remark as an "o-K!"
But your husband probably knows that you don't wear your pants tight on purpose -- even though he might like them that way. :-)

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:13 PM

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in my opinion, the negative comment you are hearing through his words is coming from inside your own head. you can twist a lot of things people say in order to make it offensive to you and what you may be sensitive about, but the intent may not be there on the part of the speaker. if you were thin and loved your body and didn't have such hang-ups, it may not have been offensive to you at all, even if he said the exact same words. i think you should listen to what he was trying to convey, not what else his words could mean to someone who is self-conscious about their weight. and that is that he noticed that you were wearing tight pants. he may have been telling you to be informative, not rude.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 1:15 PM

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I can see the difference between "those pants look painted-on" and "wow, your ass looks great in those pants - they're so tight!"

My husband will make both kinds of comments, and it totally depends on the context. If we're going out, and he mentions that my clothes are tight, he means it in a good way; if I'm on my way to work, it sometimes means "are you sure that's appropriate for work?" Which is constructive and good (I'd rather he told me not to wear it than my boss!), but still sounds like "you're too fat to wear that." I've just come to realize that my husband never means "you're fat," and also, "that doesn't really fit" does not equal "you are fat."

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:26 PM

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In my experience, men mean what they say and say exactly what they mean. All he said was they were tight. There is probably no underlying message there.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:27 PM

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Come on....the husband was not saying that as a compliment. You all are trying to make the original poster feel bad.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:30 PM

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So, you're upset because he confirmed your suspicions that your pants looked too tight. Would you prefer that he lied to you?

There's a difference between rude and insensitive and being honest.

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:45 PM

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Not the OP...

But my mother makes comments to me like that. Not all the time - only when she wants to spare me from looking bad in public. There's no nastiness or hidden agenda, she just says "you look sooo much better than you did a year ago, but you're not quite ready to wear those yet"...which is usually what I'm wondering in my head anyway. So she's more direct than the OP's husband - does that make her rude and insensitive? I think it makes her a great reality check when I'm not sure.

So think...would you have perceived your husband's comment differently if your mother/sister/bff uttered it?

Sure, he could have softened it a bit, but...well, he's a guy. They tend to be a bit blunt (I consider that one of their good qualities!).

Monday, January 29, 2007, 2:59 PM

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