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My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose any more weight.

He says he likes me thicker, but I like to be thinner. If anyone has a good response for me to say to him, it would be great to have a few "on hand". I'm sick of him trying to prevent me from going to the gym or choosing a salad over pizza.

Mon. Nov 7, 1:14pm

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I don't have any great comments but I just wanted to let you know I know where you are coming from. my fiance likes me bigger, says he supports me getting smaller BUT don't lose my butt and boobs... when I go smaller I'll take small all over,lol... then he brings me little treats, of course right now he's in FL and I'm in TX so this diest should go better (and I miss him sabotaging it just cause it would mean atleast he's here with me *sigh* )
but I would let him know it's for your health not just your looks and maybe he'll ease up... he's really in a hard spot cause if he said your fat lose weight we'd call him names and when he likes the way you are he's not supportive, gosh we put men in betweent a rock and a hard place,lol

Monday, November 07, 2005, 1:55 PM

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My gut reaction is harsh - - tell him "too damn bad," and that you're going to be whatever size and "thickness" you want to be.

But, when calm, rational thinking sets in... I think you should remind him that if he cares about you, he should want you to be healthy and happy. You very well may be healthy at your current (or even heavier) weight, but if you're not happy, you need to change that. And he should support you in your quest for happiness. I'm sure you'd do the same for him.

Monday, November 07, 2005, 2:39 PM

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my gut reaction is harsh, too - you're trying to be healthy and he's sabatoging it, and if he can't be supportive, he should get out of your life. Not knowing any of the details, I am worried that it's because he's jealous of your successes or that there was some other thing going on there, not just that he likes you "thicker". I mean, just typing that gets me all mad. It sounds like verbal abuse - he makes it sound nice when he's actually insulting you.

Check out The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense. I can't remember the author, but there was another thread on here that discussed it. It can be very useful for identifying when people are making you feel bad but they sound so nice as they do it that you don't realize what's happening.

Monday, November 07, 2005, 3:09 PM

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our own self image

I understand how it feels like you are being sabotaged by your b/f not supporting you wanting to lose more weight. I don't know any of your details of how much you have lost but wanted to share these thoughts...

Like you, I LOVED the thinner version of me, but it was never enough, I could look in the mirror and still see the little tiny poochbelly in between the bony hips and still felt like I really needed to lose weight.

When I go back now and look at photos from that time I looked like a bobble head Renee Zellweger, boney and gaunt. My husband, mom and friends, were all telling me at the time, "at least keep a little meat on your bones" and I simply could not see what they saw, when I looked in the mirror.

I am not saying that your boyfriend is necessarily right, or blowing off what the other posters say about "jealous of your success or verbal abuse" since I don't know details. I am just saying, don't assume that he is only being selfish and bad to you, perhaps he is geniuinely concerned about you but doesn't know how to share it in a constructive manner you would be open to listen to.


Monday, November 07, 2005, 3:31 PM

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I think it is great that your SO likes your curves

I'll never lose my curves, unless I get really unhealthy.

I think it is great that your SO doesn't want you too skinny. Especially as we consider the way our culture glorifies these stick girls and that women AND men are taught that skinny women are more desirable. However, if you are healthy, you may get smaller, but won't really lose the curves. Perhaps remind him of this.

Consider your goals though too. Remember the "I want to be Hollywood Skinny" thread? That isn't healthy, and frankly I'm happy that there are men out there who don't want that.

Monday, November 07, 2005, 3:35 PM

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One more thing...

when I lost 15 pounds, I went from a C cup to a D cup because I was doing chest exercises that made my muscles bigger underneath. I lost weight but gained more curves, it was great and of course my boyfriend loved it!

Monday, November 07, 2005, 4:13 PM

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My boyfriend has the same oppinion. When I started losing weight he was proud of me, but he also said that he prefers for me to have my curves. He was worried that I would lose those. I can assure him that I will not lose my curves. I have been my goal weight [5'6" 130 - 135] in the past, and still had the same curves, like them or not.

As long as you do not go to unhealthy legnths in your weightloss, I doubt you'll lose any of your curves either. My guess is your boyfriend will love it. Most guys I know think toned "thickness" is way hotter than unhealthy "thickness".

Monday, November 07, 2005, 8:28 PM

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If his vision is that you'll be working out and become stick thin like a model reassure him that heating healthy and working out don't do that. That's all about starvation. Find pictures of healthy strong women to show him & say "this is what I'm going for". Also, he may be concerned that you'll be so hot you'll want to leave him for a really hot guy, guys get insecure too! He may also be concerned that you'll start judging him for making unhealthy choices.

If you can find out why he does it you may be able to help him stop but if he really prefers large women to the point that he's putting your needs last that's not a guy who's capable of being a loving partner.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005, 10:42 AM

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d'oh... eating heathy, not heating :)

Tuesday, November 08, 2005, 10:43 AM

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chest exercises

Which exercises were you doing?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 3:34 PM

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