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Get Freaky with it
Watch porn with him.
Try a different location or a different position.
Tell him to talk dirty to you. (women are audial creatures, hearing things triggers something in our libido that turns us on)
Read excerpts from erotic books to eachother.
Buy some lingerie - better yet, do what i did for my husband on my honeymoon. Buy a body stocking and have him tear it off of you (my husband loved loved LOVED it!)
take a shower together
visit an adult/erotic store together
go to a strip club with him
send him dirty text messages or write him a dirty note and leave it in his wallet or somewhere he'll find it later, and make good on what you wrote.
to me 50% of sex is mental. I've been married for 5 years, but with my husband for 7, and there are times when your sex life gets too mechanical, but you've got to reach into your bag of tricks and spice it up.
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 12:36 PM
Tell him to "get you in the mood"! I find that sometimes I may not even be thinking about sex or interested in it but if my bf cuddles up to me and kisses me gently and we're being close in general . . .then voila! I'm now in the mood-he better be too! haha!
Two or three times a week is pretty good-I wish I was getting that much sex. (I'm a woman). Your husband is lucky! I'm lucky if my bf puts out more than once a week!
I agree with trying new things, or even fantasize on your own, when he isn't home, so that when he gets home you are already halfway there. Send him an email at work or a text message on his phone letting him know you are thinking about him, and thinking about what you want to do to him when he gets home. That'll get him in the mood and it'll get you going too. Set up a "date night" at least once a week when you and your husband get to do something special-even if it is at home w/ the kids. Make dinner together, take a bubble bath together, go for a walk w/ the whole family and hold hands w/ your man. In general, add more affection with each other-they say couples who touch more often feel closer to each other and in turn makes them want to have sex more often. Touch away!!
Hope you guys work it out okay!
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 12:46 PM
And you're asking us for advice? We should be coming to you! I agree with one of the posters who said that it's half mental. Maybe if you change your hairstyle or buy and wear something that makes you feel sexy, your mood will change. Also, be honest with your husband, let him know how you're feeling, and let him know that you're gonna need a little more from him to get you in the mood.
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 1:00 PM
Buy yourself some super sexy lingerie. Wear it to work. Just thinking of how sexy the lingerie you are waering is so sexy t will make ou want to run home, rip off your cltohes and show your hubby.
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 1:10 PM
remote control stimulator
My husband bought a little gadget a few weeks back for our trip to Vegas. it's a clitoral stimulator and it is remote controlled by him. He begged me to use it (I didnt want to at first, because i hate not being in control), and I finally agreed. so we're on the plane, and I'm about to doze off, and the next thing you know...i get this very lite vibration down there, and not knowing when he was gonna set it off made it even more exciting. we got to our hotel room and it was on! I havent been turned on like that since I was a teenager.
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 1:14 PM
One additional thought, from a guy- If you aren't feeling like having sex, it's not exactly like there's something wrong with you- You should let your husband know that he really needs to work harder to make you feel sexy, and to make you feel like having sex with him- you don't need to do anything to turn him on at this point- I mean, if he says he's ready for sex 3 times a day, he's already turned on.
HE needs to turn YOU on- remind him of all the things he used to do that he's been letting slide lately- you don't have to be mean about it or anything, just gently remind him that if he wants more, he's gonna have to earn it. Chances are, he'll have as much fun re-discovering how to turn you on as you will.
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 1:39 PM
i wanna hear more about the remote control thing - where and how do i purchase one?
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 1:47 PM
just a side note... I don't know what your fitness goals are, but some people have noticed (myself included) that if I cut out too much fat, my sex drive goes down. Make sure you're getting 2 tsp of olive oil or some other small amount of 'healthy' fat in your diet... :) good luck.
Thursday, August 16, 2007, 1:49 PM
So glad to hear the post from at least one guy's perspective. Nice to hear that the husband has a little responsibility too. Good luck OP.
Sunday, August 19, 2007, 2:21 AM
Medical Reason Possibility
I NEVER thought about sex until I went off the pill! My husband had a vasectomy and once all the horomones were out of my system, I think about it almost as much as he does now. Wish I had I known years ago my sex drive would increase when I went off the pill! So much valuable time lost!
Best of luck to you!
Sunday, August 19, 2007, 7:27 AM
I Absolutely AGREE
The 8/16 1:39 poster has hit it on the head. To the original poster, you & I are in the same boat & I'm a newlywed. I just don't have as vigorous drive as my husband. I find him absolutely sexy, sweet, great in bed, etc. But if I'm not in the mood...my drive isn't up there. He can see me in a new sports bra and he's ready to go. So in order to sync up (because yes, I've been in tears about this) I've asked him a few things to do for me.
1) To not expect sex upon deep kissing. That was a biggie. I could feel in his deep kisses that he thought it would go 100% of the time to the act. Well, damn. I felt like I couldn't kiss him deeply without dissapointing him. So we've agreed that that was a lot of pressure that I felt. We now deep kiss for the sheer fun of it. When it leads to more, it leads to more. Hell it doesn't even have to lead to full blown intercourse. It could lead to other kinds of sex and that makes my man happy as a clam.
2) He has to do more to get me "in the mood" as it takes me longer to catch up with him. It used to be like we would kiss and VOILA his clothes were off! I would think- well- where's the hell is my foreplay? Where's the game playing? Where's the making me feel sexy? I mean I get that he was horny. But being seen as someone who is immediately "do-able" is very different from making me feel sexy and making me want to have sex. Nowadays- feeling sexy and calling up the sex drive is a 2 person project. Let's just say he's my own Pepe Le Peau & he showers me with intimate attention before we go. (This is not an absolute for everytime I have sex. I also sometimes just feel like I want to jump his bones right on the spot)
3) COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!! Ask what he wants. In bed & out of bed. What would make him feel sexy. It's a 2 way street. Tell him, Tell him, TELL HIM what you want. In bed & out of bed.
4) From personal experience- Let yourself get a little kinky & get wild. You might be the most upstanding citizen on the block but kink in the bedroom is where it's at. Talk dirty, wear something out of the ordinary (I discovered my husband thinks Victoria Secret is tame but he LOVES stuff I bring back from Frederick's of Holllywood), get some oils, get a game (we got sex dice...it helped SO MUCH) AND my favorite is go to www.liberator.com - we received "The Wedge" & "The Ramp" as a wedding gift- and let me tell you- it has woken up this fair lady's libido BIG TIME! If you can only afford one then "The Wedge" is what you should get.
I hope you can get through this rut and don't let it consume you. Sex is supposed to be fun. Not pressure filled. And if none of this is working for you, perhaps see a gyno- maybe it's a hormone imbalance. (you should log when you feel least in the mood- it might be something attached to where you are at in your menstrual cycle) That's what I'm considering is my problem. But I'm trying natural ways of bringing up this sex drive of mine. Good luck to you & yours!
Sunday, August 19, 2007, 7:52 AM
Masturbate. I've used this method with great success myself to increase my drive (I think I must have read it somewhere) and seen it on one of those Sex Ed programs on tv. I look at it like exercising to get into shape.
Sunday, August 19, 2007, 10:12 AM
I had to bump this because the "remote control vibrator" mentioned above. Great holiday gift? I'll have to tell hubby!
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 2:36 PM
OP, no, there is not anything wrong with you...there is something wrong with your husband. No one has sex 3 times a day after being married for 9 years. Perhaps on your honeymoon, yes. His drive is obsessive and it sounds like there is sexual perversion mixed in there too. No husband should pressure his wife to have sex more than she is comfortable with (within reason, based on what is agreeable to both). Real love isn't demanding. He needs help!
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 3:42 PM
Glad someone bumped this. Saw another post today about a husband who didn't want to have sex and I was thinking well I have the opposite problem! Since beginning to focus more on me and my health, even when we do have sex I can't climax! It's awful and just started about 2 mos. ago. My husband is doing nothing differently than what he did before, variation, etc. and was always all about me first and still is. I hate telling him to stop because it's just not going to work! This has caused me to be apprehensive about even trying. It's been almost 2 weeks for us because I keep finding excuses so I don't have to encounter that embarrassment and I don't want my husband to think it's him because like all men he will/does! Any supplements that you all know help out with this issue?
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 8:53 PM
Darn birth control! I love it but at the same time I hate it....
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 11:31 PM
Unfortunately for me, it's not the pill killing my sex drive (had a partial hysterectomy last year) and still didn't have this issue after the surgery, just started a couple of months ago....
Friday, November 30, 2007, 7:40 AM
I have a pretty low sex drive as well. I used to have a great one! It's just the stresses of everyday life. It's hard to separate myself from them, but I'm trying. I found that as soon as I get any sort of drive at all (as little as that may be) I try to act on it. It seems to be helping a little. Plus, the more weight I lose, the better shape I'm in, the sexier I feel.
Friday, November 30, 2007, 10:01 AM
Good post, but have you thought about Need to increase sex drive before?
Thursday, February 26, 2009, 4:38 AM
old post, but I feel like commenting
Sex is a part of marriage, but it is not the whole marriage. Men in general have a stronger sex drive than women, though I said "in general" there are many women who want and need sex as often as their male partners. However, I hate the idea that the person who does not want to have sex more is cheating the other person. No one should have to be another's sex slave. If you are having sex 2-3 times a week, that sounds fair enough. Maybe the person pressuring the other person needs to respect that the person that they are in a relationship with, or "in love with" just doesn't want to devote as much of their activity and energy to sex as they do.
Friday, March 06, 2009, 12:28 AM
I can tell you what I have seen works to get a woman in the mood....if another woman starts flirting with your guy and he is liking that attention......all you have to remember is she could make his fantasies come true, she's likely not tired, has not had sex in awhile, has not gotten so used to the same guy for several years, has no distractions at home (thats when a getaway hotel for the night comes in handy with no housework/cooking to think about), and she would probably say/do anything to get and keep his attention. When you remember how easily single lonely women will flirt....either pretend you are one or pretend you are in competition with one to win your guy over. That mental strategy does work and makes you very competitive in the bedroom. I learned the hard way when my boyfriend went to the dept store to get a can of motor oil and this slinky chick shopping in the automotion dept. asked him if he were a rock star, telling him he looked like one. She slid him her phone #, and he called her for a date just like that !!! I dumped him once I learned how that all happened...but I never forgot the lesson. Be the best you can be, you never know where your competition is lurking....geesh...most women have to worry about their guy going to a bar....mine wasn't even safe in a dept. store.
You don't realize what you have until someone tries to take it all from you.
Friday, March 06, 2009, 1:48 AM
OK thanks to this thread I just sent my hubby a dirty text for the first time, I usally send just lovey dovey ones...any way he called said he can't wait to be home and put the kids to bed ....so thanks OP for getting this going b/c now I am going to get going later....
Friday, March 06, 2009, 1:10 PM
in tears over sex drive
bumping this original post for those who were searching for it
Saturday, March 07, 2009, 11:51 AM
if you want to get a woman in the mood, do the dishes and make sure she gets plenty of rest. THEN you bring up how hot some other woman is.
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Saturday, November 12, 2011, 12:01 PM
Sometimes it's your hormones.
Monday, November 14, 2011, 2:49 PM
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