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Hate my skinny friends
I feel like they can eat french fries and ice cream and not gain an ounce where I have to watch everything. I don't even want to hang out with them anymore. Skinny friends equal misery. Grrr.
Mon. Oct 15, 4:58pm
As one of the "skinny" friends I have to comment.
Do you spend 24 hours a day with your thin friends? I doubt it so you probably don't see that we are usually good at portion control, rarely eat out (for me it's usually with friends so that's what they see me eat but I don't eat that way all the time), and exercise and lead active lives.
Why don't you use their bodies as a goal and learn from them instead of being jealous?
Monday, October 15, 2007, 5:15 PM
or understand that yes, some people esp if you're young, can eat anything and not pack on pounds. It isn't you, oh well. They may be skinny, doesn't mean their healthy.
Don't do activites that revolve around food with them. Do other activities like rollerblading, ice skating, biking, go karting, rock climbing, etc. I've had to virtually eliminate eating with friends because of food intolerances, and I'll tell you that there's lots to do with people that doesn't involve food if you just think outside the box.
Monday, October 15, 2007, 5:51 PM
OP, I feel you pain. I've lost about 20 pounds now so I'm much more comfortable with them than I used to be. It is misery. Just remember that they are your friends and they love you for you (hopefully) and that it will get better as you get more comfortable.
I had to sit down with my two best (and skinny) friends and tell them that I didn't actually feel very comfortable with them because I was constantly comparing myself to them. And also that they needed to STOP sending me home with the leftovers and stop talking about their own weight problems (not actual probems) when I was around because it made me feel bad about myself. It was one of the hardest conversations I ever had because I hated talking about my weight then...but they were so understanding and awsome. They actually agreed that they needed to complain less about their own bodies and instead acknowledge that they were in good shape. They also apologized for always giving me the leftovers because it made me feel like they didn't care if I was fat as long as they stayed skinny. They also started eating more healthy food when I was around to make it easier for me to stick with my goals. They became my biggest supporters.
It's hard to be around people that you like but that just remind you of how gross you feel. Be honest with them and hopefully they can help you through it.
Monday, October 15, 2007, 6:12 PM
6:12, I'm not the OP, but I so appreciate your message both for the perspective you offered and the kindness with which it was delivered. Congratulations on your own weightloss, and best of luck!
Monday, October 15, 2007, 6:21 PM
Well, I'm now the 'skinny friend' - I have a couple good friends who are working on their own goals, and they both say they enjoy hanging out with me because I'm centered on activity, not food. We have so much fun they forget that we're not in some unhealthy restaurant eating fried appetizers. We often go for coffee and a walk, hiking, showshoeing, skiing, etc... When we do get together for a meal, we have healty potlucks at each other's houses and enjoy trying new recipes. I'm not the food police or a personal trainer, but I'm centered on being healthy and my friends seem to connect to that. They know what I used to weigh and are terrific support.
However I also periodcally meet folks who don't have a clue about my past and seem to think that I can eat whatever I want because I'm skinny - not that I'm skinny because I eat healthy and exercise (and thus cannot eat whatever I want whenever). In fact people get really, really insistent - to the point of being angry, that because I'm not packing excess pounds, I can eat anything. Bullsh*t.
Of course it would be nice to eat anything and not gain weight, but how many people over 25 can do that? not many. I do not assume that because someone is not overweight and is eating fries, that they do so everyday.
Monday, October 15, 2007, 6:27 PM
In one of my circles I'm the "skinny friend" and it's not all it's cracked up to be! My other larger friends are always talking about how they can't seem to lose weight even though they're "eating less." So they ask me how I do it. I tell them I eat lots of veggies and exercise almost daily and don't buy food in a box (like frozen pizza, dehydrated mashed potatoes, etc). They say they don't have time to live like that and go back to grumbling about their pant size. If I tell them I'm doing my own best effort to lose 10lbs they just laugh. No support. Arg.
Monday, October 15, 2007, 8:17 PM
I only have one skinny friend and she is the most supportive person where my weight issues are concerned.
That's not to say my other friends aren't supportive.
But she is the one who will take the time to walk with me whenever I want and though she is one who can eat whatever she wants and might fluctuate 2 or 3 pounds she also walks everywhere she goes. She is very active. I can learn a lot from that.
Note to self: BE ACTIVE
I really like the idea of having a healthy potluck. Sharing healthy recipes and such. That is so cool. I have been wanting to get together with some of my friends that have families so we seldom see eachother. What a great thing to do.
Good luck to you all.
Monday, October 15, 2007, 11:26 PM
are you in a competetion with your friends? presumably not. most people have bonds with their friends that allow them to support each other and listen to each others problems and rejoice with each other over successes. i agree with voicing your feelings, but look into your motives beforehand. i mean, are you looking for sympathy/empathy that you're not getting, but feel like you deserve? it's very hard for skinny people who have not faced the challenges of weight-loss to understand what one goes through--even if that skinny person really wants to be there for you, he/she may not have any clue as to the intense emotional pain that you may be experiencing. and the self-doubt and criticisms, and the feelings of disgust that you think others are having when they're around you. unless you have to deal with this sh*t, most people just don't understand on a level that is satisfying for the fat person. i think it is up to the fat person to take an honest look within themself and earnestly look for good character traits and habits/behaviours and then focus on improving the character flaws or introducing new, healthy habits. ultimately, you have to believe that you are "acceptable" in the company of ALL other body types and to do so, i think, one needs to start with accepting oneself. it's not your friends' responsibility to MAKEyou feel better, but they can HELP you feel better.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:46 AM
Seems like the overall theme is: most skinny people WORK at it!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:08 AM
it sounds like you are letting your appearance define you and you are letting your friends' appearance define them, too. look beyond what your eye can see and try not to be so judgemental, with yourself and with others.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:27 AM
Jealousy is a terrible thing, especially when it comes to friends. Just be happy with yourself no matter what you weigh, if you can accomplish that you might see a difference in your weight. Your thin friends clearly don't judge you, if they did they might not want to hang out with you so for them your weight isn't an issue. Don't make it come between you. Accept the fact that some people are just naturally thin and what they eat doesn't matter, but know that they might not be so healthy either.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 12:26 PM
you struggle with your weight and your friends don't. but they still have their own struggles!! naybe one of your friends has issues about her bad relationship with her dad, or has an overbearing older sibling that she is constantly compared with. if you can define for yourself what your friends' struggles may be, then you might understand that you are not alone but just have different things to "work on" until you feel like you're reaching your full potetntial. if you can discuss with your friends what each of you has to deal with, what each of you identifies as her own struggle, your jealousy may be eased and you can then be aware of the areas that you can offer support to your friends.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 12:33 PM
Great post, 12:33!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 1:45 PM
employ your skinny friends!! they're the ones i take running because they usually keep me running a little faster a little longer.
plus, they're more active/healthy so it's easier to share goals with them.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 8:06 PM
I read in a book once that the author, who described herself, when she was heavy, as a potato with toothpicks for legs, asked a skinny friend how she kept thin. The skinny friend didn't really know. But she allowed the author of the book to be around her for a day or so and see what she ate. The author found that the skinny friend ate until she was no longer hungry, and only ate when she was truly hungry.
All my healthy skinny friends are diligent about their exercise, their portion control, and their focus on non-food activities. And they really like to eat.
BTW: no matter how good the chow, don't take home the leftovers. Be the friend who really doesn't want them. Then they are not around to tempt you when you get home.
I like the 6:12 post where the person found support when they were truthful to their friends. And 12:33 hits it right on, they probably have other issues that you don't share (and that you might not be as sensitive to). Let your friends know how you feel, and your true friends will truly be there for you.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 8:30 PM
I'm sure some skinny people do work hard at keeping their weight. But some people just have that lucky gene that speeds up their metabolism. I get past the "it's not fair" syndrome of feeling sorry for myself by thinking that I'm still better off than some people with severe medical problems or other disabilities who are probably thinking that they wish their only problem was that they are overweight.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 12:02 PM
have you been feeling any better? have you taken any advice from this thread?
Thursday, October 18, 2007, 8:45 AM
whew... beeeen thereeee
I've been the fat friend (high school...), the thin friend (ah, college), and the chubby friend (here and now!). It's a tough road. Sure... active lifestyle and portion control are the obvious answers... but oftentimes these are things have to squeeze into ourlives "other" issues mentioned by 12:33.
Like girls with other issues... I have a demanding job. I have an active social life. I have family issues, friend issues, boyfriend issues, work issues, money issues, and others.
The girls with the GREAT advice (portion control and dieting.... thanks. But sometimes, it's still hard being around skinny girls who have more time to diet, who comnpete with you (eating one bite less... one less cracker... believe me, we "chubbies" notice that...) and manage to look absolutely fantastic when you think it's just the two of you going for a movie night with the girls.
hate to sound bitter - and for the most part, I'm not - but I do know where you are coming from. And I'm here to let you know that what you're feeling is (a) common, and (b) doesn't mean you should give up! I'm not!! :) Ultimately, the girls with the "great advice" ... really are giving the right advice. It's about not letting your feelings of jealousy overpower you to the point where you become non-productive.
Off to my frozen dinner.... it's the one I have to eat because I'm working until 11:00 PM. Just saying...
Thursday, March 20, 2008, 9:27 PM
I'm jealous of my friends who don't have emotions tied to food, and who automatically eat when they hungry and stop when they are full. While I might be able to be the skinny friend through diligence, I will never be able to be like them.
Thursday, March 20, 2008, 11:00 PM
for anyone who gets unwanted leftovers...
I'm the skinny friend. I got skinny on PT and then I moved, but that's another story... Because my new friends think I can "eat anything" (ha!) I always get the leftovers to take home. I put the leftovers in the garbage can as I get out of the car, before I am in the house.
Just remember, most restaurant portions are appropriate for 18-year-old boys. Not for anyone older or more female.
Thursday, March 20, 2008, 11:43 PM
Getting thin and healthy is the best revenge!
Thursday, March 20, 2008, 11:47 PM
12:33 - I agree whole-heartedly with you. For those of us that struggle daily with our weight issues, we can sometimes have tunnel vision. However, skinny people also have issues of their own to deal with that may be just as consuming. Everyone has their own crosses to bear, and some are far worse than living with a few extra pounds.
Plus, everyone interprets their own body size and shape differently. One of my best friends is super-small on the top, but agonizes over her butt. I am kind of thick all over, but am quite toned because I work out constantly. When I see her I think "Man, would I ever like to be thin like her" because I see her tiny waist and petite bone structure. But I bet when she looks at me she sees my muscle tone and smaller butt.
I have a high school friend that was stick-thin when we were in school. Since she left the teenage years though, she has struggled daily with weight issues like the rest of us.
So, OP, try not to lose heart. If you are happy and healthy in other areas of your life, try to take solace in that and know that we all have our issues, some are just not as readily noticeable as others. I bet you are blessed in more ways than you think!
Friday, March 21, 2008, 8:01 AM
I've always been the skinny friend until recentlt..I had a baby, so now I am working off the extra weight...ironocally my "heavy freind" had used my pregnancy time to get some pounds off while I packed on a few too many..I am determined though to get my extra 19 lbs off by June and have now included her in my excercise routine .
I have to agree with a previous poster though, It is true skinny does nit mean healthy necessarily That is why I am emphasizing wanting to get back to my state of being healthy to my friend b/c she dropped alot of weight fast and w/ a diet that does not seem lifetime manageable.
Friday, March 21, 2008, 9:15 AM
screw that, dont hate skinny friends..everyone has their own set of problems and its hard to see them when your on the outside. Im far from skinny @ 245lbs, but I have a friend who is larger than i am and shorter, she calls me here skinny friend and makes all sorts of nast little comments. whell, she is also the one who doesnt like to get off her couch, hates to move around and has trained her kids to fetch and carry things for her. while Im a diabetic with complications, I cant have children because of my PCOS and im trying to save my life by exercse. SEE what I mean? its all perspective. REad Tony Robbins
Friday, March 21, 2008, 9:57 AM
not 100% true
in responce to a comment I read here:
My best friend we spend quite a lot of time together like basically sleeping over one anothers house everyday she doesn't work out or anything and eats everything she wants I mean literally mountain dews,pepsi's up the wazu and crap loada of candy she's never gained a pound she has even tried fortunately for her she was blessed with her mothers metabolism. SOme people are just naturally skinny there are a lot of people who try to gain weight and can't. MY brothers friend is the same way yet I can just look at a piece of cake and gain like 50 pounds >_<
Saturday, January 16, 2010, 11:40 PM
yeah and some people are paralyzed or have cerebral palsy and can never work out. Real tragedy is out there and you can't take your skinny jeans with you. That said, I of course, respect and care for my body.
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 1:40 PM
I have one of those, and trust me she and I have had a converstion about this very topic. Did you know that "skinny" women feel the same way you do? Her words where ...I work hard to look like I do. I watch everybite I put in my mouth and I jog, run up and down my stairs, or ride a bike everyday. It hurt her a lot to have comments made about how we all arent like you.
True is the reason we are so uncomfortable around slender women is because of our own self guilt.
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 3:11 PM
The people who can get away with eating shit all the time and not gaining weight will still suffer from it later, in the form of diseases. And the first PP is right, a lot of skinny people work hard to be that way.
Monday, January 18, 2010, 5:10 PM
I'm a skinny friend. Did it ever occur to you that your skinny friends probably love you despite your size? Otherwise they wouldn't be friends with you. I have several friends who are overweight. Some of them have asked me how I stay thin (I work at it); others have never mentioned it. And if they found out you "hate" them for being skinny, it would probably really hurt their feelings. It would mine...because who you are is not what you look like.
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