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Why do I have to spell everything out for a man to do something around the house?

Why do I have to specifically ask every time the trash is full if he can take it out? Why is it that doing one chore for 5 minutes is a big accomplishment for him...but then when I clean the entire kitchen top to bottom (including scrubbing the floor for 30 minutes because of all the stuff he's spilled and never wiped up) he doesn't do anything but mess it up again within an hour and not clean up after himself?? Why can't they ever figure anything out on their own and just do it for once????

So tonight I simply asked him when he was going to take out the trash and he told me not to worry about it. (code for i don't feel like it and i have no idea if I'll ever do it.) I asked again and he just told me to stop thinking about it. This led to a brief argument and now he's watching TV and I'm eating cake and chocolate...what the hell?



Tue. Jul 31, 9:50pm

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What you have here is not a male/female problem, it's a messy person/neat person problem. He just doesn't have any problem with overflowing garbage and a dirty floor, and figures if you have a problem with them, you can clean until you are happy.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 10:03 PM

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I don't have any idea why men are this way. I stay home all day with my boyfriends parents, tending to their everyneed, cleaning the house for all of us, and when I simply ask him to pick up his shoes so his mother doesn't fall, it's a major deal.
My suggestion is to get online and do some research for at home stress relievers like breathing exercises, or positive focus thinking. That way maybe you won't feel the need to emotion eat (I do the same, so I am NOT judging.) Hope your doing better!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 10:26 PM

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10:03 - This may not be the case for all couples, but generally it's true a lot of the time for men and women. I think that it's a case of women noticing dirt because it's generally their job to clean (and I know some men clean, yes, but generally that's the case). Men in general seem to notice things less, there can be stuff around the house that's driving me nuts and my husband honestly won't notice. And not just, he's ignoring it, but it simply doesn't register with him.

OP - I've found that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar! My first year married almost led to divorce over socks on the floor etc., with lots of arguments. I'm slowly learning that he does want to be helpful, but it's hard for him to make cleaning up as much of a priority as I do. One day I said to him, "Man, that pyjama fairy must be working overtime." He said, "What?!?" "You know, that pyjama fairy, the one that picks up your pyjamas every day and puts them away." And he did start picking up more after that! I've resigned myself to the fact that every once in a while, I have to gently remind him that he's not a bachelor or a neandrathal, so pick up your socks already.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 11:25 PM

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Ooh, you hit a nerve with this one. In my house, I don't care about a little clutter, a pile of books or papers here and there, but I don't like dirt!!! My husband is the opposite... As long as things look put away (more or less), he doesn't see the need to clean.
We did divide up chores at some point, but he still needs a thousand reminders to do his, and then gets resentful about my nagging, and then I get resentful that he's making me nag if I want him to do anything! UGH!
My latest tactic is to tell him once only, and then the next time I notice it's not done, I just do it. I try really hard to not be pissed off about it and I don't say anything. Sometimes he notices and guilts himself into finding a couple of other chores to do, sometimes not. I am just tired of dealing with it altogether!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 1:40 AM

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Mine told me one time men don't like to be nagged about taking the trash out.(well daggh, it won't put itself out).I told him sorry I don't mean to be a nag and I wouldn't want anyone to nag me but I just asked him to give me a break I cooked and i'm cleaning up the kitchen and if i don't ask he won't do it.He just gave me a rasberrry.If he doesn't put it out I'll ask him if we're broke and if he says what made you ask that? I'll say well it looks like we're trying to save money on trash bags I just didn't know if maybe we're broke or something. He'll laugh and say I'll put the trash out, DEAR. Sometimes i'll just get po'd and take it out and say thats ok i'll cook and clean up and take the trash out while you sit there watching tv and he'll just look at me and say whats with you ? They just don't get it and trash doesn't bother them.(so.... they are lazy...or weaker because we're tired too and we do stuff anyways and we are neater and they can be pigs because it doesn't bother them. Not all men but the majority it doesn't bother them.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 3:04 AM

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