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Odd Question

A few weeks ago I confronted my husband about his behavior at a party. He reprimanded an employee for flirting with another employee and the overall perception was that he was acting out of jealousy.

I had talked to a friend and she concluded that she and her boyfriend thought the same thing. Well I told my husband this and he completely wigged out and forbid me to be friends with them. We have been friends with this other couple for about 4-5 years and I told him that I thought his request was too extreme.

Well it turns out, he had a talk with the two of them and told them, from now on our relationship was to be only professional, that we couldn't talk or be friends, and at company events we could be cordial. That's it.

I found this out last night and told him, I wasn't pleased and that I had to really think about it. These are our friends. Yes they said some hurtful things, but if they are looking out for my best interest, is it that hurtful?

I don't know what to do or think. Why is my husband acting bizerk? Is it because he's afraid something will be uncovered? Or is he just keeping rotten gossip out of our relationship? I'm really trying to see it both ways and respect him, but I'm havin a hard time just cutting our friends loose.

Please share your thoughts :)

Fri. Mar 9, 11:15am

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Well, he's a Control Freak among other things!

"....forbid me to be friends with them." Is he your husband or your father?

Your story infuriates me on so many levels.

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:20 AM

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Well, I see two sides of this. One the one hand, maybe you should have only brought up to your husband your feelings on what you saw or felt you saw rather than drag in a third party. By bringing up your friends you put your friendship with them at risk and also implied to your husband that you were talking about him behind his back with your friends about a situation he may find embarassing. I can sympathize with him where he would be upset by that. On the other hand, he is not communicating with you very well either to go behind your back and cut off a friendship when you had already discussed that you didn't want to. That's a bit controlling if you ask me. Both of you need to deal with your issues at the source by being open and honest with each other and not going to a third party for advice or backup. I wish you the best and hope you can resolve it.

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:24 AM

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Is your husband in a position of management? Does the individual work for him? This is a touchy subject, and my career field is very clear cut. My husband and I are not friends with anyone who works for me. There is a high standard of professionalism, and we both agree that it is inappropriate. In the past, I have seen managers who were socially friends with the people who worked for them. It makes for an impossible working atmosphere. Sorry to be old fashioned, but maybe your husband just "woke up" to the leadership role he is in. Maybe your husband has gone to a leadership or management class recently and has prompted him to react in such a way.

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:28 AM

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I'm sorry but I do think you husband is acting biserk! He has not right to tell you who you can/can't be friends with. Second, you do have the right to talk to a friend if something is bothering you. I am assuming you were just seeking advice, not putting him down or gossiping about him!
Third, I would closely evalutate my relationship if I were you. Why is he jealous that someone is flirting with a coworker? He is married. Jealousy in any situation isn't a good thing, especially if it wasn't even about you...Good luck and keep us updated!

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:36 AM

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OP here

Wow, everyone is so insightful and offering such good views on both sides of the fence.

My husband is in a executive position and that's the part that confuses me. He has been friends with my friends boyfriend for nearly 10 years and has worked with him for the last 5. I just find it odd that he would be able to cut off the friendship just like that. Besides, I think he's trying to cut my friendship off with my friend more than his, he works with the guy for crying out loud! My gut it telling me that he's more worried about my friendship with this couple that for his work relationship/environment. He hasn't forbidden me to be friends with anyone else at work? (I'm not by the way, just cordial).

Oh, my head, my head! :o)

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:45 AM

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TO: the Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:28 AM Poster

I don't think the issue here is really whether or not being "friends" with subordinates at work is appropriate or not. The question here is why is the husband freaking out and telling the OP who she can and cannot be friends with!?!?!

Why is he reacting in such an extreme manner? I can understand him being upset with the "couple" for possibly planting negative or questioning thoughts in the OP’s head about his “motives” for reprimanding an employee (when it probably was just him being professional and doing/taking his job seriously – what makes this an act of jealousy) but to forbid his wife to remain friends with them because he didn't like the "gossip" or hurtful things they said is totally unreasonable and controlling ... to me this is where the real issue is!!

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:45 AM

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OP, did you ever talk to your husband directly about your confusion over his jealous behavior? Or the fact that he was not at work on a day when you believed he would be there?

Earlier it seemed like you suspected him of being dishonest and cheating. Was that ever resolved?

Friday, March 09, 2007, 11:54 AM

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This is the exact same question from last month, I know because I responded to it but now it has all current dates. What going on here OP? Why are you posting the same question?

Friday, March 09, 2007, 1:17 PM

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here is the other thread...


Friday, March 09, 2007, 1:40 PM

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Something going on

I also remember the other thread. Did you ever confront your husband about your suspicions?

Friday, March 09, 2007, 2:13 PM

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