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My childs weight and Depression

I have a 9 yr old baby girl. I am going to see where I can post her pics on here. She is at 165 pounds. She is so depressed and I cant figure out how to help her. My depression makes me want to give up and just lay in bed and let her stay with me in bed all the time so she wont have to face the way others treat her. She has had so many medical issues since she has been born and then when she was 4 she started gaining and in 1 summer she gained 65 pounds. She has just went up from there. She is my beautiful little girl but she comes home crying because of what the kids say and some adults. I have tried cutting her food intake but she stays hungry and she cries all the time and says she's starving. I tried to get her to dance with me but she cries. I am just ready to give up and dont know where to turn.
I think maybe if I had liked myself more that maybe she would be different to. She has learned this from me. If I cant fix it then I have killed her, her hopes and dreams.Please help me figure something out.
I dont know how to make my pics the size needed

Fri. Jul 13, 11:19pm

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I'm so sorry... I know you are heartbroken for your daughter and want to help without hurting her emotions even more. You are of course doing the #1 best thing for her already, which is loving her for who she is at any size.

I don't have direct experience with this subject, but I would first recommend expert help (such as counseling). My own solutions to big problems always start with reading as much as I can... Here's what I found perusing Amazon:
Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children, by Sylvia and Eric Rimm
The Everything Parent's Guide to the Overweight Child, by Paula Ford-Martin and Annelli Vincent
Your Child's Weight: Helping without Harming, by Ellyn Satter
Maybe one or more of these is available at your library.

Good luck to you and your little girl.

Friday, July 13, 2007, 11:37 PM

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I think a rather extensive medical evaluation is in order, if it hasn't been done already. Don't hesitate to ask for financial assistance, fee waivers or whatever if money is stopping you. I'm not really qualified to make any specific assessment but to start at such a young age (4) just makes me very suspicious that something uncommon is involved.

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 1:58 AM

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No offense but I don't think reading self help books is going to be much help.

Please find a doc or a team of docs that will work with you. There has to be an underlying reason for what is going on with your daughter. Do not let her see how upset or depressed you are over it. It could make her feel worse. A few months ago there was a thread on here about a specialized school for overweight children. I am going to to try to find it because it was a great thread. Look into alternative treatments. Docs are docs and specialize in certain areas but alternative could be helpful because they treat the whole body and person. I will look for that and come back to this when i find it.

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 2:33 AM

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Hi. I am 21 years old and I have anxiety and depression. I have had it since I was 11 or so and didn't get diagnosed until more than a year ago. I was slim all my life but put on more than 30 pounds within 6 years.

I don't know what to say, but def go see a specialist-- a medical doctor, psychologist....for the both of you.

In terms of the eating, what you can do is give her filling, nutritious foods high in fiber to fill her up in the mean time. But it could very well be a medical issue as to why she gained so much weight.

Best of luck! It's tough.

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 2:55 AM

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Yes, it sounds like both of you are depressed and you both need help. Depression is an illness and you should approach it like any other illness. Think pneumonia as you are going for care. You probably wouldn't lie in bed with would get help.

Take a first step, maybe ask a good friend, a spouse, or a family member to throw you a rope and help you get out the door to some medical care. Both you and your daughter deserve good health and well being.

Report back here as you take your first steps and we will cheer you on. Remember, you are worth it!

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 8:51 AM

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Stop feeding her to make her feel better, as Dr.Phill would say.

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 9:36 AM

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My heart goes out to you! It sounds like there are two separate, but related problems here - your daughter's weight and depression, and your weight and depression.

I would suggest that you immediately make appointments with her pediatrician and your primary care physician to discuss what has been going on and to be evaluated. Your doctors will suggest a course of action for each of you, but you may want to discuss the following with him or her.

Inquire about referrals for counseling for both you and her. Counseling can help you both - with the depression, and a doctor who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy can help you with weight loss techniques. In your daughter's case, obviously it would be ideal to find a counselor who is experienced in working with overweight children, if possible. Even if your daughter's weight gain has been caused by a medical condition, she needs help dealing with the hurtful comments from others.

You may also want to inquire about referrals to a dietician who is experienced in working with overweight children.

And definitely seek out help from family or friends. I would imagine that your depression can make it more difficult for you to pursue treatment for both of you. Having others that you can call on for help would take off some of the pressure and give you a crucial support system.

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 10:11 AM

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This is all great advice. And remember, she is 9 and you are the mom. Do NOT bring junk food into the house. Nobody self- soothes eating carrot sticks. I don't say this to be harsh, but I grew up in a household very much like yours. My mom was depressed, and I grew up with food as a comforting mechanism.

Your daughter is at an age now where you can still control (most of the time) what she eats. You could have a take care of mommy and daughter campaign, nutritious healthy food is how we nurture our body etc. Sounds corny, but it's a good reason to throw out all soda, processed foods, junk food, etc. and, lo' and behold, it's a great way to practice self-love and self-care.

But of course, talk to a doctor first and foremost, and also a psychologist who can help you both.

It is wonderful!! that you are taking steps to get help for your daughter (and you). I only wish my mom had been capable of it back when I was a child and teen, I wouldn't be dealing with these struggles as an adult now. Way to go, for that!

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 10:25 AM

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I know you said you feel like giving up, and you probably won't, but don't give up on your baby. She needs you and is depending on you to take care of her and get her better. You also have to help yourself in order to help her. Bring her to her doctor, and go to one yourself. Good luck.

Saturday, July 14, 2007, 2:45 PM

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I have a cousin who is a counselor who mainly deals with weight problems in adults and children. She is in the San Jose/Walnut Creek area. I think at this point you both need to see someone, maybe separately and together. And as hard as it is to say, you do control the food that goes into your home, you also have the ability to get her moving more. If you are anywhere near this area let me know and if you are comfortable giving your email I'd be happy to send you the info. Do not give up, your her mother and you need to help her find a way to deal with the issue. I am wondering if she might have something wrong with her?

Sunday, July 15, 2007, 2:36 AM

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