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Hate my skinny friends

I feel like they can eat french fries and ice cream and not gain an ounce where I have to watch everything. I don't even want to hang out with them anymore. Skinny friends equal misery. Grrr.

Mon. Oct 15, 4:58pm

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As one of the "skinny" friends I have to comment.

Do you spend 24 hours a day with your thin friends? I doubt it so you probably don't see that we are usually good at portion control, rarely eat out (for me it's usually with friends so that's what they see me eat but I don't eat that way all the time), and exercise and lead active lives.

Why don't you use their bodies as a goal and learn from them instead of being jealous?

Monday, October 15, 2007, 5:15 PM

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or understand that yes, some people esp if you're young, can eat anything and not pack on pounds. It isn't you, oh well. They may be skinny, doesn't mean their healthy.

Don't do activites that revolve around food with them. Do other activities like rollerblading, ice skating, biking, go karting, rock climbing, etc. I've had to virtually eliminate eating with friends because of food intolerances, and I'll tell you that there's lots to do with people that doesn't involve food if you just think outside the box.

Monday, October 15, 2007, 5:51 PM

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OP, I feel you pain. I've lost about 20 pounds now so I'm much more comfortable with them than I used to be. It is misery. Just remember that they are your friends and they love you for you (hopefully) and that it will get better as you get more comfortable.

I had to sit down with my two best (and skinny) friends and tell them that I didn't actually feel very comfortable with them because I was constantly comparing myself to them. And also that they needed to STOP sending me home with the leftovers and stop talking about their own weight problems (not actual probems) when I was around because it made me feel bad about myself. It was one of the hardest conversations I ever had because I hated talking about my weight then...but they were so understanding and awsome. They actually agreed that they needed to complain less about their own bodies and instead acknowledge that they were in good shape. They also apologized for always giving me the leftovers because it made me feel like they didn't care if I was fat as long as they stayed skinny. They also started eating more healthy food when I was around to make it easier for me to stick with my goals. They became my biggest supporters.

It's hard to be around people that you like but that just remind you of how gross you feel. Be honest with them and hopefully they can help you through it.

Good luck!

Monday, October 15, 2007, 6:12 PM

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6:12, I'm not the OP, but I so appreciate your message both for the perspective you offered and the kindness with which it was delivered. Congratulations on your own weightloss, and best of luck!

Monday, October 15, 2007, 6:21 PM

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Well, I'm now the 'skinny friend' - I have a couple good friends who are working on their own goals, and they both say they enjoy hanging out with me because I'm centered on activity, not food. We have so much fun they forget that we're not in some unhealthy restaurant eating fried appetizers. We often go for coffee and a walk, hiking, showshoeing, skiing, etc... When we do get together for a meal, we have healty potlucks at each other's houses and enjoy trying new recipes. I'm not the food police or a personal trainer, but I'm centered on being healthy and my friends seem to connect to that. They know what I used to weigh and are terrific support.

However I also periodcally meet folks who don't have a clue about my past and seem to think that I can eat whatever I want because I'm skinny - not that I'm skinny because I eat healthy and exercise (and thus cannot eat whatever I want whenever). In fact people get really, really insistent - to the point of being angry, that because I'm not packing excess pounds, I can eat anything. Bullsh*t.

Of course it would be nice to eat anything and not gain weight, but how many people over 25 can do that? not many. I do not assume that because someone is not overweight and is eating fries, that they do so everyday.

Monday, October 15, 2007, 6:27 PM

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In one of my circles I'm the "skinny friend" and it's not all it's cracked up to be! My other larger friends are always talking about how they can't seem to lose weight even though they're "eating less." So they ask me how I do it. I tell them I eat lots of veggies and exercise almost daily and don't buy food in a box (like frozen pizza, dehydrated mashed potatoes, etc). They say they don't have time to live like that and go back to grumbling about their pant size. If I tell them I'm doing my own best effort to lose 10lbs they just laugh. No support. Arg.

Monday, October 15, 2007, 8:17 PM

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I only have one skinny friend and she is the most supportive person where my weight issues are concerned.
That's not to say my other friends aren't supportive.
But she is the one who will take the time to walk with me whenever I want and though she is one who can eat whatever she wants and might fluctuate 2 or 3 pounds she also walks everywhere she goes. She is very active. I can learn a lot from that.
Note to self: BE ACTIVE

I really like the idea of having a healthy potluck. Sharing healthy recipes and such. That is so cool. I have been wanting to get together with some of my friends that have families so we seldom see eachother. What a great thing to do.
Good luck to you all.

Monday, October 15, 2007, 11:26 PM

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are you in a competetion with your friends? presumably not. most people have bonds with their friends that allow them to support each other and listen to each others problems and rejoice with each other over successes. i agree with voicing your feelings, but look into your motives beforehand. i mean, are you looking for sympathy/empathy that you're not getting, but feel like you deserve? it's very hard for skinny people who have not faced the challenges of weight-loss to understand what one goes through--even if that skinny person really wants to be there for you, he/she may not have any clue as to the intense emotional pain that you may be experiencing. and the self-doubt and criticisms, and the feelings of disgust that you think others are having when they're around you. unless you have to deal with this sh*t, most people just don't understand on a level that is satisfying for the fat person. i think it is up to the fat person to take an honest look within themself and earnestly look for good character traits and habits/behaviours and then focus on improving the character flaws or introducing new, healthy habits. ultimately, you have to believe that you are "acceptable" in the company of ALL other body types and to do so, i think, one needs to start with accepting oneself. it's not your friends' responsibility to MAKEyou feel better, but they can HELP you feel better.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:46 AM

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Seems like the overall theme is: most skinny people WORK at it!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:08 AM

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it sounds like you are letting your appearance define you and you are letting your friends' appearance define them, too. look beyond what your eye can see and try not to be so judgemental, with yourself and with others.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:27 AM

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