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I need a man's opinion!
Hi gentleman, I need your help with my husband. I think watching "adult films" is a wonderful thing a couple can do to spice up the night life. However, I suggested it once to my husband and he called me dirty and other not-so-nice names. I don't want to re-introduce the idea to him for fear of retaliation, but feel somewhat cheated.
Please help me understand why someone isn't interested in enhancing their "viewing pleasure"
Mon. Jul 23, 4:56pm
Maybe he feels threaten by what you would see in the film? Could it be because of religious beliefs? As long as you both are ok with it--I would think it could be good for a relationship. We all need a bit of adventure in our day in and day out routines!
Monday, July 23, 2007, 5:19 PM
OP here--no it's not a religious reason at all. that would be an easy answer for me.
Monday, July 23, 2007, 5:22 PM
It's interesting that you ask complete strangers why your husband does something. Ummm...did you try asking him? Yea that would be a good direction to go in...
Maybe your lack of consideration for his feelings is the reason he retaliates this way. If my wife was relying on complete strangers' opnions on how to deal with things in our marriage, I might be angry and defensive with her too. Just an idea.
Monday, July 23, 2007, 6:43 PM
Wading in from a non-male perspective here (sorry), isn't the real problem that he called you names for even asking if he wanted to watch it? Wouldn't a simple, "No, I don't like that," suffice?
Sorry 6:43, but I wouldn't pursue it farther with my partner either, if his immediate reaction to a simple question the first time was to go on the attack.
Monday, July 23, 2007, 6:53 PM
maybe if you started with an all female movie. I think seeing other men in that "way" is a turn off. I don't want to see some other guys penis (especially if it's larger than mine)
Monday, July 23, 2007, 9:12 PM
There is nothing in the world less sexy than watching a porn with your girlfriend/wife. Here's why-
what a guy is thinking when he's watching a porno with his wife is a combination of:
A- "wow, that scene is really hot, but I don't dare let on that I think it's hot or my wife is going to think I am some sort of pervert."
B: "this is the lamest porno I've ever seen- does she actually think this is hot?"
C: "If I was watching this myself I'd be fast forwarding right to the good parts."
D: "Wow. I never realized how dull porn is if you aren't wacking off"
E: "the porno chick with the big fake breasts is hot, but if I react, my wife is going to think I don't find her sexy."
In other words, while watching porn may seem liberating to you, to the average guy, watching porn with his wife is super constricting.
Monday, July 23, 2007, 10:19 PM
another female opinion
I think you both need to have a completely open-mind about the whole thing... my husband and I watch porn together, on occasion, to spice things up. I like to see what turns him on or off - I dont live in a closet I mean I know Im not the only woman in the world that turns him on. I am realistic that he is a man and I see no harm in watching this stuff together as long as our sex life is good. I know that if we are both satisfied in the bedroom together, he wont need to go elsewhere. we have fun.. but for OP I think it would be a dangerous idea. If he feels this strongly about it, it will make him super uncomfortable and turn into a fight at the end. just spice things up together starting with open communication about turn-ons etc. talking about sex is super sexy and always turns into fun.. but NEVER be critical of things he tells you in confidence about things.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 2:50 AM
one man's reaction
I have no idea if I'm typical, but it would not have occurred to me that watching pornography together would be an expected activity in a marriage. I'm not shocked that it's sometimes done, but the question seems almost to suggest that marriage without pornography is abnormal.
I guess people can do to suit themselves, but making "spicing up" into an expectation just seems to say that marriage is going to be a state of never-ending sexual competition. I know that's not what I was looking for.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 1:13 PM
competetion???? i dont get that?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 1:44 PM
We totally don't need pronography to spice up our sex life. We are both happy and thats all that matters
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 3:20 PM
Pornography is dangerous. I'm not even going to touch religious aspects of this but emotionaly ... OMG! I would feel so inadequate (I have given birth and nursed 2 children) to those 20 year olds with boob jobs. That would be the biggest turn OFF and I'd probably seriously have to question if I would want to be married to someone who is sexually interested in other women. I want the person I married to ONLY have eyes for me. Other women are for other men. Now I could throw in scriptures that back this up, regarding lusting is as bad as adultery but I will hold off.
My husband and I have a spicy sex life (even with 2 under 2) and we don't need any nasty things like pornography or dildos or anything like that. Sounds like you need to take a hard look at your self and your marriage ... I'm sure your husband is.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 4:13 PM
OMFG 4:13, watching porn does not equal "interested in other women." !!! Nor does it, in a woman's case, mean that she is interested in other men.
But I'm REALLY interested to hear from 1:13 what he means by "competition." A lot of couples watch or read porn together, and a lot don't. Just depends on the people.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 4:23 PM
obviously the 413 poster is a woman. the OP clearly asked specifically for a man's opinion. why did you feel compelled to throw in your 2 cents? just to feel superior? to start fights? can't you leave well enough alone? i, too, am interested in MEN'S opinions about the same subject. not a married woman's opinion (because i am a married woman and i have an opinion, but i am not a married man). please be careful when throwing your morals around, they may get away from you...
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 4:27 PM
just for the record...i haven't posted on this thread before and i want to say that 4:13 just represents her opinion. i'm a married woman and don't think it's immoral to watch porn.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 4:33 PM
Thank you 4:27 and 4:33 for your comments. I cannot believe how people attacked my morals for wanting to enjoy sex with my husband. I also can't believe how people lashed out like 6:43 and 6:53 posters. I clearly asked for advice from men who may help my understand why my husband isn't interested.
The 1:13 poster should go back and read my question again.
To the 4:13 poster: you need to boost up that confidence honey! I have had two children with c sections and I am not ashamed of my body OR MY SEXUALITY. If you choose to not participate in certain activiities, GET OUT OF MY THREAD!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 4:41 PM
A woman who is jealous of imaginary women on a DVD should not be advising others to "take a hard look at your self and your marriage". Heed your own advice, my friend.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 4:46 PM
I own 3 dildo's 2 vibraters. Regualary watch porn. All with my husband. And were very spirtual and commited to only each other.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:07 AM
now why would anyone think that was bad - you are committed to each toher and have fun... what is wrong with that? How can others be so closed-minded.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:22 AM
I caught my bf watchn porn..on the comp history.and boy did I throw a fit...makes me feel less sexy.... like I'm not good enough 4 him but I guess men will be men .I didn't let this one go until 2day I bring it up.... but I can't stop him he's prolly doin it behind my back...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 3:25 AM
I'm a woman and I watch it, not with my boyfriend. I don't think it is cheating or immoral, although I do believe the need for it is a symptom of what is not being accomplished within the relationship. I don't blame my boyfriend, but sometimes I need a bit more. That's it! What's so complicated?
Oh, and I also believe that when it becomes a prevalent part of one's life, it can be damaging. All things in moderation, remember? I'm talking to you, 3 dildos and 2 vibrators.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 12:56 PM
What's wrong with having different toys? It's not too much, i enjoy it so does my fiance. Even before we starteed venturing forth to toys we were fine. I think more womyn need to know how to please themselves. To know that that they don't need a man to do so. Society teaches that womyn should not touch themselves cause it's immoral. Simone said it best:
"Man enjoys the great advantage of having a god endorse the code he writes. And since man excercises a soverighn authority over women it is especially fortunate that this authourity has been vested in by the Supreme Being. For the Jews, Mohamededans and christions, among others, man is master bt divine right; the fear of God will therefore repress any impuse towards revolt in the down trodden female"
Secend Sex Simone de Beeavoir 1953
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:36 PM
3:25 I hear you. The exact same thing happened with me. I borrowed his computer and found it in the history. Looking up porn is one thing. But telling me that he isn't like that and doesn't look at porn then me finding it is another. He made some b.s. reason of why he did it. I just told him to be honest with me and it would have been a lot better. I still don't like it though. I take it personal. Like he wants something better than me.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:41 PM
Thanks for everyone for chiming in. I have seen lots of different opinions and it's interesting to see such divide. I, as stated earlier, and very comfortable with my body and my sexuality. I once joked that I'm tri-sexual--i'll try anything sexual (well, not anything, but as long as there were consenting adults, go for it). Why? Because it brings me great pleasure and I can bring pleasure to my husband/partner/whatever.
What I have an issue with is the way people are attacked for speaking their opinion. I can't understand how some loggers in this thread are crucifying others for watching porn, having toys, etc. and then site scriptures in the same sentence. What?
Thanks everyone. I won't be pursuring the subject with my husband any further. I enjoy adult movies and will enjoy them when alone for my pleasure and not push them on him and respect his opinion and feelings in the matter.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:45 PM
1:36 and 2:07
misspelling drives me crazy. type it out in word or something and spell check. THEN paste your comment. makes you seem less ignorant
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:46 PM
I think there is a time and a place for many things in a sexual relationship and as sexuality is a very personal thing, it is horrible that people here are calling other's tastes and preferences "nasty". Some porn absolutely can be nasty, but there are a lot of companies that make porn for women, by women, and are more tasteful, and less about the fake boobs and perfect bodies than about creating an atmosphere of excitement for the couple viewing the video. If you feel comfortable watching porn w/ your husband, great! If not, that's okay too! But don't call the fact that some people use it nasty! It's nasty if you require it always, but not if it's a novelty item used for fun!
Don't even get me started on dildos and vibrators-if we didn't have those, there would be a huge world of angry, frustrated single (and not always single!) women. If you think they are gross, then you have issues with sexuality period. You don't need to use one necessarily but don't try to make those of us that do feel bad about it! There is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:49 PM
1:41 does it surprise you that your husband is looking online when you are so closed minded? I'm not trying to be mean, but if he can't talk to you about what he wants in bed, then he will continue to look other places. We all have a need and desire and as long as it's not hurting anyone else, go for it. Have you tried asking him what he is missing at home so you may be able to open your mind and provide something more? My guess is he'll do more in return and then you're both happy!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:49 PM
wo-men is spelled like men own us.
womyn identifies us as our own beings that men dont own
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:18 PM
what? its spelled wrong. don't try to make up some reason.
men don't own us. but we are WOMEN! be proud of it.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:27 PM
1:49 this is the 1:41 poster
what the heck makes you think i am close minded? the fact that he LIED about looking at porn? and where did I talk about our relationship in the bedroom? I DIDN'T! you need to reread something before you decide to share your so called opinion.
Do not assume something you know nothing about. you are the one with the issues. its not mine or anyone else's fault that your husband doesn't fulfill you and you have to look elsewhere for "spice"
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:35 PM
TAKE A MIDOL AND CALL IT A DAY! you have serious issues! Either you need to get laid or your raggin!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:38 PM
2:27, you've obviously never taken a women's studies course. look it up.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:54 PM
this is ridiculous
isn't PEERtrainer supposed to be a place where people are supportive???
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 2:56 PM
1:46 PM. Everyone has there faults even you! You must not be a ver good listener! I bet you are so busy listening for grammatical errors,you don't hear what the speaker is trying to say. Get over yourself!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 3:00 PM
I know I wouldn't want to see another man's erect penis with my SO!
Um, mine is rather small at just 4.5 inches, so for me it would be because of my insecurities...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 3:47 PM
this place is full of absolute b*tches. I am deleting my membership today. I am the 2:35 poster and was talked horribly to for NO reason. the 1:49 poster completely assumed things that weren't true and brought up things i didn't say. it was rude and obnoxious. i told a personal story about myself and that was the reaction i got. this is absolutely ridiculous.
and 2:38 you obviously didn't read the other posts and see what was said. do your homework.
2:54 YOU are a loser.
3:00 YOU are a loser too.
See. I can be a B*tch too.
i am done with rude women. i deal with that enough at work.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 3:52 PM
3:52 Needs Help
Let's not forget the way you jumped in with your bitchy attitude towards the OP and then say they attacked you FOR NO REASON! What's wrong with you? You write a post like that and they call everyone else a bitch?
Yes, leave this website and find yourself some help. Instead of weight loss, go for mental health.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 4:10 PM
You are an absolute jerk 4:10
Way to be supportive to people.
I didn't attack for NO REASON. Go reread. Or do you know how?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 4:15 PM
you're entitled to your opnion. but how dare you say to the OP
"its not mine or anyone else's fault that your husband doesn't fulfill you and you have to look elsewhere for "spice" WHILE you're telling people your husbands online looking up porn behind your back? You mean to tell me that wasn't a personal shot?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 4:34 PM
oh go eat a piece of cake
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 4:36 PM
4:34 you make NO sense. its totally different things.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 4:37 PM
Op Don't let this little debate get to you We are here to help each other lose weight. Just take if from wher it comes. It is not worth getting mad or quitting about We still love ya! live and let live!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 5:35 PM
not sure if the OP still cares...but how about we get back to the original question?
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 1:18 AM
THANKS 5:35 and 1:18! I do still care and I am more than interested in hearing about other's opinions. Thanks for sharing and shedding a new vision on the subject for me.
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 6:52 AM
Hi OP - hope you didn't lose my reply from yesterday ( 3:47 ) *blush*
yes i have it small @ 4.5" and would feel insecure watching with my GF, however I wouldn't resort to any name calling!
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 7:54 AM
thanks for sharing. Remember, it's not the size, it's the technique that counts.
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 8:45 AM
8:45 AM - Yes, I hear that all the time. Would be nice to have both though! *HAHA*
Anyway that's why I wouldn't like watching with my GF, heck I get nervous with just the stuff they show/imply on TV!
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 8:58 AM
i would take a man who cared about my feelings over a man who thought he was sexy any day!!!!!
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 9:00 AM
If she were interested in watching it with you, would you do it then? She's with you so she must not see it as an issue. Just curious.
I couldn't agree with you more! Well said.
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 9:05 AM
No it would make me uncomfortable knowing she was watching other guys "larger" than I am and I was there! It's just my lack of self confidence. I don't think it would bother me so if she watched on her own.
9:00 & 9:05
I'm not saying having a larger penis would make me feel sexy. I just feel being average would give me more self confidence. And of course I would put your feelings first! I would just feel uncomfortable.
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 9:32 AM
9:00 here...to the apparently only guy who responded...
you come off as very sensitive and polite. i would like to offer you a piece of advice...self-confidence comes from your self. your penis is not your self. it's a part of your body, but not your inner, soulful self. i think maybe by putting so much emphasis on how you fall short (no pun intended) in the size category, you are taking away from your ability to build up your self esteem. could you try, instead, to reflect on and point out how attentive you are or how romantic you can be? or how you remember birthdays or valentines or anniversaries? or how well you recite poetry?
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 9:42 AM
Thanks for your advice and kind words! Oh and I'm not that bummed about my size, I was just giving you my honest opinion on how I would feel watching with my GF. Oh and I thought your unintended pun was funny! :-)
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 9:57 AM
glad to hear it's not a big issue (again with the unintended pun!) for you! your girlfriend is a lucky girl!! peace!
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 10:15 AM
gotta love your puns! thanks for making me smile today!
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 10:17 AM
Did I ever find this funny. It satrted with someone asking a fairly inoscent question - got to the point is was about marriagal trust, then progressed onto should women be spelt with a y as in womyn!
I am always amazed and stunned by what gets written on here.
Although I am half way across the world from most of you - you definitely keep me amused!!
Monday, July 30, 2007, 12:27 AM
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