CommunityBrowse groupsBlogEtiquetteInvite Your friendsSuccess Stories

Lounge
Community 


OT: Comic Relief

If your political tastes lean a little to the right, and you are slightly nuts, then you'll find this funny. Otherwise, you'll find this juvenille and in poor taste. Enjoy!! :)

America Is for Winners
An Editorial by Frank J.




Democrats have lost their way, lost their minds, and lost their balls, so it logically proceeds that they want to lose the war. What I don't understand is why do we have to put up with these losers? Yes, they were elected, but they were obviously elected by other losers and everyone whose opinion counts hates losers. As my dad used to say to me every time before the start of my little league games, "If you lose, I'll beat you until Child Welfare Services takes you away. I don't tolerate losers because America is for winners." His words are as true today as they were then, but it seems we now have a country more tolerant of losers. And who tolerates the losers? Other losers. Thus only one solution exists: Deport the losers.
"Thus only one solution exists: Deport the losers."

Rounding up losers and deporting them would technically be an easy feat since losers never put up much resistance (it's why they're losers). The problem is that, because of an erroneous interpretation of the Founding Fathers' intent, randomly deporting American citizens is considered unconstitutional. This would be easy to fix by making a new amendment to the Constitution that simply states "America is for winners." Then the Supreme Court would be forced to conclude that, since America is for winners, losers shouldn't be in America and must be deported.

This would be an easy amendment to pass since losers tend to think they're winners (even though it it obvious to actual winners that they are losers). When the amendment is passed, an Unwinner Activities Council would have to be formed to root out losers infiltrated into American society. The Council would be composed of winners like war heroes and football players (winning football players - and not from that gay European football). When losers are identified, they would be put into those big metal cargo crates and shipped to whatever country we hate the most so the losers can help that country lose wars. And, other countries would be forced to accept our losers because we're winners. You don't want to mess with winners.

When America is returned to being exclusively to winners, we can finally win all those wars and other stuff since there will no longer be anyone around saying, "Hey. Know what? We should lose." That's loser talk, and it won't be heard in America anymore unless that person wants to be deported. Then, full of only winners, America will be so great that all the world shall tremble at our might.

Because we're winners.

Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as "The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam" and "Winners Would Buy This Book".


Link

Mon. Jan 29, 4:23pm

Add comment  
Great piece of satire. I hope everyone here realizes that's what it is.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 5:05 PM

Add comment
If you don't realize this is satire, you are a loser- and should be deported!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 6:01 PM

Add comment

Next: Click Here For Recipes That Help You Lose Weight
New: The PEERtrainer Cheat System
The PEERtrainer Cheat System is a new, simple to follow system for eating. The objective is to help guide you towards a way of eating that will make it easier to lose weight, give you more energy and help you feel better. It is free, easy to follow, and a little unusual and controversial. Most of all it is working. This link will take you to a blog post where you can download a FREE copy of the Cheat System Diet Cookbook! The Cheat System has also been turned into a major book to be published May 6th, 2014. According to Srini Pillay, MD, Harvard Medical School: "It works in a real way with how human psychology works...I love that it relates closely to how the brain likes to function... without crazy effort and with significant short-term gains."
Here is a preview of the cover:

Cheatcover

You can get started on the system for free by clicking on this banner:

peertrainer cheat system

"Gives you the template to lose weight without sending your hormones in a disastrous death spiral."

-Sara Gottfried, MD, NY Times Best Selling Author

"The Cheat System Diet is brilliant! Jackie Wicks understands how the brain works, and how habits are developed in the real world."

--Steven Masley, MD, Assistant Professor University South Florida

 






Explore Related Articles
Weight Loss Motivation   Sustainable Weight Loss
Weight Lifting    Hypnosis and Weight Loss
Emotional Eating   Help Losing Weight
Free Weight Loss Program   Weight Watchers Points  NutriSystem
How To Change Anything

weight loss coaching


New Services and Offerings From PEERtrainer:

1) How To Achieve Sustainable Weight Loss This is a new 12 week program that helps you solve the mental blockages that are prevent many from sustainable weight loss. The most interesting thing about the program is what participants are saying and you can click on the link to read them.

2) Tip Of The Day Weight Loss Coaching Program-- This is a daily email program that helps to reinforce fundamentals as well as gives you practical tips each day. We are getting GREAT feedback from subscribers.

3) What Are Your Odds Of Losing Weight?-- Take the PEERtrainer Coaching Quiz Now!

4) Tip Of The Day Blog-- We update this each day with responses to specific questions from our coaching subscribers and customer.

5) New Diet and Weight Loss Content-- We have launched a new diet section that organizes the growing amount of content on the site. When you click in the most important areas are highlighted.









Related Content:

How To Lose Weight- The Basics
Weight Watchers Points System
The Fat Smash Diet
The Eat To Live Diet
The Beck Diet Solution
How To Get The Motivation To Lose Weight

 

How To Be Successful Using PEERtrainer

How To Burn Fat
Online Weight Loss Support- How It Works
Does Green Tea Help You Lose Weight?
Tips On Using PEERtrainer
Visit The PEERtrainer Community
Diet and Fitness Resources

Fitness

Weight Watchers Meetings
Learning To Inspire Others: You Already Are
Writing Down Your Daily Workouts
Spending Money On A Personal Trainer?
How I Became A Marathon Runner

 

Preventive Health

How To Prevent Injuries During Your Workout
Flu Season: Should You Take The Flu Shot?
Are You Really Ready To Start PEERtrainer?
Super Foods That Can Boost Your Energy
Reversing Disease Through Nutrition

New Diet and Fitness Articles:

Weight Watchers Points Plus
How To Adjust Your Body To Exercise
New: Weight Watchers Momentum Program
New: PEERtrainer Blog Archive
Review Of The New Weight Watchers Momentum Program
 

Weight Loss Motivation by Joshua Wayne:

Why Simple Goal Setting Is Not Enough
How To Delay Short Term Gratification
How To Stay Motivated
How To Exercise With A Busy Schedule

Real World Nutrition and Fitness Questions

Can Weight Lifting Help You Lose Weight?
Are Protein Drinks Safe?
Nutrition As Medicine?
 

Everyday Weight Loss Tips

How To Eat Healthy At A Party
How To Eat Out And Still Lose Weight
The Three Bite Rule
Tips On How To Stop A Binge






PEERtrainer Is A Free and Powerful Online System For
Weight Loss Support

Click Here To Learn More and Join!