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OT - anniversary

OK, I want a reality check here. My husband and I had our 2nd anniversary yesterday, and I was really disappointed. Because of some other obligations, we knew we couldn't do anything major. But, we had planned to try to at least eat out together. Everywhere we went was closed, then the place we ended up, my inlaws were at, and they ate with us. He gave me a card, but that was all. He thinks gifts for Valentine's and anniversaries are silly, and he can't understand why I was so let down yesterday, and it led to a huge fight last night. (I knew he wasn't doing anything, so I didn't get him anything big, but I picked up some chocolate for him to go along with a card). I feel like a rose from a gas station would at least have been a thoughtful touch to make the day something special from him. Am I being ridiculous? Everything else about our life is wonderful, and we have a great relationship. But special days are always a huge letdown for me, because I can't seem to ever get him to understand why they matter so much to me... and I feel like if I have to tell him to do something, it doesn't count. Thoughts?

I know this seems horribly unrelated to anything having to do with weightloss, but it wrecks my mood - I refused to get up and work out this morning because I was so upset still from the fight. My fault for not being dedicated enough, I know.


Tue. Oct 16, 8:59am

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not to burst your bubble because I know you're already down, but it sounds like he made a effort and that should count for something. If this is happening on your 2nd anniversary and you're upset, what's going to happen on your 8th?

We try to find ways to celebrate each other throughout the year and we don't make a big deal about anniversaries or valentine's. Buy a card and chocolates for him and put it in his car or on his pillow on any given day. those are the special occasions I remember and look forward to the most!

also, clue him in on your expectations so he doesn't feel bad for letting you down...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:15 AM

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Abandon the idea that if you have to tell him it doesn't count. That will guarantee a lifetime of disappointment . Sounds like you want him to express himself the way you express yourself on special days, which would be great if you approached these occasions the same way. Since you don't, you either have to give him a list of what you want, plan it yourself, or approach these special days with a different mindset.

When you let go it all gets so much better! Celebrate all that he does for you the other 364 days of the year!! Having a guy who buys the best gifts doesn't mean much when he's a crap ass husband and father.


Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:07 AM

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Does he *know* that you'd like him to get you a git/token of some kind? Because things like that don't always occur to men, and to a women it can seem thoughtless, like he doesn't care, when that's not really the case. I'm not saying you're in the wrong for expecting something more, but sometimes men need things spelled out for them, while women expect them to be psychically aware of what we want.

Having said that, I don't think you're being unreasonable in your expectations. Regardless of whether he thinks gifts are pointless, he should see that it's important to you, and make an effort for that reason.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:37 AM

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Yup, you just have to make it easy for them and they do it - most of them subscribe to "happy wife = happy life".

Tell him your favorite flower and you will get it every anniversary.
Tell him your favorite chocolate and you will get it every Valentine's Day.
Tell him your favorite gem stone, vacation destination, etc...you get the picture.

Take away the anguish over "will she like this or will I get yelled at for getting it wrong", and you'll pretty much get what you really want every time.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 11:57 AM

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Oh I understand what you are going through. I just had my 10 yr anniversary last Fri. I got a card too. My husband is SO thoughtful and such a great guy but he lacks in the gift giving area. Let me tell you that if that is where they lack we got it made in the shade. Like another poster said having a gift giver does not mean much if he is a loser. I would much rather be in our shoes than the others. I also know that I always feel terrible when I have a fight with my guy. Especially when I started it. Don't let it get you down. The hardest part for me is the more time that passes the more I know I should make up. Here are some (((HUGS))) to help you through this time. I think it may help to sit down and calmly talk to him about how you feel and let him know exactly what kind of stuff you like. Many blessing to you and your marriage!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 4:48 PM

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