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Heard about this last night

It's a community for "the other woman". Apparently being the other woman is a lonely endeavor and support is needed from other "other women". Why can't they get their own man?

Wed. Feb 7, 10:00am

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when someone is lonely and feels they need love, sometimes whatever avenue you have to travel down to get that love is the direction you want to go. i find more fault with a man who cheats (or woman). why be in a marriage if you are NOT IN the marriage? strange way to deprive someone else of a trusting, loving, respectful relationship.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 10:09 AM

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i agree with above poster. the "other woman" is not the one doing something wrong. she's single and is just looking for a man. it's the man who is cheating on his wife who is to blame. i wonder how many "other women" out there don't realize that their man is married? but yet society considers the man to be the stud and the girl to be the problem. and why does the wife often get more angry with the other woman than with her husband?

and no, i have never (knowingly) been in this situation.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 8:06 PM

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I agree with the OP. I used to live with a single woman in her 40s who intentionally sought out married men. If they were single, she did not want to be bothered with them. She even tried to get me in on the "action" and persuade me that this was the way to go. Almost every single night, she would bring home a man to sleep with and would tell me with a straight face it was not her fault the man was sleeping around. It was the wife's fault for not taking care of him the way she should be. And she's not the only female I've met with this attitude.

My point is that in a lot of instances, "the other woman" is most certainly doing something wrong. However, I wouldn't say she's always the only one to blame. I feel that when something like this goes down, all parties involved - the other woman, the husband and the wife - should take a good look at themselves. Maybe the wife dropped the ball somewhere in the marriage and the man felt neglected. Not that that's an excuse for him to cheat. He should have come forward and said something before seeking out other options behind her back. Or maybe he's just a cheater who doesn't care about his wife who's doing everything she can to make him happy. Or maybe "the other woman" is one of the types of women I've met who's out to get hers regardless of whether he's involved with someone or not.

Just because you're a lonely, single female does not give you the right to latch on to any married man you find. Now, if you have no knowledge of his being married, that's a different story. But if you do, I have no sympathy for you and your loneliness. You are being an active participant in the destruction of someone's marriage, someone's life. And God help the family if there are kids involved.

Thursday, February 08, 2007, 9:58 AM

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..."any married man you find."
FIND? like a puppy who follows someone home? if a married man (or woman) is putting themself in a position to "pick-up" someone from a bar or party or wherever, they are not being FOUND. they are SEEKING an affair/one-night-stand. i think some women (or men) may just say to themselves, "he's (or she's) going home with someone tonight...may as well be me." honestly, i don't think people who date married people have a great self-image, so their behavior is not to be "rationalized".

Thursday, February 08, 2007, 10:12 AM

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Monday, January 28, 2008, 2:19 PM

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What, 2:19, you're bored and want to restart a catfight? Get a life.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 2:26 PM

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you're mean.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 2:37 PM

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It is NOT always the other woman

Remember it takes two to tango. I was the other woman, and the guy I was fooling around with was in a miserable marriage. His wife was a BITCH, and made his life hell.
Now we are happily married with a wonderful life together, all I can say, is that I am really glad his wife was a bitch because I would never have met my solmate.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 3:11 PM

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Hmm, I am a women, happily married and I must be thinking differently. Its not so much the other woman, really its the man who should be questioned. Maybe the other woman got into the relationship under a false pretenses. I think anyone who is cheating should be the one held accountable, getting angry at the "other" person isn't the right response.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 3:44 PM

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The 'other woman' is a sad creature. Why would soeone want another person who would cheat on their spouse? What is remotely attractive about that? And why would you want a person who looks outside the marriage and turns to someone else when they're unhappy? Tell them to grow up, already. Let married people take care of their sh*t, get divorced, and THEN pursue a relationship!

Monday, January 28, 2008, 4:25 PM

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it's both the man for straying and the other woman who didn't say no.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 4:41 PM

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Okay - to the wives who think they're so "wronged" when their husbands cheat. Do you think they just do it because there's a willing and predatory Other Woman? Most of them take their vows pretty seriously and don't cheat for the hell of it. It's often what they do to tolerate being with the wrong woman because they can't bear the thought of losing their kids (and in some cases, the house and assorted material wealth crap).

I know hundreds of men in that position who don't cheat "all the way", but they prowl the internet for women to make out with, to exchange sexy massages with, to cheat with Clintonian style, or some other thing they think they can be forgiven for if found out. Others go all the way.

Just look at all the marriages that end after the kids are all grown up. It's usually the man leaving the woman, and she's sooo surprised. He'd probably been miserable for a decade. And we're supposed to be the perceptive ones. Hah.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 4:51 PM

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you're suggesting it's the wife's fault for a man cheating because of a failing marriage?

Monday, January 28, 2008, 4:56 PM

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The man took a vow, the other woman didn't. The blame is all on him.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 4:57 PM

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my two cents...

I think they love their wives. I think there really is fundamentally nothing wrong with the relationship, but they are human. It is really difficult when you meet someone you really like and could envision being with, but you have already committed yourself to another woman. But I also think that once they have cheated, they have essentially ripped the band-aid off and exposed the fact that they really are not happy with the marriage or with that person. I think it is more tragic that they stay in a relationship because the alternative of it not working out with the lover and being alone is just too much to bare.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 5:06 PM

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In my case ... yes it was 100% the wife's fault. My opinion is if you put S**T in you're going to get S**T out.

Yes you took vows, but come on get over the whole ownership over your husband. If you TRULY love your husband then don't disrespect your marriage by treating him like something you aquired.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 5:08 PM

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No, it's the fault of the failed marriage. Whether one person is more at fault than the other depends on the situation. I'm saying that cheating is a band-aid for a situation he doesn't want to change because he loves his children.

Sorry, I've dealt with 2000 men one-on-one in my line of work (I'm in a hairdresser/personal trainer/bartender type of position). Some of them haven't had sex in years. How sad is that for a 35-year-old? Some of them look so sad when they describe how much they loved the woman they married, but she's now unrecognizable - looks the same on the outside, totally different on the inside. And the number of couples that get married because of an unplanned pregnancy, in this day and age, surprises me. But the poor quality of many of those marriages doesn't.

I grew up in an extended family of bad marriages. Some of them were awful - I have some nightmarish aunts. As teenagers and adults, my sisters and I would whisper to each other things like "I hope Uncle XYZ has a nice girlfriend on the side because his home life sucks ass".

Do I have too much sympathy for men? Maybe, because I only hear their side of the story. But if a girl-friend told me her husband rejected all of her advances for 5 years or demeaned her at every opportunity or treated her like one big disappointment, I'd understand if she had an affair but push her to make the break. Unlike men though, women are in a better position to leave because it's highly unlikely we'd have to give up our kids and we'd probably get the house.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 5:27 PM

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3:11, what a great soulmate, a liar and a CHEAT. Don't kid yourself, the holidays must be a real treat for you right? Or does none of that matter. So many of my friends have fallen for this crap, and end up in the 40's with NOTHING, no kids, no self esteem, nothing. My friends have lived for stolen moments with these guys And by the way - once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater - i have seen it too many times to know. And remember as far as the wife being a BITCH - there are two sides to every story.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 5:35 PM

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5:35 - some men cheat for the thrill of it, and they never change. Those who cheat for other reasons are not destined to cheat forevermore. And stop blaming your dumbass friends for their lack of self-esteem and kids and all that, because those conditions existed before the married man entered their lives. They weren't enslaved for chrissake. So you're right, there's more than one side to every story - and you oversimplify the man's.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 5:46 PM

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3:11 Here

What "ole wives tale book " did you get "once a cheater, always a cheater", just because he had enough gumption to get out of a horrible marriage and find happiness. Sorry your "friends" aren't as happy as I am.

I met his wife oh and YES she was a bitch. So if it was reversed and it was a woman who was married to a jerk who was demaning, emotional sterile, physically and verbally abusive then you would be telling the woman to get out, but when it is a man who finds himself in that environment it is his fault?

FYI we are now married, very happy in a VERY positive healthy relationship, where we respect each other.

And ....... he would sooner die than cheat on me because I give him the love and respect that he always wanted.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 5:56 PM

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3:11 - you rock. i think it is awesome that you met someone and fell in love, period.

marriage is an institution and stupid. i don't believe in it at all. i think it is absolutely ludicrous people will plan a wedding at a church that they have not darkened the door of in years either before the marriage or after.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 6:02 PM

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Cheating on your wife, BITCH or otherwise, is not gumption. Getting a divorce, closing that chapter of your life and then moving on takes a lot more gumption and maturity then lying and cheating.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 6:29 PM

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Sometimes it takes the knowledge that you are worthy enough to have someone love you unconditionally, to help you take the first step towards ending it.
Furthermore sometimes it takes finding yourself in the company of someone who makes you happy to realize how truly unhappy you have been.

People change .... not always for the better.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 6:38 PM

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4:25 Why would another woman want a man who is cheating on their spouse? First you assume that she knows, maybe she doesn't. Maybe she has issues with commitments and a married man is safe since he can't make a commitment, maybe its just for fun. But either way you shouldn't question the other woman, you should be questioning why the married man is out cheating in the first place. No one person is going to meet every need of the other person. Its a fact, some people can deal with that others look to get what they are missing somewhere else. And lets face it, its not just men who cheat.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 6:45 PM

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Does everyone out there really believe you can be with just one person for the rest of your life? Vows or not, its just not natural.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 6:47 PM

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Yeah...nice double standard. No one feels bad for a man involved with a married woman.

40% of women cheat, 60% of men (Oprah's statistics). Kinda funny how those two numbers add up...

Monday, January 28, 2008, 6:48 PM

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The thread was about other 'women.' Of course women cheat, too.

And very true that not all women know they're getting involved with married men, but a lot of them stay when they find out. That's the only assumption being made.

I just don't see the attraction to someone who lies, cheats, and deceives. It says a lot about the person drawn to that or who stays in that once they find out.

And, true, one person doesn't meet all the needs of another. Again, it's the lying, cheating, deceiving, etc.

Blasting marriage isn't really an argument here. If you don't believe in it then don't do it. If you don't believe in monogamy let all your partners know up front. It's about being honest and mature.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 7:24 PM

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just sent a message to the married guy who sent me a message on my dating website. he says he is married, but open to meeting other women. wife doesn't know about it. i said, "married? what would happen if we fell madly in love?" i'll let you know what he responds with...

Monday, January 28, 2008, 7:24 PM

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For 5:27

Ok, I gotta say something about the whole man not get some all the time. My hubby and I are kinda in that situation. The thing is, I was molested as a child, and raped in college. My husband knows this. We talk from time to time, especially if he's really horny, because sometimes I need to be reminded that he wants to make love to me. Due to very open lines of communication we are able to deal with my lack of intimacy. He lets me know when he's feeling alone and I decide to up the ante and surprise him sexually. He really appreciates it. Especially since he knows how hard it is for me sometimes. My husband and I are crazy in love with each other. Because of the communication, it makes life a lot easier on both of us. That's a problem I've noticed with a lot of guys. They are selfish. If they aren't getting it at home they go elsewhere, instead of talking to their spouse about it and trying to resolve the issues they cheat. Someone's heart gets broken and it's a big mess. Why don't people talk???? A relationship is built on communication. Good Lord!!! That's the problem I keep seeing pop up with married couples all the time. They never discuss anything. Both parties want what they want and don't compromise and then the sh*# hits the fan. Come on people!! Talk to your spouse. You might learn something.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 7:38 PM

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7:38 - another statistic for you: 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages, defined as one where the couple has sex less than 10x a year. It's a 50-50 split between men and women regarding who is doing the rejecting. By no means did I mean for it to sound as if men cheat solely for lack of sex - it is an issue, but it's usually compounded by bigger problems.

I know two men who are married to women who were sexually abused as children. One is still in love with his wife and tolerates the lack of sex; he gets private pilates lessons and reflexology to make up for the lack of physical contact. The other is no longer in love with his wife, who wields sex as a reward-weapon, but does not want to be yet another man who ruins her life. Plus, there are two little ones. They did counselling for years. Now he deals with it by finding women online who are willing to meet for a minor daliance, what he calls a half-cheat. Oh, and he medicates with food. It's been hard watching this man gain 50 pounds in the past two years. Things are rarely as black and white as we'd like them to be, and infidelity is definitely one of them.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 9:27 PM

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6:29 - LOVE what you said
7:24 PLEASE fill us in on what your online dude replied back with!
9:27 Very good words and true what you said, "Things are rarely as black and white as we'd like them to be, and infidelity is definitely one of them."

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 4:30 PM

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I am VERY committed to my marriage and not to jinx myself but so is my husband. He had great role models, his parents have been married for 40 years and when we bring up the subject of cheating or know one of our friends is etc., his motto is "fine, if the marriage isn't working that's understandable but you need to get out of that first THEN move on to other things!" I fully agree with his point of view on it. If you're miserable, why stay. Another poster here said sometimes folks want to make sure they will be able to get someone else and that will motivate them to take that first step to get out of the marriage, I totally disagree with that statement. Who's to say you HAVE to be married? Can't you get out of the situation and find out who you are as your own person then move towards something else? I just truly believe in marriage, I have had opportuniities in the past where I've not always been happy with my husband but didn't decide to cheat on him to make myself happier. You took VOWS to stay together until death, if you can't do that you at least owe it to him/her to get out first THEN move on with another relationship.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 4:58 PM

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4:58 i think your husband is cheating on you LOL

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 5:52 PM

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7:24 here - no reply...shocker!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 6:21 PM

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thanks for the update 7:24 - no surprise I suppose, what a jerk though huh?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 10:34 PM

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the crazy thing is how it must work. it is in his about me section. if he wasn't hooking up, he wouldn't be on it. some people live pretty wild lives. he's into it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 12:16 AM

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