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How to fix a broken heart...

How do you get over a longterm (5 years is long, right?) relationship? I dont even remember what I used to do with my time prior to my boyfriend breaking up with me. Dont get me wrong, I am extremely independent and self-sufficient, but for the past 5 years I've done almost everything with him. I kept my friends and hobbies while in the relationship, so its not that it was unhealthy or I lost my identity, but its so hard to go back to being "alone." I thought that time would heal my wounds, but its been 4 months and I still feel like I am constantly wondering what hes doing, what he would think of things, etc etc...Its soo hard to fully incorporate someone into your life (because you *think* you are going to marry them) and then have them not be there all of a sudden....I dont know what to do??

Help :(


Tue. Oct 2, 3:56pm

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Find something/someone else!

Hello.

My dear, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I spent the past two years worried about my divorce, beating myself up and feeling worthless. I am a 35 yr old male and I (was) also very overweight. I'm still too big, but I'm getting back in shape. It took a while for me to get over the alone feelings. Luckily, I have a child and my time spent with him helps to cure that.

What I believe you need to do is find something else to put your energy into.. You said you have hobbies and friends. That's great! Are you going out? Are you allowing yourself to have fun? I don't think anyone who is truly in love ever gets over the loss of their significant other, but finding someone else will go a long way to fixing it. I myself have not found anyone yet, but I'm looking! I've spent the past few months getting myself back to the way I want to be. Spending time in the gym, buying some new outfits, focusing on my personal goals. While I still think about her from time to time, I think much more about what that next girl will be like. :)

I hope this helps.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 4:06 PM

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You shoudl eat the pain away.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 6:37 PM

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I really do bellieve that time heals all wounds. And 5 years is a very long time, not something I would think could be forgotten in a few months.

I would spend time focusing on myself if I was you. Finding and setting goals (exercise, diet, whatever it may be) should help to keep your mind busy.

I wish the best of luck to you.
And ignore the jerk ahead of me.



Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 7:11 PM

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I recommend the book, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". It's helped me more than once over the years. I agree with the 4:06pm poster. Once you're ready to get out there and start dating, start thinking about what you want in your next relationship and who he will be. That's helped me before, too.

I'm sorry to hear you're in such pain. I believe exercise is the best therapy. Find a new fun activity (jogging or cycling?) and join a club for that activity. When was the last time you did something for the first time? Try something new. When all else fails, keep your feet moving.

Good luck.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 7:48 PM

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Not to sound like everyone else but I too am so sorry for your pain.
I was with a guy for 5 years as well, every waking minute, literally. He up and left all of a sudden. Worst part he is still in my life to a small degree.
For the first year and a half after he left I gained 175 pounds. So trust me ignore 6:37 it only brings more problems.
I find that focusing on my goals, doing all I can to make me a better person inside and out, that is what is really helping me.
It is two years down the line now and I still hurt over it. It is not easy to invest so much of yourself into something and have it ripped away from you.
I am so glad to hear that you did not lose your identity to him. I wasn't so lucky.
I am still figuring out who I am without him.
The hardest part for me was facing the people who thought that we would get married. I thought that they would wonder what is wrong with me, but you know they actually couldn't figure out why he would leave me. They stuck by me and it seems you have friends to help you through this and not put it on your shoulders and that is good. It too is important to vent but not obsess.
I wish you the best. It does get easier. And in time hopefully you will see the good in life.
Take care of you :)

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 11:36 PM

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sorry to hear what you are going through. this is traumatic, especially when the break up was sudden or unexpected. have you considered going to talk with someone (a professional) about what you are going through? good luck.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 2:25 AM

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That's a cruel statement 6:37, this person is hurting and asked for help.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 8:14 AM

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typical ignorance 6:37

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 8:57 AM

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Schlessinger offers these tips for cleaning out your emotional garbage:

1. Take responsibility. It’s easier to blame your partner than yourself, but you did have a role in the relationship’s demise. Review the situation, figure out your part in it, accept it, and then move on with the knowledge of what to avoid next time. Learn from the past, don’t relive it.
2. Break past patterns. Examine your past romances to find patterns or characteristics that don’t work for you. Vow to avoid people who exhibit them.
3. Take your time. Dating should be a reasonably long process - and once you have been physically intimate, you’re not dating, you’re in a relationship. Think of it as interviewing someone for a job and reject candidates who don’t meet your criteria.

Following these steps will make the hard process of getting over past heartbreak a little faster and a lot easier.



Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 11:58 AM

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A friend of mine once said to me when I was miserable over a man that getting over someone takes half as long as the time that you were with them. For me, that has certainly proven to be true, but I bear in mind that it does get better in time. You will get over it if you refuse to let it consume you. Rely on your friends and fill up your time, but really, it is just a matter of time...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 12:03 PM

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Work out! Meet new people and kiss someone cute! :)

It takes time, no matter what. Just make sure you are having some fun....

Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 5:43 PM

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I had a four year relationship end last november. He and I were practically married. We spent every moment together and I thought we were going to be together for the long haul. When it ended I felt like you did OP. It does get better every day, but it has almost been a year and I still think about him. He was a big part of my life for so long and I do believe he was the first person I truly loved. I know that there will always be a part of me that will think of him in certain moments, like when I do something that we used to do together. I just try to not let that get me down. Remember the good times!!!
My friends have been the best support for me. I don't know what I would have done without them. I talk to them all the time about how I'm feeling. It is true that you should focus on yourself and get out there again when you are ready. Try and keep an open heart and open mind and always keep a smile on your face. You never know who's looking!!! Best of luck with everything! I will keep you in my prayers.

Thursday, October 04, 2007, 10:05 AM

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Best way to get over one guy is to get under another! ;-)

Thursday, October 04, 2007, 10:08 AM

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6:37 again
i don't think i have typical ignorance. I'm just saying what helped me jeeez. Yea, I'm fat now, but I don't care about him anymore. All of you are ignorant with your stupid encouraging words and useless advice. Everyone knows its wont help her.

Thursday, October 04, 2007, 10:52 AM

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6:37, you are NOT the type of person who should be posting on PT. jerk.

Thursday, October 04, 2007, 11:08 AM

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How are you doing OP? hope you are feeling a bit better than last week.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007, 10:56 AM

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4 months probably feels like an eternity to you but within the context of a 5 year relationship, it's a relatively small time. I remember when I broke off a 5 year relationship, 4 months later I was still calling him at 3 am, still asking for help when things were crazy with my family. I would ask my friends if they had seen him, find out what he was up to, etc. I started casually dating other people just to get my mind off of him but even 9 months later, we ran into each other accidentally and my friends were trying to hide the fact that he was there but we ended up seeing each other anyway. That was the first time I could look at him and say to myself, I'm going to be ok. It takes a long time to get your identity back when you've invested a big part of yourself - you have to reconnect with friends who might not always welcome you back with open arms because they were hurt that you were always with your boyfriend. But some will, and this sounds obvious but it really does get easier the more you get out and interact with other people. You'll realize that there are a bunch of other great people out there that you can eventually like. I did get back together with that boyfriend about 10 months after we broke up but after 7 weeks of being back together, I realized all of the reasons we broke up initially were still there and we broke up again - it was almost as hard as the first time but at that point, at least I knew I did the right thing and I never looked back. I did think I might have married him and I'm thankful I didn't because we would be divorced now. I am happily married now (and so is he), to different people obviously!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 12:43 AM

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OP here-- first of all, 10:56 AM-- that post made me so happy-- I love PT. Thanks for checking up :) And thank you to everyone who responded. Obviously im not the only one whose ever had a broken heart but i guess you never fully realize until you are in the situation exactly how much you can hurt. And because he is pretty much on my mind all the time...i try to avoid constantly burdening my friends with it. Who wants to be around someone who is always crying over the same problem??

Anyway-- I have somewhat of a new issue and the previous post was somewhat of a good transition...since we were together for a while, my ex's friends became my friends and vice versa. We still have tons of separate friends, but many of our friends we met together and ended up developing a very close group of about 10 friends. SO, this past wkend we all got together (as we do about once or twice a month). Seeing him always hurts (its only been a couple times since the breakup though), but I am always thinking that it will get easier...however-- the other day, I began to wonder if I should completely 100% cut him out of my life? Not to the extent that I would force our mutual friends to ultimately 'choose' one way (me) or the other (him)...But if hes going somewhere, should I not? Am I allowed to answer his phone calls and act as if I can do the whole friend thing??? Will I be able to move on if I see him (in a group setting) every now and then?

In general, I have been a very good ex (haha). I have never let him know how much I am hurting. I never call him (drunk or sober lol) and have not made efforts to contact him since he let me know it was over. The couple times our friends have gotten together since (at bars etc), I made a point to always be talking to other guys, dancing, 'enjoying myself' etc etc. I act as if I am very happy, and have completely moved on (clearly this is NOT true). Is this how I should be going about this??

SO...I think this is accomplishing what I had intended because a friend told me last night that my ex said to him (after seeing me this wkend), "She's (me) really not at ALL interested anymore is she?? I have been starting to miss her a lot lately and kind of questioning the breakup, but I dont think she'd still want me." .........AND, he called me on sunday night (for the first time in a whiiiile) just to say hi etc. (I was nice, not too chatty though).

What do I do? I have spent 4 mos. crying at the flip of a switch and working so hard to create a new me that is 100% herself with or without a significant other. I cannot *just* be friends with him. And I know this is jumping the gun bc he never said hes going to try to rekindle anything, BUT...If I am honest with my self (and you all), I know I would LOVE to get back together with him. I am in love with him. But I dont think I could take the risk of going through something like this with him again. When he broke up w me, he truly truly broke my heart and is still causing my pain to this day. So...even though hes a great guy, i feel that I shouldnt give him another chance...he blew it, right? Then again...could it work?

How do I approach this entire situation...I feel like by calling me the other night...for the first time in a whiiile...he might be slowly trying to test the waters and see what hes missing...I have no idea if this is good/bad/okay...? :( Help??

ps - sorry for a post that is basically the length of a short story...so many emotions!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 3:37 PM

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wow! that's a tough one! only you will know what to do. I know that you still care for him tremendously, that is obvious. But just wondering... you never mentioned why it is you broke up in the first place. would those reasons still be there if you tried to get back together? would it be worth it? I personally think you are doing a good thing for yourself and should keep the path you are on. there is someone 10x better out there for you - you just don't know it yet!!!

Friday, October 12, 2007, 4:19 PM

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Move on the world keeps going don't stop and live on the past.

I just got out of a 2 yrs relationship where i lived with here for 1 1/2 years and we recently split. She never lied cheated etc, her attitude just wasn't pleasant and i did not want to live with someone like that for the rest of my life. Told her to leave etc. Missed her but my friends suffucated me with their presence(Man it helps soo damn much) and get your friends and visit EVERY place you used to go with your ex and replace those memories with the people who will always l;ove you and never abandon you like your friends and family. Work out trust me if HELPS tremendously, if you eat you might feel a bit better but after your done your going to feel like a obese person no one wants. Run Run RUn, box, lift weights etc.

There are BIllions of people in this world what makes you think that yours was a few cities away or wherever you met your ex. Go out dating after a few months is VERY important so you can see that there better people out there. Now that you have been through something this long you know breaking something off a 5 months will be better than 3 yrs so get picky find what you want be self centered for a while because you deserve it.

Block the person out of your life do not call them speak to them and especially try the "Let's be friends" trend its retarded and will make you hurt more and for longer. You weren't born with your Ex what makes you think you can't survive without them? Move on with life you won't be alone. Yes you should grieve and let it all out but there is a time to stop that and move to the next step.

I grieved for one week and it hurt and I stopped because that was enough of that. It your time now, your life and if he/she didn't want anything to do with them then good riddance there WILL be someone better. Like a person stated earlier your hear won't be completely fixed til another man/woman shows your better times, love you more etc. Be selfish because if that person abrubtly left you then they have had things held inside that caused them to do so and obviously don't give a crap about how you feel. Forget them, exercise, hang out with friends, then start dating again and look for early signs of red flags and bounce out of that. Its your life not anyone else's and you only have one be self centered and don't wast anymore of that time in pain because the longer it goes like that the more your going to regret putting yourself through that down the road when your happily married with a man/woman that will treat you and love you like your their life.

Date people that have done everything they have wanted to do with their lives and are ready to settle down with no debt, ex GFs hanging around etc. Find someone who wants what you want.

Move on the world keeps going don't stop and live on the past.

Monday, December 10, 2007, 10:56 AM

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Any updates OP?

Thursday, December 13, 2007, 11:51 PM

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Miss a turn

A young friend once told me that in our small town, you don't really ever break up, you just miss a turn.

I think most times, it's better to break up. Rip that band-aid off fast, wince, then start making plans and move on.

Friday, December 14, 2007, 3:05 AM

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Montel Williams said....."an ex is an ex for a reason"

I have lived by that. Long story short. My highschool sweetheart and I dated on and off all through high school and college....I love him still to this day. But we can't be together. We are though Best friends. We talk every day and we take our kids out together. All I can say OP is do what God puts on your heart to do. It took me about 2 years to be ok with the "just friends" thing. Maybe one day you will be able to as well. The best of luck to you and your situation!

Saturday, December 22, 2007, 3:21 PM

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Hey OP

hey, umm... i just got my heart broken... it hurts really much, i am fresh out of high school and i just started college so i really dont know what to do, but reading your story and all those nice replies made me feel alot better. For some reason this entire page made me feel a little bit happy and hopeful for the future. I stopped crying and now i just want to study for that final that i have tomorrow :) but i was wondering how you are doing? I know tihs seems weird, but your story made me feel better about myself.
Thank you so much to everyone on this page, you guys picked me back up! :D

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 8:28 PM

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6:37

This person doesn't need that crap. Eating your feelings gets you no where but unhappy and unhealthy. This summer I had my heart broken. I ate and ate. I still don't feel any better. I actually feel worse. So what I am going to do is get back in shape and make him eat his freaking heart out. I think that will make me feel a TON better. It might make her feel better too.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 9:19 PM

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In the meantime

I recommend the book "In the Meantime". It helped me in a similar situation.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 10:01 PM

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I'm in a similar situation. The guy broke it off with me, I was heartbroken, played the "moved on" role very well, am starting to move on and now I hear he misses me or is always watching me when I dance with another guy.

My advice? And what I plan on doing. If he initiates it, give him that second chance, but make it clear from the start. Verbally and 'aggressively'. "You hurt me the first time, this is a second chance for both of us. But there won't be a third" and make yourself stick to it. Everyone screws up, but if he does it again, he's not worth your heart

Stay strong <3

Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 10:47 PM

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Only you know whether you can give him that second chance. I'm biased because my second chance didn't work out, so please take my (and everyone else's) advice with a grain of salt. It's only meant to be a perspective...

You guys can't be friends this soon after a breakup. Feelings are still too raw and you need distance to learn what you really want. You can't decide if you can get over him if you're still hanging around him or talking to him. Give it some distance and then you'll know how you really feel. Second, everyone questions a break up when it first happens, so your ex is probably dealing with a new life from what he's known as well, and going back to the familiar can be pretty tempting. My theory is if he broke up with you, then his reasons are probably still there (not meaning it's your fault, just that his reasons couldn't have gone away that easily) but he's lonely and wants some normalcy...and that means having you. As hard as it might be, if he's testing the waters I'd tell him to cool his jets for a few more months to see if this is what he really wants. Encourage both of you to date other people. 4 months is right around the time where you get tired of being alone, scared about never finding someone, and the grass doesn't seem so green on that other side. A PP asked why he broke it off in the first place. How does that play into a reunion? What will have changed? Is it something you can both live with? I'm guessing that after 5 years it wasn't a simple breakup explanation....there would have to be something big to cause him to take stock and walk away (again, not blaming you) for both of your sakes.

Just don't let your loneliness be a catalyst to take him back blindly. You need to think about his breakup reasons and how they will affect your new start with him. Be honest with yourself...did his reasons have merit? Of course, you love him, but does part of you want him back because it's easier than missing him? Just some things to think about...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 9:44 AM

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I'm really glad that this post was bumped. I went through a breakup this week. It was probably the most traumatic event of my life. We had been inseparable for 3 years (living together for 2.5 of those 3). Things moved to fast, we got comfortable too fast, and we fell out of love too fast. I never understood the phrase "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" until I made the decision to go our separate ways. He wanted to leave Philadelphia, and I have already sacrificed too much to let go of a city I love, and a wonderful job. So it's two days in, and I feel like I'm ahead of the game. I worked out really hard for myself yesterday. I've successfully avoided emailing or calling. I've been focusing my energy on me instead of him and his whereabouts. This relationship was over a long time ago, and I realized now that this is the final step in my life transformation (I've lost 116 lbs since last year!). I'm a new, confident, and happy person and he was no longer compatible with that, as he is a downer in general with no real direction or ambition in life.

It's not easy, but the pain will be worth it. It's like re-birth of sorts!

But enough about me. OP, I think you owe it to yourself to not allow him to think he can bounce your heart around like a rubber ball. Perhaps it's best to move on instead of continually wondering if you can patch it up.

-dothezonk

Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 10:01 AM

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zonk, i admire you and have read your posts and logs and am quite amazed at what you have achieved.
when i read about your breakup, i felt sad for you, but you are a much wiser 23yr old and i wish you alot of success in your life. you know your worth, and what you deserve. good for you and you go girl!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 7:00 PM

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I broke up with my first bf in high school. It has been twenty years since and we met at a reunion recently. I was the one who initiated the break up and had no regrets - we are not compatible on many counts. Since the reunion, he has been friendly with emails and some messages. We have met a couple of times. Am not sure if this "friendship" can continue as we are both married. To be safe so that there is no misunderstanding for all parties invovlved. I am going tell that I cannot meet anymore and do not wish to remain in contact. Is this a breakup of friendship

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 3:30 AM

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It's hard to start your life over. It takes months sometimes but here's the good news: it only takes one friend. Begin by calling up just one friend and begin socializing. It ends up taking you to more people, groups, different hobbies and activities. If one friend isn't doing that for you, choose a different friendship to cultivate.

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 10:10 AM

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how to mend a borken heart

hi there.. although its a bit selfish i feel i want to write something down not only for u but for myself aswell. i have too gone through a break up of my boyfriend of 2 and a half years.. just before xmas we decided to split up because he had gone to uni.. i knew i had to let it go .. he says that in the future we will be together again because were soul mates but has to do this for himself... im distraught but i definatly feel like im hitting a dead end at the moment.. its heartbreaking because every little things reminds me off him.. i feel lost. however i have thrown myself into my new job made loads of friends and still go out with my old ones.. winter seems to be making the whole thing worse though/... anyway im hoping that summer will bring out the happyness in me.. until then im going out.. making the best of my life and looking forward to the time when i am not heart broken... my heart feels heavy and for anyone who has ever broken up with someone they love will know what i mean..anyway i hope that u will draw strength from the fact that u are not alone and are many other people experiencing the feelings u have riight now... feel positive because ur husband/wife is out there... i believe that are many different people for each one person in the world.. if in doubt tho go and have a good drink session with ur mates and hope for the best...xx

Monday, January 26, 2009, 4:44 PM

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how to mend a borken heart

hi there.. although its a bit selfish i feel i want to write something down not only for u but for myself aswell. i have too gone through a break up of my boyfriend of 2 and a half years.. just before xmas we decided to split up because he had gone to uni.. i knew i had to let it go .. he says that in the future we will be together again because were soul mates but has to do this for himself... im distraught but i definatly feel like im hitting a dead end at the moment.. its heartbreaking because every little things reminds me off him.. i feel lost. however i have thrown myself into my new job made loads of friends and still go out with my old ones.. winter seems to be making the whole thing worse though/... anyway im hoping that summer will bring out the happyness in me.. until then im going out.. making the best of my life and looking forward to the time when i am not heart broken... my heart feels heavy and for anyone who has ever broken up with someone they love will know what i mean..anyway i hope that u will draw strength from the fact that u are not alone and are many other people experiencing the feelings u have riight now... feel positive because ur husband/wife is out there... i believe that are many different people for each one person in the world.. if in doubt tho go and have a good drink session with ur mates and hope for the best...xx

Monday, January 26, 2009, 4:44 PM

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fixing a broken heart

Gud day! I joined this group to have someone who could at least minimize my heartaches.I had a boyfriend whom i really love the most.The conflict there is I have to broke up with him because of our riligion.I was really hurt.were almost 2 years now.I want to move on but i dont know how...
Plz help me.

Monday, January 26, 2009, 11:06 PM

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Two years? Get some help, please, really. That's way too long. You have an unhealthy pre-occupation. Get out there, do things, meet new people, start new hobbies, look up old friends and get together, volunteer for everything you can! Forget him! You can't? Get some books on how to get over a relationship. Get professional help if you need to. Your life is passing too quickly and you need to get over this. Good luck!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 6:52 AM

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if you are crazy, happy, joyous in love, try it again. If its less than perfect forget about it. Is it strong enough to be your last love story? 'cause that's what happily ever after is.....

Wednesday, January 28, 2009, 2:29 AM

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Broken Heart

Hi there. I am going through very much the same thing as OP at the moment. My boyfriend of 5 years treated me badly, let me down and the final straw came on Friday when he failed to turn up to pick me up on my Birthday as he was too interested in drinking with his friends. I was just seeing our relationship through rose tinted glasses and did not want to go through the pain I am suffering now. Reading 10:56 (10/12/07) comments really made me realise that it is time to stop crying and start doing something about my life. Unfortunatly I did cut myself off from the rest of the world and lost alot, if not all, my freinds. However, on the plus side I do meet people easily and have an amazing mum. All of the comments (ok, maybe there are a couple that are slightly pathetic and unhelpful) on this page are an inspiration and are going to help me. I am scared that I just do not have the strength to not call and not go back to him. I cannot think of how I want to occupy myself.

Perhaps time will tell.

How are you now OP? Does all of this really get easier?

Sunday, February 08, 2009, 9:13 AM

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9:13

A broken heart is the worst feeling while you are newly suffering it. Sounds like you have been feeling that way for a while just waking up to what your realtionship was.

It DOES get better. Right now you are hurting but life does continue.

The amazing thing is you can fall in love with someone else. Maybe a little wiser, but it feels just as good.

Have faith! And Happy Birthday. I am so sorry he hurt your feelings on your birthday but maybe in the end that was a good "present" because you are opening your eyes and you can start moving towards a new and better life.

You are so lucky to have a good mum. Maybe you can spend time with her and you will feel better. Also look up your friends. Or take yourself on a really nice solo date (do exactly what YOU love...and it can be as simple as a walk through a pretty park or some window shopping).

Best wishes!

Sunday, February 08, 2009, 10:35 AM

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Hey 9:13. Not picking you up on your birthday? I think he is begging for you to dump him, and you must!

You DO have the strength to break away!
You DO have the strength to get out there and create a better life for yourself and fill your life with people who will care about you a treat you in the way you deserve.
Life WILL go on without him.
It will hurt, but youWILL get better, I promise.

Monday, February 09, 2009, 4:05 AM

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9:13 here!

Thank you so much for your comments. You have really inspired me to go through all of this to have a better life for myself. I am thinking of going travelling for a bit, even though it will be tough leaving my mum and job, I think it has to be done.

4:05 - I think you are right. He must have been far to coward to do the deed himself so thought he would hurt me to ensure I did it. Just makes me realise there is no point trying to salvage a relationship with someone so selfish. I know, deep down, there is better out there and will have to hurt to find it!

Thank you again for your help.

Monday, February 09, 2009, 7:59 AM

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lost love and cant get over it

in october last year i lost the love of my life. weve been in an on off relatonship since middle of high school. im now 24 and shes 23. you could call us the ross and rachel from friends of relationships so you could get a good picture.

we were recently back together for a year and a half and it was on her part we got back together as she tracked me down and told me she was still in love with me. i wasnt in a relationship at the time but she was. when we got back together it felt better than it ever had before for both of us everything fell into place.

7 months later i put down deposit on my own place (our own place) and we were never apart more than 2 days a week. i have a very anti-social job running a huge restaurant and she is in college. so were both really busy but always spent any time we could together.

i started saving for an engagement ring and seen one that looked like it was made for her. i told my mum and my closest friends what i was going to do and they couldnt be happier for us. ive always been in and out of relationships and never really wanted or even thought about settling down, not boastful but ive had beautiful girlfriends and im a good looking guy. she found it very hard to deal with i still was around and kept in contact with a few of the girls but SERIOUSLY nothing was going on, we only ever spoke via texts or emails or in passing on nights out. but regardless of me re-assuring her ive NEVER cheated on anyone especially her.

due to previous acts in our teens it was really hard to let her get close to my friends and family but i gradually started re-introducting her to them. dinner parties, weekends away, nights out etc. everything seemed ready and set for us. we even spoke jokingly about what married life together would be like when we took a bath together on night and she told me its what she always knows it would happen for us.

mid october of 2008 she told me she had been offerd a job with a german airline through her college, and i admitt i over reacted without hearing all the facts but it still ment she would have to move to germany 2 months on and off through out the year. she obviously didnt realise i was going to propose to her litterly in the space of a few days and i felt like all we had worked for she was ending and drawing a line to...... i felt so bad and unwanted she never even asked my opinion on the job and she went anyway.

it drew a huge gap in our relationship and it never recovered. a few weeks later we ended our relationship. its now mid april and i still cant get over her. shes now ENGAGED to some guy from norway shes known for 7 months and got engaed within 3 months. shes moving to norway to live with him. he doesnt have a job, hes a student and lives of his mum n dad and shes not even got a job yet and is leaving college to go there. i can not fathom why she left me for him..... 7 years and so much history all gone for nothing and ill never get her back or see her again. once i found out about the engagement i cut all ties with her and her family as it was too painfull for me.

i lost all interest in even talking to any girl and have only recently started going out with my friends again and it seems like any girl i go near just isnt interested, its like they can sence im heartbroken and its killing my confidence and self esteem.....now im getting increasingly lonely and depressed.......

Tuesday, April 14, 2009, 9:09 AM

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Testimony to have had 2 engagements that never made to the church aisle/temple/synagogue/whathaveyounot:

1) Until you've got the ring on the finger, anything is game.
2) When I decided to end my engagements, it was because towards the end I realised they weren't going to make good husbands after all. Whatever mistreatment I endured or didn't endure is irrelevant - I had to make my own decisions.
3) Its not the heartbreak thats hard, its the 'picking up the pieces and putting yourself together' thats tougher.

That being said (esp to the guy before me, I feel you - it sucks being left for what may appear like a loser...been there too) ppl make decisions that we cannot fully understand nor control. Have faith that you are a good person worthy of love, kindness and goodwill. Understand that despite all your good intentions, people may leave you but it usually presents you an opportunity to meet someone better and more suited to your needs/lifestyle.

Consider doing more things for yourself and surrounding yourself with supportive friends who are NOT related to your ex. For the original poster, I'd advice that if 5 years hasn't worked out (my last engagement was 4 years) its probably good to move on. Don't waste time guessing or wondering 'what ifs' - cut him out, get on with life and re-learn doing things without him. And as someone else said - go out and get someone new! It may not work for everyone (it did for me LOL) but no harm giving it a go - you can surely make new friends if not get a replacement.

As a friend once said - its all going to be OK, you just have to believe in it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009, 11:12 AM

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I'm very sorry to hear this. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I think about him everyday! I get jealous when he goes out and I worry that he's going to find someone else. But do you know what has helped me- keeping in shape! It sounds terrible but knowing that I am working hard on losing weight (or keeping fit) really makes me feel great! I have lost 10 lbs and feel hotter than ever! Also, because I've been eating so healthy, my mood is up and I have tons of energy! This also makes me want to go out, try new things, and party! Trust me, going to a party looking hawt will definately put your mind at ease (atleast it did for me). You realize that just because you're not with them, doesn't mean that you can't have fun to! You have friends and a life so go have fun! Meet a guy! Enjoy life! I hope this helps a little :)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009, 7:35 PM

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people

people that got broken hearted drink beer or something that make them high
to forget things up but if im you dont do that dont get wasted
Be a men just do some prsonal goals that makes you a better person
changed yourself then find another one

Sunday, December 19, 2010, 10:48 PM

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thanks to dr olorun for his powerful love spell

Dr. Olorun Oduduwa I love to be on your testimonial page to spread my happiness. Your hard work and effort is greatly appreciated especially from me. My boy-friend is back home. We are back together. He pick me up from my station today. I haven't saw him in 6 month. I wasted so much time with other spell casters and should have stuck with you originally. You are a truly gifted spell caster and I just wanted to take the time to show how you and tell the world how grateful I am"thanks to Dr. Olorun, contact him if need his help on how to bring back your lost husband or boyfriend to your heart again on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

Thursday, May 29, 2014, 3:58 AM

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