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How happy are you with your relationship?
Are you in a relationship that you feel is "healthy"? Do you truly love your significant other? Do you feel loved?
Is it possible to have a perfect relationship? Or at least one close to perfect?
I'm asking this because I'm seriously examining my relationship, my marriage. All I know is I'm not happy. I'm not satisfied. I don't feel loved. I don't know if I'm willing to work on it and I feel like I'm staying for security, especially since we have a child together. I think both my husband and I have been going through the motions, but really how long can we do that?
So, are these feelings normal and this is just the way most marriages are? Or am I missing out on something great?
Wed. Nov 7, 8:02pm
I have the best hubby in the world. I married my best friend at the age of 19. I would rather be with my husband than any other person on the planet.
You should go see if you could go to therepy.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007, 8:05 PM
I am in the best relationship I've ever experienced. I feel loved, valued, cherished, listened to, repsected, trusted, pretty, witty and wise ;-) I can count on one hand the number of times we've fought, not diagreed, but fought. Why? Because we truly listen to each other and respect each other's thoughts, values and opinions. We are kind to each other - each one always thinking of the other. We are devoted to each other - we set aside time each week to be romatic and that time is sacred. We find each other sexy and say so. I want to be a better person for him and he for me and the result is that our relationship benefits.
Freaked me out when we first started seeing each other - I couldn't believe a relationship that good could just happen - natural as breating, but 7 years later it is just as wonderful as it was then. I thought after a couple years we'd pass the honeymoon phase, but that's not happened so far.
Something this good is worth seeking. You may be able to find it with your current partner, you may not, but understand you are the key to your own happiness - not him. Until you are happy and confident in who you are, what makes you happy and what you need in life - it will be hard for you to find happiness with others. I had dated literally hundreds of guys and finally took a 2 year break to clear my head and focus on where I wanted to be in life and sure enough - as soon as I found some clear direction and was happy with myself, being on my own, and what I was doing - he merrily walked into my life and upended it all. But that time I was ready for it because I knew what I wanted and wasn't willing to compromise that. I've never had to, we compliment each other, we don't conflict.
It is definitely worth talking to a therapist if you have some introspection to do. That outside, objective opinion can be very illuminating.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007, 8:31 PM
Though therapy can be expensive it's worth looking into. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship but we have gone to therepy a few times when we had an issue we just couldn't resolve without some help from an outside perspective.
Less expensive is a relationship book. My friends make fun of me for reading these but I find they help a lot. One I recommend is "The 5 Love Languages" I forget who the author is. My husband and I read it together when we first got married (I read out loud while he rubbed my feet!) We learned that we definately have different ways of expressing love. He was doing all this stuff (doing dishes, organnizing things, paying bills) to show he loved me and I just wanted him to sit down and spend time with me.
Anyway, I wish you the best. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship they find fulfilling.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007, 9:27 PM
Thanks for the insight everyone. I'm glad to get some great advice and not get "flamed". I like the idea of taking a look at myself; am I confident, do I love myself, that really opened my eyes. I guess it's not up to my husband to make me happy.......I need to start with myself.
How do I cope with the relationship and where on earth do I start with "myself"?
Wednesday, November 07, 2007, 9:33 PM
the best thing is to go outside your comfort zone. try some new things. mix it up. have fun with it. try something new every week. something that stimulates some conversation, some passion. see how they are in a different environment and how you are. it is a big world and you are so lucky to have someone to explore it with. you may be surprised by what you find out about your community and yourselves. good luck, k
Wednesday, November 07, 2007, 9:57 PM
I don't think there is any "perfect" relationship. When I first met my husband I had doubts that he was "the one" and we had problems. Then I almost lost him and it opened my eyes to what a wonderful person he is and how much I love him. He is my very best friend and I'd rather be with him than anyone else, both romantically and as a best friend.
Do we fight? YES! Do we disagree and have to talk something out for hours? YES! BUT do I always feel loved? YES I do!
But sometimes it gets stressful and hard but we just continue to work through it. I agree with all the previous posters, therapy is a great thing, it might make you realize how much you love each other or that you can get along better without each other. Books would be a good place to start too. Try to mix things up, get out of town if you can, see if the love is still there. I also think you are right in saying that you have to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. It isn't up to him to fulfill you! Good luck and keep us posted!
Thursday, November 08, 2007, 11:43 AM
I am having similar problems in my marriage. I an very unhappy and to the poing now where I don't even have the energy to fix it. I jfeel like i'm still in it because it's comfortable and like you said- i'm going through the motions. I know that my husband loves me and he tells me all the time, but over the last 7 years he's worn me down to the poing that I love him, but don't think I am in love with him. He knows i'm unhappy with the marriage. Other aspects of my like are wonderful. I am returning to school for my masters degree, I love being a mother, and I love my job. My marriage just wears me out!
Thursday, November 08, 2007, 12:05 PM
IMPO Unless your current husband is a real looser in some way, WORK IT OUT! Someone your compatable with is worth the effort. Usually boredom sets in when you or both of you are too busy to romance each other. When you decide it is time to romance him, think about what HE likes and then while he's happy and relaxed tell him what you would like when he romances you. He can't read your mind and different women like different things. Is it a night out? A night in? A massage? Be sure you know what you want and then ask him.
Now my husband likes a night in, with me dressed in something kind of sleezy. Frankly, I feel kind of foolish. I mean, I weigh 200lbs for crying out loud, but he loves me still and loves my curves. So I put my uncomfortableness on the shelf and give him a treat. See the idea?
There are soooo many looser men out there that if you have a good one it is worth the effort to keep him.
And YES, there are perfect relationships and I thank God (literally) that I have found such a wonderful man.
Thursday, November 08, 2007, 12:21 PM
I am in a great relationship. we were friends first and it just both of us like a truck. We've been married for a year and its great. We wil do anything for each other and have. He moved across the counrty for my job and hasnt found anything here, so no we will move for his job. We share and we cuddle and we build each other up. Sure there are times when he grinds on my nerves, but that just tells me it is time to do my own thing for an hour or two. I spend that time- if nto with girl friends, then working out, cleaning whatever and thinking of why I love him. Being appreciative of him and supportive of him makes me happy too.
the biggest difference in this relationship comapred to others that I have had, is that we are on each other's side. We would never intentionally hurt the other person. That part is huge!!
Thursday, November 08, 2007, 3:39 PM
how happy are you with your relationship
well this is a hard subject because i recentley found out my boyfriend of 8 years has cheated on me with an older woman that we both work with...It was like a stab to my heart that i just cant explain....I kinda had a suspision but no conformation...but i found emails back and forth and this other woman called me up and told me he told her he left me and they were getting married....Now yes when we met i was a little thinner and so was he .....I would say i have gained about 35 lbs in 8 years but i was overweight when we met and we fell in love......he has gained i would say a good 50-55 lbs in 8 years which is blamed on me somewhat he went from a 33 waist to a 38 big difference..But that isnt the issue i am still in love with him and he still is attractive to me....But at this point how can you save a relationship he tells me i let me weight go he doesnt like my hair and i dont wear makeup alot...IS this all a reason to cheat on somoene...why cant people be honest with you....Instead of breaking someones heart..he wont even admit to what he did he says nothing went on but i know otherwise....So anyway my point is ...i am now dieting for myself and making changes for ME......IS this relationship worth saving can it be saved i am out now a an injury from work and will be for at least another month or so.....I just dont know what to do any advice????
Sunday, November 11, 2007, 2:12 AM
You should find out whether you are just feeling unloved, or whether he really doesn't love you. If you are just feeling it, things can be fixed. Maybe he isn't expressive the way you need him to be. If he really loves you he'll work on that, and you'll give him some slack knowing he has a challenge to meet.
If he doesn't love you anymore, why bother trying to work on it? Certainly not for the child who can't benefit from living in a home with parents who don't care for each other....
Sunday, November 11, 2007, 9:37 AM
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