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THEY SAID WHAT!?

I would like to know what are some of the meanest and most hurtful things someone has said about your weight and what your reaction was. Did you have a comeback that shut them up for good or did you find another way to deal with it. Post comments even if you ran home and binged. SPILL IT!! (no pun intended)

Thu. May 17, 8:56pm

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"I know that girls like you don't get much attention from men, so I'll let you (blank) my (blank) if you want."

Thursday, May 17, 2007, 9:59 PM

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What is ROFLMAO?

Friday, May 18, 2007, 4:09 AM

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rotflmao= chat ling rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

Friday, May 18, 2007, 4:14 AM

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My all time best...

Couple of years ago I was trying out the internet dating scene. I'd gotten serious about health and fitness, was down about 30lbs (finally a size 10!) and I'm sure my profile reflected my new-found obsession with fitness.

Anyways, meet this guy, we hit it off & agree to meet for dinner. Before we order, he tells me - because he feels I'm a nice person, and the next guy I meet won't be so nice - that there's no need to lie, or misrepresent myself, lots of guys are into bigger girls. He can tell people who work out regularly, and I obviously do not. More stuff like that. He offered to help me order my meal so it would be healthy.

I told him he was an ass & left. At the time I thought I did great (didn't go home & binge or anything) but looking back I notice that I lowered my expectations for a while after that - was always afraid I'd run into someone else who was "too good for me"!

Friday, May 18, 2007, 9:12 AM

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a year or so ago

I was walking down to the beach with my young son in his stroller... While still heavy- I had taken to 4 mile round trip walks and considered myself to be well on my way to health. Two young girls tween to teen age started walking about 6 paces behind me and started tittering/laughing. I heard one say something like, "If I ever get to be that big just shoot me." I can't remember exactly what was said as I tried to put the memory out of my mind, it really hurt. I just did not turn around and kept walking.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 9:16 AM

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My six year old son said he wanted to be like his dad who is skinny and not fat like me. It still really hurts.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 9:29 AM

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sorry to hear about that 9:29

My comment is referring to doing a project in class where we had to listen to each other's hearts w/ stethoscopes. My classmate started talking about the other girls in the class and how at least I wasn't as big as some of them and that it could be worse. For no reason! Good thing that guy failed out of school!

Friday, May 18, 2007, 9:47 AM

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9:12

that guy was an ass... you are so lucky he represented himself well from the beginning...

Friday, May 18, 2007, 11:45 AM

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I was in The Limited store with my sister who was thinner. She was in the dressing room and needed a different size pants. I went to go get the pants for her, but I could find her size. I called over a sales girl and before I even said anything, she says, "we don't carry your size!" I ignored her comment and asked for my sister's size, got it and walked away.

It didn't hit me at first, but I started to think about it later and then I got pissed. As a salesperson, you should ask questions first, not make ASSumptions. I sometimes wish I could back to that moment and just really embarassed her for making that comment.



Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:06 PM

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I had not seen a girlfriend for over a year. Since that time I had gone from 115 to 140 lbs. She came into town to go to dinner with a guy I was dating, and myself. During dinner he was saying how much he loved me ect, and how beautiful I was. She straight came out with... " Well, if you want to SETTLE, then OK." Then she went on to say she was surprised how much weight I had gained ect... Needless to say, I am no longer her friend. As she drove off the next morning to go home I waved goodbye, and decided right then that I would not SETTLE for a friend like her !!! :)

Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:12 PM

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As I was walking into the office kitchen area to get a treat that we'd all just been emailed about- "hey, better get yours quick, here comes the big guy"

Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:33 PM

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I was at work and this lady started talking about someone else she knew. She says Oh, she's just HUGE!! Then she looks over at me and adds, About your size. Because she was one of the residents wives and I was the manager I had to ignore it and just be nice. She was really a hateful old lady who always thought it was okay to say mean things.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:37 PM

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what horrible stories. I'm sorry to hear that any of these things have been said to anyone. People can be so hurtful.

The harshest thing I ever heard was at my nephew's birthday party a few years ago. A girl who was old enough to know better (probably about 13) told me I look like Rosanne Barr! Oh my gosh! I excused myself from the party, went home and bawled.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 1:27 PM

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This isn't specifically about weight, but in part because of it.

I was chatting with someone at work when we got on the discussion of age. She asked how old I was and I told her; and then said something like "But I don't look it, right?"

In the past, before the weight gain, I was always told I looked much younger than I was (although she didn't know that).

She said, "No, you look older than that." While it hurt then (and I happened to be thinking of it today before I came across this thread), it made me realize that weight gain adds more than size to one's appearance.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 1:27 PM

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my sister had bought me a skirt for my birthday and when i took it out of the gift bag one of my nieces said- how are you gonna wear that? you're too fat! she had to have been about 7 at the time so i just laughed it off, but it's always stuck with me... because she was right, the skirt didn't fit. :(

Friday, May 18, 2007, 1:31 PM

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i am 5'4" and 135 lbs & in decent physical shape. well, today my two coworkers were talking the convo went like this:

CW1: was she skinny?
CW2: *nods head in my direction* nah, she was about her size.

geesh!

Friday, May 18, 2007, 1:32 PM

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Unbelievable!! You would think grown ups would have more class.

My older sister was telling me about our cousin who just had a baby and went on and on about how ridiculously huge she got. Then she says to me, "she's even bigger than you." Like I was the benchmark for what ridiculously huge was.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 1:59 PM

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last summer i was shopping with my mom, we passed the junior section and i touched a shirt that i thought was cute. she proceeded to comment, "keep going, you can't fit into anything in that section." since that day, i've dropped 35 pounds (to 173) for a total of 70 pounds since beginning my weight loss adventure at my heaviest in 2003, when i was 243 pounds. i can now wear a MEDIUM unisex t-shirt for the first time in my life.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 2:06 PM

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ooooh, 1:59, that comment was made to me too. in my case the commenter was talking about someone who had gastric bypass - "she had GB and she's not even bigger than you!" um, thanks.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 2:45 PM

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Oh...there have been numerous. When you have been as big as I have, for as long as I have, you get used to the comments. A few of the most hurtful came from the people that I thought loved and respected me. Here is just a sampling:

This came from my boss, who I respected immensely and I thought respected me. I overheard her talking to a new employee. She was going down a list of names of employees and describing them. When she got to my name she said "Oh, she's the big girl that works in back. No, not the blonde girl, the REALLY big girl with red hair...you can't miss her." OUCH!

This one is on my top list of stingers. My in-laws came to live with us for about 3 weeks while their house was being repaired (after a mudslide). This is when I was first starting off on my healthy adventure. I have always loved to cook and everyone came to expect my dense, calorie ridden fare. My husband, in-laws and I were sitting down to dinner and my mother-in-law sighs and says "I don't know why you're feed US this way. WE'RE not the ones who are FAT." Let me tell you…that 3 weeks didn’t end fast enough!

I could go on and on, but those are two of the most pivotal.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 4:12 PM

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A 12 year old girl came up to me and asked me when I was expecting. I asked her "expecting what?". She replied, "your baby". I told her that I wasn't having a baby, that I was just fat.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 4:57 PM

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Back in 1994 I had been on fertility drugs for over a year and gained 30 pounds. After being off them for another year, but only losing 20 of those pounds, I became pregnant (1997). I then went on to have another child when the first was 19 months old (1999). It was after that, in 2000, that my husband told me he didn't love me and wasn't attracted to me anymore because of the weight I had put on. I only gained 27# with the first baby and 27 1/2# with the second! It still stings whenever I think about it, especially since we went on to have 2 more kids and I weigh more now that the day I gave birth to any of my kids. I know it's got to still be in his head too.

Other than that, the worst is when my kids say that I am fat.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 5:28 PM

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Sheesh! I mean it's one thing when little kids say stuff because they are young. I know hearing it from them hurts - but they don't really understand that.

But a store clerk? Or older family members? Really rude

Friday, May 18, 2007, 5:32 PM

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I was on a vacation/family renuion and I had not seen my Aunt and Grandfather for 5-6 years. In that time I gained a lot of weight. As my grandfather turned to give me a hug, he literally jumped back, wrinkled his nose and said, whoa! I didn't recognize you, you got so big! My grandfather has a a very booming voice and he might as well had said it over the intercom.

The next morning, I saw my Aunt and instead of smiling or hugging me, she had this angry look on her face like my fatness offended her. Both my Aunt and Grandfather didn't pay me much attention ( I wasn't the only one that noticed this, two other people pointed it out to me) and my older sister got much of the attention, which she craves.

Just their reactions alone really hurt me, but it was set aside when I was getting all the attention from our driver (we rented a van/driver to take us around the island) and from the wedding photographer at a wedding we attended. The driver had other motives, but the photographer really liked me and this made my sister very jealous. During the entire 2 weeks I hung out with the driver and a younger cousin. They made my vacation very pleasant because they weren't looking at me like I smelled like sh*t.

Friday, May 18, 2007, 10:21 PM

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People can be so cruel. If the tables were turned they would not be able to handle it.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 4:29 PM

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I regret my comeback

At the time I was still over 200 lbs (just barely) but hiking all the time and actually in pretty good cardio shape. I was walking along a popular short trail when I passed 3 kids and noticed the 10-12 year old "alpha" girl was bossing the other 2 kids. I passed them and heard her mutter, "big butt" at me. I neither have children nor particularly do I care for kids, especially bratty ones so I whirled around and without thinking said, "You're the reason I believe in abortion." That was 5 years ago and I still regret saying that to her. I wish I had just kept walking and had been an adult about it. I think karma got me too since I stopped seriously hiking after that.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 7:25 PM

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One day AT CHURCH a group of us were standing around and we were talking about our friend's guinea pig. He talked about how cute it was and that it would crawl up into bed with him. Then one man who was standing there said to my husband "Doug you are used to a pig crawling up on you every night". I wanted to die. We were at church!!! And to be honest, I had never had anyone say anything about my weight before. My husband said something sweet and wonderful in my defense and everyone look appalled. But, I never could look at that man the same way again.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 9:59 PM

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Words of wisdom from a 5 year old....

I want to lighten things up a little... when I was a teenager (before I gained weight) I was at the beach with my friend and the 5 year old boy that she babysat. An overweight woman walked passed us and the little boy made a comment about how she was a "fat girl". When my friend told him that what he said was not very nice, he got a confused look on his face and said "Some people are fat and some people are skinny....whats really important is that they are nice."

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 10:52 PM

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When I was a teenager -- and slightly overweight (15 pounds? on a tall, curvy body) my mother and grandmother would tell me that if didn't lose weight, no one would ever love me. I have since had boyfriends who loved me (in every way) weighting 50+ pounds more than I did back then. But it did make me fundamentally shy and wary, which didn't -- and doesn't -- help me in the dating arena. I think it also made me give up for a long time, because I felt helpless and resentful ... if I wasn't okay and acceptable as "me," then any efforts to take care of myself felt like being forced to completely change my fundamental self, i.e. my heart and soul, as well as the body I was given. It's still a struggle to overcome that and focus on taking care of the me I've got. For me that's the only way that's going to work.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 11:24 PM

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I was told by a lady (several pounds ago) That I could be a model if I would just lose about 50 pounds ..... that hurt I had no come back I just found that to be so rude....... well I lost the 50 pounds and would not want to be a model if it means having to be 50 pounds lighter to do so.

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 12:11 AM

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Isn't it interesting how distinctly we all seem to remember these moments?

I was at a bachlorette party, and had gained 30 lbs. after being in a car accident (I was a size 14). We were getting into a cab at the end of the night, and one of the bridesmaids commented to me and another girl, "Big girls in first!" (the other "big girl" was smaller than I was) She apologized the next day, and blamed it on the alcohol. To this day, 30 lbs. lighter, and 4 years later, I still think of it everytime I see her.

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 12:29 AM

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I was waiting for an elevator to go down. The door open and this guy is checking me out. I think, OK, I know I am a big girl but still attractive. So as we get to the bottom floor, he says, "Look at you. You are nice and ROUND." Was he kidding me???????

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 2:41 AM

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I still remember the pain

My first husband and I rarely went any where and one night I was practically begging him to go to a party with me. He kept telling me no, and of course, I couldn't leave alone. I finally asked, "Why don't you ever want to go anywhere with me?" His answer was like a knife in my heart. "Go take a good long look at yourself in the mirror."

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 3:22 AM

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Wow. The above post is awful. I can't believe your husband would say that to you!!

Mine was when I was in college. I was a 12 (14 now) and I was running to catch up with my friends and I passed these two frat-ish guys and one goes, "Yeah, run. You need to work off that fat ass." No one had ever said anything about my weight before that. It has stuck with me.

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 8:11 AM

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i have always been stocky and large since my teens. i was to meet my boyfriends parents for the first time. everything was going great till i was alone with his mother. she tells me not to get to involved, her son only likes skinny girls. this hurt me so bad at the time. we were married 2 yrs later and have now been together 18 wonderful years. i guess i showed her ! even after all this time, whenever i see her i remember her hurtful words to me.


Sunday, May 20, 2007, 10:33 AM

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I often wonder what do these people think they are accomplishing by making nasty comments about another person's weight.

One time a male co-worker asked my self and another female co-worker (who used to be athletic and a cop) which one of us would win in a fight. She quickly said I would because I would just sit on her. She thought this was actually funny and so did he. I didn't let it show that it bothered me as much as it did, but I didn't pretend it was funny either. After that I slowly distanced myself from them.

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 10:59 AM

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I flew home for Christmas, and it had been 6 months since I'd last seen my family. I had gone from 175 to 200 lbs in that time. My mother barely recognized me at the airport and could not stop her eyes from bugging out of her head and she looked close to tears. My dad, who was 100 lbs overweight himself, busted out with "Whoa, Jabba the Pizza Hut!" My reaction - it hurt, but I could not keep from laughing. So while that isn't the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me about my weight, the war between humor and insult has stuck with me for 9 years.

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 12:49 PM

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I was a cheerleader in high school and, no matter how nice you were to everone - the classmates love it when the cheerleaders get fat.

I was a curvy size 10 back then, I'm an 18 now - 5'5", 200 lbs.

With that said, after being out in the world for a while, I decided to move back to my hometown a few years ago. Although it was nice to back with my family again, I had, for a while, great dread about going out anywhere for fear/anxiety of running into someone who went to school with me.

Female classmates were all to happy to either saunter up to me to tell me something along the lines of "Ooh, Crystal. you've gained a whole LOT of weight!" (as if somehow, I wasn't up on the fact) or, make really nasty comments really loud to make sure that I hear it like "Is that Crystal? If it is, she got REAL big!" or, "I can't believe it, Crystal has got so THICK!!!"

As someone posted above, the elderly can also be big offenders and they feel that they've reached an age where they no longer have to be careful about what they say. "Wow! You've picked up a LOT since the last time I saw you! Mmmmmmm - MMM!" (with a repeated body eyescan followed by a disgusted facial expression)

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 2:56 PM

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One of my worst moments of being made fun of happened nearly 20 years ago- and it still stings to this day.
I was at a "friend's" 11th birthday party, and it was a pool party ta-boot. I was a chubby kid, not obese, but not slender like the majority of my classmates. Anyhow, I don't remember what prompted this boy to say this, but I can clearly remember him telling me and everyone else "Hey A, you're the fattest one here!" Everyone laughed and no one came to my defense. I was crushed. I knew I was heavier and self-conscientious already. This led to a downward spiral of self-esteem which I didn't come out of fully until grad school.
Now, all these years later, I weigh less now than I did at my 8th grade graduation. I have self-confidence out the wazoo, and while that comment still bothers me, I can look past it, finally!
PS- I have also been called "pregnant" several times due to carrying extra weight in my belly area. It once prompted me to throw away a nice dress because I couldn't dare wear it again after the pregnancy comment!

Sunday, May 20, 2007, 10:20 PM

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It's good to be able to share these stories with others because I would be too embarassed to tell my friends what someone said about my weight.

Monday, May 21, 2007, 8:59 AM

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It's funny, I've had many comments or situations over the years where people have said hurtful things, intentional or not. But I can only vaguely remember details of a few. Of course there's the "pregnant" comment that's pretty hard to forget (and I, like the above poster threw out the offending piece of clothing). But I think I've blocked out most of the comments that people have said to me. The scars they leave are deep of course, my self esteem and body confidence are pretty fragile despite my attempts to not care about what people think.

But the instances I can remember very vividly are the people who stood up for me. A boy on a high school trip said I couldn't sit in the van he was in because I would take up too much room so I ended up sitting on a bunch of luggage in another van. At the next rest stop, the "popular guy" in the class heard what he said and made him come clean out the van to make room for me and apologize to me.
Another guy in junior high offered to carry me on his shoulders in a game of pool chicken (where you try to knock the other person down) when comments had been made about how I should be the one on the bottom. I don't know how he struggled through the game, but we won.

There are some really horrible people out there who can say absolutely heinous things, but try to remember the good ones too.

Monday, May 21, 2007, 9:38 AM

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"BIGGER THAN YOU"

Ahh I get that comment from my best friend sometimes. She's like 90 lbs, and doesn't realize she's being mean. She said one time
" Hey you'll never guess who I saw from high school. It was Jamie. Yeah, she got HUGE, I mean she's bigger than you, You know.".
I said " wow and now I'm the fat person that you measure other fat people by? " Ofcourse I just laughed at her, but it still stung.

Monday, May 21, 2007, 11:31 AM

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"AND ON ANOTHER NOTE...."

I have had a lot of comments said to me about weight. And most of them I just ignore. But only two times have I took the comments to heart.
One was when I was about 23, and I had just divorced my husband. My nephew, my two sisters, and my best friend all decided we'd take turns jumping on the trampoline. When I got my turn to jump, my nephew started laughing (he was only 5) and pointing. "Look at how far the trampoline goes down with Aunt Lorrie!" ....everyone tried not to laugh, and they all jumped on my Nephew, but I told them not to. Five year olds always say the truth, and don't know how to sugar coat.
The second one was at a chinese restaraunt with my skinny little sister Crystal. We were sitting there and the guy came up to get our drink orders. I said I'd like a coke. The waiter just looked at me and said " you mean DIET coke", I said " no coke" and he said " DIET COKE". This went on every time he came to our table to refill our drinks. My sister and I walked outside and just about laughed ourselves silly. I mean the Nerve. Ofcourse I can retell that story and laugh about it because it was funny. But the other one I never tell anybody I remember.

Monday, May 21, 2007, 11:56 AM

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My mom's favorite trick is to buy something for me in the "regular" size tops (I wear a 1X right now, down from a 3X a while back) and then pretend to be surprised when it's too tight.

"Your sister doesn't struggle with her weight" or "wouldn't it be nice to look like so-and-so" are other faves of mine.



Monday, May 21, 2007, 5:39 PM

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people can be so mean...I have really enjoyed reading yet at the same time it makes me so sad to realize how terrible people can be.
This is maybe a bit off because nothing is never said it is what is done. Over the past few years I have lost a total of 40 pounds. During that time I was wearing a size 14. As the weight dropped so did my clothes sizes well my mother in law still keeps buying me size 14 clothes ( I now have a HUGE closet full price tags still on them) I have dropped several clothes sizes and telll her straight out the clothes are to big and what size to buy still the next time she shows up with clothes they are size 14. SHe just makes me feel like I still need to keep losing weight. Oh and one more thing at my baby shower 3 years ago (which she was sweet enough to throw for me and that I was greatful) One of the games was GUESS WHAT SIZE OF PANTS JAMIE WEARS!! come on!! I gained over 70 pounds....the last thing I wanted or needed at this point was to have a bunch of women guess my clothes size. It made me so uncomfortable as welll as others at the shower.
I think people should stop and think about what they do before they do it....maybe some people just enjoy trying to make others feel bad!!

Monday, May 21, 2007, 10:10 PM

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I hate being fat!

I went to a night club with a friend (I usually don't do that scene). She was with this guy she was dating, and we were all dancing on the floor. I saw her boyfriend point ot the ugliest, fattest guy in the room and point at me. The ugly guy laughed and shook his head, and said, "no way man, I'm cool". Then he went over to a skinny blond and asked her to dance. JERK!!

Monday, May 21, 2007, 10:41 PM

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these aren't the worst, they just stick in my mind because they've happened recently.

one of my close co-workers frequently says- i'm such a fat ass, you and i are fat biatches. then we laugh, kinda. she also says- man i'm fat, i'm fat, i'm fat i hate being a size 10! however, i am trying to get to a size 10. (from 16) i flat out told her one day, that i am way larger than she is, and if she thinks she's fat (she's not), then how fat am i?

i was out with some friends and one of them was telling me a story about this HUGE girl at a party, that was wasted and her boobs kept flopping out of her dress and she was too drunk to notice. well my friend says- she had to have been 200 pounds... at the time i was 200 pounds, i wasn't offended because i figure hey i don't look 200 pounds to her! ;o)

Monday, May 21, 2007, 10:53 PM

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Wow, a lot of these stories are terrible. I don't think mine are nearly as bad as any of yours, but I still remember them.

This one happened about 25 pounds ago. My bratty little monstrous cousin (who had been pushing my buttons throughout an entire week when I was visiting family out of state) pointed to my arm and made a comment about how big it was. I have to cut her slack since she was only about four or five, but it still hurt my feelings that she said it (since kids that age always say what they think, it had to be true).

The other one happened about 10 pounds ago. I was putting on a wetsuit that was hard to get on because of the way it was cut, not because it was too small. You had to get your entire body through the little head-hole. Well, this woman walked by as I was struggling to put it on and goes, "Wetsuits aren't supposed to be that tight. Maybe you should get a bigger size." She was doing the whole look me up and down thing as she said it. What a B#$#@!! I didn't have any clever retort, but took the passive-aggressive route and accidentally-on-purpose snaked a few of her waves (and took comfort in the fact that she might have been skinnier than me, but I was definitely a better surfer)!! LOL!! Oh yeah, and I got a wetsuit that is easy to put on so I don't have to deal with that other one anymore!! :)

~kat_3~

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 1:55 AM

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my uncle used to call me "crisco". after about 10 times of hearing this, i asked him why he called me that. he said, "because you're fat in the can!"

i still, after 25 years, remember that every time i see this man. and i remember how no one in my family stood up for me. they would just say to take it with a grain of salt or ignore him. i felt alone for many years, even when surrounded by my family. as i watch this uncle, who is not a blood relative, suffer through his diabetes now, i think about karma. when he had to have part of his foot removed, i asked him if it was because he had stuck it in his mouth one too many times.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 8:51 AM

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(as a child) I was told by my family that no one would love or want me as big as I was. There were of course the 'Omar the tent maker' clothing jokes (also from my immediate family). When I cried in protest my mom told me to expect those type of comments where ever I went, so getting the same at home would prepare me for the ugliness that lay just outside our front door. On the flip side years ago, in a small grocery store- a woman and her two little girls were walking past me. As I was gearing up for the inevitable fat woman comments, the older child turned to her mom and exclaimed "isn't that lady beautiful mom !"
(I had wished later that I had talked with her).

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 9:42 AM

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I'll be honest, I've really never been insulted on my weight. I'm sorry to hear some of the terrible things people say to you. I'm 5'9" and 225 lbs., so it's not like I'm a tiny thing. I think the people who say things like this have self-esteem issues of thier own. I have had many friends over the years who were picked on for thier weight...one of them used to have a t-shirt that said "I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight" and I remember her getting several comments from people as we walked through the mall. Things like "well why don't you get off your lazy ass and do it then?"
My 9 yr. old daughter has asked me several times how come I'm so big and don't I want to be thin. But I don't think of these as insults, only concern from her. They are really emphasizing physical fitness in school these days, because so many young children are overwieght now. I'm fighting 2 battles..weight and lupus. The lupus doesn't help me with the weight battle at all.
I just want to say congradulations to all of us her for working at it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 11:14 AM

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Grandfather

We would line up at the door way to say good-bye to our grandparents when ending our visit. I went up to hug my Grandfather and when he put his arms around my back- he felt and grabbed my (roll) chub and said, "when you can grab it, you need to lose it." I was so humiliated, I was in the 7th grade, I think.

It took me a while, but I finally forgave him. It did spark a drive to lose weight, but mostly angered me more than anything.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 11:27 AM

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ug-all of this sounds so familiar. :( we've all been through the same stuff, huh? maybe remembering that will help us be nicer to those that are different than us down the road.

I heard many horrible things in my heavier days but for some reason two from the last couple of years really stand out-probably because they were catalysts for me to get off my butt!

In 2001 I was at a family friend's wedding with my younger sister, and dad-my mother had passed away a few months earlier and we were seated with a good friend of the bride's mother. She spent most of the evening talking everyone's ear off. I spent a lot of the evening dancing and drinking and having a good time. At the end of the night, she comes over to me to say goodbye, and goes "And don't worry honey, you have a pretty face." !!!!!!! Don't worry?? what was I worried about? I know she was referring to my weight.

Then a couple of summers ago, after losing 40 lbs-I still had some weight to lose but I was feeling confident, fit and healthy at 160 lbs. I put on a halter sun dress and was walking downtown with some friends to go out for some drinks. As we were walking a guy standing in the doorway with his buddies yelled something to get my attention-but I ignored them because they seemed drunk and potentially creepy. So because I must have hurt his feelings for ignoring him he yelled "whatever, you look pregnant anyhow?" :( Even at my heaviest-no one ever though I looked pregnant, how could i look like that now. I was mortified, and sad and spent the rest of the night (and a few days afterwards) feeling like crap about my new body. It was almost as if that punk knew i had lost weight and had a self esteem issue. UG!

so many jerks!!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 1:43 PM

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To 1:43 PM;

The only thing that guy knew was that a pretty girl dissed him and he had to say something to soothe his bruised ego. I've ignored guys before and they've called me the B-word because of it. I never take it personally, just congratulate yourself for recognizing a loser before you got involved.

One of my moments was a few years ago when I worked in a department store. I had recently lost a lot of weight and I was getting compliments left and right from my co-workers and people who knew me. One night, a lady comes in at the last minute before we closed to return a sweater. She didn't have the receipt and we were not allowed to take accept returns on merchandise from a different floor. She immediately got upset and then told me I need to go lose weight. That really shocked me and literally made my face red hot. Her one sole comment made me forget all the compliments. To make matters worse,she was returning the sweater because it was too TIGHT. The sweater was a size 16 folks! I wore a size 10 at the time.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 2:10 PM

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There will always be people in this world that try to keep you down to your level. Disgusting!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 8:29 PM

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So my nextdoor nieghbor and I grew up and started dating after becoming best friends. His friends were my friends growing up but went to his school and I wouldnt have hung out with them if it werent for him. They were all lifelong friends and always gave eachother a hard time so I dont think they knew it bothered me as much as it did that they called me Tank. They said they called me that because i had a big ass. One night it almost brought me to tears and I told them that it really bothered me. They were and are still my friends so they stopped but it really messed with my self esteem for awhile and I am still self conscious of it

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 3:01 AM

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Family Blows

I keep reading all the insults and see that quite a few comments come from our own family. I have so many of my own insults (from family too) I'll just post a few.

My mom went out to the super market and came home with a half gallon of ice cream and said "Here's your dinner porker"
*My mother and I have never gotten along*

I'm in the Navy, so you can imagine how the pressure to be physically fit is. I was onboard USS Tin Can and I am an E-5. An E-3 comes up to me in the chow hall and says, so how old is your baby? I said 2 and he said DAMN, and you're still fat. Well, I told my brother from another mother and he scared the crap out of him. Since then everytime he sees me its "hello petty officer".


Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 8:31 AM

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8:29 -

I would never tell someone they had on an ugly shirt or their hair was hideous. Everyone here will agree: people that are overweight KNOW they're overweight and can do without the commentary from strangers/family/friends. It's not helpful.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:20 AM

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To post 8:29 AM;

An ugly skirt can be taken off in a minute and an ugly hair do can be washed away and put back in a pony tail. Extra weight can't come off that fast and does much more damage than comments on an ugly skirt. And yes, unsolicited personal comments are mean. Who needs a reminder that they are fat, ugly, old, have a giant pimple...etc. We see these things in the mirror everyday. No one asked for their opinion! People like to think they are making these comments to help you, but it's actually an attempt to shame or embarrass you into losing weight. If doing this actually worked, many of us would not be on this website.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:21 AM

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to 829

pointing out that someone has a weight problem is so far removed from calling someone "tank" or "crisco" or pinching backfat. should i point out that you sound like a total b*tch in your post, or is that obvious to you?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:34 AM

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to 8:29

I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. Some of these posts have brought me to tears. If you picked any one of these comments and put yourself in the same situation and wouldn't have any feelings there is something wrong with you and you should probably seek help. Possibly a therapist.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:45 AM

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ok here is my story:

i was out with friends and i was having a super night. there was a game where you hop from certain pubs and draw a card and the best hand wins $500. well i won the money and it was soo awesome, but when i went to get the money my brother was standing by the guy who hands it out. when i was handed the money..my own brother told me i should take it straight to jenny craig and help myself out. this was after i had been dieting and had already lost about 10 pounds. i grabbed my money..kept a smile on my face until i hit the backdoor..and cried myself home. when i got there i sat there for a minute and decided this can only make me stronger. i'm now down 18 pounds and feel soo good. i dont know if i can ever forgive him but it was a push in the right direction.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 11:31 AM

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My whole life I was the uber-skinny girl who could eat anything. Honestly I never gave a second thought to my weight or diet. I was rather shocked to find out just many other people did though. Went to college, got married, settled down to a desk job and packed on 40 pounds in the process. The UNHOLY, F*-ING MALICIOUS GLEE with which with many 'friends', relatives and acquaintences greeted my weight gain was profoundly disturbing. I had no idea how obsessed many folks were about their weight, and how they needed to cackle about mine to make themselves feel vindicated somehow (bet it didn't work).

It was usually some variation of 'ooohhh look who FINALLY gained weight! Told you that day would come.'
(all said with a sweet smile, that had a whole lot of bitterness behind it, from people who had gained a lot more in that time than I had)

What got me was people felt that it was just fine to make comments about my weight because I had been skinny, as if skinny people shouldn't have any feelings about their weight. I haven't let anyone make me cry since the fourth grade and I am not about to start now. I've changed my lifestyle, gotten really active and taken off 30 of those pounds, and because I have also been working out I fit back into my old clothes (even without the last 10) and they look better than they did the first time around.

I've run into some of those folks again since the weight has come off and my body is in the best shape it's ever been in. I don't have to say a word - living well is truly the best revenge.



Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 12:40 PM

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Out of the mouth of BABE's

I understand what it's like to have your child say something...My daughter who is 8 told her friend that my mom is the older one (out of myself and my sister) because I am the big one. Really I am 2 years younger than my sister...this was part of the reason I have started a week ago Friday on here and on my new healthy living kick! I turned 40 at the end of April and and I am the "big one", when really I am younger than her...so it all hit home! In all it was a good thing, thinking positive...I need to lose weight and be healthy!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 12:51 PM

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8:29-

Not everyone gets fat because they are "eating morning till night". I was on the heavy side even as a little girl and I certainly didn't stuff my face all day long.

Also-just because one might be "ok" or comfortable with themselves does not mean that cruel statements don't hurt or offend. I'm sure the majority of african-americans are ok with themselves/comfortable and if someone made a racial remark it would still sting/infuriate. (I realize race/weight are not related but works with this point) I'm ok with the fact that I still don't know what I want to do with my life at 29, but when people make comments like "when are you going to get a real career?" it still pisses me off and hurts my feelings.

I agree with the person who said you sound like an idiot. No one deserves to hear these types of comments, I don't care how they got fat!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 1:30 PM

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My grandmother has always commented on my weight, ever since I was a little kid. She would come over for dinner and watch like a hawk everything I ate, and make comments, and then say "why don't you go run around the block " or "why aren't you skinny like your sister?"...and this is when I was like 10 years old!

Now I have lost a lot of weight, and my family is really happy for me. But my grandmother still feels the need to constantly pay attention to how thin or heavy I am, what I'm eating, etc. Even though I am now a size 4-6, and I often chose to indulge in dessert at family dinners (because I know I've eaten well all day and worked out), she has to say something like - "you dont want to gain all that weight back do you? you're gonna get fat again".

It's a shame what our families do to us. Of the many people I know with food and weight problems, I think so much of it comes from our parents and families. I hope I/we can do better by our children.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 2:10 PM

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You're not fat!

When someone is 40+ pounds overweight, the last thing they need to hear is what they want to hear. If someone had come to me in love and said, "hey, I'm really concerned that you have gained so much weight" I would have realized a lot sooner that I had a problem. But everyone around me either said nothing or lied. And that doesn't help.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 2:37 PM

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This thread is very clearly NOT about expressions of genuine, selfless concern, 2:37. It's about cruelty, be it deliberate or unintentional. There is a world of difference between having your sister suggest that you take walks together every other day and having a co-worker suggest that you wear one of those truck signs that say "Wide Load" on your ass.

You live around good, polite people who apparently thought you were smart enough to notice on your own that you'd gone up 3 sizes.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 3:18 PM

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Therapist Schmirapist

My first year of graduate school I went to a therapist. One of the things I spoke to her about was how it was difficult for me to make friends. She said to me, "Well, it's probably because you are overweight and people can see your addiction. Nobody wants to be around that. Smokers can hide it, people who are food addicts can't." The same woman also told me that no man would ever really like me because of my weight. It would only be men who have issues and like overweight women because they are insecure and easy to take advantage of.
I don't go to her anymore. But sometimes I wish I had really told her off. My friend told me that as a therapist, what she did was the worst thing she could have done. It's true, all that stuff, I still haven't fully gotten over it.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 3:31 PM

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to 5-23-07, 2:49

you're not an idiot for SAYING what you believe. you're an idiot BECAUSE of WHAT you believe about this subject.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 3:45 PM

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I was out shopping and dropped into the Gap. As I walked towards the changerooms, I saw a girl I went to highschool with who I had not seen in five years. We exchanged friendly hellos and she provided me with a changeroom. After trying on pants that were too small, I asked her for a size 14. "Wow, what happened to YOU?!?!" she asked me to my face. Totally dumbfounded, I just muttered something and left.

Looking back on this, she too had gained a significant amount of weight as well. Even despite my weight issues, I didn't need to put her down to make myself feel better.

I hope all of you feel the same about yourselves...It's the way you live your life that makes you the woman/man you are, not your pant size. All the same, go for your weight loss goals. You can do it!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 3:48 PM

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If you don't feel comfortable with your self and get offended by these comments then you should start trying to change.

and by the way, "if....then" staements actually follow a logical pattern, they don't work so well when they're a result of an emotional outburst made without thinking.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 4:36 PM

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so, eating all day long only makes me fat if you're an idiot? i guess i'll have to slow down on the ol' bent elbow exercises.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 4:40 PM

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Hey person who's upset about this thread---go back and read what I originally wrote before you get off on your rampages. I said that you SOUND like an idiot. When did I say that in fact, you are? Maybe you should read more carefully before you get all bent out of shape. Also, if you don't agree with what this thread is about, why do you keep coming back? Obviously you need some attention. Thank YOU for helping me prove MY point in a far clearer way.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 5:14 PM

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There is a thing call class and a thing called respect. It takes two to tango- Someone who lacks class and someone who is easily offended makes for a busy chat room.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 5:31 PM

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Stupid??

"Thanks for helping me illustrate my point in a more clear way"

Hey sweetheart heads up on the grammer "a more clear way"???? HELLO Clearer Not more clear. If you are going to make a jerk out of yourself on a public board at least do it with some level of grammatical correctness. That is why you are ignorant.

Why do you think it's ok to say horrible things to someone if they are fat or if they are ugly. Maybe it's just the part of the world I come from but that's not acceptable behavior. Oh wait no their called MANNERS, get some. Oh sorry that is why you are ignorant, it's not the bad grammer, it's the bad manners.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 5:42 PM

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ditto 5:42 !!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 5:48 PM

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5:42
Maybe you shouldn't throw stones so quickly. Everyone is allowed to express an opinion and if you choose to focus on grammar maybe you should start with your own "Oh wait no their called MANNERS" try "they're". Small minds small issues

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 5:53 PM

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5:42
It is grammar not grammer.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 5:59 PM

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oh who cares.....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 6:01 PM

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I think you all need to go hang out on the "Fat people are angry" thread.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 6:25 PM

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life of a teen

Every day is the same..I goto school and these boys bug me about my wieght calling me a fat bitch and a fat whore or saying stuff like dont touch her u might feel her fat jiggle. So one day I decided to stick up for my self a chinese boy came up to me and called me a fat whore so I turned around and said listen here you fucking chink I am sick of your bullshit and you should just go eat some more rice before to say anything else that might convince me to kick your fucking little ass.The guy started crying and I felt soo bad he came up 3 days later and said sorry now we hang out all the time but the best revenge is proving some one wrong!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 6:27 PM

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whats wrong with u

wtf?


Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 6:28 PM

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6:28
Exactly who is the "U" you are writing to?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 6:30 PM

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From a guy I sorta liked. We were good friends at the time.
"It's alright, we don't consider you a girl anyway."

My response? "get out of my car and walk the rest of the way home."

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 6:47 PM

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Chink? BEing insulted doesn't merit racist epithets.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 7:39 PM

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What happened to this thread?! We were all sharing stories about times we were hurt. This thread was created to get things off your chest not to start high school -esque squabbles.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:10 PM

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I'm not the "chink" poster, but there is a discriminatory element to weight that is on a par with race or religion - worse in one way because it's acceptable to say nasty things to and about fat people, but not about asians, blacks, whatever. The phenomenon doesn't have a universal name yet, though I've heard fat-ism or looks-ism. If her point was to drive home how hurtful it was to be called names like "fat whore" for being an overweight girl, I'd say her comeback achieved that in an eye-for-an-eye kind of way. After all, you can't honestly believe that calling someone a "fat bitch" is not as bad or as insulting or as painful as calling someone a "chink".

Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 9:22 PM

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on topic

When I was still working, a woman I know -she WAS a really good friend of my mother and she knew that my hubby had gotten a vasectomy- walked up to my CO-WORKER and asked, loudly enough for me and everyone else around to hear, if I was Pregnant. I was sooo embarassed and I just felt really horrible for a long time after that.



Thursday, May 24, 2007, 12:42 AM

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2:49 not everyone on here is fat. I come to hear just how stupid some people sound while wasting time at work. You are pretty close to the top. Thanks for the laugh

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 4:06 AM

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All of these hurtful comments are pretty shocking, but I think the worst was the poster from Wednesday, 8:31 AM. I actually gasped when I read it. I hope you didn't let it get to you, 8:31... and I thought my mom was bad!!!

My parents kept telling me that I would be the subject of ridicule for being chubby in grade school. They said, "Don't you want people to like you?!" :( Fortunately, no one ever made fun of me in grade school, I wasn't very fat.

Also, I don't think resorting to racial epithets is a very good comeback. The guy deserved to be put in his place, but you probably don't need to insult an entire ethnic group to do it!

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 7:21 AM

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when i was in high school, as i walked through the hallways several boys would sing to me the theme of rawhide, but they substituted some words..."swollen, swollen, swollen, keep those thighes a rollin' " it was extremely hurtful and made me feel emotionally empty. after 2 years of hard-core effort, monitoring my portions, limiting all flour and sugar products, no meat or any meat by-products, i lost 60 pounds. going into my senior year, some of the very same boys who had made fun of me thought i was a new student. the first one who flirted with me got an earfull. i explained that he already knew my name, or at least the name he and his friends had given me, "swollen". and i went on to tell him that the experience actually made me a better judge of character than i had been in the past, before gaining weight. i thanked him for the opportunity to find out what kind of person he really was before he tried to be nice to me. it was awesome!

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 9:10 AM

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MY SON WHO IS ALSO 6 KEEPS PRAYING TO GOD AT NIGHT THAT HE HELPS ME GET SKYNNI CUZ IF NOT I WONT BE HEALTHY AND I WILL DIE.IT BREAKS MY HEART EVERY TIME I HEAR HIM :{

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 10:08 AM

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10:08;

Now THAT is someone who loves you!!!

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 11:28 AM

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The most hurtful thing that anyone ever said came from my brother, who i was always close with. i was little and my mom bought reese's candy for snacks. i asked how many i could have. my brother said, well one perosn would only eat a few, but since your the size of a couple people you'll probably get more. " i cried and cried. i was only a little girl, but i can remember resorting to food even back then to cope.

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 11:44 AM

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My mother-in-law just bought me some exersize equipment for my birthday. She didn't have to actually "say" anything. The fact that she thinks I need some is bad enough.

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 4:58 PM

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11:44 post

Yikes, how old was your brother when he said this?

Thursday, May 24, 2007, 8:09 PM

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These stories are really sad!

Friday, May 25, 2007, 8:37 AM

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My Own Father - Can't Win !!!!

I was 26 and had put on a few lbs through university (5'6" and topped the scale at 170 size 14 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
He had been drinking one night and looked at me and said "YOU"RE FAT "!!!!!! That's it that's all.

Ironically when I hit my 30's and lost weight through diet and exercise (down to to 125) he told me I looked too skinny and haggard.

Friday, May 25, 2007, 8:44 AM

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Wow! really sad stuff!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 1:51 PM

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teachers aren't always there to help

I have always been over weight so when I was in the 8th grade I wore shorts to school one day and had of all people a teacher tell me that big girls like me should not wear shorts I only weighed 150lbs.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 3:25 PM

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Back on topic

Ten years ago on my 21st birthday I slept with my all-time crush. He was older(28) super cool and all the girls around wanted to date him--he was freshly divorced and very selective. He took me out to dinner, we got drinks and went back to his place for a great night of passion-filled bliss. In the morning, when the light entered the room I awoke to him holding my thigh and when he realized I was awake said, "large and in charge"--I am 5'5 and weighed 137 pounds at the time. I slightly laughed and said while holding his man member said, "this is it?" got up and drove home. That sucked.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 7:19 PM

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Fathers

Since I was a teenage age girl going through "the changes", my father had made comments about my ups & downs in weight. He did the same thing to both of my sisters. I'm sure he thought he was doing the fatherly-thing to bring it to my attention, but the delivery coulnd't be more hurtful. When I would come home from college, he would pick me up from the airport & give me the dreaded "up & down" look. My older sister knows the look as well.

One day when I was in my late 20s, I was bend over the the waist to put something away in the kitchen...and he came up to me and touched my thighs while saying "ooo. You are too young to have this cellulite." To this day, it still hurts when I think about that comment.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 7:56 PM

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YIKES!!!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 10:02 PM

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Hurtful comments from friends and family

I just want to say Thanks to some of you for posting. I am about 45 lbs over my own ideal weight (which would be the skinny side of healthy) and I am constantly working toward that goal - My husband is about 100 lbs over what he should be and shows no sign of caring about it. I realize, reading your posts, that I have said some hurtful things to him. I don't know if it really bothers him or not. I have said them, because he doesn't seem to recognize that his weight and his eating affect me. I worry about him and his health, and I worry about my own health. The fact that he doesn't care about either of us being overweight makes me feel that he really doesn't love me enough to put effort into doing something about it - for either of us! My comments have been my expression of hurt, and sometimes of hope that he will care. Thank you to those of you who have mentioned how some simple comments have hurt you. Because of that, I will try to be more considerate in the future.



Thursday, May 31, 2007, 2:16 AM

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To hurtful comments from friends and family

Trust me, your husband notices his weight and probably wishes everyday that he could ake the weight off. It is very hard to get motivated especially if you have failed in other attempts.

Lead by example, invite him when you go exercise, ask him to try any foods you make for your diet. Do this without mentioning his weight. As he sees you losing, maybe he will catch on.

I never share my goals or successes with the people who make negative comments about my weight. Kind of my way of getting back at them (cutting them off from my life).

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 4:27 AM

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You don't know my husband. He is not lead by example. I have lost the weight twice in our married life. I am not constantly bugging him or saying things about his weight. My comments have been rare. I have put the weight back on both times, largely because he couldn't care any less about my weight (which is good in a lot of ways) or his.

Years ago, when I was facing a very serious health issue due to my weight, I asked him if he would be willing to help me. His answer was Yes. An hour later, he informed me that he had put a pie in the oven for dinner. (Loads of Help. ) Another time, when I said I hadn't made dessert because I was trying to lose weight, he said, "I don't know why I should have to suffer because you can't control yourself."

He didn't say or do either of these things with meanness. He simply doesn't get it.

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 4:39 AM

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I remember when I was like 6 or 7 years old (early grade school), I had very little feet. While waiting outside for the bell to ring before school, she said 'look at your feet compared to you... they are so small!' I am now 27... two decades and I still remember that...

Friday, June 01, 2007, 9:41 PM

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hurtful comments

The two that have hurt me the most
I had a girlfriend tell me that I should be institutionalized because I can't control myself.

The other was a male friend who told me I wasn't worth taking a chance on. Meaning, I obviously didn't care enough about myself.

It is amazing to me how those things scar you.

Saturday, June 02, 2007, 12:56 AM

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Comments from In-Laws

Last July we went to Florida to visit my in-laws. I had gained some weight after having my daughter and I hurt my foot and was getting surgery in Oct. So I had stopped running. Needless to say, I was pretty chunky. But not in that bad of shape.

When my sister in law came into the room for the first time and saw us, she hugged my husband and picked him up (because he's her little brother) and then she hugged me. Then she turned to my father in law and said "you notice I didn't pick her up, I KNOW MY LIMIT!" Everyone laughed. My husband knew it hurt my feelings and how sensitive I am about my extra weight. Then a few days later my niece looked at me and said "Man, Aunt J you've gotten thicker over the past few months, eh?" She's only 10, so I just played it off and said, "yeah, that's what everyone's been talking about since we've been in Florida!" Then... a few days later we're hanging out at my mother in laws house and my sister in law was like, "See I told my husband that having a baby will screw up your body."

So needless to say, I didn't hang out there much after that. My arse was the topic of everyone's conversation and I felt like a freak show. But that's why we have in-laws... just to visit everyone once in a long while.



Saturday, June 02, 2007, 1:45 AM

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I remember a couple years back and mind you, this was 20 lbs lighter and I thought I was looking pretty good..a stranger came up to me and said "oh darlin..is it going to be a girl?" My response.. I'm not pregnant, but thanks for letting me know I'm fat!" ha... GEEZ! Nothing like bursting my bubble!

Saturday, June 02, 2007, 10:56 AM

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They said what?!

I've read a lot of these postings and I'm amazed too at how rude people can be. My uncles, married into the family, were always picking on the women in the family whether we were skinny or fat. When I was developing they would always make comments about my breast....which were little! When I was older and had 2 children, one of two of them I was in company with made a comment about by breasts being floating devices. Of course this pissed me off and I said "Yah, they are! Do you need to borrow my bras because yours is looking like they need a little support!" Of course this just made the the other laugh, to which I said, "Wouldn't laugh if I were you....might make you pop that baby out!" They weren't too happy with me but I sure as hell got a good laugh at their expense and it felt good to give it right back at them. I have to say, now, they don't pick on me anymore....and I'm a lot heavier now than I was then!

Saturday, June 02, 2007, 9:50 PM

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this one hurt

At dinner with some business colleagues one evening, a woman I worked with was busy detailing the trials and tribulations she had suffered at the hands of her boss.

She had been told by her boss that she would never be promoted because she didn't "look the part". (i.e. she was overweight) Now, I'm a good 50 lbs heavier than this woman ever was and I had received a promotion just a few months earlier.

She said loudly to the other people at the table while looking at me disdainfully that if she wasn't up for any more promotions then I certainly wouldn't be: "after all, just look at her...she's so much bigger than I am" she said. I was hurt and mortified but hid it. The other people at the table, to their credit, made no response of any kind and did not look impressed with my co-worker.

Ironically, she was overlooked for the next promotion to department manager. The promotion went to me instead. Wow, was she furious. She left the company shortly thereafter.

I still need to lose this weight, but for me, not for work.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 1:43 AM

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LOL!!

Obviously your co-worker was in denial about her abilities and figured it had to be a superficial reason. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 8:35 AM

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Unbelievable! I can't believe a coworker would say something like that!

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 9:23 AM

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My Own Mother!

After losing about 30 pounds on phen/phen my Mom hugged me and told me how proud she was. Then she went on to tell me how embarassed she was by me when I was fat and to keep losing weight. My own MOTHER was embarassed by me! She is not skinny either!! SO...I gained the 30 pounds back PLUS 20 more just to piss her off!

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 10:02 AM

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He said what???!

The guy who met the girl online that was a size ten and told her she was big and he didnt want her to be disappointed in the future when she met other guys?! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! I only wish I were a size ten. Gessh. I am 5'8" and wish I could get to a size ten! I would be one hot momma! Way to go girl telling him where he could stick it. LOL~!

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 12:14 PM

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I have a couple.

One was when I was younger (19 years old maybe) and around 200 lbs, my Mom was eating chips and I asked if I could have some and she said "no" when I asked why she could have them but not me she said "because I am not 200 f*cking pounds". I told her she was a bitch and walked away but it really really hurt me, more so just the way she said it with such disgust in her voice.

Another time was in high school, I had brought in a Victoria's Secret catalogue and was looking at it with my friend. Some of the boys saw that I had it and asked why I would have something like that and how it was disgusting. I was around 170 lbs at the time. Yeah cause fat girls don't wear underwear. I was dating my now husband at the time and he loved how I looked but it just crushed me to hear them say that.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 4:54 PM

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Pregnant Uncle! LOL

That is so funny that you told your uncle not to laugh too hard or he might pop that baby out! Ha ha. No wonder he didnt' make fun of your weight anymore. He sooooo deserved thatas well as the comment about needing a bra for his man boobs! :)

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 6:41 PM

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I was really thin, I mean 120 lbs and 5'8 until I was about 25. I walked to school and everywhere else and just didn't gain weight.. Now unfortunately, I've gained quite a few pounds which I'm trying to lose. BUT when I was thin, every one teased me about it,parents, friends, schoolmates, people on the street. it was the worst! I was called jolly green giant up until high school, when I stood up in class and yelled at the boy who kept calling me that.(I was taller than 90% of all the boys at school). He was so embarrassed he never did it again. But for all of those comments about being fat that I've read, the same thing happens when you are thin, ie, no one's going to want a bony girlfriend, etc. I think some of the weight I put on was because I had all those negative comments when thin, I added I few pounds and the comments stopped, but now I can't get back to a good weight! I'll never get back to that low weight, and would not want to, but it appears that if you are out of the "normal" range, you're fair game!

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 8:10 PM

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men

Men seem to think that big girls are easy and should give them anything that they want.... One guy told me " you should be glad that im being seen with you in public" .....i was so hurt that i left him at the store without a way home..... I'm gonna make it with ya'lls help lol...........

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 10:00 PM

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after having been overweight in high school and then losing weight in a healthy way, i was dating who i thought was a great guy. one evening i casually asked him, after he said, " i so love you!", if he would love me even if i got fat. he looked shocked that i would ask that. i thought he looked shocked because, OF COURSE he would still love me. he said to me, " NO!! NO, i would NOT still love you if you got fat! i can't believe you even asked!" my feelings for him drained away and i ended our relationship a couple days later.

Monday, June 04, 2007, 9:45 AM

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good for you

Tuesday, June 05, 2007, 2:04 AM

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I've never understood the concept that one can only be beautiful if you're thinner. I grew up with my family telling me I would be so pretty if only I lost weight. What a joke!

So yeah, it took quite a few years to stop believing that, but what a great feeling to finally know the two are not related. Nor is my family right! :)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007, 2:11 AM

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When I was little (about 2 or 3), my family used to make fun of me because my thighs were at least as wide as they were long. My cousins (who were about 12 years older than me) would point to my thighs, and say "what's that?" and they'd get me to say "Beefy!" It was the game they'd play with the little kid!

Until reading all of these comments, it never occurred to me to be offended by that. When we see each other now (I'm 24; they're in their late 30's. We're all married, and live nowhere near each other, but see each other on occasion), the joke always comes up. But it doesn't upset me at all. Maybe because I'm not fat. Even when I started my weightloss journey, though, I knew that they didn't think of me as too fat, and didn't bring up the joke to say that I'm fat, but because when I was a little kid, I was so little-kid-chubby.

The only time it ever made me upset is when I was going through the "tween" years of middle school, and no one had any confidence. And even then, it was just mildly uncomfortable.

I guess it just kinda surprises me that it never even occurred to me to be offended, because I know that the comments aren't made in a offensive manner, but just to be funny about the past. Just in comparison to how many people still seem to have fresh wounds over comments made years ago. Not that either is right or wrong, just interesting.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007, 10:04 AM

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when i was a sr. in college, i went to a bar with a group of friends one night. my roommate and best friend was very intoxicated, and a guy put his hands on her (it was really crowded). i snapped at him and told him to get his hands off her. he snapped back, "shut up, you fat bitch." my reaction was to slap him in the face. probably not the best choice, but i was 21 and pissed. we walked off and stayed about 10 minutes before the guy comes back with a bouncer to kick me out. we screamed at each other for about 2 minutes on the way out. turns out he was a drink pick uper. he had little man syndrome though. what makes me mad is i wasn't fat. i weighed maybe 145 or so and i am 5'9". not that it is ever ok to call someone fat bitch. but it is just infuriating that that is the term many men and women use to tick someone off.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 7:52 AM

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My best friend lives out of state and I only see her about every six months. It had been about a year since I went to her state because she came to mine about six months prior. I was just beginning my weight loss when I last went down there, and this time when I came down, I've not only reached my goal, but I look amazing, I won't lie. Which was excellent because she lives across the street from my exboyfriend who broke my little fat heart two years ago. But I digress ---

So we went to the house of a friend of hers who knows me fairly well, but I hadn't seen him since the last time I was down there. He didn't really address me like he even knew who I was, and I was a bit offended. We were at his house for some time and he didn't really speak to me. Thinking it was some petty nonsense, I ignored it and my best friend and I went back to her house.

She later told me that they had this exchange on our way out the door;

Guy: "Wait, is that (my name?)"
My BF (completely confused): "Yeah!"
Guy: "Has she been doing coke or something?"

But of course, the reason why I'm now thin has to be because of drugs. Ugh. But it ended up turning into a running joke while I was there, so it's okay.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 8:07 AM

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It came from my aunt. I haven't seen the miser for about 15 years, last time I saw her I was a teenager weighing about 100-110 lbs. So she was visiting another relative of mine and thought it would be nice to visit her while she is there so I went out of my way to meet her. The first thing she told me (and I was about 140 lbs) is "I see you got our genes too. You are fat too" It wouldn't be that hurtful if it weren't coming from a woman who weighed well over 250 lbs.

Another comment came from this bimbo neighbour of mine who told me 30 year-old woman in a little girl's voice that "You look just like the Meg from Family Guy." When I obviously got angry she said "I think she is cute"
At the time she was doing Atkins diet and lost about 40 lbs, but she has since gained 50 or 60 and I have lost 35 lbs slowely but surely. There is God.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007, 3:58 PM

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Kids...

I was in line at the grocery store and wearing a low cut top with my new push em up bra! There was a darling little boy about 4 in line in front of me and kept looking at me. His uncle was also looking and was pretty cute so I smiled at him and he smiled at me and the little guy was taking this all in. Finally I guess he couldn't stand it any longer. He looked at me again and then in a loud voice said "Uncle Jeff, how did that lady get her butt so close to her face?" Poor uncle Jeff turned 10 shades of red, and me, well I just smiled and thought "out of the mouth of babes....." (:

Thursday, June 07, 2007, 4:20 AM

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Is it a man...?

I was walking home and overheard a group of young boys, about 4 blocks ahead of me coming in the opposite direction, asking each other "is that a boy or a girl?" "It's a boy" "no, look, it's a girl." They weren't trying to be mean, either, it's just that I got so big I've become asexual. I'm just big and round, no real shape. That was one of the things that helped wake me up. By the way, I'm a "girl."

Friday, June 08, 2007, 2:12 PM

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well here is my latest one. my sex life has been "unfufilling to say the least. I am married and I NEVER get an orgasm. Well I tried to discuss it with my husband who told me that I was too fat. He said not to blame him but my weight as that was stopping me from feeling anything. Hate him so right now.

Friday, June 08, 2007, 3:30 PM

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My weight has fluctuated alot over the years, though I've never been overweight. My mom has always been critical of my physique. Last Christmas I was home and in the best shape of my life. My mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking and she was talking about a girl and my mom said something like "she's like you, she'll never be a small girl." that was hard to hear after working so hard to get in shape- and even harder having it come from my mom. i went to my room and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon.

Friday, June 08, 2007, 4:15 PM

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In high school I had just started dating this guy. He asked me if I wanted to start working out with him over the summer, I was like ok. He them went on to tell me he didn't normally date girls like me. He likes little girls. I was ok. We went out a few more times. It was his loss.

Friday, June 08, 2007, 4:31 PM

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3:30p - That breaks my heart! You deserve to be with someone better than that. If my husband ever said something like that to me, he'd be running back home to his mama with a few broken bones in his face.



Friday, June 08, 2007, 5:31 PM

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I started working out just a few weeks ago, and my boyfriends response... "Well, hopefullly you stick to it this time {rolling his eyes} Can you imagine gaining anymore weight, ugh"

Needless to say I'll be losing more than weight this summer, i'll most likely be losing a boyfriend. :)

Friday, June 08, 2007, 5:56 PM

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I had to add on.
My daughter was hugging me one day and she thanked me for being so squishy.

My ex husband was very verbally and emotionally abusive. One day we were fighting and he said he would have killed me already but I was too fat for him to get rid of my body by himself.

Friday, June 08, 2007, 8:08 PM

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My dad was hugging me goodbye and he said "I can't even get my arms around you."

My grandma said, "Looks like you'll always be stuck with the big hips and thighs that we passed down to you."

Most recently at a wedding reception, "Your sister is so hot, like you, but you know." and he made a motion with his hands to indicate she was small.
Thanks...makes me feel real good.



Friday, June 08, 2007, 10:55 PM

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I had this huge crush on a guy when I was 12. He was 14 and so hot I thought. Well, he came over to my friends house because his friend was dating my friend. We made out for a bit and I was in heaven. After he got what he wanted, a few feels and kisses, he looked at me and said that we could never date because he didnt date girls whose thighs were bigger than his. I was crushed and to this day, 20 years later, I still think of that.

Friday, June 08, 2007, 11:11 PM

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fri 3:30

I do think sex is more fun when I am thinner, but if my husband EVER suggested it was my fault I couldn't get off because of my weight, I would smack him. Obviously your husband doesn't care about your pleasure or he would be trying his damndest to figure out how to get it done. :) Just remember, Boys are dumb... :)

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 7:04 PM

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"You would look really hot if you lost weight". Said by college sweetheart. What a nice guy, eh?

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 7:12 PM

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And like we don't already know we would be cuter if we were a little thinner? Like we don't struggle with that self image every day? Ridiculous...

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 7:48 PM

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I was slightly overweight..5'3 and 145 pounds and I had a bit of a "tummy fat". I was in grad school when this guy sitting next to me asked "so, when are you due?" and I was like "What?" and he continues "The baby. When's your due date?" I then realized what was going on and told him that I was in fact not pregnant. It was embarrassing for both of us. I just grabbed my books and walked out as fact as I could!

Sunday, June 10, 2007, 1:04 PM

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1) After I had my first child, a friend of the family came over for a visit. He told me that I had better lose weight or else my husband would leave me for another, presumably thinner, woman.

2) A couple of years ago, we celebrated my son's birthday in his kindergarten. As I was distributing cake to all the kids, I overheard one little girl tell another little girl, while looking at me, "So fat!"

Monday, June 11, 2007, 9:11 AM

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Maternity shoping with mom

When I got pregnate for the 3rd time I was already carring around some extra pounds I was wearing a size 16 or XL.. When I got to about my fith month my clothes where already starting to get tight. My mother and I went shopping in this maternity shop that only had one small corner of plus size clothes I went to the rack of XL and my mom quickly said, "Oh! your much bigger than that you must be at least an XXL" I was so embassased I quickly tried on a few things bought nothing and left the store.

Monday, June 11, 2007, 5:52 PM

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YIKES!!!

Friday, June 15, 2007, 8:09 AM

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just the other day i had just finished running 3.5 miles and was doing a cool down walk, these two boys probably around 14 or 15 were riding their bikes in my direction on the trail and one said to the other "she's a bow wow" the other said "no, she isn't a bow wow" and they just argued about it as they rode past. i wasn't really bothered by it because they're young stupid boys and they say stupid things.

just because i have headphones in doesn't mean i can't hear you...

Friday, June 15, 2007, 9:34 AM

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Fat Mommy

My 4 year old asked me the other day, "mommy how come your bigger than all the other moms at school?""

What do you say to that?

Friday, June 15, 2007, 11:43 AM

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awww. i'm sorry for that.

Friday, June 15, 2007, 11:48 AM

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I was out with a couple of friends the other day at a club, and some guys were checking out one of my friends. So as i walked with her to the washroom, the guy who was interested in that particular friend followed a few steps behind with on of his friends. There was too much noise so i didn't hear the full conversation but i did hear the end of it.

Guy #1: Have you seen the body on that girl? She's hot! You need to help me out and take one for the team.
Guy #2: Take one for the team? She's fat....why would you do that to me?
Guy #1: Who cares? Maybe we'll both get lucky tonight. You know what they say....fat girls give good head because they are always hungry.
Guy #2: Yeah...good call.

WHAT?!?!?!

Friday, June 15, 2007, 3:29 PM

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omg! i would have turned around and glared death darts into them without saying a word, but make it known i heard every word.... that's just inexcusable!

Friday, June 15, 2007, 4:02 PM

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About 9 months ago I was the heaviest I've ever been (about 220, now down to 170, proud of myself) and I was visiting my uncle and his wife with my father, sister, and brother in-law. As we were sitting down to dinner my uncle said "Val, let everybody else get their food first, we wouldn't want to run out." in front of everybody. I was mortified and expected someone else at the table to stand up for me or something. Nobody did. I learned two things that day: Never count on somebody else to say what you should and just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to like them. :-)

Friday, June 15, 2007, 5:41 PM

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I think the worst ones are from family and people you love..it hurts so much.

I'm 16, and pretty much a curvy size 10 (5'8), so I'm actually not HUGE, just chubby. Which is impossible for my father to understand, since all of his life he was 150lbs and 6ft. So one day I have my friends over and he saunters into my room with a weight loss magazine and plops it onto my bed with a haughty "Oh, I saw this and though of you". And on the cover were cases of morbidly obese people who had lost 500+lbs or something.

I cried for about 2 hours after my friends left. I was mortified =[

Friday, June 15, 2007, 5:44 PM

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Oh! Had to add another... A man I met at a conference and became semi-friends with was hugging me before he got on his plane. He whispered in my ear "Oh, you're comfy." Comfy! Thanks!

Friday, June 15, 2007, 5:58 PM

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Years ago I was at the Limited and I picked up an XL shirt. I usually wore Lane Bryant shirts. But this was a full cut shirt and fit very comfortably. While I was in line with about a dozen other customer, a salesgirl walked by and announced loudly and perkily, "Oh my god! I'm so happy that you actually found something in our store to fit you!"

On a happier note... one of my best friends has a 4 year old son named Brian. Brian is a very intelligent little boy. We were out shopping and suddenly he exclaimed "I know why you're fat!" His mother yelled at him. "Brian! You don't say those kinds of things!" I told her "No. It's OK. I want to here his explanation." "You're nice. People love you. They give you candy." He had a huge smile on his face. He was so proud that he had figured it out. :)

Friday, June 15, 2007, 9:16 PM

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9.16 - the second story is the cutest story i've ever heard =)

Friday, June 15, 2007, 9:20 PM

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When I weighed about 172, at a Christmas dance, a drunk friend of my date, asked me when was the baby due, of course very loudly. My date stood up for me, but I think that made me feel really bigger than I was.

I;'m in my forties now. My mother who is very kind and caring otherwise, used to say things like, you had such beautiful legs before you put on weight. I guess she was trying to encourage me to lose weight. (I was basically slim until about the age of 33, started gaining). I eventually told her at some point years ago that I did not want her to comment on my body size at all, even if I brought up the subject of food or exercise, and even if I looked thinner to please not say anything, no compliments, no comment at all -- even if she wanted to give me a compliment. I also told her to never ask me what I ate for dinner or lunch or any other time. It just gets too complicated when you already have enough to deal with when you want to lose weight when you have to be bombarded with the opinions and comments of those close to you. She never says anything about food or my body to me, which I know has been a learning experience for her, and it actually shows her love.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007, 11:26 PM

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Firetruck

When I was in 8th grade, Dickies were all the rage.... My mother and I were in a thrift store and I saw the coolest pair of red dickies that would look awesome with a black shirt and converse... I told my mom I wanted them..... She daid I would look like a firetruck walking down the street in them... I still tear up thinking about it.... She still laughs...

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 1:51 AM

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my aunt, who is a physician, prescribed me Meridia and told me she called it in for me to pick up at the pharmacy

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 1:59 AM

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I have 40 lbs before, but i have slowly gained 20 lbs back. Since my mom and dad always have something to say about my weight i decided to chnage it for good. So i started working out again and i was running on the treadmill at home. My dad walks by, looks in the door, and says: "You're going to have to run a very long time to get ride of that belly." Whatever, it could have been worse. But what upsets me is that he has a big beer belly. Interesting.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 10:06 AM

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i am always shocked when i read about the comments peoples PARENTS make. i hope i *never* say such hurtful things to my daughter. i am so sorry that this happened to you, all of you.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:10 PM

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Are you related?

What most hurt me in my high school years is that no one seemed to know that I was related to my siblings. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother; all ultra popular and all ultra fit. Mostly people would ALWAYS ask (if they had managed to realize that we were related), if we had the same parents.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:27 PM

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At a funeral

One of my skinny aunts made the following remark to my brother at my dad's funeral: "So, I see YOU'RE still fat." He told her, "I can lose weight, but I feel sorry for you because you just can't fix ugly and mean." (My brother HAS since lost about 50 pounds...oh, and my dad was all of 120 pounds and 85 years old when he died, so it wasn't like she was making a connection to "you could be next if you don't get healthy.")

The biggest one that stuck out in my mind, personally was when I was teaching social dance classes and one of my students told me I should teach more often (ok, at first this sounds like a compliment), because I wouldn't be so fat if I danced like that more that a couple of times a week.

Oh, and there's that classic -- "such a pretty face, too bad you don't have the body to go with it."

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:33 PM

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My favorite post in this thread is the one about the guys who were kind.

My sister is beautiful. Really beautiful, long wavy auburn hair, gorgeous features, tall (5' 10") and slender. Remember those old Blockbuster commercials where the celebrities rent their own movies or movies starring their friends? Cindy Crawford requested that my sister be moved to the back of the crowd rather than be the customer who rented and walked out just before Cindy walked in. Yeah. Les made Cindy Crawford insecure.

So Les is in this restaurant with a couple of friends, and some guys they know come over. Not guys they know well, not that it would matter. The guys start talking pretty loudly about other women in the restaurant and their various weights--150 seemed to be their idea of obese, as in "Look at that fat one over there, she must weigh over 150 pounds." Les interrupted--"Excuse me?"

The guy said, "Oh, don't worry, *you're* not fat."

Les said "Oh? How much do you think I weigh?"

He answered, "I don't know, about 125."

She looked right at him and said, "Are you out of your mind? I'm five foot ten. If I weighed 125 I'd look like a prisoner of war. I weight one hundred and sixty five pounds." Then she stood up...and they left. :^ )

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:43 PM

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To 2:43 that is a great story, and it just goes to show you that the number on the scales is relative to height, bone structure, and muscles. I admire your sister for telling them what she weighed!

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 11:45 PM

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Well, at 165 she looked like, um...Cindy Crawford. ::G:: Makes it easier when you know you look great.

Friday, June 22, 2007, 11:06 AM

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*sigh*

I've read this entire thread with tears in my eyes.

I've always been heavy, and was LUCKY not to have peers tease me as a child.

My father was always keen on telling me when second helping were not a good idea (but got mad if I asked to add healthier foods to the grocery list- go figure).

In college I went on several dates with a guy who was lots of fun. We decided to go tubing in a river nearby, and once he saw me in my bathing suit, I swear he didn't speak another word. It was the most awkward day ever- very quiet ride down the river, and silent ride home in the car. When I went to get out of the car he said that he "didn't think this was going to work out." Ok.

I was once hit on in a bar with the line "Hey- I own the pizza place down the street- you want to go get some?" ... Such an assumption. I am fat... I must love pizza, and I obviously want some right now.

Since becoming a teacher, though, I've heard the most hurtful things. Most kids are great- I have students tell me that I'm beautiful, which brings a huge smile to my face. Then there are the kids who call me the "fat bitch" and the like.

Most recently I was at a park with my 2 year old and a friend who has twin 6 year olds. The girls are on the chunky side, and their mom is about my size, I would guess (I'm a 24/26). The girls made horrible comments to their mother, including "Don't sit on that swing, mom- you won't fit- you'll break it!" I couldn't believe it! They new better than to say anything to me- but it was like it was ok since it was their mom. So sad!

Friday, June 22, 2007, 8:37 PM

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Kids used to call me the Goodyear Blimp all through grade school. I was teased so bad. Teachers did nothing to stop it. They seemed to act like it wasn't even occuring. I was ashamed to tell my mom what was happening. I kept it all a secret. I wasn't really all that fat, just a little pudgy. I was just the biggest kid to pick on. Funny thing was... as soon as we moved to junior high I was immediately left alone because there were bigger kids to pick on. It was a relief, but still sad that is the way it has to be. No one cares as teachers and it sucks.

Friday, June 22, 2007, 9:05 PM

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9:05,

As I mentioned in my 8:37 post, I am a teacher. I definitely watch out for my kids when it comes to getting picked on- for weight or whatever reason. I don't appreciate your generalization.

Friday, June 22, 2007, 9:08 PM

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I am both humored and stunned by the comments I have read here. Skinny, fat, small-boned, big-boned. You got one life to live. Look at all the support you can find here at PT. Don't let those small-minded, petty people keep you imprisoned in their sick view of the world. Love yourselves!

And to June 8 at 3:30, your husband is right: not getting an orgasm is your own fault...but it's because you keep that lousy, no-good dog in your bed. KICK HIM TO THE CURB and get yourself a REAL MAN.

-- Fat, happy and orgasming regularly thank you very much!

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 10:35 AM

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Fat, happy, and orgasming regularly! YOU GO GIRL! LMAO! :)

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 11:04 AM

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I was so confused for a second. I was wondering if i had read about a dog in that posters bed...and then the punch line. You miss...are hysterical.

Thanks for the smile...and like the above poster said YOU GO GIRL!

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 11:23 AM

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I don't even get references. Total strangers just come out with it. I started a new job and had been invited to shop with a co-worker after work. After we looked at shoes, I ask about the dress shops in the local area. She just terms and very plainly looks me up and down and says, "You are just too fat."

When I first gained 15 lbs, my girlfriend came to visit. She hugged me and patted my stomach saying , "Oh my, you've gotten so-o fat." [The first sentence after "Hi"].

The biggie. On my last job, my all-too-intertwined co-workers were chatting about how indignant they were about unwed mothers. They were going on about how their children (ocasionally they showed up at work) would be so morally misled if they had to be exposed to "her" - the pregnant co-worker. I later found out that "I" was the unwed preggie. My immediate boss was talking to me in her office about kids (amongst work convo) and point-blank asked me if I was pregnant. Afterwards, she sent an e-mail (I had access) to the chatty co-workers and they regained control over themselves.

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 11:31 AM

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THEY SAID WHAT!?

I'm 33yrs old but when I was growing up my brothers called me Mack Truck, Fleetwood, etc. I knew every type of semi-truck because they called me it, also my dad called me fat a**......Ya know looking back at my pictures now I wasn't that over weight (prob 30# overweight) but the way that my dad and brothers talked I really felt I was 50 or 100lbs overweight. I definately learned a lesson...."Lord make my words as sweet as honey for someday I might have to eat them." (Today, my dad and brothers are all overweight.)

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 11:43 AM

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One good one, a different kind of comment -- not sure whether to be offended or not. I just laughed.

I was in a subway car alone near this crazy guy. I chatted him up about his work. Out of the blue, he commented that I was very pretty and curvaceous. I just wasn't big enough. He liked big "tank" women. He was this muscular, slender guy. It was kind of funny. He seemed to think that I should make an effort to add a little more "thickness,'" I wasn't quite there yet.

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 11:59 AM

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They said What

We had just moved into a new house. An elderly man was checking on his cows in a field by our house, when I came out of the house, he looked at me and said "Oooh, Big, stout woman. I love big, stout woman." He was old and from another country so I could laugh about what he said.
Mostly I bring up the fact that I have a fat a$$ before anyone else can. So I don't hear many comments.
The one that bothers me the most was said to my aunt by her brother-in-law who said "You don't sweat much for a fat girl." I guess thought he was giving her a compliment.

Saturday, June 23, 2007, 7:21 PM

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I think that people who get picked on because of their weight bring that onto themselves- one can always see when another is uncomfortable with who they are. For instance, I don't know anyone who would make a rude comment about weight. People try to avoid making mean comments at all costs. If someone gets told they are very fat, perhaps they should really think about not just their weight, but their own attitude toward themselves. Think: How have MY actions and behaviors triggered these words? I have also seen many overweight people make comments about THEMSELVES and how big they are. Ofcourse, this encourages more comments of the sort. Remember, you get what you ask for and you are what you eat!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007, 10:34 PM

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Response to 10:34 poster

Okay 10:34, I think your post was just mostly ignorant. People who are overweight do not ask to be picked on by any means. Can you not feel the pain of what the people posting have said? Years of people giving non-solicited comments directly to you and saying rude things where people are within ear shot are not something you "bring on yourself" nor is some poor child who's father calls them fat ass or mom who calls them a mac truck. Wake up and realize that although you may be above name calling there are plenty of people in society that are not. (although you certainly are judgemental). Large people that make fun of themselves are suffering on the inside and it is a sef defense mechanism, not a personal invite to others to attack them about their weight. A type of "I will hurt them before they hurt me attitude"...

Sunday, June 24, 2007, 10:49 PM

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I am overweight and I have 4 kids 2 girls and 2 boys. 1 girl and 1 boy are pudgy, their doc says perfectly healthy and in the normal weight range, and they are pretty active so I am not worrying too much about it. My son has already started to slim down and grow taller but my daughter is only 7.

My MIL has said things about my weight in the past but she is pretty passive aggressive about it and I just blow it off and try to forget about it. Last week we were over for dinner and my daughter was standing in the room next to me. I was talking about my dieting and working out and she said "That one(my daughter) is the one who REALLY needs to diet. She's already getting pretty fat." I was stunned! SHE"S 7!!! No one had really ever said anything that negative to her and she was devastated. She has talked about dieting ever since and no matter how much I try to reassure her and tell her that she is NOT fat and that she is a beautiful little girl she can't get past it. She was very outgoing and friendly and she thought she was beautiful, now she worries about her weight and if she looks too fat in her clothes and if she's ugly!

So, 10:34, tell me how my baby brought that on herself or that it wont affect how she sees herself from now on.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 1:26 AM

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The Parents Create The Enviroment

1:26
You brought it on her by creating an environment where weight is an issue. By the mere fact that you are overweight and talk about being on a diet, you have created a negative body image atmosphere for your daughter. Children emulate their parents habits, attitudes, and mannerisms. If you were very athletic and ate healthy they would have a postive body image, and develop positive habits. It starts with the parents !!!!

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:04 AM

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to 1034

it's ironic that you mention in your posting that you don't know anyone who would make a rude comment about weight, and yet, your entire post is rife with rude comments/assumption about weight. first you blame the overweight person for being so,ehow responsible for others' behavior, than when questioned about how a small child invites that kind of criticism, you blame the parents. ultimately, the blame for making rude comments lies with the commentor. even if someone provokes you to a point of losing your cool, if you say something inappropriate it's your own doing. i mean, using your logic that a fat person invites offensive remarks, one could argue that an abused wife invites the violence, or a neglected child doesn't deserve attention because they are behaving in a way that rejects it.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:12 AM

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10:12

You obviously have combined two different posts in your "argument". I am the 10:04 and there is nothing rude about my statement. I believe that behaviour is learned (unless you would like to get into the whole nature - vs - nurture discussion). Children learn from role models, parents are supposed to be the key role model, if bad eating habits exist inthe home then this what the children learn.


Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:26 AM

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revised comments from 1012

to 1034

it's ironic that you mention in your posting that you don't know anyone who would make a rude comment about weight, and yet, your entire post is rife with rude comments/assumptions about weight. ultimately, the blame for making rude comments lies with the commentor. even if someone provokes you to a point of losing your cool, if you say something inappropriate it's your own doing. i mean, using your logic that a fat person invites offensive remarks, one could argue that an abused wife invites the violence, or a neglected child doesn't deserve attention because they are behaving in a way that rejects it.

to 1004

are you implying that parents who are not physically fit are not good role models for healthy kids? are you implying that a fat mom has no grounds to complain if someone else tells her child to lose weight and then the child becomes obsessed with that idea?

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:36 AM

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1004:

so gangsters come from gangster homes? and drug users come from drug-infested families? and jerks come form mean parents? the outside world has it's influences, too, my dear. wake up and look around you for proof.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:39 AM

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To 10:36 - part of being a good parent is making sure your child is:
1. Healthy
2. Safe
3. Happy
Part of being healthy is ensuring they make the right food choices, how can an overweight Mom lead by example, tell her kids that they have to eat a balanced meal with veggies and fruit, and then scoff back the wrong food herself. It is usually the mother who does the grocery shopping thus she controls what comes into the home. If there is junk food, and the mother then obsesses about having to lose weight and goes on a diet, what is the child supposed to think - do as I say not as I do?

10:39 - that is part of the problem, kids are bombarded with enough from society, the home is the one place that you have a chance to reinforce positive ideas on health, and food. You can't control what your kids eat when they are old enough to make the purchase choices themselves, all what you can do is create that positive "healthy" enviroment to instill the ability to make the right choices

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:51 AM

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10:51

Your comment was right on the money... you have to show your kids how to make healthy food choices. I let my son choose what he wants for dinner every once in a while. He will make a healthy choice if he has eaten something unhealthy recently ("I had McDonald's with Grandma yesterday, so I shouldn't have that, so I'll have Mr Goodcents"). He knows I am trying to lose weight because it is unhealthy to be overweight, not just because of the asthetic reasons.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 11:28 AM

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1051

i think your reasoning is too idealistic. should women wait until they are perfect before they have children? one can certainly teach others about the mistakes one has made, even while still in the process of correcting those mistakes. and you can also make a difference elsewhere, not only in the home. you can petetion fast food chains and convenience stores about no longer marketing unhealthy food options to children (prizes and toys with your future heart-attack, kid?). you can protest about unhealthy menu choices at your local schools and community centers. you can write to kraft and heinz and kellogs and plead your case. every one of us can make a difference in the future of kids' health.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 12:44 PM

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take it elsewhere

I was under the impression that this thread was a place for people to safely post hurtful comments from other people... Not so that they could get criticized for being hurt, but for support. They are making themselves vulnerable all over again, and you are nothing but a vulture for continuing to pick at the wound. If you would like to be the criticizer, take it someplace else!
I don't care if you do think that the mother invited the comment by making wrong choices for her little girl... It punishes the 7 year old more than anyone else. An adult, a GRANDMOTHER for Pete's sake, should know better! She wasn't helpful in any way, she was using her grandaughter to criticize her daughter in the most hurtful way she could.
If you have never been insulted, or if insults roll off your back without inflicting pain, GOOD FOR YOU! Consider yourself very lucky and step off!

Monday, June 25, 2007, 12:53 PM

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There is a Bigger Picture and Problem Here

Maybe the grandmother's comment was supposed to hit home. "Look what you are doing to your daughter" - there is more at stake that hurt feelings here, we are talking about the health of kids, and in a society where obesity is becoming THE biggest health crisis.
What happens when insurance companies start refusing people because they will be too costly in the future because of diabetes and heart issues. So Obese Mom and Dad don't get insurance where does that leave cindy loo?

Monday, June 25, 2007, 2:38 PM

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you're ridiculous. please don't continue to rant on this thread, start your own. you obviously have another purpose than relating what awful comments people have made about your weight. start a thread on a topic of your choice so those interested can read and comment, and those of us who don't care about it don't have to be bombarded with unsolicited opinions. thanks!

i belong to a support driven website and on the community forum there is a thread on which people have been sharing some of the hurtful things others have said to us. one poster actually commented that the insults we've received were our own fault!! it was written that our personalities had brought on the negative remarks. talk about adding insult to injury...

Monday, June 25, 2007, 2:54 PM

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Couldn't the grandmother take her daughter-in-law (sorry I mistakenly said "daughter" earlier) aside, and quietly say "I'm concerned about Susie's future health. I know you're working on your lifestyle, and I hope you're aware that your lifestlyle extends to her, and you're making her decisions for her..." etc.? Does she have to make a blunt comment right in front of/toward a 7-year-old? I'm sorry, I just don't buy it that the grandmother even thought about what she was saying before she blurted it out. There are a hundred better ways to say what she said. Did you read on to see how the daughter is now doing? How is that negative self-image going to help her?
I grew up with a VERY critical mom, who clearly had/has a very low self-image that she needed to refocus on my sisters and me. From the moment I could understand what she was saying, I heard my ears stick out too much, my nose is too wide, my brown eyes and brunette hair are ugly, my breasts are too small, my birthmark is a curse, etc. etc. etc. And now that I'm overweight that gets added in to everything else. My sister was overweight since college, and I can't believe the things my parents have said to her, to me about her, to her husband... It's not a wake-up call, it's not helpful advice, it's just mean.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 3:05 PM

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2:54

Isn't it ironic that a thread called "They said what?" is now a place for people to post those same rude comments to each other?
I know that some people are big believers in The Secret, but couldn't we please keep the mystical, metaphysical, pseudo-science la-la stuff out of this? You don't bring these comments to yourself, other people have their own will when they unload their junk on you!

Monday, June 25, 2007, 4:14 PM

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I have a couple of them, I think the worst one was my freshman year in highschool. I just started highschool which was a new school in itself but also I moved to the new county that the school was in so I knew NO ONE I was tryen to meet people and fit in and about a month 1/2 after going to school there my uncle died, who was VERY close to me, he was the closest person I've ever had die, well we were at his son's house eating before the viewing, and I was sitting on the back porch with my parents, and couple of my uncles friends who had flown in from New York b/c thats where he had recently moved from, one of his friends asked me how old I was and I told her and she made the comment she thought i was soo much older than that because of how big I was and my DAD made the comment that I was a corn fed fatty and I would never marry anyone besides a loser who didn't have all his teeth. That was the worst one. The other one was my whole moms side of the family decided to get family portraits done to give to my grandparents for Christmas. Theres only 3 of us girls that are granchildren the rest are boys, and all of them are over 250 lbs. Both of my girls cousins are no where near 200 pounds. So I'm the biggest girl in the family and the youngest, well when the photographer started placeing people in the picture she put both of my girl cousins in chairs in front of everyone *ther was 3 chairs and she sat the two fo them there* and sat the smallest boy with them and put me in the back with the big boys because she was placing us according to size. All the adults in my family immediatly told her to place me with girls. I was so embarrassed

Monday, June 25, 2007, 4:19 PM

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There Will Always Be Somebody Else Who Has It Better

This is definatly not a healthy thread. EVERYONE has had issues growing up and growing older.
"Not pretty enough, too pretty than she must be stupid, she/he is fat, her/ his father is gay, that person is slow, that person's skin is too dark, that persons skin is too light, that person is from an interacial union, that persons religion is different, that persons mother is an alcoholic, that persons parent is abusive, that persons family is not wealthy enough, that personsfamily is very wealthy therefor he / she must be a spoilt snob ....... and the list goes on and on and on". Everyone has emotional baggage from having to carry with them a negative comment, or living in a negative enviroment. How can it be positive to post these type of things
I have been on so many threads and people criticize others for being rude or mean ...... take a look at some of the threads, they are rooted in negativity, so much for positive thought, and supporting groups - how can a thread like this not attract negative comments. The whole theme is based on cruelty

Monday, June 25, 2007, 4:34 PM

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you just don't get it

4:34
this isn't a place for people to cry about their past, it's for revealing the cruel things people have said so we can get over it, maybe even laugh about it or feel sorry for those people for being in a place where they needed to dump on someone.
so if you don't get it, you don't like it, whatever. fine. go somewhere else. no one's making you come here to read this.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 5:26 PM

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Duh?

5:26 - what part of "the whole theme is based on cruelty" did you fail to understand?
As for the "this isn't a place for people to cry about their past" did you even read any of the comments?

Monday, June 25, 2007, 5:56 PM

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From The OP

Let me explain why I started this thread.

When I have had people make cruel comments about my weight, I don't remember anyone standing up for me. I felt very alone and singled out. I felt like no one else could understand how much it hurts to be in this situation.

This thread is to show that a lot of people go through this every day. It doesn't help to bottle up frustrations or past/present hurts. I want people to use this thread to vent and get the back up that they did not get from family and friends when they were being criticized.

Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:35 PM

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I posted about my daughter

Okay, I guess I need to clarify a few things. I have 4 kids, 3 of them are VERY athletic. they play soccer, baseball/softball, and basketball. They are skateboarders and bike riders and though my younger son was still a bit chubby, as I said earlier, he is slimming down and growing taller. The other two are tall and very slim. My husband is also slim and athletic. So is my mother and sister and brother. I could go on. My 7 year old is not as active, she doesn't like sports as much, but she also doesn't sit in the house all day. She swims twice a week and is always outside playing or riding her bike. She is NOT fat. She is a little chubby. She is also still growing. I have seen kids who are much, much bigger and if that were the case I would talk to her doctor and see what might need to be done about it, but in a way that wouldn't hurt her.

I HAVE gained quite a bit of weight since I quit working, but it is a problem of portion control and no exercise for ME. I have always leaned towards heavy, but when I was working(in a very physical job) I kept the weight off. When I stopped and didn't take up any other form of exercise that is when I put it on. I make healthy meals and they eat lots of fruits and veggies for snacks. Yes, every once in a while we order a pizza or stop at McDonalds, but it is not an everyday thing or even an every week thing. Yes, sometimes they get to eat chips or ice cream, but again it is not an everyday thing. They go through fruit and veggies like there is no tomorrow. They drink water or gatorade. I don't fry anything. I know they learn from what they see. Which is why I am changing. I am not obsessing about anything. I am going to the gym regularly and cutting back on my portions. When I was at my MIL's SHE was asking me why I didn't eat more. I didn't bring it up and I certainly don't go on and on about it regularly.

My kids are happy, safe and healthy. ALL of them. My MIL wasn't worried about her having health problems. She was just being mean. She still lets her eat whatever she wants when she is there. Yes, I have asked her to stop. You shouldn't blindly attack. You cannot know my family's eating habits, mannerisms or our attitudes. She had a very positive body image before the hurtful things said to her.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 9:15 AM

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i was a bit reluctant to post about hurtful comments i've received, at first. but after reading other posts, i didn't feel like i was reliving anything or living in the past, so i included my experiences, too. it feels great to see that i am not alone, albeit sad, too, that so many of us have endured such rude remarks. i enjoiy this thread so much and keep checking in to see how others reacted or felt when hearing others say insulting things. i'm not into the threads on jesus, so i just stay out of them (instead of commenting about how destructive i find the topic). frankly, who cares if the 434 poster doesn't understand the prupose? let's continue with our purpose of sharing things we've been through and not be shamed again by an outsider who obviously does not see the benefits. rock on, everyone!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 9:40 AM

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seriously, out of 208 comments, there are only a few that question the reason behind the thread's topic. start a new thread about how unhealthy this thread is if you need to complain. we're all here to contribute to the topic of the OP's choice. thanks.

i was shopping at the mall and went into a store called "5-7-9", which is mostly junior-style girls' clothes. the saleswoman came over and pointed out that lane bryant was just across the mall. i let her know that i was actually shopping for a gift for my friend's daughter, but that i would now be giving my money to old navy...

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 9:49 AM

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I posted the 10:34

Ok, I was the 10:34 poster, and now I see this has snowballed into a bunch of arguments about nature vs. nurture and fat mom/fat kid. I didn't mean to start these talks at all. The only thing that I was trying to say was that many overweight people love to complain about the rude comments they get and feel sorry for themselves, yet do nothing to change themselves. Look, all I'm saying is that you made the choices to be overwieght, so accept what comes with it and don't complain! Complaining about your past experiences is just another reason to justify your wrong choices and to make yourself feel better. Learn to get that better feeling through accomplishment, not eating and complaining. This way, next time someone makes a rude comment, you can proudly say " I probably eat much healthier than you, and have lost 5 pounds this month", not go home and complain about it.

Oh, and as for children who get fat comments, I hope you know that those comments are not directed towards the children, but to their parents. Parents directly influence what their children eat and how much they excersise. Therefore, it is an insult to you, not your child. Help your child be healthy and fit so that they never experience the rude comments you have heard.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 10:11 AM

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you just can't stop yourself, can you? do you think people are on this site to wallow? move on if you can't grasp the concept of this thread. no one wants to read any more about how you continue to misinterpret the purpose and no one wants to read more of your little rants about your flawed opinion with regard to the topic. we get your point, you don't get ours. okay?

when my older brother was a senior in high school, i was a sophomore. he was a very big guy, on the football team, and he acquired a nickname: fat george. well, after he graduated, the nickname was passed on to me, as some of his friends still attended the school. it was awful! sometimes i'd be walking down the street and hear someone shout out at me, "hey! it's fat sister!" terrible times. i love when i run into those people now, holding my head up high because they did not keep me down, in the long run.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 10:25 AM

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WOW , what have we all done to deserve this wonderful person gracing us with all of his/ his knowledge of how the world works!!! Thank goodness the expert has decided to join us & tell everybody the way that it is. We should all be SO grateful that he/she has come to shed some new light on how all people gain weight & how it affects our children. I can't believe all overweight people have been so rude to bring out horribly negative reactions from otherwise good, nice & healthy people. And now I know that when I was called fat when I was a very young girl...it was ALL my mother's fault & not the fault of the completely messed up & mean-hearted person who abused me with insults. I will be sure to redirect all hostile remarks to the mother that loved and raised me from now on...because we all know that it is completely inhuman to have fault. We all also know that weightloss is SO SIMPLE & only a black & white issue. Thank you very much 10:34 your vast knowledge, empathy & understanding of psychological issues has really helped me.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 10:30 AM

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Well, I hope it will help you. It helped me :) After all, we all need a little help don't we? Some of us more than others...

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 11:01 AM

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Lemme give you an example of how people DO bring comments on themselves (and this is not related to that "the secret" BS)-

The other day, my wife and I go to the dog park. Walking in ahead of us is a very, very large woman. Like 300 pounds. As we walk in, I grab a bunch of poop bags, as you are supposed to clean up after your dog. Next thing I see, The large woman's dog is taking a dump, and she's not cleaning it up. she sees her dog taking a dump, and she just walks away. At that point, she went from being the large lady in front of me to the disgusting fat troll who won't clean up after her dog.



Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 11:12 AM

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um, doesn't that have more to do with her not cleaning up the poop & not the fact that she is fat...why attack someone for how they look instead of the obvious infraction. i guess you might respond with "stupid, skinny bitch" if the woman was thin & attractive & did not pick up dog poop. personally, i try not to be so negative about what others are doing around me.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 11:18 AM

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11:12

you come off as exactly the type of person with whom the majority of us are expressing our experience. why would any physical aspect of the person who misbehaves even garner comment? do you always associate body-size with acceptable behavior? what about baldness? or skin color? or sexual preferences? or religious beliefs? i guess i'm asking if you are an all-around bigot, or are you just against fat people?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 11:30 AM

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11:30, get off your high horse. I wouldn't call it bigotry. it's more laziness than anything. When I saw the large lady, she was just a large lady. When she didn't clean up after her dog, she went from being a general large person to a disgusting fat troll because she did something I thought was disgusting. It was a lot easier to just use the grab bag of general stereotypes about fat people than to come up with something fresh.

You can't tell me you've never done something similar. You've never watched the gay pride parade and seen the leather queens and thought "you know, I'm all for personal expression, but you really aren't helping the cause right now" or "yeah, that's gonna help get the marriage ban passed in a big hurry".

When I was "the office big guy" it was humiliating that people would call me "big guy" and say "we saved an extra piece of cake for you, big guy"... but I didn't help things when I took the extra peice of cake... They were being (unknowingly) cruel, but I was giving them all the ammo they needed...





Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 12:24 PM

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it's funny that you don't like being termed a bigot for your intellectual laziness, but you'll call someone else a disgusting fat troll because of her physical laziness. i guess it's easier for me to say that you are ignorant than to point out all of the reasons why i think that. and i haven't watched the gay pride parade with malice in any of my thoughts. by the way, a person's choice in clothing has nothing to do with their civil rights or any bearing on whether or not those rights should be recognized.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 12:34 PM

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i would probably think some ugly things about someone not cleaning up dog poop, but i don't think i'd relate it to her weight. and if a thought like that popped into my head (as sometimes unwarranted, prejudicial thoughts do), i would consciously acknowledge it and think about my prejudices. i don't think i (i said "i" not "we") should just let thoughts like that go and say, "oh well, she brought it on herself." how could i ever learn/change/grow?

that said, this post is reminding me of a couple of incidences in middle school and high school (this was in the 80s) when i made fun of fat people. one was a cheerleader who was very sweet and very popular, but her weight ballooned right at the time she was in front of everyone. another was an unpopular girl who seemed to have a good self image, but it could have been a put-on. i didn't say anything directly, but i didn't hide my feelings either, and it was cruel. so karen and christine, i'm sorry. i was a geeky girl with no self-esteem taking it out on someone else who didn't deserve it.

just thought it would be nice for some of you to know that some people remember being mean and are out there regretting it, as they should.

now, how 'bout we all just IGNORE the "expert" and his/her blathering, and maybe she/he will find something else to do. who's with me?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 12:52 PM

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i'm with ya!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 12:57 PM

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12:34 needs to reconsider the entire way she/he has been using their brain. Your thoughts are very jumbled and not logical, although I agree with your general ideas. But come one, you don't get weirded out by the gay pride parade? They are seriously crying out for help...

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 1:07 PM

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to whom are you referring when you use the word, "they"?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 1:10 PM

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12:34, that's an awfully high horse you've set yourself upon.

You're right that no one's appearance or clothing should influence our opinions of other people, and yet, you're judging a person you've never met based on your interpretation of their thoughts rather than their actions.

I'm betting you've never thought "stupid redneck", either.

meh. I liked peer trainer better when it had a sense of humor.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 1:13 PM

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i'm not aware of anyone else's thoughts, but i can read and the comments made with regard to insulting a person because of their appearance speak for themselves. i am not judging anyone, i am reading people's comments and leaving a response. having lived in the great back woods of new hampshire and the hills of kentucky, i can tell you honestly that i haven't referred to people as stupid redneck, even if that shocks you. i learned at an early age that calling people names, especially using stereotypical, racist, sexist, or otherwise bigotted terms, is wrong and limits my life experience. you may find humor in making fun of others, but i embrace difference rather than shy away from or insult it. why not step up and try to saddle this horse i'm on? it may do you some good to have a different perspective.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 1:24 PM

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no, I find humor in watching you work yourself up into a fit. I like my own horse just fine, thank you...

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 1:26 PM

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why am i not surprised that you are comfortable in your ways? i'm not working myself into a fit. it's rather calming to share my points of view, actually. no strain, no anger, no judgement. you can see me?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 1:29 PM

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Come On People We're Not All Pollyannas

I am a complicated, flawed, interesting, intelligent, educated HUMAN BEING. AND I am willing to bet you would all consider the same about yourselves. Jumping all over the dog park guy, for honestly stating what he thought is a little bit on the side of hypocrisy people. talk about a mob mentality.
He is perfectly human for what he thought, but what makes him humane is that he didn't say it to the overweight lady.
I have thought several nasty thoughts about people that are overweight, including about several of the posters on this thread!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 2:19 PM

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first of all, you do not know which posters are overweight or are not. secondly, protesting against the line of thinking that the park guy expressed is one of the only ways to transform the type of hate that permeates our society. when someone shares a viewpoint with which i thoroughly disagree, especially in a forum like this one, i feel it's my responsibility to also share my perspective, with the hope that at least one of us will learn something from the other. while you may think it's some idealisitc, unrealistic way to live or conduct oneself, i just don't come down on people for the way they dress or how fat they are or what color their hair is, or who's in their bed, etc. the things i notice about people, the things that help me define who someone is are: the way a person verbally (or with the written word) expresses him/herself, the opinions the person shares, the ability to debate with respect and reason, an awareness of others' expressed feelings, and the compassion one shows towards others, to name a few. i don't think being human entails some sort of automatically disrepectful observations that one cannot control. at least it has not been my experience with my thoughts.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 2:37 PM

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Ah, but you didn't "share my perspective", you went straight for a personal attack-
"you come off as exactly the type of person with whom the majority of us are expressing our experience. why would any physical aspect of the person who misbehaves even garner comment? do you always associate body-size with acceptable behavior? what about baldness? or skin color? or sexual preferences? or religious beliefs? i guess i'm asking if you are an all-around bigot, or are you just against fat people?"/

How is anyone to take that as anything but a straight-out attack? You went straight to name calling and making snap judgements based on what someone wrote that they thought, not what they did- how is that not biggoted?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 3:07 PM

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when i wrote the words, "share my perspective", i meant i would share MY perspective with the other person who has already voiced (or written) their views. and in my comment which you quoted above, i did not make assumptions, i asked questions to better understand the person whose comment i was responding to. i did not call anyone a bigot. i asked if the person was a bigot. the fact that i disagreed with the person's comments has nothing to do with what that person looks like, any religious views they may hold, how old that person is, what clothes that person wears, or their gender. it is solely a disagreement about that person's comments. i don't oppose all opinions that differ from my own current opinions, but i do disagree with associating a person's appearance with their behavior.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 3:22 PM

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Man, I do not want to be around when your inner Cartman finally comes out... you keep Cartman down too long, you end up making chili out of someone's parents...



Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 3:31 PM

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For the sake of saving this thread...

I think this thread is therapeutic for many of us who have been hurt by others comments.

I hope more people will choose to stick to the topic and post their experiences for the purpose of sharing in a supportive way.



Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 3:58 PM

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Reality 2:37

It might be "your" responsibility to share "your" perspective, and I am not saying you shouldn't, however ......................... to NOT condemn someone else for honestly sharing their own perception / experience.

You can't change the way people think! Believe me I cut short of saying what is on my mind living by the theory "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

But this society is filled with stereotypes, that is the way it goes, good, bad and ugly or in this case fat.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 4:10 PM

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Back to the subject...

I was at an ice cream store and this rail thin young lady walked up to me and said "Oh my god... are you having twins?!" Wow. Not only did she think I was pregnant... but that I was pregnant with TWINS! I wasn't mad and I said simply, "I'm not pregnant." She was so horrified that she left the store without finishing her ice cream. I went on to order a hot fudge sundae and I ate it all.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 6:52 PM

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I was in a car accident. The paramedics arrived and strapped me to a board to get me to the ambulance. When they were ready to lift, one of them yelled to the firemen, "We need more guys!"

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 6:56 PM

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I was at a bar in college after gaining about 20 pounds over the course of 2 years. Before this I had always been very thin and my self confidence was lacking tremendously after the weight gain.
I was with a large group of friends and we were out of cigarettes and I walked up to a group of guys and asked if I could bum one. They replied that I should not be smoking since I was pregnant. It crushed me.
The moral of my story is that I have come a long way since then, I lost 25 pounds, weigh less than I did in high school and am in the best shape of my life. If I saw them again I would thank them for giving me the motivation to make some drastic changes in my life. Although cruel it made me realize what I was doing to my body and my health and I have never felt better than I do today!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 8:20 PM

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yikes! the thread has fallen apart! there's a new, "they said what!!!???part deux" thread which has the same topic. see you there!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007, 9:24 AM

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Yes, time to leave this to the bickering whiners. They should have just stuck with the grammar and god threads, which by nature attract these types.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007, 11:41 AM

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DUH!!

Unless you can lock out or delete unwanted comments, those same people are going to go and do the same thing on the new thread.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007, 2:15 PM

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Already Did :)habsgirl

Wednesday, June 27, 2007, 6:07 PM

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WOW!!!

Monday, July 02, 2007, 5:17 PM

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INTERESTING

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 11:17 PM

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A funny one, but it made me think

When I was pregnant with my 3rd child, the oldest was just turning 5. We'd talked a lot about the baby in Mommy's tummy. Well one night I was crouched over the tub bathing the 3 year old and the 5-year old (looking at my butt) said "Mommy, do you have another baby back here??"



Friday, July 20, 2007, 9:56 PM

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to 9:56 PM


That is hilarious!!! Be glad your child didn't say that in public.

Friday, July 20, 2007, 10:33 PM

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My ex told me he was ashamed to be seen in public with me.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 2:13 PM

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I was in Ross shopping once and a stranger stopped me and said...you're going to have a boy aren't you - I can tell by the way you're carrying....I wasn't pregnant at the time...blah. I just said 'I don't know yet'.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 11:28 PM

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One time I went to a friends house and the 5 of us decided to go out and play volley-ball. It was three of us on one side and 2 on the other. I was on the side with three. One of my the people on my team (a guy) said, "yeah, that's pretty fair, the athleatic team vs. the lazy-out-of-shape-team (meaning us!)" That's one of the wake-up calls I got. I never want to be considered lazy and out of shape again!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 11:22 AM

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A homeless man made pig noises at me as I walked by.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 11:29 AM

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11:22 - the same thing happened to me at work and it was a pivitol moment. About 12 of us - we drew straws and split into teams. It was obvious that coincidently there was a heavy team and more fit team. My boss who's about 70 pounds overweight made the observation..I kept waiting for him to say 'except Karen' and he didn't. I realized I was perceived as belonging with the heavy group - that will never leave my mind. I've vowed not to belong to that group again.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 1:30 PM

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Bump, for "what type of fat comments of you gotten from people?"

Monday, January 07, 2008, 6:33 PM

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meanest comments and actions from my parents

- when i was in 2nd grade, we had company over and were having icecream for desert. I reached for a second helping and my mom got real close to my face and started making pig noises right in front of everyone-THAT was supportive
- when i was in 11th grade i started to experience alot of stress, my parents yanked me from the town where i had gone to school with the same kids all of my life, now i was in an entirely different community knowing not a soul, and the start of my binge eating to cope. I put on around 15 pounds within a few months and my dad took me outside and said "you need to stop all this eating your face is getting so big, its like a big moon face" and he blew his cheeks up with air and tilted his head like it was a big floating moon.
- my husband, a few years back when we were going through a terrible time called me a "fat f*ck"

Monday, January 07, 2008, 8:12 PM

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~ bump ~

(I love this old thread!)

Years ago an old supervisor of mine was talking about his sister in law, and how fat she was. He said:
"She's so fat and gross. I can't see how anyone can love her. I mean, she's even fatter than YOU!"
What a jerk!

I was out to dinner with friends one night a few years ago (when I was at my goal weight!) and the waitress brought us our food. I ordered a half portion of pasta. When I was finished the waitress came back over and said to me "WOW! You ate that sooo fast. I can't believe how much big people can eat."
Needless to say she didn't get a tip from us that night!

Tuesday, July 07, 2009, 2:28 PM

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I had finally found my dream wedding dress and my grandma asked me what style it was. I told her she'd have to wait and see but that it definitely wasn't one of those big pooofy things she said," Well, big girls don't need to make themselves look any bigger do they?"

I also remember once in the third year of secondary school and a girl I had been friends with suddenly said, "It's funny, when we started school you were quite thin weren't you?"

Also, when I was dating my boyfriend who was from Asia he said that if a girl from his home country were my size she'd be HUGE!

These comments never go away, they are always there eating away at me when I have a 'down day'.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009, 10:32 PM

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Not the worst comments, but they still sting

I am fairly thin but carry almost all of my extra weight (probably 10 or 15 lbs.) in my lower abdomen. Last summer, a supervisor at work asked if I was pregnant because I looked like I had gained so much weight in my belly area. Then, just a few weeks ago, I was at the gym doing hanging crunches. Some random guy comes up to me as I was resting between sets and asks, "Working off that 'mom pouch,' huh?" I replied, "Um, yeah, except I don't have kids." He was embarrassed. Some people just don't think before they speak.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009, 9:57 PM

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I was asked to fill in for a photo shoot for a magazine because they couldn't find a model/volunteer - I told them my size but they got pants that couldn't fit me and the photographer obviously doesn't know the right angles to shoot.

She told the stylist later "Can you find a thinner model next time?"

I thought I saw that coming, and it also made me realise that alot of the time the photography is about what you're wearing - not how you look. It was the worst photo shoot ever; all the photographer kept saying was - smile more! Its our Christmas edition!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 6:50 AM

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Blindsided by this one...

Sorry this is so long, but this is my first time talking about what happened--even though it's been on my mind a lot! Anyway, I've been avoiding the bar scene lately because I am so self-conscious about my recent weight gain (size 6 to 12), but a few months ago, I made an exception to go out with my brother and his friends to celebrate their college graduation.

We're walking to the bars (college town) when I hear something that sounds like "You're fat!" My stomach immediately drops, but I tell myself that I shouldn't be so paranoid, who knows if the voice is yelling at me or if they even said that. But I know I'll be obsessing about it all night if I don't find out for sure, so I stop, look up at the group that's on an apartment balcony a few stories up, and say "What??".

He looks right at me, points, and yells, "YEAH, YOU! GIRL IN THE BOOTS! YOU'RE FAT!" And he continues yelling as we walk away "JOIN WEIGHT WATCHERS AND STOP EATING SO MUCH! YOU'RE A FATASS!" And the people with him just laugh it u (including a few girls. So much for female solidarity!!)

My brother and his friends yelled some explictives up at them but I just froze. I knew there was nothing I could say or do that would take away the pain and humiliation of that statement so I didn't even bother. Tried not to but couldn't help tearing up. Though I had gained weight, I had never thought people saw me as fat. I know I shouldn't care what a douchey frat guy thinks, but he was just unnecessarily cruel. It's like he confirmed all my paranoid thoughs about everyone I see judging me for my weight and I don't deserve to go out after gaining weight because I'm so disgusting.

I'm glad I found this place (just registered today). I already feel less alone :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 5:27 PM

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I've had a number of different experiences -- none that were particularly upsetting though.

When I was in the 5th grade I developed very early....I looked different from my friends and the boys in the class could definitely tell. They'd call me "beached whale" when I walked by. One boy was particularly snotty, he looked up "stupid" in the dictionary in front of me. He said, "You're stupid. It's says so on page ___ (I don't remember the page number, but it was high!!)....that must be how much you weigh!"

I didn't have any problems again - no one said anything to me, but I felt insecure and fat and "disgusting", which is almost as bad as having someone say something mean to you because you beat yourself up about it. Like the above poster said, you feel paranoid and think that everyone is talking about you and your FAT ass. How self centered is that?

The only other time that I had problems was while traveling in India. I lived there for 6 months doing volunteer work and met a man while I was there. We began a physical relationship and on the first night that we became intimate I told him that I wanted to take it slow....I was nervous, a little shy - he suddenly bursts out with, "Why, because you're fat?" --- I laughed out loud. Yes, that's it! I couldn't get upset about it because yes, that was exactly the reason I wanted to take it slow....and talking about weight or body issues wasn't considered rude there. Everyone talked about it.

A friend of mine while I was there wouldn't give me a ride on his motorbike because, "C'mon Samantha - you are much too heavy for that bike, isn't it?"

A female friend said to me, "When you are first coming here you are looking very fat. But now you are looking very nice." (This was after I had lost 20lbs during the 6 months).

All of the men, and women for that matter said, "You have such pretty face - pretty face. Fat body, pretty face" lol

I say that although comments might sting a little - you have to let them go.

I try to live by 4 agreements (from Don Miguel Ruiz):

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Or in other words....do the best you can to take care of yourself and your health, don't worry what other people say because it has NOTHING to do with you, don't assume you know what people are thinking because they are probably just as insecure as you are.....and if someone DOES say something that bothers you, be honest with how it makes you feel. :)

samshan19

Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 6:36 PM

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3:31

OMG- That is a terrible thing for a therapist to say. I am in Grad school now to be a LPC and that is just unethical because it was hurtful.

One thing I will never forget is when I was about 16 years old a boy in school said "You know, if you lost about 15 pounds you would look pretty good".
I have forever been battling that 15 pounds.....

My husband says his motto is "No Fat Chicks". How is that for support?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 12:47 AM

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I'm not really huge or anything. I'm 5'3", 145-ish and I usually take a size 6. I was at Lane Bryant, asking about how large of sizes they carry for my mother-in-law since she does wear a large size and she can't find stylish clothes easy where we live. The salesperson was talking about their sizes and said "Oh, and you can shop here too because we carry down to 14." I guess that might not sound so bad for some people but I was a size 0-2 for most of my life. Suddenly being a 6 was hard enough for me but being assumed to be 14 felt completely horrible.

At another time, my mother in law was rummaging through her old clothes to see if there was anything she could give me that was vintage-y that she couldn't fit anymore. She handed me 4 pairs of pants ranging from size 14 to 16 and she said "They look like they'll fit". Also mind you, this was when I was skinnier, maybe like 135-ish and in a size 4. They were too big. Eventually, she gave me her old size 4-size 6 jeans and looked surprised that they fit.

I don't know what it is about me that makes people think i'm so much bigger than I am. My body shape? The clothes I wear? I am not sure.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 2:01 AM

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5:27 - I can total relate to the college thing. You'd think that once you get to college people would be a little more mature than in high school...apparently not!

I was dating a guy in college who was in a fraternity, and all of his frat brothers were really nice. I was about 10 pounds overweight at the time, but didn't feel bad about my body at all. My BF's frat had been invited to an annual sorority party on campus, and he took me along. Big mistake! This was the cattiest, most image conscious sorority on campus and girls kept staring at me and pointing. I overheard one girl saying "Who is SHE and why is she here?" and "Yuk I hope my butt doesn't get that big."

Although I did feel bad after, I am thankful that no matter how big my butt is I will never be as mean and shallow as those girls!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 9:23 AM

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