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OT What do you & your spouse do at night?

Was wondering what couples that live together do at night. Do you spend time doing things together or doing your own thing? I have noticed that lately, we are doing separate things and wondering if this is normal. I will go to bed and read a book until I fall asleep and he will play computer games and stay up much later. Once in awhile, we watch a movie together or something, but just wondering if this is normal? Do most couples spend their nights together? We have only been together about 14 months and living together 8 of those. But recently we have been stressed out about buying a house and work issues.

Wed. Feb 7, 11:14am

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We do separate things almost every night. He usually can't deal with the kids so I'm taking care of them until they go to bed while he works on the computer. After they go to bed, we might watch a tv show together but then he goes back to his laptop and I read a magazine or take a bath. I saw my parents do the same thing. I think the whole family being together is a myth created by TV shows to make you feel bad about your own life.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 11:27 AM

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So funny, OP, your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. My husband I generally eat dinner together and maybe watch a TV show or a movie that is on that we both like. However, my husband goes to bed much later than me. So often I'm in bed either reading or watching TV while he is working on the computer. When he is not tied up with something, he will come in bed and cuddle me for 15 to 20 minutes while I fall asleep. It is really sweet and I love it when he times it right and I'm ready to fall asleep....but not so much when I want to read because he gets frustrated that he can't cuddle me "properly" when I'm reading so I end up not reading and watching bad TV instead.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 11:38 AM

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We do our own thing. Steve's in school, so he's up studying all night, and goes to bed sometimes when I get up. I generally work out or do whatever, and he studies.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 11:39 AM

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When I was married, my husband would get all worried every time I went into another room to read a novel - he thought I was upset or angry with him. I like to read, I like my 'alone' time, and we did not have perfectly compatible tv preferences.

But...I believed then and I believe now even moreso that going to bed at the same time is really important.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 11:41 AM

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Even if we are doing separate evening activities, we try to watch at least 1/2 hour of TV together each night. This 1/2 hour usually includes a back rub or a head rub for one or the other. Somehow the TV allows us to just be together in a relaxing way. If we miss it, we feel the difference the next day. BTW, we've been married 30 years.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 12:21 PM

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My boyfriend and i go to bed at the same time every night, eat dinner together, but unfortunately we end up both on a laptop in front of the TV for a lot of the night.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 1:13 PM

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My husband and i have been married for 4 yrs and tend to do things like everyone have mentioned. One of us on the laptop, while the other is watching tv.
I too go to bed before my hubby and he also cuddles with me before i fall asleep- i love it ;) Private alone time with no tv or anything !

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 1:28 PM

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I have been with my husband for over 3.5 years, lived together for 2 and recently married. Honestly I can say we spend every evening we are at home doing things together. We usually cook dinner together, watch our shows together, walk the dogs together, and go to bed together! Sometimes we read our own books but both in bed or both ont he couch. We go to dinner with other couple friends or go to sporting events together. Don't get me wrong, sometimes we have "boy" nights or "girl" nights and I shop with my sister but most of our time is spent together...Is this weird...?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 1:40 PM

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You're not weird 1:40pm!

My husband and I sound about like you guys. We've been married 10 years, together for 11 and other than when we're at work or school, we're always within talking distance.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 2:20 PM

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1:40pm - my husband and I are like you too! We've been married for 5 months, and living together for just over a year.

We just really like to hang out! And to cook dinner and veg in front of the TV. With work, etc., we both just want to relax when we get home. We rarely go out during the week; we spend most of the night on the couch. Of course, sometimes we go do our own thing, but, mostly, if we're both home, we're hanging out.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 3:51 PM

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those who hang out together, do you have children living at home, full time?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 4:10 PM

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I don't think anything described above is weird. I know couples that match all those pictures.
My wife and I tend to be in separate rooms for most of the evening, but we nearly always have dinner together plus a few minutes before and after, and 30-45 minutes at "going to bed" time (which for us doesn't always end up in going to bed for a multitude of reasons).
Also, we do the majority of shopping together (but she hates shopping much more than I do, which I guess is unusual.)

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 4:49 PM

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I'm the 3:51pm poster. We dont' have any kids yet. We are adopting a puppy next month though! Another few years before kids...

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 5:46 PM

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Depends on the night. We normally spend sometime together and some time doing our own thing. But, almost always we go to bed at the same time.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 6:59 PM

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Together 6 years. We go to bed together 1/2 the time. We do things at night together most of the time. We always eat dinner together (usually take turns cooking). When we do our seperate things, we like to stay in the same room as each other. I don't like days when we don't have bonding time.

I think every couple is different!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 7:51 PM

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I'd love to spend more time with my husband at night, but all he watches on tv is fishing, wrestling, hunting, and from 8-9pm the soap channel to catch his soap. I'm not saying he'd have to watch what I want, but there are like 100 channels - there must be something we could BOTH agree on!

So I'm usually in the kitchen doing dishes or other stuff and I'll have the tv on in there, or I'm logged in to PT!
Kinda sad really.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 9:46 PM

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My boyfriend and I have been together over five years and we do our own thing about half the time. We eat together and will walk the dog or watch tv for a while. But the other half of the time I am on my laptop and hes on his computer or playing video games (Damn that Xbox!) He's a musician so alot of evenings he's at the recording studio, so I have the house to myself which is nice. My job requires me to talk all day long, so the nights where I am home alone provide some much needed nonverbal hours.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 10:15 PM

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We usually sit in the living room (I in my chair on one side of the room, he on the couch on the other) with our laptops watching TV and dinking around on the computer. Sometimes we eat, none of it good for us!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007, 10:35 PM

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my dh never comes home at the same time (could be as late as 7 or 8pm- and at times is called back out to fix a computer or some such thing)... sometimes I let him cook when he comes home... I either have already fed ds or have made a meal and if he is home when it is ready, then fine...
When he is home for dinner- he or I give our son a bath or we both hang out in the bathroom- he helps get ds ready for bed- I finish out saying goodnight to ds after we or he sings songs to ds... then I come out.. he is on his laptop and I turn on the tv... usually by 9-10 he is in bed and I stay up. -play on the laptop or fall asleep on the couch and come to bed between 11:30 and midnight.
He or I will initiate flirtations it usually happens after we get ds down and asleep. If we wait much longer it just doesn't happen... usually I will get up and continue watching tv or playing on the computer.
dh gets up in the morning with ds and makes him breakfast and hangs out with him in the morning- it is their routine. SO much so that if I take pity on him wanting to sleep in and actually get up, ds throws a tantrum about wanting daddy, not me.
This about sums it up.

Thursday, February 08, 2007, 10:31 AM

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My dh and I are always together. The only time we spend physically apart all day is when I am at work. He has dinner made when I get home as well as having the house cleaned up, laundry done, etc. We spend our evenings together, working on our home remodeling projects, playing with our kid, or just watching the news and talking about current events. We are deeply involved in each other's lives. My favorite is our alone time, when our kid is either asleep or away at a friend's house and we can watch a movie and be together. We've been together almost 9 years, married for 4. We are an internet love story. :)

Thursday, February 08, 2007, 12:03 PM

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My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. No kids yet. And we try and spend our evenings together for the most part. It definately took some time working out whats comfortable for us. When we were first married we always had to be together. Now we have a routine for the most part. We are usually home about the same time. We go on our bed, cuddle and talk about our days. Then we go work out . . . sometimes together . . . sometimes apart . . . I make dinner, he works in the office, we eat, he's back in the office or runs errands. I do dishes, laundry, ect. Then we end up in bed at the same time. If he's still working on something I watch tv or read until he gets there. Then we always watch our "Friends" dvd and go to bed. We really look foward to our bed time together.

I think you just need to find what works for YOU though. Some couples need to be with each other a lot. Some don't. I do think its important to find at least one thing you do together at night even if its for 30 minutes . . . like read by each other or something. Its good to have something thats just for the two of you. Your own thing. With this being said, I know with having kids, which we plan on soon, its hard to spend nights together and doing that one thing together is even more important. It makes me sad that when we do have kids one day, we won't get to share our days on the bed when we get home. So, it will be have to be something else. Ü

Thursday, February 08, 2007, 1:50 PM

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