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How to fix a broken heart...

How do you get over a longterm (5 years is long, right?) relationship? I dont even remember what I used to do with my time prior to my boyfriend breaking up with me. Dont get me wrong, I am extremely independent and self-sufficient, but for the past 5 years I've done almost everything with him. I kept my friends and hobbies while in the relationship, so its not that it was unhealthy or I lost my identity, but its so hard to go back to being "alone." I thought that time would heal my wounds, but its been 4 months and I still feel like I am constantly wondering what hes doing, what he would think of things, etc etc...Its soo hard to fully incorporate someone into your life (because you *think* you are going to marry them) and then have them not be there all of a sudden....I dont know what to do??

Help :(

Tue. Oct 2, 3:56pm

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Find something/someone else!


My dear, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I spent the past two years worried about my divorce, beating myself up and feeling worthless. I am a 35 yr old male and I (was) also very overweight. I'm still too big, but I'm getting back in shape. It took a while for me to get over the alone feelings. Luckily, I have a child and my time spent with him helps to cure that.

What I believe you need to do is find something else to put your energy into.. You said you have hobbies and friends. That's great! Are you going out? Are you allowing yourself to have fun? I don't think anyone who is truly in love ever gets over the loss of their significant other, but finding someone else will go a long way to fixing it. I myself have not found anyone yet, but I'm looking! I've spent the past few months getting myself back to the way I want to be. Spending time in the gym, buying some new outfits, focusing on my personal goals. While I still think about her from time to time, I think much more about what that next girl will be like. :)

I hope this helps.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 4:06 PM

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You shoudl eat the pain away.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 6:37 PM

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I really do bellieve that time heals all wounds. And 5 years is a very long time, not something I would think could be forgotten in a few months.

I would spend time focusing on myself if I was you. Finding and setting goals (exercise, diet, whatever it may be) should help to keep your mind busy.

I wish the best of luck to you.
And ignore the jerk ahead of me.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 7:11 PM

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I recommend the book, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". It's helped me more than once over the years. I agree with the 4:06pm poster. Once you're ready to get out there and start dating, start thinking about what you want in your next relationship and who he will be. That's helped me before, too.

I'm sorry to hear you're in such pain. I believe exercise is the best therapy. Find a new fun activity (jogging or cycling?) and join a club for that activity. When was the last time you did something for the first time? Try something new. When all else fails, keep your feet moving.

Good luck.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 7:48 PM

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Not to sound like everyone else but I too am so sorry for your pain.
I was with a guy for 5 years as well, every waking minute, literally. He up and left all of a sudden. Worst part he is still in my life to a small degree.
For the first year and a half after he left I gained 175 pounds. So trust me ignore 6:37 it only brings more problems.
I find that focusing on my goals, doing all I can to make me a better person inside and out, that is what is really helping me.
It is two years down the line now and I still hurt over it. It is not easy to invest so much of yourself into something and have it ripped away from you.
I am so glad to hear that you did not lose your identity to him. I wasn't so lucky.
I am still figuring out who I am without him.
The hardest part for me was facing the people who thought that we would get married. I thought that they would wonder what is wrong with me, but you know they actually couldn't figure out why he would leave me. They stuck by me and it seems you have friends to help you through this and not put it on your shoulders and that is good. It too is important to vent but not obsess.
I wish you the best. It does get easier. And in time hopefully you will see the good in life.
Take care of you :)

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 11:36 PM

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sorry to hear what you are going through. this is traumatic, especially when the break up was sudden or unexpected. have you considered going to talk with someone (a professional) about what you are going through? good luck.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 2:25 AM

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That's a cruel statement 6:37, this person is hurting and asked for help.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 8:14 AM

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typical ignorance 6:37

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 8:57 AM

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Schlessinger offers these tips for cleaning out your emotional garbage:

1. Take responsibility. It’s easier to blame your partner than yourself, but you did have a role in the relationship’s demise. Review the situation, figure out your part in it, accept it, and then move on with the knowledge of what to avoid next time. Learn from the past, don’t relive it.
2. Break past patterns. Examine your past romances to find patterns or characteristics that don’t work for you. Vow to avoid people who exhibit them.
3. Take your time. Dating should be a reasonably long process - and once you have been physically intimate, you’re not dating, you’re in a relationship. Think of it as interviewing someone for a job and reject candidates who don’t meet your criteria.

Following these steps will make the hard process of getting over past heartbreak a little faster and a lot easier.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 11:58 AM

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A friend of mine once said to me when I was miserable over a man that getting over someone takes half as long as the time that you were with them. For me, that has certainly proven to be true, but I bear in mind that it does get better in time. You will get over it if you refuse to let it consume you. Rely on your friends and fill up your time, but really, it is just a matter of time...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 12:03 PM

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