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single and lonely
I'm 28 and single and it feels like I'll never meet someone. It gets lonely at night after work and especially on Saturday afternoons when it feels like everyone is out and about with their boyfriend or husband or significant other. I've been single before but not this lonely. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one, though I know it's not the case. I know there are lots of single people out there and I'm sure some are lonely too. Thanks, I'm not even making a real point, I'm kind of rambling.
Thu. Nov 29, 12:22pm
At 28, I was in the same boat. I actually met some other single women at a party and we kind of banded together and started going out and doing things together. Then around 29, I started dating this guy from work who has now been my husband for 11 yrs.
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 12:25 PM
my son is 24 and feels the same way. Yes, though my son lives in another state and has also spent 4 years over seas before that he still talks to him mom, at least once a week. I tell him not to define himself on whether he is a couple or not that when the right person comes along he will know. I've taught my son that instead of dwelling on how lonely he feels to go out and volunteer his time in projects and people, he has done just that and as he tells me has met some really awesome people
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 12:37 PM
I understand what you are saying. I am in my 40's and still single. Who wants a fat girl?
So to fight my loneliness I do crafts. Anything that keeps me from thinking too much about my situation. So for that few minutes I can envelope myself in what I am doing and I enjoy it. It beats sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Though I do that too sometimes.
Aside from that try and make friends. It can be hard. I have found church to be a great place to meet people. Just don't have expectations of them being any different from the rest of the world. We are all just trying to find our way.
Anyway I hope you find what you need for fullfilment.
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 5:18 PM
Have you tried an online dating site? I know there's sort of a stigma attached to meeting someone on the internet, but I ment my girlfriend on there and we've been together 4 years. The key is to take it slow and be careful. I didn't want to go to bars and I eventually gave up on randomly meeting someone at a bookstore or coffeeshop, so I basically went online and looked.
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 5:44 PM
Your Not Alone!!!
Here are some suggestions. I hope one of them helps relieve you of your loneliness. In your spare time start going to Barnes and Nobles, Borders, or the library. Try to join a book club. Do you have a church you could go to. Take a bible study class. There are always interesting people in bible study. Look up old childhood friends who are single. What about your high school class reunion. 28 is the age that most people have been out of school for 10 years.
I wish I could feel lonely.
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 8:35 PM
On line dating, oh my gosh that scares me. Not the OP
I have family that met their spouse on line and again I say, scary.
Friday, November 30, 2007, 2:03 AM
2.03, you are online, are you not??? ooooooooooo SCAREY!!!!!
Friday, November 30, 2007, 9:44 AM
I'm 25 and married, so maybe you don't want to hear from me. But just in case...
I would LOVE it if I had girlfriends who wanted to hang out on a Saturday afternoon, Sunday afternoon, etc. My hubby would love to spend all day watching sports, alone or with his boys, and certainly wouldn't miss me. So don't assume that your friends are with their significant others and don't want to hang out. Yes, I'm usually with my hubby, but I'd be so excited to go do something else with some girls.
And, speaking of your attached friends - if you're off with them, then their boys are likely off with friends too. At some point, you can all meet up, and then you're meeting new guys!
You just have to remember not to push the boyfriends/husbands to set you up with their single friends - that's too much pressure for a lot of guys, and they'll try to analyze who will be a good fit, but in the end, that's not how sparks work anyway. So just go hang out and be open to meeting people, and it'll happen. Don't put too much pressure or emphasis on any one person or event. Either something happens or it doesn't, but either way, you get to spend time with girlfriends and make other new friends. It's a no-lose situation!
Friday, November 30, 2007, 2:44 PM
I definitely agree with 2:44 - I'm a married gal with single gal friends. Admittedly I do spend a chunk of time with teh husband, but I also make having some 'girl time' a priority. Honestly - there's nothing quite so theraputic as pedicures, lunch and shopping! One of the problems is that my single gal friends are a lot more spontaneous whereas I have to really plan to make things happen. So they often seem to ask me to do stuff at the last minute and I feel like I'm always saying 'no', when if I'd had some warning I'd have been able to schedule around stuff and would be right there! The invitations gradually taper off since 'you can never do anything'. :-(
I know my single friends get sick of me only being able to do stuff we plan and then we have to plan it a couple weeks in advance but honestly it's even worse with my married friends! Just keep trying is all I can say. Friends are worth it. Join a book club, stitch 'n bitch group, gym, hiking group, take a class, etc.. All great ways to meet people in general.
Friday, November 30, 2007, 4:43 PM
A suggestion from someone who spent 6 years voluntarily dateless (real bad divorce)- Spend some time finding ways to make yourself happy on nights after work or on saturday afternoons. Remember- you are single- you can go where ever you want and do whatever you want. You don't have to coordinate plans and schedules or go places you don't want to.
Try and fill up your life in a way that makes you happy- you'll be amazed at how much of a turn on that can be to potential dates.
If you want to date someone and don't know where to start, try online- that's how I met my wife (not the one from the horrible divorce).
Friday, November 30, 2007, 4:58 PM
Recently single after 4 years...
I know how you feel. I was so lonely after my breakup I went and had a rebound relationship that ended and caused even more pain. Now I'm finally free from my ex and my rebound. You know, I've noticed my mood is so much lighter and I feel better about myself. I can't believe people say in rotten relationships to avoid being alone. I did it but will never settle like that again. I actually like being single. I have developed new hobbies and joined some photography groups. I hang with my friends a lot. I get to see my family more. It was a tough road to over come my ex and rebound pain but I feel I've done it. Concentrate on your weight loss and be fabulous! Change your hair, go shopping! Look great! This is what has helped me beat the lonliness. When you look great and feel great people really do notice. You get attention that way. I've certainly gotten a lot of attention lately. I plan to remain single for a while and really enoy it while it lasts. Good luck!!!
Friday, December 07, 2007, 3:26 PM
I swear the right person shows up when you stop looking and focus on yourself!
Friday, December 07, 2007, 3:44 PM
brakeups single and with a baby
Hello i just joined today. My issue is I'm 26yrs i have a 1 yr old i'm single and lonely. I feel insecure of my self b/c I"m very slim and the men of nowa days like thick women and dont get me wrong i have men who approach me but, its always the one you like that doesn't want what u want. Help What should i do?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 1:00 PM
single and lonely
this for 12:22pm. I feel u I was in a 7yr relationship with x fiance and the only good thing that came out of those 7yrs wasn my daughter thats 1 now. i feel like there is no light at the end of my tunnel. i left my daughter's father dec07 and i felt so free i loved it til i wanted some tlc i cant be alone, but i have a daughter now so i can't just bring ne one around her.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 1:07 PM
I am in my 30's, single, and a divorced mom of two. I totally know how you feel. I feel the same way. I feel like a fat lonely mom. I tried the online thing but the rejection when you are fat is unreal. I am beautiful, but a larger woman. I have high standards and until I am happy with myself and the way I am I will never attract the kind of guy I want and deserve so I just gave up for a while. Keep working on yourself! It will pay off someday soon. :) Good luck.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 8:19 PM
2 CENTS ON ONLINE DATING
I say give it a shot. I have been with my current guy for over 3 years and met him online. Honestly, being overweight probably gave me less options than a thin girl, and the rejection at times was oooowie. Having said that, I was not remotely interested in the guys that did not want me due to weight. Actually their behavior was so blatant that it was almost laughable. The ones that I ended up seeing were really intelligent and not superficial. It was a huge learning experience and it got me to get out there. If you communicate by email for awhile before meeting them, I think you really weed out guys that are creeps. If they start talking about sex, your toenail polish, or giving you massages...RED FLAG.
I have no idea how overweight you are, but there are websites for men that actually like bigger women. I didn't try that because then it seemed a little fetish like to me. If you do it, don't send an old picture that no longer looks like you, or fib about the weight. Bad start. Good luck. The lonely feeling sucks!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 12:15 AM
My husband and I met online and have been married for 7 years. I disagree with the previous poster that there is a stigma attached to meeting this way. I have several friends who married people they met online. It is a digital age. When you go to a dating website you kow that others are there for the same reason, especially sites like E-Harmony.
I have a friend who has been single for over 20 years and just started computer dating. She is having the time of her life.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 8:37 AM
My hubby and I met online too. We've been married about a year, but we were together 3 years before we wed. Here's some tips I used for our first date, because the online thing can be scary in today's world.
1. Meet in a public place.
2. Drive your own vehicles. (definately a safe option)
3. Let friends know where you will be at and when you plan on returning. If the date is going great and you want to stay a little longer excuse yourself to update a friend. If he's a good guy he'll understand that you are just trying to be safe.
4. Worse comes to worse, get some pepper spray and keep it in your purse "just in case"
5. Talk online for some time before agreeing to meet. He may show signs online that he's a creep.
The online world holds so many resources to meet people. It's funny because my hubby and I tended to hang out in the same places when we were younger and probably even crossed each others paths at times, yet we never knew it till we started chatting on line.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 11:17 AM
I was in the same position 2 years ago - 28, single and feeling lonelier than ever! I followed all the good advice above - joined groups, took classes, and did things with my girl friends. Still felt lonely at times, but tried not to dwell on it. I joined 2 different dating sites - I had great experiences! I had never just dated, so this gave me a chance to try 'dating'. I also got to try new restaurants and such. I learned a ton about myself - what I really wanted and didn't want in a future partner. I ended up meeting my current boyfriend in that time period (thru work, not the dating site, though). I think those experiences made me receptive to meeting new guys in all areas of my life.
I went on several dates with a guy from one of the sites. We talked about "the stigma" and he said something that has stuck with me. "if you meet the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, who cares how you met?"
Keep getting yourself out there - you can't meet someone if you are sitting home alone. Let friends and co-workers know you are interested in meeting new people and go to events where you are likely to meet new people. I even tried speed dating - to no success, but I had fun and it gave me more stories to tell!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 11:51 AM
Dating again after so long
I have been out of the dating loop for a very long time. But I want to start and I don't know how. I was with the same person from the age of 21-34. And now I'm working on getting a divorce from her. I have a 4 year old daughter from a woman who was cheating on me for 3 years of our marriage. So she is living happy because she met this person online during our marriage. I am thinking well if she did it why can't i? I need some tips AND what websites should I visit to meet people? Any ideas would be great! Dating scares the hell out of me especially if you have been out of the dating loop for so many years.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008, 12:46 AM
I'm engaged and I get lonely on those 'date nights.' My fiance and I have a different work schedules so we're not an average couple that goes out.
I do get lonely though so loneliness isn't just for single people.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008, 3:29 PM
I concur with the PP. I work opposite hours of my boyfriend and only see him one night each week (and we live together!)
A suggestion tho...how about volunteering? I met my man at a summer camp where we both volunteer (and still do) as counselors working with children with neuromuscular diseases. Meeting him in such an environment had some other benefits as well...1- he came with a clean criminal background check as it is required for all volunteers, 2- i knew he was a caring and generous person that enjoyed taking a week of his own time to be a one-on-one aid to a child that is unable to move anything but his fingertips!, 3- we have several mutual friends who also enjoy volunteering!
it was a terrific way to meet people in general and form great friendships, and in my 12th year at the camp, I met my boyfriend and we have been together since! Also, it feels great to find your passion in helping others! :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008, 4:14 PM
It's hard. I've been through so many lonely times in my life - remember that nothing ever stays the same. Sometimes you will be lonely but it's never a constant. You will meet someone, a friend, a guy, whoever who will lead you on a new adventure. My mom always said the next person is right around the corner. And sometimes, literally, they have been right around the corner!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008, 2:40 PM
Have a nice day
Yes sometime a person feel lonely even many peoples around. I would like tpo make frindship with you. I am Rudi, a 48 y o javanese man. I work as a teaching staff of an univ. Please reply to me I am waitng.
Thursday, July 30, 2009, 2:22 AM
I just wanted to comment on the online dating thing..I met my boyfriend online in a yahoo chat room and we've been together over 3 years and living together for over a year..so, it's not as scary as people say..just be careful and use common sense..good luck!
Thursday, July 30, 2009, 6:33 AM
You know I'm single and lonely too. I def wouldn't mind a good convo if your interested... Just send me an email if you are? firstname.lastname@example.org
Friday, October 02, 2009, 1:21 AM
I can imagine it is painful to feel lonely. There is no easy answer. Nights are lonely and weekends are worse. I used to look forward to Monday so I did not have to be so lonely on the weekends.
But now is the best time to learn more about yourself and enjoy the friends you can spend time with.
Friday, October 02, 2009, 1:41 PM
Single and Lonley
I know what you are saying. I could go on dates but most of them are just out for sex and fun instead of wanting to build relationships anymore.
Saturday, November 14, 2009, 7:16 PM
I'm 26, single and def know how you feel. I used to feel that way a lot, I haven't dated in about 5 years so there have been more than a few nights when I have felt sorry for myself. I have a great group of girlfriends, some married, but my core group is single girls. We all have a lot of fun, we are enjoying life and trying to have as many experiences as possible. I know it sounds weird but when god thinks you are ready he will give you the right person. I know, in my heart, that god has someone for me and when he comes I will start a new chapter in my life, but until then I'm going to enjoy this chapter as much as I can, because there will come a day when you wont' be able to do things just for yourself. This is a great time to be selfish and do what YOU want. Get to know yourself and learn to love yourself. If there is something you have always wanted to do, you should do it! i have always wanted to go on vacation alone so I did it, about a month ago I went to Mexico by myself and I can't tell you how empowering that felt. I know its hard but trust me ever since I decided to get to know myself I actually enjoy alone time, and oddly enough, since I stopped worrying about it, I have to schedule it in! Things will get better, keep your head up!
Sunday, November 15, 2009, 3:46 PM
I feel like you typed this up just for me. I'm 27 years old, and since I was 18 I have been in long-term relationships. I have been single since July 2008. I've been on dates but none of them have gone anywhere, and truthfully it's gotten to the point where it's not even worth the effort anymore.
I don't know how this happened to me. I'm an attractive, kind, socially healthy woman. I know what you mean about the Saturday afternoons and weeknight evenings. Saturdays are the worst.
What I started doing was planning things for myself to do on Saturdays in advance. Even dumb things like pick up dry cleaning, get cat food, stop by and pay my sister a visit, etc so that it kills the afternoon. It helps a bit.
When I was in therapy, I was able to come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance I will end up alone for the rest of my life. And as hard as it was for me to admit that, it sort of helped me accept that possibility and deal with it. My goal is to reach happiness and be content with or without a partner. There's no use investing all your happiness in a relationship that may or may not work out, or in our case, a relationship that simply doesn't exist.
I think in my case it would be a bit easier for me if I were single in say, NYC or something where there are many many people in the same boat, and also many people around worth meeting. I live in effing Ohio, where everyone is married or already in a relationship. If they are neither married or involved, they come with some kind of heavy baggage, like 4 kids or credit card debt.
Okay I rambled on as well. I know I didn't really offer any solid advice mainly because I don't really have any that you haven't already heard, but I at least wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Lonliness is an overwhelming feeling, and everyone has gone through some degree of it at some point in there lives.
Thursday, November 26, 2009, 10:53 PM
Your craft hobby sounds like fun but it also keeps you alone in your house. There are some great suggestions in the previous responses. Here are some more that will get you out meeting people and making friends. And you will meet both men an women...
-Join Toastmasters. It's a group of ambitious people that go to Toastmasters; people that want to get somewhere in life. And good conversationalists!
-Call up your Chamber of Commerce and find out if your city has a Sister City and join the committee for this group. Sister Cities entertains people from their Sister City and they work together to make life and the world better. It's lots of fun and satisfying work. And you can go on visits to this Sister City. For Example Jacksonville Florida has Sister Cities in Nantes France, Murmansk Russia, Bahia Blanca Argentina, and there are a couple others.
-Churches sometimes have singles groups and some of them are really big and really active.
-Take a class in adult night school - something that requires participation like a foreign language conversation class.
-Join clubs that do something.
Participation gets you noticed!
Friday, November 27, 2009, 9:42 AM
Take group dance lessons at a dance studio. Usually you don't need to go with a partner. The studios have male instructors that dance with the women without partners. And dancing is great for weight loss!
Friday, November 27, 2009, 11:10 PM
I am 28 with a 5 year old, and am overweight. I know that part of the reason that I often feel so lonely is my own doing. I use my child and weight as a shield. I want to date, but I haven't dated in almost 10 years. I was married, but that ended 5 years ago (was with him for 5 years). It scares me to put myself out there again. I want to feel better about myself first, but I hid inside because of my weight. I I am not morbidly obese, but definetly need to lose weight. Being lonely sucks. When I am really lonely, I miss being married. How much easier is was then. It doesn't help that I work nights and moved here a few years ago, so no long term friendships, yet. I don't know people well enough to hang out with them after work, nor do they invite me, though they used to. I work when they go out or I have my daughter to watch. When do things get better? I keep thinking all I need to do is lose the weight, and my confidence will come back. I hope that's true.
Friday, January 01, 2010, 3:04 AM
check out meetup groups
I have met a lot of people and kept busy by joining meetup.com. It's free to join..and you can pick from groups of all types -- hobbies, singles, hiking, movies, etc. You can even start your own group.
It's a great way for anyone - single or married, new to town, etc. to meet new people with similar interests.
With the internet, there are so many opportunities to meet people.
Friday, January 01, 2010, 10:18 PM
There are even meetup groups for weight loss and moms at home with small children, dog walking.......
Friday, January 01, 2010, 10:18 PM
I understand your pain.... I was with 3 people this year, and all just used me and lied.... I get jealous and sad seeing all these people in love and often wonder.. am I meant to suffer all my life? I mean I'm not ugly, I have a body, I'm very smart, nice, caring.. but I'm also the mysteries type who you'd normally see like in dreams... I'm male and its funny for me to say but I often cry after seeing this, and since I've been hurt so many times I feel afraid to get close to people and often stay by myself... I know how you feel and the pain you endure. I see people who have been together since they were kids and I wish "why not me?" or "why can't I have a soul mate?" but I guess I'm just not meant for love... I hope you find someone ^w^ I'm probably late and you might have found that special someone, so if you did I envy you^^ if not I hope you do^^
Thursday, November 25, 2010, 5:17 AM
I understand your problem. When you are at school or college meeting new people is so easy. But once you start working, it’s difficult. Because at work most people do not really want make new friends. They have their partners or husbands/wives and children and no time to bond or party anymore. I think the internet might be a good solution for you to meet new people in your area. I know people are sometimes sceptical of online match making, but I know a lot of working people who have found good partners this way
Thursday, November 25, 2010, 9:08 AM
extra lonely this single time around
I'm 40 and feel the same way. I've asked a few woman to call me but they never do. I'm 5'7"....blonde....blue....200lbs...and am told I'm very good looking, and I see ladies look but no takers. Until they see me with a lady 300lbs. I had a lady follow me and my 300lb girl friend around WiNCo mumbling thing like ....gross and sick, but if I asked her out without my girlfriend there she would say no.....so for that lonely lady....write me @ email@example.com....and lets get rid of the loneliness.
Tuesday, November 08, 2011, 10:13 PM
Am 25,single and very lonely. Everywhere I turn I always see happy couples around. Am tired of this loneliness. I need a serious mate who is ready to settle
Monday, December 19, 2011, 1:06 PM
i hear ya 100%
Thursday, March 01, 2012, 8:46 PM
i have a brother who met who is now his wife online but i have had no luck.
Thursday, March 01, 2012, 8:48 PM
Is it better to be single and lonely or married and lonely?
I'd rather be single right now.
Friday, March 02, 2012, 9:12 AM
You can go online and join a "Meetup" group. They have them for all different types of activities, age groups, etc. Just google "Meetup". I joined a local hiking group and have made a few new friends. I figure the more I get myself out there, the more likely I am to meet that someone special.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012, 10:17 AM
hate so much to single and alone today.
i hate so very much to be single and alone today, and i certainly hope that i could meet a good woman to share my life with.
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