mo money mo problems OT

I feel like back when my husband and I were making a lot less money ( was earning around 50K, he was earning around80K), we were much happier. Happier together and happier in general. Now that he earns well over 500K and is going to only keep earning more and more every year and I'm on haitus to be a sahm, I feel like we are both miserable most of the time and kind of going through the motions. We have everything anyone could imagine they wanted, so all the material things that don't mean crap, we travel, have great families, friendships are a little hard to come by unless they are people we've known for a long time, but for some reason, we aren't jumping up and down. As a matter of fact, we want more. Where do we even start, how to we go back to our happy blissful selves?

Tue. Dec 11, 3:49pm

your just spoiled and taking it all for granted. spend some time alone without the stuff talking. like go camping and just be.
Take some time to determine who YOU are not who your stuff says you should be.
Another thing- is he working all the time. Where are your priorities?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 4:39 PM

I guess the simplest answer is to figure out your priorities.

I know a lot of women whose husbands make a ton of money but they're never home. Sure they can buy their families anything they want, but they're absentee fathers and husbands. Don't know if that's your scenario, but that often doesn't help in the happiness department. And if you want more, more, more - that seems to suggest that you want more to keep up appearances b/c others have more or to fill some void. That will never make you happy b/c someone will always have more than you - always; and stuff doesn't make up for what you're missing. Why don't you go the other direction and give, give, give to others in need?

Stuff doesn't fill you up and bring happiness - watch Oprah, she'll tell ya!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 6:50 PM

I agree with PP. Give to a charity- not jsut money but your time and heart. do it together.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 7:52 PM

At least you acknowledge it, OP. Sounds like you have wonderful family and friends, and at the end of the day, its love and health that count. Its cliche, but its true.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 7:57 PM

Welcome to what I call "21st Century First World Angst". For only a few decades has it been possible for average folks to be so materially comfortable that they have to deal with the question - what really makes you happy, what really fills you up and makes you excited about waking up in the morning. I guess you and your husband need to figure that out. Not surprising that it's on your mind, as the old year draws to a close and the new one is always full of promise...good luck. Even if you don't find the answer immediately, it can be a lot of fun figuring it out!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 8:05 PM

OP

I am so glad that I got some good advice here. My husband does work a lot but he is a great father and he really tries to be a great husband. He struggles to find balance and I struggle with trying to deal with his demanding job. We do give to charity, not just in the form of money, but our time. My husband does a lot of charity golf events and other events and I do more regular volunteer work, humane society and crisis pregnancy help, and while that is rewarding, it just seems like we are missing something. I didn't mean to come off earlier to be materialistic, my point was that we've got it all, just not the happiness. We are a Christian family and becoming more and more active with our church, so hopefully that will help enlighten us and bring in the joy!

I do feel sometimes that we have gotten away from our priorities, but unfortunately fortunately, our number one priority is security, to take care of the family and then everything else falls in place, family, friends, health, etc.

I just wish I could pin point it.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 8:06 PM

OP, In a way I am very jealous of you. My family lives on aprox 30K/ year and we sometimes struggle with financial issues. But we are happy. Our family is close and we are content. I know God has blessed you financially and is waiting for you to figure out what to do with it. I don't mean you have to give it all to charity. That isn't the answer. But find something that you and hubby can work toward together. Get that feeling of "we conquered it together" back in your lives. Don't let this separate you from your hubby. It sounds like you got a good one and they are hard to come by.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 8:56 PM

OP - it sounds like you all do a lot with charities, volunteering, etc. Are you maybe doing too much? Sometimes it's hard to enjoy life when you feel like you're being pulled in too many directions. If so, it might help to cut back and simplify life. Cut down on kid activities, golf outings and so forth. Have simple days, simple rituals as a family. I often think my world sounds so boring to the outside world b/c we live life very simply, but man are we happy. We can take a whole morning together as a family and walk around the neighborhood - and we have fun!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 9:46 PM

Just wondering- what does he do?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 10:42 PM

How dare the OP have more "luck" than you, 9:57.
She and her husband probably have more intelligence, education, and talent than you too. How dare they actually put all that to good use.

$500K a year, eh? I'm guessing investment banking. Or maybe a senior partner in a law firm.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 12:25 AM

9:57 - maybe it wasn't luck?? Maybe it was education, creativity, hard work.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 12:29 AM

I would suggest always making time for you and your husband. Money or no money, I always feel like something's just not right unless I feel my husband and I are connected emotionally. You and your husband are the core of your family and life, and you may need to carve out a few hours each week to reconnect and discuss your woes and dreams together. Also, I see my husband and myself as a team. We're always happiest when working on a project together. Having goals and accomplishing them is what makes us happy...otherwise, it feels as though life is standing still. Good luck, OP!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 10:13 AM

I've been following a blogger called No Impact Man for about a year, and he talks about this sort of stuff quite a bit.

Disclaimer: His blog is about reducing his environmental impact...it just happens that he also talks a lot about happiness and what things he has found that make him (and his family) happier.

http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/

And the link below is a specific post of his that talks about happiness.

Link

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 11:08 AM

My husband and I were very poor when we started dating, in the last couple years we have been getting past being very comfortable. We started to struggle with similar feelings of not being completely happy.

We sat down and discussed what things made us the most happy in the past. We realized that in having to struggle brought us very close, because we knew we needed each other finiancially. So we found activities that encouraged us to rely on each other. This may sound incrediblly silly, but we go surfing together now ....ALOT. It makes sure that we look out for each other in the water, and we help each other carry boards, equipment etc. So maybe find activities where you need a partner and work on doing things as a family that make you depend on your partner. We find after surfing together, that we have learned to depend on each other more, and find ourselves much happier then in the times where we are busy.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 12:08 PM

And remember how blessed you've been with financial stability. My family of 4 lives on about 35K a year and we recently bought a $200,000 house (the cheapest we could find in our area). We are stretched to the max! It's stressful when a few minor issuse (paying for a plumber, getting the car fixed) make us question if we need to take our 4 year old out of preschool because we really can't afford it. Count your blessings!
Because my husband and I can't afford to go out to a nice dinner together we have to be more creative about "date" ideas, like packing a picnic and eating at the park. Or going sledding, without the kids! (that was a fun one) These things let us remember why we love each other. Give your husband a big hug and be thankful for what you have. I wish you all the best.

Oh, and thanks for reminding me (I often think I would be so much more happy if I just had more money) that I already AM happy and that money can't make me more happy.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 1:01 PM

OP

Thank you everyone! There are a lot of inspirational messages in this thread and I'll have to do some soul searching to redefine priorities. I think a lot of people think that if they had more money they would be happier, when indeed it is quite the opposite. Many of my friends complain and complain and are never satisfied, I wouldn't say that I'm like that, I am satisfied, couldn't ask for more, but just wonder why I'm not happier.

I truly think money drives people away from what really matters and it kind of happens without one even knowing it. I hope I caught it before my marriage is to the point of being unsalvageable. Thanks again everyone!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 4:35 PM

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