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Seriously. WHY do men lie?????? Why??????????

My hubbie claimed he had a "dinner" to attend yesterday when in fact it was a happy hour.

He FLAT out lied and he knows it. He's an intelligent person so I know he didn't confuse the two.

I'm not going to confront him, as I am taking mother's advice, "to pick my battles". But I thought I would provoke some people here to figure out this childish behavior.

~~~Noooo, I didn't eat dirt~~~~~ Little Mikey says with bits of plant and fertilizer on his FACE.

Thu. Feb 1, 1:55pm

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why don't you think confronting him is not a good idea? when he flat out lied to you? because you'd rather argue about...what? what is more important than trust in a marriage? this is a battle i strongly urge you to pick...

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 1:59 PM

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does he have a reason to lie? like, have you had arguments in the past about after-work alcohol? do you not approve of an occasional happy hour? not saying that would be a good excuse-but men often want to avoid arguments and if this was the case, i could see him lying about it. if this is not your situation-then i would probably be suspicious of something else going on.

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:00 PM

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Is it possible he could have been speaking in "shorthand"? If I did not want to give a long explanation, I might have said I had an appointment after work, or a dinner engagement. Did he meet someone for business purposes? or for pleasure?

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:03 PM

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Do you not approve of him going to happy hour, drinking, etc.? The reason I ask is because maybe he likes to drink and knew you would get upset if he told you the truth and was trying to avoid the argument.

If you don't have a problem with it, why not just ask him why he's trying to hide it from you when he could easily just tell you the truth?

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:04 PM

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He probably lies to you for a very good reason. Lying is a choice, and my guess is that he is not a dumb guy. He wanted to go to the bar, thought you'd give him a hard time about it. My wife fortunately is very good about this kind of thing- she knows I work hard, and that the bar is some nice me time. The same way I go out of my way to give her some Oprah time or In Touch Weekly time.

I'm pretty lucky- I don't need to lie.

-A Guy in A Great Marriage

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:16 PM

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i'm just not understanding something...why would he "have to lie"???? if you cannot be truthful with your spouse, your lifelong partner, with whom can you be truthful? lies are small bridges that people build between each other. i like crossing those bridges and seeing what is on the other side. if you don't seek out the truth, you will have a lot of bridges built between you and these bridges will require a lot of maintenance to keep up. it can easily become a domino effect. one night he lies about going out to a happy hour. the next time he brings dinner guests over, he may have to "prep" them into what is appropriate to talk about and what not to mention. this is getting deep into deceipt. wasn't it shakespear who said, "oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive"? i would suck up the anxiety about getting into a fight, gather up all my self-respect and discuss this with my spouse.

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:36 PM

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OP Here

I have given him a hard time in the past, the way past. He doesn't like to drink, but he does like to occassionally hang out with friends.

I know it was indeed a work related thing, what I don't get is why he insists it was dinner. Especially since I saw the receipt, and yep, from a bar!

Should I just let it rest or say something when he gets home?

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:36 PM

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I agree, lying is a choice, but a cowardly one.
I think it's unfair to make the wife responsible for her husband's lying. That is a poor choice he made, and she shouldn't be blamed for it. That's just as bad as men who say "I cheat because my wife doesn't understand me."
Women are expected to be so mature, so evolved, and only half as much is expected from men, if that. Men are coddled and allowed to have their cake and eat it too. If the wife doesn't approve of his drinking after work, it may have something to do with the fact that he needs to come home and spend time with the kids, or otherwise get himself engaged in the house. And why should he get free time while she has to deal with work and home?
Of course, I'm making a lot of assumptions about OP's reality, but most women these days work outside the home, raise the kids, and keep the house running. Meanwhile men work and then want to hang with their buddies, because THEY'VE had it so hard. No one's taking away the hard work they DO, but women do that and more and aren't expected to want a break themselves.
Bottom line, there is NO excuse for lying. It's a scapegoat, and an immature one at that.
I say talk to him about it, but not in an angry way. Tell him if he wanted to go to happy hour, he could have just said so, and maybe you guys can work out an agreement as to when he goes out and when you go out, separately.
This is def. something to talk about, but don't make the battle about happy hour, make it about the importance of disclosure and trust.

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:39 PM

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If he was willing to lie about going to the bar, he will want to do what he needs to do (like making YOU feel like the guilty one), to make his lie seem innocent, or worse, necessary.

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:42 PM

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definitely discuss this with him. approach it as a simple question about, like, what did he have for dinner from a bar? let him know you'd rather be a little ticked off that he went out to a bar than be fuming angry and uneasy when you find he lied to you about why he went there. that's how to pick your battles.

Thursday, February 01, 2007, 2:50 PM

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