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My husband keeps commenting on my belly flab

I'm getting upset about it. I had a baby a year and a half ago, and it was my third and sure, the weight should be off by now but it's harder this time. He's making me feel awful. I don't even know why I'm writing about it here. I'm venting.

Wed. May 30, 10:03am

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So What...

Sorry to be so blunt.. But your husband shouldn't be so insensitive. You are trying and I know that it makes you feel bad. Just let it roll off your back and do the best you can. Having three children takes a toll on your body, think about it this way if it were him that carried those children what would he look like? Best wishes...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 10:08 AM

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take it as a motivating yet uncalled for comment...if he didn't give a ...., he probably wouldn't even notice the flab
that's what i've been trying to do these days instead of getting upset.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 10:15 AM

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other cannot control how you feel or "make" you feel a certain way. YOU control that part of you. sure, others contribute to the pool from which you draw conclusions, but ultimately you get to decide how to internalize something, or even if you should internalize something at all. spiteful, insulting or otherwise demeaning comments can take a toll on you IF you let these type of comments bother you. if instead, you wonder, "why would this person say such a thing to me?" and cannot come up with an answer on your own, why not take the next step in controlling how you feel and ask that person, "why would you say such things to me?" then you can let the other person tell you if the comment was intened to be a catalyst in your feeling insulted. people, even those closest to you, don't always know how they are being perceived or what they are adding to your reality pool, so it's best to open that door of communication and just openly talk about it. "when you tell me i should lose weight, i feel very self conscious. i feel angry and hurt. is this how you want me to feel? if not, please be more supportive of the toll that 3 pregnancies have taken on my body and stop commenting about my belly."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 10:24 AM

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These comments are way too nice.

It sounds like your husband has a superficial controlling idiot streak in him - I say "controlling" because a hideously large number of men repeatedly insult our appearance in the guise of concern to make us feel like crap about ourselves so that we're more biddable.

I'd mention that trading a belly you can bounce quarters off of for a child should make him love that "flab". If that doesn't shut him up, then he definitely is a superficial controlling idiot.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 11:44 AM

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to the OP

what exactly has he been saying? has he been hinting at or has he been direct regarding your "need" to lose your belly flab? does he make flat comments like, "you STILL haven't lost the baby weight?!" or more nuanced comments like, "are you planning to wear THAT? do YOU like how it fits you now?" a little more info about what he is saying might help you get advice that suits your situation.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 11:51 AM

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how is it going for you?

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 1:16 PM

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Okay, first let me say that no matter how he's saying it, it's WRONG of him to say it. He's not perfect, and he shouldn't expect you to be either after having three kids. I'd talk to him about it, and let him know how much his comments bother you and ask him to be more supportive of you. If that doesn't work, then throw the "nice gloves" off and get serious, very serious to him. My first husband was abusive and I kicked him out after 11 months of marriage, and I will never put up being made to feel bad again. Stand up for yourself, but do it nicely at first, and if no results then go all out. :) Only you can judge the situation since you live it day to day and decide on the best course of action to get your husband to stop making those types of comments. Best of luck!

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 2:50 PM

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You can work it!

Don't worry about him... instead, think about yourself and focus that anger into working out even harder. I worked at a country club pool last summer as a waitress and I saw so many moms come to the pool with their kids, and they looked better than anyone my age and I'm 20! I actually went up to one of them who had 3 kids and asked her how she looked so great (I mean movie-star great) and if she had done it naturally. She said she ate 3 small meals a day and didn't snack, only drank on weekends, and worked out all the time I know its hard... I've never had kids and it's still difficult... but it can be done. Just remember this: the harder you work, the better you feel, and the more your husband will shut the hell up. :)

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 3:05 PM

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I dont have any kids

and I still have We dont need anyone else telling us what we already know, ya know? and Im sure that you are doing what you can. Having kids are you really have soo much time to spend in the gym or doing anything for yourself at all for that matter. I wish you the best and I know that you will get the weight off. Good luck and make him sleep on the couch! haha! just teasing.

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 3:33 PM

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Fight fire with fire.
My husband does the same thing and I reply with: "You have man boobs." He quickly shuts up.

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 10:36 PM

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