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Experiencing real difficulty...and the desire to throw up food...

I don't even know what to say. I feel embarrassed but this has become such a struggle for me to stay dedicated. I am in the last stretch (last 5-10 pounds after losing 30) and I'm watching myself sabatoge it. I can see that it is related to stress in my life, and feeling vulnerable. I want to fight back against my grotesque, obscene overeating by puking it all up but I know that is a horrible idea. I intend to get to the gym tomorrow and work it off but I am always so tired and so busy. I feel like giving up.

Wed. Jan 30, 12:42am

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Get your workout in before you start your day. Its a known fact that working out in the mornings not only get your metabolism going it also burns more throughout the day, it also makes you feel better which in turns makes you want to eat better throughout the day. You have lost 30 pounds,, thats fantastic don't throw it away. As far as throwing up, don't, its a nasty habit that could become a problem. If you are in a plateau stage of your weight loss you will get pass it. Or it could be your body is happy where it is and that is where you need to be right now. Maybe just concentrate on maintaining your loss for now and stop being so obsessed with getting the last few pounds off. Give it some time and then start again.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 1:37 AM

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I understand what you are saying but think of how hard you have worked to get where you are. Think of how you felt when you were heavier. Let that spur you on to a healthier thought life.
It is hard not to sabbotage yourself. I think harder than we realize until we really sit down and think about it.
Do all you can to love yourself and take care of yourself. Be patient with yourself.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 1:42 AM

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I have struggled with bulemia for 9 years. I was doing great until I recently decided to lose weight (no, I am not already an ideal weight - bulemics in general tend to be 10-15 lbs overweight). After three weeks of doing it right, I have started to have late night binges and sometimes purge.
OP- I urge to you get help NOW. Talk to a nurtitionist or a body image specialist.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 9:22 AM

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OP, I'm in the same boat as you. After doing well for several months and losing 30+ lbs., I'm overwhelmed with the constant urge to binge. I was bulemic 20 years ago, and I'm afraid of going back to those behaviors.
I'm trying to deal with my stress in ways other than binging. Trying to keep busy and keep my mind off of food. The purging is a direct result of the binge. We need to avoid binging at all costs so we don't even look at purging as an option.
Any other good advice out there?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 1:34 PM

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9:22 poster--I have a similar situation as you. I developed bulemia about 13 years ago but I have been doing just fine for the past 10 or so. But recently I started dieting more strictly, trying to get rid of those last 15 pounds. I was great for the first week, started purging the second, got back on track and was healthy for third, and now in the 4th week I have purged twice.

I wish I knew how to break this cycle. Have you ever seen an eating disorders specialist? I went to a eating disorders center once but they basically said I wasn't bad enough to get help from them (i was only purging a few times a week at that point and not like 10 times a day). That really made me depressed.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 1:59 PM

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This is 9:22 -
I did go to a clinic, the Eating Disorder Center of Denver - but at the time I was binging/purging all day every day and suicidal. I was also coming out of a 6 months struggle with anorexia, which of course was the only time my family realized I had a problem.
The problem I am facing now is that dieting puts me back in the mode where I am OBSESSED with food. I also have stronger feelings of guilt when I eat unhealthily.
I was thinking last night I love using PT - but I could use help specific to my history w/ ED...Maybe we should start a group?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 4:46 PM

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I am the 1:59 poster---I would definetly be interested in joining a group. I feel the same as you do. I really want to lose the last few pounds I have, the only way I can do this is by counting calories (just trying to make healthy choices doesn't work any more), but it is too easy for me to get to obsessed and not eat at all or start purging again.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 5:45 PM

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I promise you will only retain water, cause very harmful medical issues, and there's a good chance that you will not lose weight , but rather put ON weight if you start going through this vicious cycle. Do NOT even get started; sure, easier said than done, but if this is even a thought for you, perhaps consider some relaxation techniques, counseling, evaluating your meal plan & exercise routine, and working on stress-management. I have permanent intestinal damage (paralyzed stomach) from self-induced vomiting (in addition to AN)'s a dangerous, hell-filled world that is not glamorous, nor a quick fix.

Don't give up! My best recommendation is to make sure you log your food intake daily and join a group on here (if you haven't already done so). Just maintain your workout regimen; all you need is 3-5 days of activity. It doesn't need to require going to the gym or anything fancy. Really, relish your progress and think to yourself, "would I rather be where I was 30 lbs. ago or here, now?" Then, take a deep breath and remember that your body takes time to adjust and this won't happen overnight; consistency is everything. Stay with it, despite the challenges that you may face. You don't want to have to start from square one, do you?

Stay positive as helps a lot :)


Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 10:28 PM

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9:22 again
i formed a group called no more 'mia
I am going to be pretty open about my struggles to maintain my health/keep ED at bay as I try to lose these 10 lbs!
come join me if you think it might help you too!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 11:12 PM

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