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Considering leaving PT due to all the 'political correctness' - unmotivating environment

I thought I'd add to that 'get a piece of this' thread, but then decided to start my own. Feeling like I'm standing at a crossroad, and maybe someone here will support my decision to leave, or, opposite, reassure me to stay.

I joined the site about 3 months ago, and, honestly, have been a daily logger (or multiple-times-a-day logger) since. Fine, I got over all those other groupmates who never post, etc. One thing I can't get over though is this politically correct environment everyone is supporting. Sorry, but it doesn't motivate me AT ALL. I am currently a member in a few groups, all basically working towards 'loosing those last 10 pounds'. Meaning, people don't start there weighting 200 pounds. Then, looking through their profiles, some of the members have been on the PT since like beginning of 2006 or earlier. So what the heck, you've been here for a year and a half, and still can't loose those 10 pounds to go down from 135 to 125?!? And then all that 'kind' commenting of 'congrats on your lunch choices yesterday!' sort of thing! Give me a break! That's how I always eat, you see my log every day, and if I do have a comp office lunch it doesn't mean I'll spread myself over the sweets & cookies table, and save those congrats for someone for whom that's a huge achevement, not me. And anyway, I'd rather have someone asking me why did I do a crappy choice (if ever) and telling me that I'll never loose those silly 10 pounds if I won't stop such kind of fallbacks in my diet. Or tell me that if I finally won't get my ass up and go running I'll stay flabby forever. Otherwise, I can just continue to log in all the crap I'm eating and all my zero workout days, and, who cares, really? So what's the point of being here? There's no motivation, none, zero. I started three months ago with a lot of hope, and now I'm beginning to get indifferent to this site. I honestly can't see a lot of progress happening here, with me myself, or majority of my groups' members (have to admit that the larger people, I've seen, been doing great going down to and then from 200s. So does everything has to stop when you're under 150-140 though?..).

Anyway, I guess I wanted to say that when I first joined, my b/f was laughing and saying that this site is for sort of loosers (and not the weight loosers! LOL) only, who are desperately lazy and dwelling on their 'diets' of burgers and diet soda, and I fought him back on that. Now, I am not sure anymore. Was he correct?...

I'll be happy to stay if someone would reassure me it's worth it.

Also, was that 'jerks only' team ever created?... LOL


Mon. Jul 2, 12:51pm

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Bye bye. People like you come and go and quit all the time. It's your choice.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 12:57 PM

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Quite honestly, I can't see why we would want anyone like you to stay.

1.If people are working towards losing those "last 10 lbs", whether they've been doing it for 10 days or 10 years, you have no right to critisize. If you're so high and mighty, good for you. Look at yourself to critisize before you critisize others. You post everyday, CONGRATU-FREAKIN-LATION. Some people CAN'T post everyday, some people don't feel like doing it everyday. It doesn't make you any better a person.

2. Congratulating each other for good choices is support. Obviously you're some supreme being for whom weight loss was easy, but others struggle with it every day and even that one good choice took mental power. So don't place yourself above anyone. If you want someone to slap your hand for every bad decision you make, go to your mother. We're not here for that. Instead, we're here to offer a congrats when people make good choices and help pick up and dust off people who have made dieting mistakes. No one is perfect, and if anything, your post proves human fallibility with it's own ignorance.

Your bf is right. If more people like you are on this site, then yes, this site does have some "loosers" on it, which by the way, is still spelled "losers". For someone who claims such high authority, your ignorance really shines through.

I can't speak for others, but I know that personally, I don't want you to stay. We don't need negative comments or commentors who will bring down the entire spirit of this site. It's meant for SUPPORT, not for hand-slaps. And no, the progress doesn't stop when people reach under 140-150. It stops when people get to a pont where they'd like to maintain the healthy weight they've acheived. I'm 5'8-5'9...if I was at 140 and tried to lose MORE weight, I'd look like a war victim.

And before you start a schpiel about me being some disgruntled old fat person, I'm 16 and in a "healthy" weight zone. I'd like to lose 10 lbs for aesthetic purposes, but far from need to, and am here to learn healthy food choices. I feel sorry for you and your inablity to be happy for people and need to put other down, obviously to make yourself feel better. I hope one day you find the happiness you probably DONT deserve.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:02 PM

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and just so you know its LOSERS and I don't think that people who decide to actually DO something about their weight are LOSERS if you find that you are not getting what you need then leave...but obviously there are people here who do feel like they are getting what they need...also people don't always update their profiles so you can't completely judge how long it took them to lose their weight because you don't know.....but hey if you want to go then go...that's your choice no one can convince you to stay if you don't want to

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:05 PM

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I am a person over 200 lbs and i just think that she wants a different kind of support system. She wants someone to yell at her if she isnt doing what needs to be done to lose that 10 lbs. You need to find some like minded people like you somehow. Maybe you will find some with this thread. good luck.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:13 PM

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Alright, fine, it's losers (single L), I apologize for my misspelling. Whatever.

And I really did not mean to offend anyone with starting this thread, there is no need to be so defensive. Also, I do not think I'm better than others, or that it is easy to loose weight, etc, that was absolutely not the point. I just said that I joined PT in hopes for results and active encouragement (by which I mean constructive criticism more than anything else) of similar-minded goal-oriented people. Isn't there anyone who looked for the same? In all the wide range of groups open here???

Also, I do appreciate ALL your comments. For a change, finally you people REALLY express your honest opinions.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:22 PM

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more to 1:22

that's even somewhat encouraging to stay!!... LOL

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:25 PM

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You mean "lose" and "losers" with one O. not L. Sheesh.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:25 PM

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Adios.

What?!? Because weighing 140-150 is what a lot people "should" weigh for their height! If you think that a large majority of women fall between 5"3-5"7 (give or take) then that is what we should weigh to maintain a healthy weight for ourselves!
You are actually complaining that your group supports you by congratulating you on your food choices? You kidding me? You are on a group titled, "loosing those last 10 pounds"and your are annoyed by it? Where do you get off? I just checked out your posts and your groups' posts and it looks pretty darn positive and motivating to me. I agree with the other gals, obviously this website is not for you. Maybe you should just lose those last 10 on your own and save the rest of us your negativity. Bleh.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:30 PM

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SEE YA--you need to find something else that makes you happy and motivates you. There's plenty of other sites to help you out.

just remember...not everyone likes everything.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:34 PM

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I can sometimes get annoyed when people are too "rah rah rah" because that isn't my personality. But here's the thing, this is an anonymous forum and there is no way to tell people that want their hands slapped versus people that just want a sense of solidarity in their struggle.

If you go in guns blazing ("Why did you eat that cookie at lunch??? You're never going to lose weight!!") you are going to make some people angry. Some people, such as yourself and probably me too, would say, "Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't have eaten that cookie" and move on, but a lot of people would have hurt feelings. There's just no way to know because it's anonymous and on the internet.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:34 PM

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make your own group!

There used to be a group called "no sugar-coating" or something like that, for people who got more out of having group members be tough on them. It may be full right now, or it may have gone private.

I've been very successful on PT, and I do think that the key has been finding the right group, one in which everyone's goals and interactive styles mesh. This isn't easy to find; you may have to pop in and out of a few groups before you find one that's right for you. Good luck!

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:39 PM

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Listen, I get it-you want someone to yell at you and "say it like it is" when you make bad decisions regarding losing weight. But you have to remember that most of the people (that I have talked with regarding weight loss) don't find that harsh "tough-love" approach effective. I just don't think I would feel comfortable with coming down on someone for eating poorly or not exercising. Generally speaking, it's the positive actions and decisions that we make that trigger supportive reactions, not the bad ones. If you constanly hear bad reactions and "tough-love"-type enforcement then why are you here? Why continue to pine over the bad decisions you've made? What is so bad about thinking about the positive? You hold yourself accountable for your actions more than anyone one of us can, why put your group in the position of having to beat you down? They have their own goals and challenges-I am sure the last thing they want to do is start making you feel even worse about your choices. I say leave, quickly.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:40 PM

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Best to you. I work to the bone to lose weight and I only want people who are dedicated and committed. If this isn't the place, maybe you'll find somewhere that is. I love PT, been the best thing to happen in my life. Don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:40 PM

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We are not "you people"

This is actually a very diverse community. I don't see much reason to beg you to stay. Don't let the door hit your hit your narrow-minded & judgemental backside on the way out

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:44 PM

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hey 1:30...

how did you check her posts?

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:44 PM

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to the OP

Like others, I had a pretty strong reaction to your comments. I really felt like you were picking on me with your comment about those last 10 lbs. I'm a long term member and been on a "slow and steady" path for a while, and for the most part I'm pretty comfortable with that. I think that quick loss is not necessarily lasting loss. Follow? Of course, I know you might not have been talking about ME.

Anyway, I think that a lot of people had great comments. Particularly about finding a group of people who are like minded in your approach to losing those last 10. Perhaps you just need/want a different kind of support from this site. Did you ask your group if anyone else feels the same way you do? I'm in a "last 10 lbs" group too that I find overwhelming cause it is so big...I don't have time to keep up with everyone in such a large group, so I'm not really as dedicated as I should be. I've even been thinking of leaving it for this reason. AND I know that I could be doing more to lose these last ten more quickly...I've been thinking about this a lot this past week. SO...want to start a new group? I'll call it: Hard Line on the Last Ten. I am: dawfit. I'd love for you (and others) to join me.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 1:47 PM

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Im sorry but I love 1:02s post I have to agree with it 100% :D. and with 1:40s post, PT is the about the best thing to happen to me as well, I log onto it 100x a day it seems like it's really opened my eyes to weight loss, and helped me loose weight, you can ask any of my friends, loosing weight and being healthy and PT is about all I talk about anymore, my b/f even picks on me saying stuff like "well why don't you post a thread and ask your PT buddies" lol.. if you don't like it then SORRY.. find somewhere else! PT is the best thing for some of us and we sure don't your sorry neg. comments ruining our success! so. BYE!

Monday, July 02, 2007, 2:00 PM

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Honestly only you know if it is right for you to st
ay or go. I kinda look at it like this, I am doing it for me and not for the "kudos"
I am in groups that are really supportive and some that almost never post.
I do believe however that journaling is key and hope that whatever choice you make you continue to journal. Looking back you may find certain trends that keep you from losing that last 10 pounds.
I don't know I still have way to many to go.
Maybe you should share your thoughts with your group members. Maybe they need to be encouraged to be more serious about it rather than just a cheer leader.
Good luck and I hope you will continue to give PT a chance.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 2:02 PM

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I joined dawfit's group

Hey I'm not the OP, but definitely need some "Get out of the office!" kicks in the butt to exercise more.

I guess this is like putting the "kick me" sign on my own back, LOL!

neon

Monday, July 02, 2007, 2:18 PM

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Hi OP-Obviously you haven't found the support or motivation from this site that I have found or others have found. From the tone of your post, you sound as though you are angry for the way other people live their lives, and how they attempt to lose weight. How is your weight loss going?

I have been stuck on the last couple of pounds now since January. But you know what?? It's not because I'm lazy (I exercise 6 days a week) or stuff my face with doughnuts or have group members that coddle me. Its because life is not perfect. It's because, like many overweight people, I eat out of emotion sometimes or celebrate positive events with food (I love to cook, it's one of my passions). I am working on the emotional eating thing-I've definitely made huge progress from a few years ago. I've lost 75 lbs and hit my "goal" weight but then decided to lower that goal, and lower it again, so while to you, a new member of PT, it looks like someone like me has no convictions or willpower, the rest of the PT community who has followed my log since I joined sees the effort, sees the struggle that food/diet/life is, and knows what an amazing thing it is to even MAINTAIN a loss like that. Those last 5 or 10 lbs aren't nearly as important to those of us who need to lose just 5 or 10 lbs because: 1) 5 or 10 lbs isn't putting our health at risk the way 50, 75 or 100lbs is/was and b) we're learning how to maintain and live life normally.

My point is-don't judge the rest of us. You have your own issues regarding weight and so doesn't everyone else. You may be looking at logs of people who are not truly committed yet (the influx of publicity for PT the last few months definitely brought a lot of excited new members, but many of them didn't last) or people who are temporarily going through a tough time (look at their logs from 6 months ago and see their progress!). People aren't perfect.

You don't necessarily need to be in a group on PT to be successful. My log was private for the first several months of my logging, and I just had a private group with 2 friends I have in real life. Unfortunately they weren't consistent and I was basically in the group alone. This didn't stop me-writing down what I ate and why I ate it everyday made me more aware of my choices and I started to make better ones each day. The weight started coming off. The lounge at the time was a great place to ask questions and get intelligent, honest answers. I am now just in one private team, and one private group. My log is public and the people I interact with are inspiring in more ways than just weight loss. Perhaps PT isn't right for you. But that doesn't mean it's not working for the rest of us. It's not up to other members to persuade you to stay. You have to decide if logging everyday makes a difference in your motivation, your commitment to diet. It has nothing to do with others here.

Sorry to ramble . . .

-.q.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 2:32 PM

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I agree with starting your own team or group and advertising it in the community section. if you are really clear about what you are looking for and say explicitly that you don't want a certain type of person in your group, you should be able to weed out those folks. I think Peertrainer is big enough for everyone to find what they are looking for.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 3:12 PM

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i'm also very curious about the poster who stated that he/she looked over the OP's logs and group entries. how did this person know which group and which member to look up? sounds fishy...

as for the OP's question, "should i stay or should i go?", i think it's totally worth trying to start your own group. i'll bet there are already teams in existence that work in the manner you'll benefit from. this is a world wide website, for crying out loud!! if you're the only one who feels the way you do, i'll be very surprised. i'm not into the whole "lolly, lolly, lolly, you are so great even though you make mistakes"-type attitude myself, so i just belong to my own, 1-person group and track my own progress. maybe you could try that?

Monday, July 02, 2007, 3:47 PM

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I do think it's funny that there's only one type of acceptable support in most groups. It's hard for some people to be motivated by praise for every minor non-accomplishment- it's not that it's unappreciated, it's that it just doesn't really do anything, and after a while, it feels like it diminishes your ACTUAL accomplishments.

I know I do better when I get called out for making lame excuses. Some people find this uncomfortable or unpleasant- I like it. I work in a field that's all about equivocation and recontextuallizing flaws into benefits, so I can make excuses with the best of them.

Unconditional praise and support is great for some people. for others, it rings false. I get the feeling that's what the OP was trying to get at.

And, to call the OP out for making excuses, Whether or not your teammates lose a single pound has no bearing on your own weight loss.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 3:57 PM

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Constructive Criticism

Just some constructive criticism, if you haven't already, possibly you should start a thread or group for only those whom want to give constructive criticism to one another. For those whom only find the 'support' they need in getting constructive criticism.

We all need support in different ways. I'm sure you aren't the only person in PT looking for that kind of support. If you haven't already, before you quit here, try starting a group or thread with those looking for that kind of support only.

Good luck in finding the support you need.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 4:31 PM

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do people even read the previous comments, or just post their opinions without checking if the exact same message has already been written?

Monday, July 02, 2007, 4:33 PM

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I'm 1:30 and I USED to be in her group. There were a few tell-tale clues that tipped me off as to her identity. I gave her the compliment about "great lunch choices", everyone in our group has the last ten to "loose", she constantly uses the term, "weighting in" instead f "weighing in", everyone in our group weighs between 140-150 and we all are pretty happy with that and she is a terrible speller. Also, the context with which she writes is very distinct, the "flow" of the text is the same as her posts/comments. I just withdrew from the group. Hopefully she'll find a new group or leave, I think it's weak she can't tell us what she is expecting out of the group. I can't imagine her not denying it but--I know it was her. This sucks but I'll find a new group---it's not a big deal.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 4:51 PM

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I started on PT with "10 lbs to lose." But, now I've lost 15, and I still have 10 lbs to lose! Sometimes we just have to have small goals, or we think we'll be done at a certain point, but find that really, we coudl go a bit further!

Just b/c someone's been losing the "last" 10 lbs for the past 2 years doesn't mean that it's the same 10lbs!

And for those of us who came here with already fairly good eating habits, it's not overly simple and straightforward to lose weight quickly. I don't pig out on junk food, so it's difficult to decide what to eliminate, etc.

Anyway, I think you should start your own group, and specify who you want to join. PT can be whatever you want it to be!

Monday, July 02, 2007, 5:14 PM

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stay but be specific

I think what you need is to start your own group and invite people who want the tough love approach I think the reason so many of us which is like 95% of us stay with the positive approach is because there is so much negativity out there we are sick of it. The reason so manyof us stay overweight is how we handle are reactions to our slipups I need the people to say hey if you slipped up thats ok just plan better for the next meal and dont binge or giveup if that makes me a pollyanna loser so be it. This is the first time I feel that I will do it because of this site and the people on it that positive approach is called compassion and there is never enough of it outthere. I wish you luck on those last 10 vanity pounds they always say those are the toughest I need a while to get to that point maybe you will be there to yell theam off me.

Monday, July 02, 2007, 7:37 PM

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dawfit and neon, where are you? I need some tough love, too!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 11:09 AM

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dawfit's new group filled up! So there ARE other people out there who want a crack of the whip every once in a while. Try starting another new group, maybe, or joining the "Jerks Only" team?

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 11:30 AM

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hey, whoever started this thread!
I'm totally with you!
I have the same issues
Let's start our own group? Let me know if that will keep you on here.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 2:00 PM

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May I advocate that people say in their profiles the kinds of interaction they want to have here, and the kind they do not want to have. It wouldn't fix all problems, but it would be a step. And I think it's good to take a look back at your profile from time to time, because things may have changed, or you might just want to say something differently now.


Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 4:04 PM

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I understand your frustration. PT is not always what I expected or what I desire but it has helped me lose close to 10 pounds in a month and I fully intend to lose and maintain 30 pounds by logging consistently on PT.

Again, I sympathize with your complaints, OP. But I have realized that despite the importance of support, in the end it is your responsibility to do what you need to do. At this point, no one in my groups or teams really comments on my log and that is okay. But I do still use the PT log because it has helped me a lot so far.

Good luck in whatever your decision is and I hope you are successful in losing weight, without resentment.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 5:45 PM

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considering leaving PT

There are a bazillion groups and teams on this site. Before you decide to chuck it, try to find another. Or another. There are lots of choices. Maybe join three groups. or fifteen. Or whatever you need to succeed. If your goal is to grouse, go somewhere else (we all need to grouse sometimes too). If your goal is to lose weight, find a group that works for you. I am not a rah-rah, but I try to support my group members. I work hard to be honest with myself, and I do look at their entries to be nicely constructive. I hope they do the same for me. Don't hammer yourself so much. There is a lot of anger towards your group and PT. Why? They (we) can't do for you what you need to do for yourself, but we can help you do it, if you want help. If you don't want help or need it, and truly feel that PT is for losers, then find another source. I am sure there are some that will please you. And, I can say from personal experience, sometimes the toughest place to be in is the one that teaches us the most, so your team that you have been with might be more supportive if you let them know what you need individually. They might just be able to supply it. Give yourself a second chance. You are here because you wanted to change.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 6:06 PM

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If you want take a break But you'll be back! There is something for everyone here

Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 8:15 PM

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