EMAIL THREAD

How do you get your 4 year old to stop whining?

Help! It's awful and continuous and it's about everything.

Wed. Mar 5, 9:51am

put him in the corner till he stops

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 9:59 AM

When you find out let me know, lol. My 4 yr old does the same thing, what sometimes works for me is if I just ignore her or tell her I can't understand what she's saying since I don't hear whine, if she wants to talk to me she needs to use her big girl voice. She will switch but we always have to remind her. I think at this age, as far as anyone I've talked to, its pretty much natural.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:31 AM

If he or she wants something tell them that they have to "ask like a grownup" and give examples of what you mean. Then consistently turn and ignore the whining, but reward polite requests.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:32 AM

10:31 & 10:32 have the right idea. I have 2 kids that are now 10 & 8. I ran a home daycare for 6 years. Consistency is the key. Make them ask you or talk to you in a big kid way. It takes a little time but it will happen. Good luck!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 12:34 PM

I have found mocking and beating to produce positive results... I am j/k

As everyone else has said consistency, consistency, consistency.
Tell them you can't understand them when they whine tell them to count to 5 and try again. If it is a reaction to a "no" then look at what you do when they say no to you. Do you respond the way you would want them to respond to a no? Or do you take their no's worth a grain of salt and make them do things anyways? I too was a day care provider and the best class I ever took was "Teaching kids 'no': The art of practicing what you preach" Basically the instructor told us if a kid says no we have to respect their no like we would want them to respect ours (kids do as they see)... not saying the kid can get away with not having to listen to you, but as they get older they need to feel like their words mean something. Sorry so wordy.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 1:20 PM

tape record them, then play it back and see if they recognize how childish they sound. it worked for my two children.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 1:27 PM

Smack them on the rump. That has always worked for me

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 1:38 PM

whining

NEVER give in to whining. I would tell my kids that I would not respond to requests that were whiny. I demonstrated the difference between talking and whining, and reiterated that they would not get what they wanted if they whined. And I stuck to it. If they whined, I would say, "You are whining. Perhaps you'd like to ask that again without the whining." It was amazing how well they responded. The whining wasn't always an indicator of mood; sometimes it was just a bad habit, and they didn't even realize they were doing it. They are now 17 and 20, and are better communicators than most because I always stressed the importance of clear and effective communication.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 2:01 PM

I have 5 two and four year olds daily. I use the saying a 100 times a day "when you speak like big boy/girl I wll be ready to listen" and then I walk away and give the others extra positive time. But I do have to say with my own two children I have taped them and played it back to them, and it was funny to hear them say that isn't me??? Just keep working with it, but let them know they aren't going to get to you, and be sure to point out how great it is when you hear them talk big!!!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 2:28 PM

I do the same thing...say they have to ask in a big girl voice or I'm not listening. Now my daughter will start asking something in a whiney voice, stop in the middle and say "let me start over." Then she'll ask again in a polite voice.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 4:34 PM

UGH! I can so relate but I hate to tell ya, once a whiner probably ALWAYS a whiner. My ten year old was the worst and sadly it's no better today! It's awful so if you find a way to put a stop to it PLEASE TELL ME!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 5:38 PM

I've videotaped my children and it is eye opening for them. It does work.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 8:59 PM

Ignore the bad behavior reinforce the positive. Tell him, until you act appropriately I will not acknowledge you....you may want to use kid terms...I just can't think of any.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 9:53 PM

I always say "whiney girls/boys don't get what they want" and then ignore until they say it right. we are also huge sticklers for "please". my kids DO NOT get what they want unless they ask correctly which means, "may I please have (insert want here)." we still have our moments but it works for the most part.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:12 PM

i have a 5 year old son... let me just tell you it's probably a phase and it will pass but your part in this is to remain consistant. I use to ignore him altogether or tell him you cant understand unless they speak properly.

funny thing is that today me and my son were sitting together and i noticed his nose was runny so i told him to go blow his nose. he said it hurts him and he doesn't want to.. i gave him the option of blowing his nose or he can take some medicine (which i knew he wouldn't do he HATES medicine) anyways he starts doing this winning thing. I started to mimic him well he got so upset, called me a copy cat as he went to get tissue to blow his nose! lol it was soooo funny

hope it helped

Wednesday, March 05, 2008, 10:57 PM

I like to get real good advice from SuperNanny website use the official one it has lots of advice.

Friday, March 07, 2008, 6:18 PM

Corner???

Please...do NOT put any child in any corner. It will not stop him from whining and will create a child with low self esteem. When your child whines, say, "use a voice I can understand." if he whines again, say, "Michael, I can't understand you when you use the voice. Please use a voice I can understand." Wait until he uses a non-whining voice and then say, "thank you. that was much easier for me to understand!" Be pleasant and matter of fact and use this same answer every time he/she whines to get the message across that you do not respond to whining. Be sure to never give in to the whining and he'll get the message that it doesn;t work. Remember.. be pleasant and positive. You are not punishing, you are teaching. :)

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 6:04 PM

Smack them on the rump??? Are you kidding me?

Seriously...you should not be smacking any children on anything including the rump. You are bigger, stronger and smarter and they are just learning. When you hit, you are teaching that when something bothers you or someone doesn't do what you like them to do, you hit them. You don't want to teach violence, you want to teach them to use their voices to clearly state what they want and what they are feeling and that whining is not effective. smack the on the rump?? Please don't do that.

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 6:07 PM

mocking your children is childish. Stop doing it!!

Please. Be the grown up, not the child for God's sake. Mocking is elementary school behavior and your child will end up mocking another child in school bc mommy showed him it was ok. Please be the grown up. Don't mock your child!

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 6:09 PM

Be consistent.
Have a non emotional response so they don't think they can push your buttons.
Pick your battles, and when you choose one, don't give in. Once you give in the whining continues and may get worse.
Acknowledge the positives your child does when you can so they seek more positive attention.
Ignore the whining and acknowledge them when they stop and use their normal speech.
If you're just starting to discipline keep in mind that behaviors get worse at first because they are trying to get you to go back to your old ways.

As for spanking. Anyone who says spanking worked for them was because they used other forms of discipline like listed above they may or may not have been aware of.

Spanking on a regular basis teaches children that any negative they do has the same response either big or small.
That hitting someone when they've been bad is okay
If they can get through the spanking, the behavior they chose to do was still worth it
May cause the child to resent their parent and eventually lead to more rebellious behaviors

There are some examples I think spanking may effectively teach a child not to do something. If a young child who is not spanked on a regular basis goes to run across a busy street without looking or paying attention and you spank them once, they will most likely remember never to do that again. If they get spanked for everything including bringing muddy foot prints inside, how do they know which one is worse?

I work with families, and the ones who spank for discipline have more behavioral problems than those who don't. It's the easy way to solve things.

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 9:42 PM

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