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OT: How would you tell someone you don't want to host one of 'those' parties?

I know two people who have become independent consultants for the types of businesses where they make money by having 'parties' to show products. I would feel awkward hosting something like this because I know I don't like to feel obligated to buy expensive products, so I don't want to put others in the same position. I also am on a tight budget & usually can't afford their products.

Unfortunately, I can't be very open with either of these people because one is my boyfriend's friend (an acquaintance to me) and the other is a friend I lost touch with long ago who contacted me out of the blue (and rarely sends me personal e-mail or calls, just sends me 'sale' e-mails).

I feel uncomfortable handling this & am looking for some advice. TIA!


Fri. Feb 16, 10:28am

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if you are not close enough to tell them you're just not into it, you are probably not the only person they've asked for help. i mean, they must be flipping through address books and contacting everyone to try to help them make some commission or they wouldn't have contacted you, right? and if you don't feel comfortable to be open about how you feel, would you want to "go into business" with/through these people? and then have to deal with money with them? i would say, "my other daily responsibilities really do not allow me the time to host a party. but if i find i do have the time, i will contact you in the future. thanks for the opportunity!", or something like that.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 10:34 AM

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Sometimes you just have to grow a pair and confront. No need to be ugly and if they take offense, it's honestly their problem. I HATE situations like this myself, but sometimes you just have to do it. It's your life, you don't want to do it, and they have no reason to expect you to do so. If it causes a temporarily uncomfortable situation so be it. You deserve to put yourself first. You don't owe them anything.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 10:49 AM

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People who do this must get some small amount of training on rejections. It isn't like they are going to cry on you or anything. And it doesn't sound like they are good enough friends anyway. Though I do wonder why your boyfriend's friend called you to do this, and not your boyfriend. But whatever.

Just nicely decline. Don't lie, it is unnecessary.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 11:11 AM

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"I'm sorry, I'm just not going to be able to do that. I'll call you if something changes. Thanks so much for asking me."

Period. No explanations needed. If you are face-to-face with the person, quickly change the subject after you've delivered your line.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 11:38 AM

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I agree with the previous posters. It may make you uncomfortable, but if you do not politely and firmly put an end to it now, you will be stuck with these folks for a good long time. It is unlikely that they will just 'go away' and much more likely that they will take silence or reluctance as acceptance. And honestly, it's not kind to string them along either, which is how your actions may be perceived if you continue to go along with them, but have no intention of following through.

"I'm flattered you thought of me, but I am not interested in hosting a party." And then change the subject. If they are persistant or continue to bring it up smile and say "Still not interested." I am quite civil about my refusals and try for a open, friendly tone to convey that I am not trying to offend, just simply not interested.

Confrontation is a valuable skill. It doesn't mean being argumentative or getting in someone's face, but if does mean standing your ground not allowing others to manipulate you, drag you into something you want no part of, or override your wishes. Be firm, be kind, but be clear and do not apologize - it weakens your message, your position and opens the door for future impositions of the same type. As women we tend to do way too much apologizing and wonder why we're not taken seriously when we say 'no'.

Best wishes to you!

Friday, February 16, 2007, 12:17 PM

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Wow. I guess I am one of "those" people you're talking about.
I started my own direct sales business a little over a year ago. At the time I thought it was going to be a great way to connect with old friends as well as make new ones.
It does take a little while to "get it" that when you are turned down to not take it personally.
But since I really believe in my company and the products, I have to give everyone the chance to decline my offer... which they can't do unless I make the offer to them!
So maybe when you get those offers to host a party or whatever, look at it from the other side... don't be offended that they expect you to host a party, but that they are only trying not to judge what you do or don't want to do... they're leaving that up to you.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 3:04 PM

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Just say NO

I agree, with the 11:38 I don't need an excuse, it's just not something I want to to host.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 3:07 PM

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I just say NO!

You could cough and say "Cough-Pyramid Cough --Scheme"

I've also, when the person persists, been knkown to say "My house looks like hell. I have 2 kids, 3 pets, and my hubby and I work full time and don't employ a housekeeper. Trust me when I tell you we won't showcase your product in a setting that will sell it."

I think this is perfect practice for your "No" voice. Really. You CAN be open with these people. Really you can. Anyone who judges you on your lack of desire to do this is NOT someone who brings you joy.



Friday, February 16, 2007, 9:39 PM

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