Single for eleven years....need advice

Was too busy being a mom and business woman, etc. I'm attractive, turning 40 and wondering about being married again. IMy son is 15 and business is stable.....now I have more time.....it seems so hard to find an honest man who knows what he wants though................any advice?

Fri. Jan 4, 8:49pm

You may want to try eharmony or Match.com. I actually have a friend and friend of a friend who found their husbands within one year on Match.com. I don't know where you live but it is generally easier to see what's out there on the internet than just being set up or going out and hoping for the best.
But in general I would say to be sure you know what you want first, and that will help you weed out those who would otherwise waste your time!
Good luck!

Friday, January 04, 2008, 9:24 PM

I think eharmony is a brilliant idea. I know many women turning 40 who have met men at business meetings, on the golf course, taking up a sport like racquetball, charity fundraisers, the whole food markets grocery store. It's like they say, it doesn't matter what your age is, if you turn your cab light on, you'll meet someone. Men that are more your style now are more honest with themselves, if you are. Project what you want by being that person and you'll attract a great guy.

Friday, January 04, 2008, 9:32 PM

I had great success with okcupid (a free internet social/dating site).

But you know, I used internet dating for 6-7 years before that. I would say the cardinal rule is to be patient. Don't expect too much right away. A lot people who look fantastic "on paper" are ho-hum in person. Internet dating is just as painful as the other kind -- you will fall for people who don't fall for you. And you have to work at meeting people.

The GOOD news about using the internet is that most of the shallow guys, guys looking for a trophy, and guys looking to start a family search under-35 only. So for God's sake, say you're 40 and be proud of your accomplishments. You won't get 200 replies to your profile. You will get a slow trickle of generally good quality.

The other thing is, don't shy away from divorced guys. A lot of these married on the basis of God-only-knows-what (beauty?) when they were too young, and have now realized that what they need is a woman with emotional and financial independence -- a partner, not a dependent. A woman with self-confidence and pride in her achievement, and dreams for the future.

Does that sound like anyone you know? :-)

Friday, January 04, 2008, 9:57 PM

Thanks for the comments, I really appreciate it, please send more............

Friday, January 04, 2008, 10:09 PM

I just came across an article about a woman who tried out the tips offered by a woman who wrote a book about getting married after 35 - the author applied her Harvard Business School training to the process. It sounded interesting and the woman who wrote the article said she went from never dating to have a few dates a week. Granted, it's a gimmick for a book, but it did seem action oriented vs. sitting around waiting to meet someone. I wanted to send my single, 40 y/0 friend the article about the book, but I think she'd kill me!

And I liked 9:32's answer :) You attract what you project!

Friday, January 04, 2008, 10:20 PM

My grandma just turned 68 and is getting married tomorrow to the "love of her life" that she met on eharmony.com! I can't believe how fast it happened and how happy she is! I am so happy for the two of them. Dating sites-who knew they really work?!

You'll find someone, OP! Even if it's not with the use of a dating site. Make sure you get yourself out there! You could find a guy at the gym, a cooking class, a party...just get social (not the bar)!

Friday, January 04, 2008, 11:09 PM

Pray and wait

My best advice as a 40 year old woman who has been happily married now for 12 years is to pray and wait. God works in mysterious ways. If you are faithful to trust God, he WILL bring the right man into your life, and the timing will be perfect.

Saturday, January 05, 2008, 10:53 AM

When i was single & looking my gf told me that i had to look at a man that i liked and smile at him until he caame over. I tried it one night (at a bar ;p) and i never had to try it again. It worked like a charm! I married the man.

Saturday, January 05, 2008, 9:56 PM

That book from the Harvard Business Grad is a bunch of crap. She makes finding the right man a full time job AKA "The Program". She talks about constant networking, holding parties of your own for that purpose of meeting men and telling everyone that, scheduling your week around meeting a guy here or there, budgeting funds for meeting that man "marketing budget", making your "personal brand" to "sell", guerilla marketing... its insane. I have never wasted more money on any book in my life, although funny. I can't even IMAGINE scheduling a "meet my man" party, lol. How patetic that would sound. She may be a Harvard grad but her ideas suck, lol.

As far as internet dating, you can meet a lot of nice guys, but be aware that many of them on match.com or yahoo.com are not single. I have met my fair share of married or otherwise involved men on those sights much to my dissapointment. Its sad to think that is how men who are committed use those sights, but they do and maybe dont even want to "meet" them, but rather just talk or make friends to fill a void of something they are missing with their significatn others. I don't know about you, but that is what I am NOT interested in I am half tempted to be along the same lines of the poster that said when God was ready you will meet your significant other in some way.

Sunday, January 06, 2008, 10:07 AM

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