CommunityBrowse groupsBlogEtiquetteInvite Your friendsSuccess Stories


Help, my daughter is overwieght too!

What can I do to help my 11y/o without hurting her self-esteem? We talk about what foods are good for you and how too much of some foods aren't healthy, I don't refer to things as "making you fat" but I don't seem to make much headway. She is 11 and I still serve her snacks and breakfast because I think she will eat way too much if I let her do it!! I feel like her being dependent on me is just as unhealthy as her weight. Despite my efforts she is still overweight at about 5'3'' she weighs 145lbs - she is built big (shoe size 9-10).

Sun. Jun 3, 12:23am

Add comment  
Speaking as someone that has been in kinda the same boat as your daughter...

I wouldn't necessarily rush to say that she IS overweight. Large build for her height has a weight range of 131 - 147. I'm 5'2 and wear a size 9 shoe and I would say that 135 is *thin* for me. I'm not sure how old your daughter is and what her activity level is but I wouldn't immediately be alarmed.

I would say better thing is to put more emphasis on being active and participating in physical and engage in those things with her, rather than give her the impression that someone needs to monitor or ration her eating. Speaking from experience, I think I would have had a better and easier time as a teen and early adult if my mom had taken that approach over making me feel somewhat "ashamed" for wanting to eat.

Just my $.02

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 1:31 AM

Add comment
I'm in the exact same boat as you, OP. In fact, I think I AM you... My daughter is also 11, she is 5'2", she weighs 145 lbs and has almost outgrown a size 8 shoe.

And she is DEFINITELY overweight.... if she sits or stands just right, she looks like she is about 8 months pregnant. :-(

The main thing I've been able to do, is replace all the snacks & drinks in the house with healthier alternatives. There has never been sugared pop in the house, but she used to drink a fair amount of juice. They're now limited to 1 per day in her school lunch bag, and I've filled a basket with various flavours of Crystal Lite powders for her to drink instead.

I also joined Curves last summer, on their "mother & daughter plan" (they have it again right now). She was big enough to be allowed in, even though she was under their minimum age. I signed us both up under the guise of "I need you to come with me to help keep ME going"...

Further than that, just serve slightly smaller portions and more fruit or veggies(for BOTH of you). If you don't make an issue of it, she may not even notice.

Again, if your daughter is like mine, she'll jump at any chance to go for a walk or bike ride with you, just to be WITH you.

Unfortunately, they say you can't put a growing child on a weight LOSS regime... but if you can help her to maintain that weight, while she grows into it...

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 10:28 AM

Add comment
5;3 and 145 pounds at the age of 11 is undeniably overweight. OP, I commend you for caring and reaching out and making an effort to help your daughter. The best way is to show her what her life will be like in the future if she continues her current bad habits. She won't get the guy she wants. She wants to get married, correct?

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 11:00 AM

Add comment
Jeez people, way to harass an 11 year old. Try to think back to when you were that age, and how sensitive you were to all criticism, appearance issues etc. "She want's to get married doesn't she?" !!! Now that's something an 11 year old should be worrying about. *sheesh*

Sure take this tack, make her miserable, 'cause that ALWAYS helps people lose weight.

Or maybe you could get rid of the unhealthy food around the house, have plenty of appealing looking fresh fruit and veggies (snack platters) around, make sure that the food you serve is both tasty and healthy. Ask her to cook or make salads and stuff with you. Plan meals, picnic menus etc together.

Go do some fun physical activities together - hiking, canoeing, etc. Get a rebounder - it is a seriously FUN piece of exercise equipment. Bounce in front of the tv or dvds, or dance on it. Sooner or later she'll want to try it out. Go somewhere they have DanceDanceRevolution and do it with her. Do a daily evening walk and ask her along. She'll be a teenager soon enough; use these last few years to build some bonds, not alienate her.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 11:17 AM

Add comment
I was over weight as a child. (kind of a long story of how it happened if you want to know more just ask)
My mom put me on a diet.

Best thing she ever did.

I was normal weight if not slender in high school and I never developed an eating disorder or anything like that.

I have many friends who have been overweight from child hood and never had what my mom gave me. These young women struggle with it even more as their problem grows exponentially with coming years.

An over weight child becomes an obese adult if there is no intervention.

I am slightly overweight now because of a few bumps in the road, but this is me at my heaviest in my adult life but I think i would have had a much more depressed teen life if I had been heavier. being a close friend to 2 girls in high school who were very over weight I saw how much ti caused them pain.

thanks to my mom I never got a chance to become "obese". I can't imagine how over weight i'd be now If my mom hadn't taught me that life lesson. Maybe I'd be like my friend Lisa who is my same age and over 100lbs over weight. We looked about the same weight at 11/12.

I am not encouraging you to do what My mom did to me; My solution isn't going to be the right thing for anyone. but you definitely cannot take it sitting down

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 11:26 AM

Add comment
About getting married?

It's not about getting married ITS ABOUT BEING HEALTHY. That's just ignorant.

Life is so much harder.

so many bad things related to being overweight (it starts in child hood) most people I know who are over weight now ...were overweight as children

by letting a child be overweight you let them be predesposed to
sleep apnea
heart disease

Yeah I work in a sleep clinic. Most of the kids I see are over weight.....and have severe sleep apnea. which causes heart complications in the long run

So NOT even about marriage!

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 11:32 AM

Add comment
11:17 AM poster again

I want to make clear that I'm NOT saying don't be concerned about her weight. I'm saying that there are better ways to deal with it. For weight loss to last, in either adults or children, there has to be a lifestyle change. If losing weight and getting healthy is all about miserable struggle and guilt, or if it's all somebody else's doing, she isn't going to stick with it. Neither would I. Neither would anyone.

Make the process about learning new things, new ways to eat and behave, Make sure they're fun, enjoyable. Work together on it. I'm 50 now, but I can remember how much I appreciated my parents treating me as a sensible, rational being, because I (mostly) was, just like your child is at that age. And I also appreciated that we did fun stuff together, that my parents could still play. Make this a game. It has all the potential - goals, scoring, activity, challenge, puzzles... Involve her; don't try to MAKE her. For pete's sake, have her figure out what would be good and healthy for snacks and breakfasts. Shop for some healthy eating and cookbooks together.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 11:46 AM

Add comment
When I was a child, I used to come home, prepare myself a snack and park myself in front of the TV til dinner. After dinner I'd laze around doing appx the same thing til bedtime. Maybe I'd grudgingly do some homework.

Then the TV broke down. My parents called us kids together and announced that it wasn't going to be fixed and that we were going to do without one. Thanks to them I have wonderful memories of summers spent tubing on the local creek, swimming with friends, riding my bike and just having fun outside in general. My reading improved and I made some great friends so I'd have people to go do things with.

Yeah, I'm working off some of the pounds I've put on by way of having a desk job, but I still have the love of activity that I developed from those early days. I also have a great relationship with my parents because we did *with* each other and while we were doing them, we talked and bonded - something that didn't happen when we were all gazing glassy-eyed at the TV.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 1:32 PM

Add comment
Lead by example. If you only have healthy foods in the house she will have no choice, but don't restrict all treats either, going out for an ice cream cone once a week won't hurt and it will show her that you can eat "bad" foods in moderation. Go out for family activities that focus on activity.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 4:23 PM

Add comment
Thank you - I do feel like I make her feel ashamed for wanting to eat and that is the last thing I want to do - I do need to commit to participating in more active things with her, I often start with great intentions and then let them fizzle out like everything else I do.

Sunday, June 03, 2007, 11:38 PM

Add comment

Explore Related Articles
Weight Loss Motivation   Sustainable Weight Loss
Weight Lifting    Hypnosis and Weight Loss
Emotional Eating   Help Losing Weight
Free Weight Loss Program   Weight Watchers Points  NutriSystem
How To Change Anything

Related Content:

How To Lose Weight- The Basics
Weight Watchers Points System
The Fat Smash Diet
The Eat To Live Diet
The Beck Diet Solution
How To Get The Motivation To Lose Weight


How To Be Successful Using PEERtrainer

How To Burn Fat
Online Weight Loss Support- How It Works
Does Green Tea Help You Lose Weight?
Tips On Using PEERtrainer
Visit The PEERtrainer Community
Diet and Fitness Resources


Weight Watchers Meetings
Learning To Inspire Others: You Already Are
Writing Down Your Daily Workouts
Spending Money On A Personal Trainer?
How I Became A Marathon Runner


Preventive Health

How To Prevent Injuries During Your Workout
Flu Season: Should You Take The Flu Shot?
Are You Really Ready To Start PEERtrainer?
Super Foods That Can Boost Your Energy
Reversing Disease Through Nutrition

New Diet and Fitness Articles:

Weight Watchers Points Plus
How To Adjust Your Body To Exercise
New: Weight Watchers Momentum Program
New: PEERtrainer Blog Archive
Review Of The New Weight Watchers Momentum Program

Weight Loss Motivation by Joshua Wayne:

Why Simple Goal Setting Is Not Enough
How To Delay Short Term Gratification
How To Stay Motivated
How To Exercise With A Busy Schedule

Real World Nutrition and Fitness Questions

Can Weight Lifting Help You Lose Weight?
Are Protein Drinks Safe?
Nutrition As Medicine?

Everyday Weight Loss Tips

How To Eat Healthy At A Party
How To Eat Out And Still Lose Weight
The Three Bite Rule
Tips On How To Stop A Binge