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Mom's I need your opinion...
I am a SAHM mom of two wonderful children. My son will be 2 next week and my daughter is 4 months. I have always loved being a stay at home but lately I feel trapped and overwhelmed. I am always grumpy and I have genrally bad disposition. I am making my husband crazy. I don't feel like I have enough help but then I am never willing to ask for it. I don't want to be away from my kids but I know I should. I am not sure if this is some form of postpartum or what????
Tue. Mar 20, 7:18pm
It could be some postpartum going on but I also think that no matter how much you love being with your kids almost any SAHM, myself included, feels trapped and overwhelmed some of the time. I think its totally natural. Do you get out with the kids much, do any toddler classes with other moms you feel like you connect with? For me I started doing more things outside of the house. I also let my husband know I needed more help. Storytime is a great place to meet other moms as well as community centers, most have some sort of toddler play time nowadays. Start looking for other moms to get together with more often so you can have some adult conversation outside of kids. Also I am fortunate enough to be able to take a whole day for myself. So once a week I have a sitter for 8 hours and I do my own thing. I think its good for the kids to be around someone else for a day and it is good for me. Everyone needs a break from the everyday even kids. So maybe if your can afford it find someone who will sit for you once a week or find another mom who also wants a break and swap kids for 2-4 hours, hell maybe you can find 2 moms and have a break 2x a week, of course you'd have to be willing to watch their kids also. And don't forget your husband, on the weekends he should be doing more to help you, even though we feel we shouldn't have to ask we do. He should take care of the kids for an afternoon so you can get a break. If your breast feeding maybe you can pump and store enough milk so he'll be able to feed the baby. Most of all, he can't read your mind, you are going to have to ask. Or in my case tell him, lol
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 7:32 PM
how long has it been since you have seen a dr? Are you still taking prenatal vitamins? you should be taking something.
do you get together with any other moms?
try www.mamasource.com for your area- I just found it a few months ago-
check out craigslist for playgroups with young kids-See if the local hospital has any free classes with babies- or classes on baby massage- can meet other moms that way... get involved with classes at littlegym so your little one can get some exercise and you can also meet other moms... or gymboree or the local Y
We all feel like bad mothers from time to time- sometimes it just seems like everything is going wrong. Try and focus on the blessings in your life.
Spring is coming... getting out in the fresh air will help.
I myself, we are moving, I have a nearly 3 yr old boy, and we are down to one vehicle because we don't want to move a 3rd and register it here and then there... It is enough to make anyone feel a bit stir crazy.
You are not alone. Ask for help.
oh and I found help with www.flylady.net -mostly now just do a little at a time and know that even a little work is better than nothing at all. I am not a strict to the rule flybaby.- hence a little is better than nothing at all...
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 7:36 PM
It's tough when they're small - I empathize. If you can at all afford it, join a gym that has daycare. I joined one and told them I could not afford the babysitting. It took some convincing and finagling, but I got them to include it in my membership. Now, whenever I go to the gym, I get the physical benefit of exercise and the mental benenfit of a break from the kids. And they love playing there, so it works out for everyone. But even if your kids take a little time to get used to it, it's still SO worth it!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 7:43 PM
I agree with the above posters--try to find a way for some "me" time and figure out what you might like to do or how you would want to spend it. Would it be to scrapbook, read, shop by yourself, work on projects, sleep!? And figure out how you can accomplish it. Do you have the funds to hire a sitter or do you need to ask a family member (grandma, aunt, cousin) or even a friend? I was so lucky when my boys were preschool age--I had 2 friends and we swapped watching each other's kids 1-2 times a week. The kids thought it was great and so did all the moms. The tough thing is finding someone you're comfortable with as far as parenting, etc. Even if your 2 y/o could go somewhere you might feel some relief with having just one child under your care at a time. And if funds are low or the sitter/friend doesn't have kids to make an even swap, maybe you can be more creative with paying them back by providing them a meal or something. Just an idea. I guess the other thing to maybe figure out is why you feel so resentful. Is it because you don't have any alone time or because the tasks don't feel equally shared? If it stems from your husband and his part (or lack of), you should definitely talk to him. Maybe he is unaware or doesn't realize the effect it is having on you. I used to feel this way all the time and over time he helped more, plus I found ways to have alone time, or at least time together with my friends, even if the kids were still around. It's amazing how wonderful and uplifting it is to spend time with other moms/friends! And just a note of encouragement, it gets a little easier (in a sense) as they get older. You still have many demands put upon you and you are super busy but it's not as physically draining as when you're being awakened in the middle of the night or the kids are always hanging on you, nursing, being carried, etc. You get to the point where you feel like your body is yours again!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 9:17 PM
I was a stay at home Mom for four children In many ways it was difficult in many ways rewarding. Part of the problem was i felt no support. i did get this magazine stay at home Moms and by my 3rd child i started a mothers group at my church. That is a decision in my life I will never regret. My children are grown now. I am so grateful to that time in my life. I know everyone can't do it but for me and believe me we sacrafice it was worth it. My best friends were also formed that time in my life.
Good Luck ! Follow your heart ! Discuss it with your hubby. You are a lucky woman in this day in age to find a man willing to support you. You know wether you work or stay home it is difficult! A womans work is never done. A man works from sun to sun!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 10:04 PM
Going back to work will not make your life easier! It will give you more to juggle, and increase your stress.
It is a great idea to try to get together with other moms - every day if you can! Even for just 1 or 2 hours will make a huge difference. It will help you not feel so isolated and depressed.
Having a 2nd child is just as big a transition (if not bigger) than having your first. It is very overwhelming. Hang in there - it gets better.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 4:58 AM
Before I had my daughter I received a card from my friend that said something to the effect of, "you will find that a trip to walmart by yourself is like going to the Bahamas". I remember having the reaction of , "huh???" but it was Sooooo true! I know I definitely need time for myself. Sometimes it's a struggle to get it but it does get easier as the kids get older. If you are having a hard time with housework or are very picky about it, don't be. Let some things go. If you have friends or relatives that you can ask for help, ask them. It is hard to ask for help sometimes but just do it. You will feel relieved. Some husbands just don't get how hard it is to be attentive to the children all day and keep the house picked up while doing laundry, dishes and them! You are human, not supermom. You should talk to you dr. as soon as you can and tell them honestly about how you're feeling. It very well could be post-partum depression. If you get help it will help you to feel better about yourself and be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter... whatever. Ask your husband for help. If he thinks you're being crazy and finds that what you really need is some help he will probably be relieved and want to do what he can. Feeling overwhelmed is exhausting. I'm sure you're probably a bit sleep deprived too. Get a nap when the kids are napping. I think all of the previous posters had great ideas but never heard about getting help from the church or the church offering group get togethers. Hugs to you OP. You can do this. Just reach out.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 5:44 AM
It's probably a mix of postpartum and end of winter blues. Have you tried getting out. Look for a mom's club, MOPS group, and neighbor with kids your age. When you can get out of the house regularly it really breaks up the boredom.
Also when was the last time you and your husband went out without the kids? Your a mom, but your still a person and a wife. Don't forget that either.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 6:59 AM
Hi. Not a stay at home mom, but I am a full-time nanny! I always thought that I would stay at home full time with my children, but now I know there needs to be some personal time as well. Have you thought about a part-time job? Maybe one or two days per week? I know how overwhelming hours-upon-hour of demanding children can be! If you don't want to work part-time, maybe you and your hubby can agree that you get an hour after dinner just for yourself? He cleans up and gives the kids a bath, and you relax in your room, go to the gym, read a book, go for a walk...whatever does it for you! Good luck OP!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 7:05 AM
What you are going through is normal in my book!
I'm a first time sahm to a 1 year old. I transitioned by working from home full time while pregnant, then part time, and then went on maternity leave. I've been home for about 1.5 years and it has been a constant struggle for me. While motherhood came very natural to me, there are so many challenges daily that my husband just doesn't get.
I too have a grumpy disposition, kind of like I resent him. I resent him for getting to get dressed up, go to work, see the outside world, he gets to go out to lunch, dinners, etc. But then I have to remind myself, there is nothing else in the world that I would rather do than stay at home with my son.
I've learned that I really have to create the environment and life that I want. I workout daily, get my nails done, go to the spa when I need to or want to, I've signed my son up at the Little Gym which gives me a chance to see other moms in similar situations as mine, I organize get togethers with friends, it's a real effort that I need to make.
I also, even though I'm a sahm, take my son to daycare. Sounds crazy right? Well, my husband works very long hours, he sometimes isn't home until 8 or 9 at night, which is too long for anyone to be alone with a 1 year old, I don't care how much super power one can have! LOL! I drop my son off m-f while I go to the gym, shower, etc. about 3 hours a da, that's my break and it works out great.
Good luck to you and just remember, you have to create the life you want, you can't expect your husband to, or for things to just evolve to your liking :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 8:44 AM
I am a sahm to 3. I don't have time to read everyone else's comments so please forgive me if this is a repeat. :)
i was you a couple of winters ago. I ended up needing a sunlamp for extra vitamin D. Seasonal Affective Depression was diagnosed. As soon as i started that life was so much better! it isn't a cure all for everyone, but between that and some breaks from the kids I was a new woman.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 12:14 PM
I totally understand. I had 2 little ones about the same ages and i was going nuts!!! I hated my husband because he worked too much and couldnt help me enough. I couldnt wait to get back to work to get the hell outta there!! I know it sounds terrible but it was true. Not that i didnt love my kids but........
I think i had some postpartum also. I did go see my doctor and he asked me a bunch of questions and apparently i was having anxiety issues. He put me on some medicine and it helped me realize that i was part of the problem. I was trying to get too much done in the house. I had to let the housework go a little. You cant do everything. You are spending soo much constant time trying to take care of them at those ages.
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 8:04 AM
dont be afraid to ask for help. delegate
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 8:08 AM
I went to my very first MOPS meeting today, and I realize different chapters may be run differently, but I had the BEST time!! And the kids had a great time, too! I'm SOOOO glad I went!
(I'm not the OP - just another sahm who gets frustrated sometimes)
Thursday, March 22, 2007, 2:42 PM
Find something that takes you out of the house, away from the kids, and gives you self time for 2 or more hours once each week - sell Mary Kay products, volunteer with your local church or charitable organization, go to the library, spa, etc. Let dad watch the little ones, make a reciprocal agreement with a friend, neighbor or relative, or hire a sitter for those few hours.
Friday, March 23, 2007, 10:36 PM
I just heard them talking about some study that just came out. It said children who were in day care and after school up to sixth grade had more discipline problems then those withstay at home moms. I know it is tough some woman don't have a chioce. I had a friend who was a great kid and an honor student and she was a lackey child. Good luck all you young moms and dads
Monday, March 26, 2007, 8:21 PM
so, basically, your friend proves the study wrong?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007, 8:10 AM
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