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Having children vs. Choosing not to have kids

I definitely grew up my whole life thinking I would get married and have the 2.2 kids but as I get older and see how overworked my mommy friends are and get the real deal on what child bearing is all about, I'm not sure it's really for me. I'm in my 30's so I don't have 10 more years to think about it. Yes, I've heard the statement "I wouldn't have it any other way" but I've also seen depression, loneliness, overwhelm. Can you choose not to have children, to go against the society norm and not regret your decision?

Wed. Sep 26, 10:23am

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I'm sure there are many people who choose not to have children and never regret it. I normally tell people to thinking of yourself when your 50, do you think you will regret not having children? You will never once look back and say I wish I never had kids, or I wish I had stopped after my first baby, but the alternative you can look back and regret.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 10:26 AM

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absolutely! if you know now that children are not for you, then don't fall into the peer pressure or the "Social norm" of having children. If you do have children, there's a great possibility that you will be miserable, they will be miserable, and things won't be good. Don't subject yourself of innocent children to that.

I have LOTS of friends who have chosen to not have children and i think it's very noble of them to have made that decision instead of doing what society tells them they should do. everyone one of those friends will tell you that they have been called selfish for not wanting children. i call them smart for knowing better BEFORE they had children.

good luck to you!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 10:26 AM

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I totally agree with you 10:26AM!

I'm one of those people who knows that I am not cut out for parenthood. I realized in my early 20s that I didn't want children and when I met my husband (who is younger than me) he agreed that he wasn't keen on having children either. We got fixed in our late 20s and haven't regretted it.

Just to give you a little more info: we don't hate children at all! He's a school teacher and between us we have 9 nieces and nephews whom we absolutely adore. Not having our own kids makes us able to have more time, money and energy for everyone else's.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:06 AM

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this is the 10:26 poster.

I am SO happy you met someone who shared your view and it is working out for you. again, you recognized this before you had children, which is the biggest step!

here's a though to the OP: i always say this: if the answer is maybe or i don't know, then the answer is NO. if you're not 100% sure you want to have children, then don't do it.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:22 AM

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I'm 30 and likely not going to have children. I just don't think they would fit in with my temperment, lifestyle, or interests. Selfish, yes. But way better than having children and not being 100% comitted to raising them...which is what I believe people who have children should be.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:42 AM

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you could become a foster parent and test the waters while also providing a home for an already-born child that needs help. you could volunteer some hours at a nursery school or developmental program for children. if your biggest worry is "going against the society norm" and following your instincts, then i would say that you're not ready to bring a new child into your world. i mean, if you find yourself living the way you perceive others would like you to live, you might not have a strong grasp on what YOU want and what YOU expect from yourself. this would be a difficult time to have a baby, whose needs are going to have to come first for a long time!! when will you be you?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:42 AM

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This is an interesting topic. I mean I'm only 21, but I've been thinking about this lately. I know it's too early to think about this but I'm the type who likes to thinks too much into the future lol! I've never really been one of those young girls who thought about how many kids they want and what names they'll give them and even up to now. Also, I really don't know if I could deal with a child (giving it your full attention and making sacrifices) and it seems like if you have kids and take some time off, you'll have to work your way back career wise. Finally, I have looked back and seen how much my mom has put herself through as being a mom, working, and taking care of the household. It's a lot of work! I feel like there is this societal pressure that women must have children or else they may be missing something. It's not fair. This is not to say that I do not want kids, but if I do, I may just adopt. I feel like there are so many kids out there who need homes and this world is being over-populated.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:54 AM

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Never before in the history of our planet have women had the CHOICE to not have children. Control over our reproductive systems is an absolutely amazing phenominon. I feel blessed to live in a day and age where I may make a concious and thoughful decision over whether or not I should be a parent.

I decided that I shouldn't. I don't hate or dislike children, but I also don't have the temperament to raise one. Best wishes to you in your choices, and remember the best thing is that you can chose not only 'if', but also 'when'.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:15 PM

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My husband and I have chosen not to have children (we've been married almost 11 years). I don't have the mothering instinct, so to me it would be selfish to try to bring one into the world.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:19 PM

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11:06 - you are very lucky. The hardest part about choosing not to have children is to find someone who feels the same way because this phenomenon is just not that common (probably a good thing for survival of the species, lol). Men are all convinced we all secretly want children, and I've found that darn near all men eventually want children.

I'm a very nurturing person with one of those "fertility godess" shapes (nice way to say chubby hourglass), so it's an easy assumption that I want to be a mother and that I'd be really good at it. But I don't. I'm just one big mixed signal I guess.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:23 PM

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