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Sex and Weight Issues

I've been married for 12 years and have 4 kids. Despite all this, I'm still very self conscious about my body. I feel unattractive and therefore do not get excited about sex because I don't want my husband to see me. I spend more time trying to suck in my stomach or reposition myself so I will look better to him. It seems rediculous given the fact he has never said or done anything to make me feel unattractive. I'm heavy for me right now - 190 pounds on 5'8" body. I feel good at 160 pounds and that is what I'm working towards. Do you think men/husbands do pay attention and notice their wives 20-30 extra pounds or do you think they don't really care and just love you anyway. Should I just let it all hang out and be wild for him or hold tight until I'm where I want to be?

Wed. May 30, 5:09pm

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let it all hang out be wild wild. You'll make your man happy, make yourself happy, burn extra calories, release the feel good hormones which help to reduce stress. I'm sure he loves your soul as well as your body. With all the happiness around even your kids will benefit. Go for not weight (pun intended) for a better body.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 5:24 PM

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I think men don't notice nearly as much as you think they do, in regards to your body. Men love curves and soft. My husband thinks he's really cute when he defines "girl" as "soft, smells nice." So, be that. Soft and smelling good. Let it all hang out and enjoy yourself. Guys are much more interested in how much you're enjoying it, and how much you let loose, than how much "extra" you might have!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 5:26 PM

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You've been married for 12 years- assuming he has been faithful to you throughout your marriage, you have to think realistically where else is he going to be able to have sex and whom with if it's not with you? Sure, 20-30 extra lbs is not making you feel attractive but he is your husband and if he's going to have sex it's going to be with you so I say get over it and just keep working on your goals.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 5:27 PM

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I know this isn't going to be reassuring, but it's different for different people. For example, my current bf is into slim & athletic (I am not overweight.) but in a previous relationship he was in, his partner became very heavy. His comment on this? "When you love someone, it doesn't matter how heavy they are -- you still love them."

I, on the other hand, was previously in a relationship with a guy who put on 50 pounds in the year I was dating him. I must admit that I lost all inclination to sleep with him -- and I mean even _sleep_, since it made him snore terribly! And you know what? I never said anything to him about his weight, just let the relationship fall apart.

So really, depends on what kind of person your husband is. But you are on the right track if you are here -- follow through & lose the weight, and then that worry will be gone. You can do it!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 5:55 PM

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"current boyfriend" vs. "husband of 12 years" - I don't think this is a good comparison. Does anyone else see the foolishness here?

But anyway - to my point...
Lady, let it loose and enjoy some sex!! And let your husband enjoy it!! You've been together 12 years - you have 4 kids - you love each other! Marriages NEED sex to thrive. Yes, I said it. And I'll say it again. Marriages NEED sex to thrive!!
If/when you lose weight, your confidence will make it even better, but don't make either you or your husband wait until that time. By then you could be strangers.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 8:40 PM

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never in the history of ever has a man been focused on the way a woman looks during sex.its about him getting what he wants,and if he happens to give you what you want in the process then even better.belive me if he wants it your doing something let it be and if you belive you look good then you will.dont you have days that you feal great about your self,well take that attitude and use it everyday.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 8:41 PM

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oh - and sex IS a great workout!
On days when I don't get in any exercise, I feel like sex is a double bonus! Fun AND healthy!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 8:41 PM

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to 8:40-"current boyfriend" may not mean something short-term or frivolous. My current boyfriend and I have been together for years and I intend to stay with him forever-the fact that we aren't "married" is irrelevant. The time spent together is important and I think the poster who mentioned her current boyfriend was trying to boost the OP's self esteem and give her some advice. No sense in being bitchy about it.

OP-your man loves you with or without the weight! Yes he will notice when you lose it, but be assured that he finds you sexy and attractive just as you are!! Have fun!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 10:05 PM

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If YOU want to go wild, go wild.

Don't do it for someone else, do it for yourself. (uninhibited sex is great, you should have it no matter your size or shape.)


Wednesday, May 30, 2007, 10:45 PM

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may 30, 8:40
Just because she wasnt married doesnt make her point any less relevant. Yes you need sex to thrive but you need sexual attraction to even want to have sex. I notice when my ex's have gained weight and it isnt attractive. It kind of disgusts me in fact. I dont like fat on my body so of course i dont like it on others either. I say have crazy sex ya but to keep losing weight for you and for him. Slobs repulse me

Thursday, May 31, 2007, 5:16 AM

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