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My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose any more weight.
He says he likes me thicker, but I like to be thinner. If anyone has a good response for me to say to him, it would be great to have a few "on hand". I'm sick of him trying to prevent me from going to the gym or choosing a salad over pizza.
Mon. Nov 7, 1:14pm
I don't have any great comments but I just wanted to let you know I know where you are coming from. my fiance likes me bigger, says he supports me getting smaller BUT don't lose my butt and boobs... when I go smaller I'll take small all over,lol... then he brings me little treats, of course right now he's in FL and I'm in TX so this diest should go better (and I miss him sabotaging it just cause it would mean atleast he's here with me *sigh* )
but I would let him know it's for your health not just your looks and maybe he'll ease up... he's really in a hard spot cause if he said your fat lose weight we'd call him names and when he likes the way you are he's not supportive, gosh we put men in betweent a rock and a hard place,lol
Monday, November 07, 2005, 1:55 PM
My gut reaction is harsh - - tell him "too damn bad," and that you're going to be whatever size and "thickness" you want to be.
But, when calm, rational thinking sets in... I think you should remind him that if he cares about you, he should want you to be healthy and happy. You very well may be healthy at your current (or even heavier) weight, but if you're not happy, you need to change that. And he should support you in your quest for happiness. I'm sure you'd do the same for him.
Monday, November 07, 2005, 2:39 PM
my gut reaction is harsh, too - you're trying to be healthy and he's sabatoging it, and if he can't be supportive, he should get out of your life. Not knowing any of the details, I am worried that it's because he's jealous of your successes or that there was some other thing going on there, not just that he likes you "thicker". I mean, just typing that gets me all mad. It sounds like verbal abuse - he makes it sound nice when he's actually insulting you.
Check out The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense. I can't remember the author, but there was another thread on here that discussed it. It can be very useful for identifying when people are making you feel bad but they sound so nice as they do it that you don't realize what's happening.
Monday, November 07, 2005, 3:09 PM
our own self image
I understand how it feels like you are being sabotaged by your b/f not supporting you wanting to lose more weight. I don't know any of your details of how much you have lost but wanted to share these thoughts...
Like you, I LOVED the thinner version of me, but it was never enough, I could look in the mirror and still see the little tiny poochbelly in between the bony hips and still felt like I really needed to lose weight.
When I go back now and look at photos from that time I looked like a bobble head Renee Zellweger, boney and gaunt. My husband, mom and friends, were all telling me at the time, "at least keep a little meat on your bones" and I simply could not see what they saw, when I looked in the mirror.
I am not saying that your boyfriend is necessarily right, or blowing off what the other posters say about "jealous of your success or verbal abuse" since I don't know details. I am just saying, don't assume that he is only being selfish and bad to you, perhaps he is geniuinely concerned about you but doesn't know how to share it in a constructive manner you would be open to listen to.
Monday, November 07, 2005, 3:31 PM
I think it is great that your SO likes your curves
I'll never lose my curves, unless I get really unhealthy.
I think it is great that your SO doesn't want you too skinny. Especially as we consider the way our culture glorifies these stick girls and that women AND men are taught that skinny women are more desirable. However, if you are healthy, you may get smaller, but won't really lose the curves. Perhaps remind him of this.
Consider your goals though too. Remember the "I want to be Hollywood Skinny" thread? That isn't healthy, and frankly I'm happy that there are men out there who don't want that.
Monday, November 07, 2005, 3:35 PM
One more thing...
when I lost 15 pounds, I went from a C cup to a D cup because I was doing chest exercises that made my muscles bigger underneath. I lost weight but gained more curves, it was great and of course my boyfriend loved it!
Monday, November 07, 2005, 4:13 PM
My boyfriend has the same oppinion. When I started losing weight he was proud of me, but he also said that he prefers for me to have my curves. He was worried that I would lose those. I can assure him that I will not lose my curves. I have been my goal weight [5'6" 130 - 135] in the past, and still had the same curves, like them or not.
As long as you do not go to unhealthy legnths in your weightloss, I doubt you'll lose any of your curves either. My guess is your boyfriend will love it. Most guys I know think toned "thickness" is way hotter than unhealthy "thickness".
Monday, November 07, 2005, 8:28 PM
If his vision is that you'll be working out and become stick thin like a model reassure him that heating healthy and working out don't do that. That's all about starvation. Find pictures of healthy strong women to show him & say "this is what I'm going for". Also, he may be concerned that you'll be so hot you'll want to leave him for a really hot guy, guys get insecure too! He may also be concerned that you'll start judging him for making unhealthy choices.
If you can find out why he does it you may be able to help him stop but if he really prefers large women to the point that he's putting your needs last that's not a guy who's capable of being a loving partner.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005, 10:42 AM
d'oh... eating heathy, not heating :)
Tuesday, November 08, 2005, 10:43 AM
Which exercises were you doing?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 3:34 PM
tell him you'e going to be one of those thin people who is "thicker" on the inside. or tell him that you'd also prefer HE had a different shape, but that his shape/size is not what you love about him.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 3:48 PM
Add me to the "your body, your choice" camp. Of all the things in this world that a person should be able to make their own choices about, their own body tops the list for me.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 3:59 PM
My b/f loves me the weight I am now...but I believe I should be 25 lbs thinner for my health. With that said he supports me no matter what.. BUT, he did say that if I lost the weight...I would have men all over me! Or so he says...so, perhaps that's another reason too. Not that I would do anything about that...since we are committed!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 4:02 PM
My hubby went through the same thing when I was in process of losing over 100 pounds. When it got to a certain point, he started noticing other people noticing me. Once I figured out what the issue was, giving him a little extra reassurance (in the form of a lot of lovin' and acknowledgement of his importance in my life) went a long way to helping him feel more comfortable with the new me. He knew I didn't need a new HIM too, so he stopped leaving candy on my computer and bringing home old favorites. Be patient, he'll come around.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 4:04 PM
when I started setting a weight loss goal I wanted 135, but my fiance wanted me around 155, so we settled on 145. (actually HE settled on 150..but I decided 145 was better lol). Now that I'm at 150 he is getting antsy about me losing anymore weight. He asks me about it a lot and I've simply stopped talking about it. I know he loves me any way I am...big or small...thin or curvy. But he is definately a boob/butt man. He always tells me..."you can do side bends or sit-ups...but PLEASE don't lose that butt" lol.
Either way...I love my body, he loves my body..and I am secretly a little happy I don't have to push for another 10lb loss lol.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 5:16 PM
tell him you want him to start doing penis enlargement techniques so you can enjoy him bigger too.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 5:59 PM
Get rid of him; he sounds like a real jerk!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 10:33 PM
5.59, that made me laugh XD
10.33, a little harsh, no?
I think it's fantastic that he is a normal male who likes REAL women, and would lvoe you regardless of your size. Just explain to him that this is currently a personal choice, BUT make it clear that you appreciate his attitude bout your physical appearance. If your relationship goes further, such as marriage, personally I'd be happy to know that my hubby still though I was "hot" after pregnancy gain, etc, etc.
And like 5.59 said, just comment on how you'd like HIM to be a little 'thicker' as well =P
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 12:02 AM
I wish my boyfriend thought I was losing too much weight. he busts my chops always watching what i am eating and making comments if I eat something sweet1
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 12:35 AM
Regardless if you don't need to lose weight or you do (health wise) sabataging is a sneeky and unhealthy way to get his point across. You need to tell him that trying to undermind you as apposed to talking with you is only going to get him single. If he thinks he can manipulate you with this it will move into other areas of your life. Be careful!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 12:59 AM
You have to do what you want and what is right for you. If he loves you for you, he'll love you if you are thick or thin.
When I was big my husband didn't think I needed to lose weight, but once I lost the weight he loved it, and now he even wants me to lose more. Your man might change his tune, but if he doesn't you have to do what makes you happy. I don't care what weight my husband wants me at, I want to be happy with my body, since it's MY body.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 8:13 AM
Some men just like thicker women. I think men have a better idea of women's bodies than even we do. If she is losing too much weight for his taste, maybe she is starting to look unapealing to him -- i.e. ---- saggy and tired. Maybe the excercise and low calories are making her cranky. A man can notice these things. Maybe her skin is beginning to sag from all the loss, and it's revolting to him?
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 9:19 AM
Sometimes it feels like there is no way to win!
When I am at my goal weight of 125, close friends will say that my face is looking a little too thin. Everyone agrees that my body looks great & in shape, but my boobs lose perkiness. My husband often wishes that a little bit of my booty could move up to where my boobs are. frustrating.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 10:04 AM
Excessive fat is not healthy!
All of us have people in our families or peer groups who are uncomfortable with us losing weight. Sometimes they are forthright, and tell us we look terrible, etc. as we start to lose. Sometimes they are sneeky. They say nothing, but are sure to bring by treats and snacks that test us sorely and are hard for us to firstname.lastname@example.org
In the end, though, who is going to have to live with all that fat? We are. And fat is not healthy.
Excessive fat is associated with several major health problems, including diabetes, cardiac problems, and cancer. People who are in their target range for weight are far healthier as a group.
Thinner people also don't have to work as hard to live. Imagine carrying around four full gallon-size milk jugs with you every day, everywhere you go. Think of how exhausting that would be. Yet aren't you doing the equivalent even if you are "only" 32 pounds overweight? Each gallon of milk weighs 8 pounds! That's how much you lose everytime you lose 8 pounds!
Decide for yourself how thin you want to be. No one else is going to volunteer to lug your extra weight around for you. And no one else is going to be inside your body when you get hit with a major health crises.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 10:36 AM
I did not read the response but being a girl from the south I like the way Dr. Phil says it "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!"
Perhaps he is afraid of losing you to some other great fella once you lose the weight. You can spend the rest of your time reassuring him or maybe this is a good look into his character and you may not want to spend the rest of your life reassuring him. Don't let any one control you like that. Been married 20 years and used to do that with my man. Don't do it any more, I do what I want with my body and he is living with it. :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 7:52 AM
I am with the last commenter. We have no way of knowing if you are at a healthy weight for your height/age etc. There is such a thing as being too thin. Consult your dr. to see what a healthy weight is for you. Then, as other people have suggested, focus on the health issues with your man.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 10:32 AM
Apparently there is no pleasing my boyfriend! When I was chubby he wanted me to be skinny. Now that I'm slim he wants me toned with a thick butt. Arrrggghh why must I be expected to be perfect?
Friday, October 12, 2007, 11:31 AM
I 2nd that, we would need to know height, weight proportions. A lot of men prefer a woman who is soft. And by soft I don't mean fat, I mean not all skin and bones. Or maybe he secretly likes bigger women. Maybe he is a feeder. I knew a girl who dated this guy who was a feeder. She was already overweight by about 40 pounds but a year into the relationship she had gained another 45 pounds. When she wanted to lose the weight he got upset and said he would leave her. I quit my job but the last time I saw her she was pushing 300 pounds so I assume she was still with him. She was so big I hardly recognized her. Believe it or not there are men out there like that.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 11:34 AM
Calculate your BMI and gain perspective
If you google BMI you will come across a handy calculator that maps appropriate weight ranges based on height and weight. Despite what some posters have said, you are not automatically "unhealthy" for being some pounds overweight. The information about the BMI differentiates between factors as increased risk, high, very high and extremely high. The real health risks are for those who are extremely UNDERWEIGHT OR OVERWEIGHT. The BMI is a neutral way of both setting realistic goals and helping your partner understand. BUT NOTE THIS: waist circumference is seen as a better indicator than BMI. Why? "BMI does not differentiate between body fat and muscle mass." For more information on neutral and healthy guidelines for setting your weight goals, see http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pag
Friday, October 12, 2007, 1:39 PM
When I initially told my husband how much weight I wanted to lose - his immediate reaction was: That's too much! Then I showed him pics of me at that weight and he had to admit that I looked healthy. After that little discussion, he said he would keep his mind open and mainly he wanted me to be healthy and happy with myself not constantly obsessing because I wasn't thin enough when I looked perfectly fine.
So I make it a point to not obsess about food or my weight and he's supportive of my healthy cooking and active lifestyle (neither of which I had when we met). All in all I think it's a good mindset for both of us.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 2:34 PM
This is true I'm 5'3 and weigh 141, a lot of people here would say I need to lose 20+ pounds but I am extremely healthy. I am very muscular and I definitely have big bones. I currently wear a size 5/6 and think I look great. But by most standards I fall into the overweight category.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 2:35 PM
BMI is such a worthless POS.
OP- I say dump your boyfriend. You obviously want to look a way that is unattractive to him- so why stay with him? If you're already at a healthy weight, and you want to go thinner, you're losing the weight for vanity/self image, and that is not reconcilable to what he is attracted to. Moreover, your choosing your wishes over his and not looking to compromise, so it doesn't sound like a great relationship anyways. Some guys like skinny, some don't. I have dated guys who don't like anything less than a woman in a size 12. If you're not willing to listen when he says "be happy with the way you are" why should he listen to you when you say "be happy with what I will be" ?
Friday, October 12, 2007, 2:58 PM
It really depends on how he's doing it. Is he trying to control you and keep you in stasis? Or is he genuinely concerned for your health and doesn't want you to injure yourself by working out too hard or dieting improperly? Or does he just not want to share in your new healthy lifestyle? If he's happy not exercising and not worrying about his own weight, then that might not really jive with your new goals.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 3:32 PM
My former boyfriend kept telling me to not lose anymore weight because he said I was perfect just the way I was. I was not anywhere near perfect at 5"8", 310 lbs, and measurements that were 54-60-66. I was huge, unbalanced and tripping all the time, nothing fit me well, I didn't feel good. So I started losing weight and he started freaking out. Now I'm 200 lbs and still want to lose more. My measurements are 40-44-46 and still unbalanced. I want to have a waist, and hips that are equal to my bust. Or at least not more than a couple inches bigger. He left me for another fat chick. Bigger than I was. Good riddance. My opinion is he really didn't love ME, he has a fetish for fat women and anybody who is fat will fit the bill. I'd rather be with someone who loves me for who I am, how I think, what I like to do, etc., not simply based on how I look.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 5:54 PM
5:54 You go girl!!! Good for you and great job on your loss!! For your height I would say another 40-50 pounds and you will have the hour glass figure you want. Maybe try concentrating on abs more and twists for your waist.
Friday, October 12, 2007, 10:27 PM
To the oringinal poster: Don't ditch your bfriend if you don't want to. Instead, keep on loving him and show him your affection and when he brings it up or tries to give you fatty foods, politely inform him that you really would appreciate his help in your goal to lose weight and that you'll love him no matter what size you are." I figured out why my husband didn't want me losing weight and it was becuase other people began to notice, men from work flirting, etc and he thought I would ditch him. He'll come around and realize you only have eyes for him!
Saturday, October 13, 2007, 2:19 PM
Like 5:54, I am married to a man who has encouraged me to gain weight. When I was in high school, i gained a lot of weight and struggled to try to lose it but also love to eat. When we met, it was liberating not to have to worry about dieting and for the ten years we've been together, life's been an all you can eat buffet for me and I admit that it's been fun. But now I weigh over 300 pounds and struggle to lift myself up from the couch, or walk up a flight of stairs. I'm so used to eating large quantities that I find it hard to cut back now.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009, 12:16 AM
YOU'RE NOT MARRIED....
So ditch the bitch. My boyfriend would never in a million years tell me to gain or lose weight unless I were actually unhealthy and under/overweight. Right now it's just vanity pounds for me, and he will just support me because I want it for myself.
What your guy doesn't realize is what he really finds sexy is your sexual confidence, not your actual body. You know, we don't stay perfect for 50+ years, and you're going to want to be with someone who can see past the size of your butt.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009, 12:28 AM
Why are you upset? go eat a pizza with your man and get a bud (not light)
stop being shallow & get over it ,,,you know how many girls would kill to be in your position? any more complaints?
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