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dating suggestions for over 40

I've tried internet dating,but alot of the guys are ambivilent. I work, go home, sometimes hang out with friends during weeknights or on weekends, but don't really meet guys. Last night I tried speed dating, which was kind of interesting, but I didn't really find anyone interesting, and that can be costly. Does anyone have any suggestions how to meet a guy in their 40
s or 50's in NYC. NY is a brutal place for dating as it is. Any of your suggestions are greatly appreciated! I have several beautiful, smart , competent friends who are in the same boat, so I know it's not just me.


Sat. May 19, 8:02am

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It is complicated. I did the online thing for awhile. I honed my skills, but nothing substantial ever came from the contacts I made. Instead, I have focused more on activities (hobbies, for lack of a better word) that get me into the community. It doesn't mean that I have had more dates, but it hink that I have had less frustration.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 8:36 AM

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Online has really worked out well for me (in my late 30's), but a couple of things:

1) It's work. Set yourself goals of # of new people to meet in person every week, and make yourself do it. Most will be duds, some will turn out to be friends, and a very few... ...ahh!

2) Try more than one site. Where I used to live, everyone used match.com. In other places craigslist is much more active (and it's free). I like OkCupid (also free) a lot, BUT it's a little weird in that everyone interesting seems to live somewhere else. So I now have internet friends in England, LOL!

3) You're here.... So I'm just going to say it, depressing as it sounds. Losing weight makes a difference. I was never out of my "healthy" zone for my height, but I lost 30 pounds and am now at the low end of my healthy weight and bf% for my height (HUGE shout-out here to my PT buddies!!!). In an ideal world this wouldn't make a difference, but we don't live in that ideal world. I get ten times the attention from guys -- and from CUTE younger men, mind you! -- that I did before.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 9:33 AM

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I have a friend who just turned 40 and facing the same predicaments.... I'd set her up with my friends but she knows everyone in my group (or we are mostly married now!)

My suggestions to her-- find a hobby or something that you like to do and join a group! Yes, it might be intimidating to go into a room full of strangers, but who knows, even if you only end up with 1 more new friend, that might lead to opening up a wider social circle.

Definitely get out and do something vs. sitting at home in front of the Computer (or TV or fireplace, etc.) The more you go out, the more people you will meet. Try new things as well-- for instance joining the professionals group at the symphony, museums, join a hike, learn to dance, etc.--i.e. reach outside of your comfort zone and challenge yourself with something new! People tend to be really nice towards 'newbies" and you might have some fun along the way...

Go to parties of friends of friends.... Join a professional group related to your work, etc...go to a charity event (if you can afford it!)....

I feel for you. My sister is 37 and in NYC and she tells me it's really hard to meet people that are not in their 20s and 30s... For some reason, New York in particular seems more geared towards younger people....

Of course, if you are a shy person, getting out there might be kind of frightening, but if you psyche yourself up by playing up the positive in yourself, you'll be okay! ;-)

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 12:38 PM

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Dating Suggestion

I just wanted to say that I did the online dating and wasn't even aware I was doing it because I was just online being myself. I met a very nice man and we just chatted. I didn't hear from him for a few months so I just chalked it up to that was that. I really didn't put much thought into it because I was not looking for anything and was just being myself. He wrote me back after a few months and we picked up from there. After a while of him asking me how my kids were and carrying on a long conversation through a letter or instant messaging (and this was a man that could only type 20wpm) I knew he really was interested in ME as a person and not some cyber-sex thing. He never brought up sex like most the men online. This went on for over 9 months before we actually met. Nine years later we are married and have 2 adopted children together. Combined together his, mine and ours we have 9 children. He is the LOVE of my life and I wouldn't change a thing about him. So through all this my suggestion is just be yourself and it will happen, look at me I wasn't even looking for him and we got together.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 12:55 PM

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Old Friends

Classmates.com! Honestly, I re-met the man of my dreams! I was like you, I would go out with my girlfriends and have a great time but never seemed to meet anyone of "quality." I tried online dating for only 3 months and dated so many guys that I finally discovered there are more frogs than princes out there!
I had just decided I was good being single, I had my children (and grandchildren), my job, my girlfriends, I traveled a lot, was very physically active and basically began enjoying life again without feeling as though I had to have some relationship in my life to feel validated. I happened to see an ad for classmates.com and thought it might be a good place to look up an old girlfriend when lo and behold, just below her name was a guy I had known since he was 12 and I was 13. We had dated briefly but mostly were good friends with a crush on each other. We always seemed to be dating others. Anyway, 32 years later we reconnected, exchanged emails and phone calls for 2 months, finally got together (he was still living in CA and I'm in CO). Within 2 months he moved here and within 1 year we married! Having a history together has really proven to be a wonderful thing at this age. Hope this helps, but if you don't find the right guy be happy right where you are. You are special and deserve to live life fully, even by yourself! Good luck with your quest!

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 4:25 PM

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online dating over 40

eHarmony was great for me. As you get older you really know yourself, and these guys match you up really well.

Monday, September 24, 2007, 2:35 PM

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Gosh I am in Ohio (not nearly as populated as NYC). I am only 33 and having a horrible time meeting guys as well. I know it is one of those things that is just supposed to happen, but gosh WHEN? LOL. Online dating is totally visual.... I met a few nice guys but not the "one". I am attractive, just not thin. Guys dont want a girl with a few extra pounds when they have a catalog to choose from, ha ha. They want trim, slender, and athletic! :) Oh well, push on with PT!

Monday, September 24, 2007, 7:57 PM

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