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the mysterious fourth group member

Does every group have one? Someone who joins, never logs anything, never posts even a hello, then disappears as mysteriously as they showed up? Worse yet, is when they are soon replaced by ... yep, another mysterious fourth group member. Just curious!

Thu. Mar 15, 12:24pm

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I have seen that many times.
What's worse is when they log just enough to NOT get bumped off... and they really don't even have to log anything, just go to their log and click "update"!

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 12:29 PM

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do you think there are just tons of people who feel motivated at first, and then forget about? Or does PT just plant members to keep track of activity or whatever?

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 12:31 PM

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I have a group member that hasn't logged in months but is still there too! What is the point?! Leave the group so someone who would benefit from it can join!

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 12:32 PM

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I have also seen this many times. I've just gotten used to it, I wish other people would stay active once they join a group but we can only be accountable for ourselves..I try to be as active as I can in my groups.

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 1:25 PM

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It has happened twice in 2 weeks. I keep hoping the new will be bumped off in 7 days too. It pisses me off, because we are very active group and someone out there could use an active group, but will never be able to join because of that damn 4th person!!!! Get out of our group!!!! You know who you are!

Sorry, it just bothers me. A little.

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 2:45 PM

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It's gotten so bad that I don't even bother responding to a "hi" comment from a new group member until she's logged for a few days. Most of the non-posters are people who just join and then never return. It might help if the link to "See how a live group works" on the homepage was a little more prominent so that newcomers won't just join a group to see what this site is all about.

Wouldn't mind if there was a way to evict a group member if it's a unanimous decision amongst the others, but maybe that's just a little to Survivor-esque to do on a site that's all about support. Sigh.

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 3:18 PM

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I think there should be a way to boot a member. Perhaps if they haven't LOGGED in 7 days (even though they have visited the site) the following members can opt to kick them out.

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 4:59 PM

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I had a situation that made me scratch my head. A woman formed her own group, then went on vacation. I joined the group the same day that she formed it. I never did hear from her, ever, and this was HER group!!!! Eventually she was removed, weeks and weeks later. That I just found very odd.
mariarose

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 5:30 PM

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This has been an issue for so long, but no one wants the atmosphere fostered by girls ganging up to kick out a poster. We want to be supportive but it's irritating when we're all trying and few are bringing it down.

Well, 4:59 made me think "what if you chose how active a group was when you started one?" For example when starting a group you would have the option of checking a box to indicate desired activity - 1. active (must log at least once every seven days). 2. moderately active (logs once every 14 days) or 3. low acitivity (log every 30 days).

Then folks could join groups with the desired activity level and you would be bumped out if you did not log at the desired activity level.

It was a thought.....

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 6:45 PM

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I guess you can call me a "mysterious fourth group member" it's just no one on the teams can i connect with. I find a team which sounds good i meet the people, i read their comments etc. and they're either too old, too young, etc. just in a total different world than i am! which is very frustrating so i don't comment and then later i forget to sign in and just for a month or so i am in there group doing nothing. then i come back, and leave. Sorry for the nusense.

oh, and now i've learned to join the groups, it's a better range of people. I am not on any teams.

Thursday, March 15, 2007, 11:33 PM

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Yup happens all the time. I know after 7 days of nothing PT is supposed to automatically oust them but for some reason that doesn't happen. When it doesn't I privately ask them to leave, not quite put in those terms but pretty much ask them if they aren't going to participate and help support all of us that maybe they can find a different group they can connect with so we could get an active person. No harm in that.

Friday, March 16, 2007, 1:45 AM

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This happens all the time - dont' sweat it - just focus interacting with the people you know.

Friday, March 16, 2007, 3:31 AM

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give us a break...

guilty fourth here...it sometimes takes a few tries for peertrainer to "stick." bear with us, please.

Friday, March 16, 2007, 4:51 PM

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I was thinking it would be nice if we could have moderated and unmoderated groups. The unmoderated groups would be the ones we have now, but the moderated groups could be "owned" by whoever created it - and that person would have the power to boot inactive members. Members would know ahead of time what kind of group they were joining, of course.

Friday, March 16, 2007, 6:20 PM

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I have a "mysterious fourth" in one of my groups too! She hasn't updated since the beginning of March and she's still in here. I don't know how she's pulling it off!
It's okay though. As long as I have other team members that are active I can deal with the ones that are not.
I once created a group "for active posters only" and I still got three duds!! I'd write a really long comment to try to get the conversation going and I'd only get a smiley face back. LOL! I ended up just leaving it and going elsewhere. I'm not willing to waste my time and energy on that.

Friday, March 16, 2007, 6:40 PM

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I have found that the Team is the way to go...you end up with people posting and a lot of people who don't, but you don't really see their names as much on the Team home page. Then I formed a private group with folks I have met on other Teams that are as active as I am. I am only on one Team and one Group. I think sometimes people get involved in too many Teams and can't keep up sometimes.


Friday, March 16, 2007, 8:20 PM

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I'm the mysterious member sometimes- There are times when I just don't feel like talking to my group- I've got enough stress as it is and I don't need to hear another person telling me how "it'll all be OK"- so, I retreat to the real world instead of a message board.

Friday, March 16, 2007, 9:13 PM

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saying goodby

I wish when a member has been with a group for several months and has bonded with the group, can at least say goodby and maybe state reasons for leaving. It is a shock to log in and see members have just disappeared. I also feel fourth members who join do not stick around long enough to give it a chance.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 6:33 AM

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If I've been with a group a long time, I usually try to jot a "good-bye" before I take off. But if I don't offer a reason to why I'm leaving the group, it's usually because of one/some of the members. And rather than hurt their feelings or get into a discussion I don't think is worth having, I leave.
Here are a couple reasons I have left groups/teams:
1. a member is too emotionally needy. I'm fine with saying "keep your chin up" or "sorry you're going through a rough time" and I'm fine letting people vent, but I can't stand a constant stream of "poor me, poor me."
2. I have a different lifestyle or code of ethics/morals. I don't like logging on everyday and seeing posts that make me cringe. I want to shake these people by the shoulders and say, "What are you thinking??"
Now of COURSE, everyone has the right to post whatever they want and however they want and be whoever they want, but I don't have to be a part of it if I don't choose, so I leave. I don't know these people personally, so I feel no need to work things out between us - or even to address these issues at all. That's not why I'm here. I'm here to be motivated and to have some accountability and to get in shape. If I'm in a group with people who help me accomplish that - GREAT! Then I don't care if we differ on everything! But when someone else's life gets in the way of my success, then it's time for me to move on.
I hope I don't sound callous or mean or stuck-up or whatever.
And about the silent fourth. If you're not going to be active, leave - or join a team where they won't notice your inactivity. Don't take up valuable space in active groups.
There. I'm done.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 7:52 AM

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joining a group that then never shows on my list

Actually, I just tried to join a group last week - I hit the join button, the group disappeared since I became the fourth member, but the group is not on my list so I can't even see their logs or anything. I'm going to be one of the mystery 4th members who never comments or anything and I can't even see how to get in or out since I can't access the group anywhere. I'm not even sure at this point what the name was Exercise Motivators or something like that. Sigh. They sounded like a good group.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 1:03 PM

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I have a gal clogging up my last space on my group who just joined PT and hasn't bothered to even create anything but her username, let alone log at all since the moment she joined. Very irritating. I'm thinking of leaving my own group. I have a great team that I belong with, but my group could never get rolling. I posted that I wanted people to get to know in my area and perhaps collaborate with in person. But I keep getting people out of state.
Has anyone checked with Jackie or anyone from PT to see if you can request people to be removed from your group? It seems to me that it took a lot longer than 7 days for them to automatically be booted.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 4:06 PM

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If you e-mail support and ask them to remove the group member, they will.

They did for me anyway.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 4:19 PM

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If you click the join button, you're a member of the group. It's in your list in the left hand side under my group.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 4:20 PM

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It's possible that the person who clicked "join" and then can't see the group clicked it just after someone took the last spot. So, the button was there to click, but it couldn't add her to the group because the group was suddenly full. If a group does not show up in your list of groups, you are NOT a member of that group.

Friday, March 23, 2007, 8:34 PM

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bump

Monday, March 26, 2007, 9:40 PM

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I have seen this a lot as well. I agree with the posters who indicated there should be a choice of different activity levels. This way if you know you won't be as active for a certain period of time you can just move into one that is not as active. It does annoy me when people join and then do nothing. I tried to form a group as well and got two who have done nothing but create a profile and one who keeps making excuses about when she is finally going to log. I have tried to be supportive, but I am trying to hold myself up here and that is hard enough!

I fortunately have just found a group that is active and that I get along with very well. As a work-around for now, how about creating a bunch of groups and when you have three others that are active, ask them to join a new group of the four of you that are really committed?

Monday, March 26, 2007, 11:09 PM

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